yesterday [new years eve] was pretty bad.
sarah & i cleaned up the whole us [with the exception of our own rooms] & we showed mum her clean bedroom & she was happy & telling us how wonderful we were, hehe :)
we started off alright, trying to cheer & celebrate as soon as the clock struck 12 & the fire works started. the 3 of us were upstairs talking & sarah started a list on the stuff a REAL party should have.
but at like 11:45, i went off to get drinks for sarah & me.
when i came back, mum & sarah had started an arguement over something so stupid like mum saying that sarah liked her friends better than family & sarah kept glaring at mum. so anyway, it was so dramatic.
i mean, what do you expect in a family that's 3/4 female ?
i tried to get sarah to apologise to mum & then the other way around & dad was kind of like "whaaateveeer".
but then mum tried to patch things up by saying that they should just forget the argument & forgive at which point, sarah should've agreed because it was 11:50 & like 10 minutes till 2010. me & dad were upstairs just waiting for the arguement to blow over.
but sarah insisted on an apology so mum got even madder, saying that she didn't OWE sarah an apology. so sarah started to sulk & cry upstairs & i went to comfort her.
then mum screamed at dad, telling him to not ignore everything that's going on but actually do something about it.
dad exploded. i mean, usually he's not shouting & not scary at all. but when he shouted at all of us that it was 5 minutes till new year & we were all acting immature over a stupid fight, it was so damn scary. like he just screamed at sarah & me to go to sleep, just forget any new year celebrations,, & to mum to just shut up & stuff.
& omg, that's when I started to cry.
i was so shocked when the tears came out. i wasn't crying because i was scared of dad's shouting or because mum & sarah were having an arguement.
& i usually don't cry but if i do, it's usually about family [not in a bad way i mean]. i really reckon it's true, that cliche saying, the people you love the most can hurt you the most.
i cried because it was the crappiest way to begin a new year. that dad could even SUGGEST crying ourselves to sleep into 2010. that when everyone else was celebrating & hugging & watching fireworks, we'd be holed up, hating ourselves for such a stupid fight. it seemed like no one even cared. i was angry at mum & sarah for being so stubborn to hold onto an arguement that ruined everyone's new year. i was angry at dad for not trying to fix it up but just scream because he was frustrated. i was angry at myself for letting it all happen.

i sat with sarah on my bed, both of us crying. we started to cry even more when it finally reached 12:00 & the fireworks started with everyone cheering outside.
but then i stopped crying little & tried to talk to her. i practically begged her to apologise properly to mum & kept telling her how dumb the whole thing was. she said she was sorry to mum but she was too scared to say sorry because everyone might shout at her again or just tell her to go to sleep. then she apologised to me for ruining my new year. eventually, she went downstairs & said sorry to mum properly.

obviously, mum forgave her immediately but it was so sad because everything felt late & everything was over. it was 12:30 & i couldn't really help but compare this new year to the one i'd had in korea last year which was so amazing. we sat on the downstairs sofa, sarah & me still kind of crying but talking & a little cheered up.

mum said that we should wake up dad to celebrate it as a family so i went upstairs to try & wake him & tell him that mum & sarah made up but he just looked at me like "whatever, i'm so over it" & then he told me "just tell them to go to sleep".
that shocked me again, that there could be so many problems in one arguement.

i guess i understood how dad was feeling because he was annoyed & angry at all of us for making a big drama in the time we were supposed to be enjoying the new year as a family. but i also kind of thought it was unfair to ruin the moment, now that everything's patched up.

so me, sarah & mum went up to my room & got ready to sleep but suddenly dad came in. he didn't shout anymore but he told us so seriously how disappointed he was but then he singled mum out & told her how badly she acted when she was supposed to be the mum. this part was terrible. mum started crying, she had a really vulnerable look on her face as dad told her & then she just broke down. she was crushed & just lay on my bed, crying. seeing mum cry made me cry so much. i'd never seen my mum cry like that over a few words & it hurt to see how ruined everything was.

but then dad sat us all down & everyone calmed down a bit [especially me, because i didn't really have a proper reason to cry in the first place]. dad took charge as the head of the family [even though, usually, that's mum] & he spoke gently about how we're going to have a fresh new start to the year when the clock strikes 1am. i felt so much better but sarah was kind of crying still & glaring that he made mum cry.

but everything felt so much better all of a sudden. we lay on mum & dad's bed, 15 minutes before 1am. we talked & apologised & laughed. mum & dad told me & sarah that it doesn't matter exactly what time we start new year, it's "arbituary" haha dad's words. in some countries, it's not even 12 yet. so we decided that our family would start it at 1am. dad said every day feels like new year with the family [which was totally corny but it felt so so so right.]

we counted down the seconds & when it struck 1am, long after the fireworks had finished, we laughed & did a huge group hug. then we talked a little & then mum & dad tucked us into bed.

it hit me that everything turned out so well, 1 hour late or not.
just an hour ago, it felt like the world was ending & there was no way that we could turn back time & stop the arguement.

but God works in amazing ways, & in a LOT of ways, the family felt so much closer through a dumb arguement. as much as there were a lot of ways that we could've avoided the arguement, there were so many ways that it could've ended badly. like if i hadn't convinced sarah to say sorry to mum, if sarah couldn't muster up the courage to say sorry to mum, if mum hadn't suggested waking up dad & if dad hadn't come to talk to the family.
& we were JUST in time to celebrate it at 1am.
it hit me that nothing anyone can do can change God's plan. it's awesome how fate is. & this new year, was also, one of the greatest & most memorable new years i'll ever have. God's pulled our family closer together even when we thought we couldn't get any closer.
i've learnt so much from that 1 hour. now i know that i don't have to make new year resolutions when i'm in God's hands. there's no way i can improve myself or try to be better.
so the only new year resolution i can make is whatever i do, i'll do it to the full & with the right morals, strong courage & huge passion for God & the family he's blessed me with.

happy new year.x.

yesterday [new years eve] was pretty bad.
sarah & i cleaned up the whole us [with the exception of our own rooms] & we showed mum her clean bedroom & she was happy & telling us how wonderful we were, hehe :)
we started off alright, trying to cheer & celebrate as soon as the clock struck 12 & the fire works started. the 3 of us were upstairs talking & sarah started a list on the stuff a REAL party should have.
but at like 11:45, i went off to get drinks for sarah & me.
when i came back, mum & sarah had started an arguement over something so stupid like mum saying that sarah liked her friends better than family & sarah kept glaring at mum. so anyway, it was so dramatic.
i mean, what do you expect in a family that's 3/4 female ?
i tried to get sarah to apologise to mum & then the other way around & dad was kind of like "whaaateveeer".
but then mum tried to patch things up by saying that they should just forget the argument & forgive at which point, sarah should've agreed because it was 11:50 & like 10 minutes till 2010. me & dad were upstairs just waiting for the arguement to blow over.
but sarah insisted on an apology so mum got even madder, saying that she didn't OWE sarah an apology. so sarah started to sulk & cry upstairs & i went to comfort her.
then mum screamed at dad, telling him to not ignore everything that's going on but actually do something about it.
dad exploded. i mean, usually he's not shouting & not scary at all. but when he shouted at all of us that it was 5 minutes till new year & we were all acting immature over a stupid fight, it was so damn scary. like he just screamed at sarah & me to go to sleep, just forget any new year celebrations,, & to mum to just shut up & stuff.
& omg, that's when I started to cry.
i was so shocked when the tears came out. i wasn't crying because i was scared of dad's shouting or because mum & sarah were having an arguement.
& i usually don't cry but if i do, it's usually about family [not in a bad way i mean]. i really reckon it's true, that cliche saying, the people you love the most can hurt you the most.
i cried because it was the crappiest way to begin a new year. that dad could even SUGGEST crying ourselves to sleep into 2010. that when everyone else was celebrating & hugging & watching fireworks, we'd be holed up, hating ourselves for such a stupid fight. it seemed like no one even cared. i was angry at mum & sarah for being so stubborn to hold onto an arguement that ruined everyone's new year. i was angry at dad for not trying to fix it up but just scream because he was frustrated. i was angry at myself for letting it all happen.

i sat with sarah on my bed, both of us crying. we started to cry even more when it finally reached 12:00 & the fireworks started with everyone cheering outside.
but then i stopped crying little & tried to talk to her. i practically begged her to apologise properly to mum & kept telling her how dumb the whole thing was. she said she was sorry to mum but she was too scared to say sorry because everyone might shout at her again or just tell her to go to sleep. then she apologised to me for ruining my new year. eventually, she went downstairs & said sorry to mum properly.

obviously, mum forgave her immediately but it was so sad because everything felt late & everything was over. it was 12:30 & i couldn't really help but compare this new year to the one i'd had in korea last year which was so amazing. we sat on the downstairs sofa, sarah & me still kind of crying but talking & a little cheered up.

mum said that we should wake up dad to celebrate it as a family so i went upstairs to try & wake him & tell him that mum & sarah made up but he just looked at me like "whatever, i'm so over it" & then he told me "just tell them to go to sleep".
that shocked me again, that there could be so many problems in one arguement.

i guess i understood how dad was feeling because he was annoyed & angry at all of us for making a big drama in the time we were supposed to be enjoying the new year as a family. but i also kind of thought it was unfair to ruin the moment, now that everything's patched up.

so me, sarah & mum went up to my room & got ready to sleep but suddenly dad came in. he didn't shout anymore but he told us so seriously how disappointed he was but then he singled mum out & told her how badly she acted when she was supposed to be the mum. this part was terrible. mum started crying, she had a really vulnerable look on her face as dad told her & then she just broke down. she was crushed & just lay on my bed, crying. seeing mum cry made me cry so much. i'd never seen my mum cry like that over a few words & it hurt to see how ruined everything was.

but then dad sat us all down & everyone calmed down a bit [especially me, because i didn't really have a proper reason to cry in the first place]. dad took charge as the head of the family [even though, usually, that's mum] & he spoke gently about how we're going to have a fresh new start to the year when the clock strikes 1am. i felt so much better but sarah was kind of crying still & glaring that he made mum cry.

but everything felt so much better all of a sudden. we lay on mum & dad's bed, 15 minutes before 1am. we talked & apologised & laughed. mum & dad told me & sarah that it doesn't matter exactly what time we start new year, it's "arbituary" haha dad's words. in some countries, it's not even 12 yet. so we decided that our family would start it at 1am. dad said every day feels like new year with the family [which was totally corny but it felt so so so right.]

we counted down the seconds & when it struck 1am, long after the fireworks had finished, we laughed & did a huge group hug. then we talked a little & then mum & dad tucked us into bed.

it hit me that everything turned out so well, 1 hour late or not.
just an hour ago, it felt like the world was ending & there was no way that we could turn back time & stop the arguement.

but God works in amazing ways, & in a LOT of ways, the family felt so much closer through a dumb arguement. as much as there were a lot of ways that we could've avoided the arguement, there were so many ways that it could've ended badly. like if i hadn't convinced sarah to say sorry to mum, if sarah couldn't muster up the courage to say sorry to mum, if mum hadn't suggested waking up dad & if dad hadn't come to talk to the family.
& we were JUST in time to celebrate it at 1am.
it hit me that nothing anyone can do can change God's plan. it's awesome how fate is. & this new year, was also, one of the greatest & most memorable new years i'll ever have. God's pulled our family closer together even when we thought we couldn't get any closer.
i've learnt so much from that 1 hour. now i know that i don't have to make new year resolutions when i'm in God's hands. there's no way i can improve myself or try to be better.
so the only new year resolution i can make is whatever i do, i'll do it to the full & with the right morals, strong courage & huge passion for God & the family he's blessed me with.

happy new year.x.