Sunday, December 2, 2012
Growing up
Hi, this week has been really tough on me but it's mostly because of my terrible perfectionist attitude and arrogance I guess. My parents have helped me so much & you friends have been awesome. But now I'm calming down [you know, after various breakdowns, hyperventilation & throwing stuff at the wall haha] and just then, dad came in and gave me a talk about how this time is a true blessing for me and I think I could finally understand why. I've never experienced failure and, as a result, I'm extremely naive and immature, mostly too used to getting my own way and relying on myself and the random opinions of others. I watched 56up with my parents where they record the lives of several children and interview them every seven years. It's an amazing series and, even from a non-religious point of view, makes you realise that nothing is in your control, everything turns out far different than we expected and, ultimately, happiness is sometimes just by chance and sometimes earnt. I've always blindly wanted to do medicine without thinking of the years of sleep-deprivation, stress, constant memorisation and low pay [contrary to popular belief] once you finish and I've never fully trusted in God. Now, I think I still want to go through with it but am learning to let go.
I didn't go houseparty for a few reasons but this weekend has been a mediation time in itself. So, was going to keep this private but going to share the testimony I wrote for my confirmation. My confirmation was the day before assessments started so I feel this was rushed and I didn't put thought into it but reading it through now, I think really believe it. The fact that God is in control, He has a plan set out for me whether I like it or not and, in the end, it will help me grow as a person. So, here goes..
---
The biggest part of me has
nothing to do with me. This is what I know about how small I am compared to a
God that is so big. It’s often really scary when I think about how everything I
know about our world and the universe (in the limited knowledge of a sixteen
year old) shrinks compared to the greatness of God. I became Christian when I
realised this. A lot of my faith in the existence of God is built up in the
tiny details- the shape of leaves and shells, people’s eyes and hands, all the
beauty of creation- but I think the real reason I believe has nothing to do
with what I do, think or see but it’s all about who He is.
I was not a Christian growing up.
I thought I was but I wasn’t. I just accepted what was taught to me, I prayed
when I needed to and read the Bible when they told me to but I never really
questioned anything. It was when I began to have questions and doubts- not just
about being saved but about the whole gospel- that I realised what it meant to
have faith. I had doubts from everything from creation to the death and
resurrection of Christ to all the controversial topics like predestination and
God’s justice. I thought this meant I wasn’t Christian- I had trouble believing
that God could care about me, that man is important to him and the crazy idea
that He could ever want the love of a sinner. I thought the idea of “seeking”
God was a cliché and ambiguous way of labelling what Christians do when they
talk to the air and I wondered if those that called themselves Christian would
still believe if heaven didn’t exist, if there was no eternal reward for them
waiting after death. But it was in these times of uncertainty that God saved
me.
Like a lot of people, I can’t
really pinpoint the time and date God planned for me to become His child but I
know my family and church played a huge role. I definitely still had questions
but I knew then that they weren’t supposed to be answered but they were a way
of challenging me to hold onto Him with faith even when a lot isn’t revealed to
me. When I became Christian, I became nothing and everything at the same time.
I became nothing compared to God because he humbled me. I became everything
because I had a greater purpose and knew I had to give it my all if I was to
stand up against a world that was against God. And to me, God is more than a
comfort, protector, Father or any small role he can play in a human life- He is
the reason life exists and He is the reason that life is capable of loving. Who
God is and what He has done, regardless of who I am, is enough for me to live
for Him. I could say it was a choice or a conscious decision but it isn’t.
Right now, entering my final year
of school, I know it will be tough to offer up everything to glorify God but
just knowing that nothing is in my power but in His gives me the greatest
confidence I will ever know. With this upcoming confirmation, I am declaring
that I give it all up to God. It is probably the most important promise I will
ever make. Still, I have so much to find out the truth about and so much to
learn like how to recognize God’s plans for me, how to break down my pretences
and love without gain, how to honour and serve my brothers and sisters and the
church selflessly. My testimony isn’t really a story about how I developed my
faith but about how God gave it to me as gift and my confirmation isn’t a so
much a public declaration as it is a promise, in return, that I will treasure it.
|
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Growing up
Hi, this week has been really tough on me but it's mostly because of my terrible perfectionist attitude and arrogance I guess. My parents have helped me so much & you friends have been awesome. But now I'm calming down [you know, after various breakdowns, hyperventilation & throwing stuff at the wall haha] and just then, dad came in and gave me a talk about how this time is a true blessing for me and I think I could finally understand why. I've never experienced failure and, as a result, I'm extremely naive and immature, mostly too used to getting my own way and relying on myself and the random opinions of others. I watched 56up with my parents where they record the lives of several children and interview them every seven years. It's an amazing series and, even from a non-religious point of view, makes you realise that nothing is in your control, everything turns out far different than we expected and, ultimately, happiness is sometimes just by chance and sometimes earnt. I've always blindly wanted to do medicine without thinking of the years of sleep-deprivation, stress, constant memorisation and low pay [contrary to popular belief] once you finish and I've never fully trusted in God. Now, I think I still want to go through with it but am learning to let go.
I didn't go houseparty for a few reasons but this weekend has been a mediation time in itself. So, was going to keep this private but going to share the testimony I wrote for my confirmation. My confirmation was the day before assessments started so I feel this was rushed and I didn't put thought into it but reading it through now, I think really believe it. The fact that God is in control, He has a plan set out for me whether I like it or not and, in the end, it will help me grow as a person. So, here goes..
---
The biggest part of me has
nothing to do with me. This is what I know about how small I am compared to a
God that is so big. It’s often really scary when I think about how everything I
know about our world and the universe (in the limited knowledge of a sixteen
year old) shrinks compared to the greatness of God. I became Christian when I
realised this. A lot of my faith in the existence of God is built up in the
tiny details- the shape of leaves and shells, people’s eyes and hands, all the
beauty of creation- but I think the real reason I believe has nothing to do
with what I do, think or see but it’s all about who He is.
I was not a Christian growing up.
I thought I was but I wasn’t. I just accepted what was taught to me, I prayed
when I needed to and read the Bible when they told me to but I never really
questioned anything. It was when I began to have questions and doubts- not just
about being saved but about the whole gospel- that I realised what it meant to
have faith. I had doubts from everything from creation to the death and
resurrection of Christ to all the controversial topics like predestination and
God’s justice. I thought this meant I wasn’t Christian- I had trouble believing
that God could care about me, that man is important to him and the crazy idea
that He could ever want the love of a sinner. I thought the idea of “seeking”
God was a cliché and ambiguous way of labelling what Christians do when they
talk to the air and I wondered if those that called themselves Christian would
still believe if heaven didn’t exist, if there was no eternal reward for them
waiting after death. But it was in these times of uncertainty that God saved
me.
Like a lot of people, I can’t
really pinpoint the time and date God planned for me to become His child but I
know my family and church played a huge role. I definitely still had questions
but I knew then that they weren’t supposed to be answered but they were a way
of challenging me to hold onto Him with faith even when a lot isn’t revealed to
me. When I became Christian, I became nothing and everything at the same time.
I became nothing compared to God because he humbled me. I became everything
because I had a greater purpose and knew I had to give it my all if I was to
stand up against a world that was against God. And to me, God is more than a
comfort, protector, Father or any small role he can play in a human life- He is
the reason life exists and He is the reason that life is capable of loving. Who
God is and what He has done, regardless of who I am, is enough for me to live
for Him. I could say it was a choice or a conscious decision but it isn’t.
Right now, entering my final year
of school, I know it will be tough to offer up everything to glorify God but
just knowing that nothing is in my power but in His gives me the greatest
confidence I will ever know. With this upcoming confirmation, I am declaring
that I give it all up to God. It is probably the most important promise I will
ever make. Still, I have so much to find out the truth about and so much to
learn like how to recognize God’s plans for me, how to break down my pretences
and love without gain, how to honour and serve my brothers and sisters and the
church selflessly. My testimony isn’t really a story about how I developed my
faith but about how God gave it to me as gift and my confirmation isn’t a so
much a public declaration as it is a promise, in return, that I will treasure it.
|
Profilé
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Hello, I'm Grace, 16, Christian, go to a school filled with cows & Asians & loving it like mad. You can't really talk about yourself without sounding like an attention-seeking derp so yeah, this blog is for to read when I'm old & my memory's all gone LOL but I hope it cures your boredom sometimes.
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