I was going to recount holidays but I procrastinated too much with that so I can barely remember anything. Instead, I thought I'd do something else.

So, upon stalking other blogs, I see a trend of posts about the future up until probably getting into the course that you want. So, without further ado, MY TURN. :D

This is going to sound terribly cliche but I've literally never wanted to be anything else but a doctor [until very recently]. & somehow, my reasons to become a doctor now are no different than those I had 15 years ago. There is nothing else to do. This might sound like a really thoughtless & stupid answer but to go on from that, it's not like I haven't thought about other career paths & there are, of course, a lot more that will give you more freedom, time & financial reward. But, for me at least, I can't think of anything better to do with my life.   You only get one life here on Earth & you know that you want to spend each day to the very full & working as hard as you can. To become completely immersed in people's lives, the good & the bad, to deal with improving, preserving & even saving lives. It's special & it seems really rewarding. That is my only worthy reason.

But, lately, I've been doubting whether I can get in. &, as a result, questioned whether I even have the willpower or capacity to handle it even if I do make it. I know that my Dad seems so cool & collected all the time but Mum told us how he failed his specialist exam twice before finally making it. There were points along his training where he literally just wanted to give up & become a cleaner [LOL] & really only started making decent money after my sister was born. It made me think realistically about the sort of life I wanted 10 years from now, especially seeing as [hopefully] I won't be the breadwinner. Thing is, I don't want to be still having to sit exams & going through multiple HSCs at that point in my life. I started to have a million doubts & questions about the quality of life I wanted. For example, I don't get to see my Dad till pretty late at night & on Sundays even though he's at that consultant stage where he barely does anything really rigorous. I think I would've been raised as a pretty neglected child had Mum not given up her career. So the self-doubt to do well academically turned into questions about what I actually wanted. Thus, why I considered things like dentistry instead.

I told my Dad about it & he told me to stop making excuses for myself. He knew what I really wanted & what I would really enjoy & what is really worthwhile. He pretty much said that even though he's a pretty successful specialist, there were probably heaps more dentists or businessmen who make a lot more than him & work a lot less than him but he still didn't want that for me. It wasn't the typical Asian-father "you must become doctor" talk. It was kind of his warning that you can't go into any field for the security of it. His words, you have to "stumble" into it. No one knows what it means to be anything until they actually get there, no matter the years or amount of work it takes. That being said, I'm still pretty turned off about some lifestyle aspects of it & the fact that everyone I know seems to want to do it without having any idea what it involves. I don't either so I feel like I'm alone in being the one who wants to question why. I actually feel alone in that. I'm sorry for the lack of eloquence in that paragraph, I was trying to sum up a long inspiring speech without using quotation marks :L

Either way, I'm more realistic about my career choices now. There are so many options. Ruse people seriously don't realise that, academically at least, the world is their oyster. I truly wish everyone the best of luck. I hope you all find what you want to do & go for it.

Now what kind of future post would this be without the topic of marriage ? I went to a wedding at church today for this couple that I've seen around but don't personally know. I watched them grinning like mad when they put on the rings, the bride's beautiful dress & veil & just the loveliness of it all. I really love weddings [especially the reception, my gosh, the food was good] but reckon marriages must be really tiring & boring. I'm not a marriage cynic or whatever because my parents are perfectly happy & I personally haven't really been exposed to dysfunctional marriages/relationships. However, I just can't see myself in one. It would never work. It reminds me of a conversation that we had one or two years ago, lying on the school field. This isn't exactly what was said, it was just snippets of what I remember, some exaggeration may occur.

Suren: My ideal guy would be thoughtful, caring, sensitive, sweet -fill in more cheesy adjectives-
 - rest of us look at her-
Rae: Hmmm, I don't care. As long as he's hot.
Me: Dude, screw that. He has to be rich..
Ding: ...ditto.
Suren: what the hell, why are you guys so shallow :L

This may possibly be the reason why Suren is the only one of us who isn't forever alone. I've been raised as a brat which is why it would be extremely difficult for me to be selfless enough to be willing to sacrifice & commit to something like a marriage. It's a huge mystery. Disclaimer: I still want a wedding, just not a marriage. kthxbai. HAHA such a superficial post.

Nah, all jokes aside, I don't know why the future outside of school seems scary. I don't know why growing up seems scary but it terrifies me. It feels like childhood shouldn't be gone already but it's slipping away, I think. Just a year to go really.

Anyway, for all those that said I owed them a post. You're welcome.

I was going to recount holidays but I procrastinated too much with that so I can barely remember anything. Instead, I thought I'd do something else.

So, upon stalking other blogs, I see a trend of posts about the future up until probably getting into the course that you want. So, without further ado, MY TURN. :D

This is going to sound terribly cliche but I've literally never wanted to be anything else but a doctor [until very recently]. & somehow, my reasons to become a doctor now are no different than those I had 15 years ago. There is nothing else to do. This might sound like a really thoughtless & stupid answer but to go on from that, it's not like I haven't thought about other career paths & there are, of course, a lot more that will give you more freedom, time & financial reward. But, for me at least, I can't think of anything better to do with my life.   You only get one life here on Earth & you know that you want to spend each day to the very full & working as hard as you can. To become completely immersed in people's lives, the good & the bad, to deal with improving, preserving & even saving lives. It's special & it seems really rewarding. That is my only worthy reason.

But, lately, I've been doubting whether I can get in. &, as a result, questioned whether I even have the willpower or capacity to handle it even if I do make it. I know that my Dad seems so cool & collected all the time but Mum told us how he failed his specialist exam twice before finally making it. There were points along his training where he literally just wanted to give up & become a cleaner [LOL] & really only started making decent money after my sister was born. It made me think realistically about the sort of life I wanted 10 years from now, especially seeing as [hopefully] I won't be the breadwinner. Thing is, I don't want to be still having to sit exams & going through multiple HSCs at that point in my life. I started to have a million doubts & questions about the quality of life I wanted. For example, I don't get to see my Dad till pretty late at night & on Sundays even though he's at that consultant stage where he barely does anything really rigorous. I think I would've been raised as a pretty neglected child had Mum not given up her career. So the self-doubt to do well academically turned into questions about what I actually wanted. Thus, why I considered things like dentistry instead.

I told my Dad about it & he told me to stop making excuses for myself. He knew what I really wanted & what I would really enjoy & what is really worthwhile. He pretty much said that even though he's a pretty successful specialist, there were probably heaps more dentists or businessmen who make a lot more than him & work a lot less than him but he still didn't want that for me. It wasn't the typical Asian-father "you must become doctor" talk. It was kind of his warning that you can't go into any field for the security of it. His words, you have to "stumble" into it. No one knows what it means to be anything until they actually get there, no matter the years or amount of work it takes. That being said, I'm still pretty turned off about some lifestyle aspects of it & the fact that everyone I know seems to want to do it without having any idea what it involves. I don't either so I feel like I'm alone in being the one who wants to question why. I actually feel alone in that. I'm sorry for the lack of eloquence in that paragraph, I was trying to sum up a long inspiring speech without using quotation marks :L

Either way, I'm more realistic about my career choices now. There are so many options. Ruse people seriously don't realise that, academically at least, the world is their oyster. I truly wish everyone the best of luck. I hope you all find what you want to do & go for it.

Now what kind of future post would this be without the topic of marriage ? I went to a wedding at church today for this couple that I've seen around but don't personally know. I watched them grinning like mad when they put on the rings, the bride's beautiful dress & veil & just the loveliness of it all. I really love weddings [especially the reception, my gosh, the food was good] but reckon marriages must be really tiring & boring. I'm not a marriage cynic or whatever because my parents are perfectly happy & I personally haven't really been exposed to dysfunctional marriages/relationships. However, I just can't see myself in one. It would never work. It reminds me of a conversation that we had one or two years ago, lying on the school field. This isn't exactly what was said, it was just snippets of what I remember, some exaggeration may occur.

Suren: My ideal guy would be thoughtful, caring, sensitive, sweet -fill in more cheesy adjectives-
 - rest of us look at her-
Rae: Hmmm, I don't care. As long as he's hot.
Me: Dude, screw that. He has to be rich..
Ding: ...ditto.
Suren: what the hell, why are you guys so shallow :L

This may possibly be the reason why Suren is the only one of us who isn't forever alone. I've been raised as a brat which is why it would be extremely difficult for me to be selfless enough to be willing to sacrifice & commit to something like a marriage. It's a huge mystery. Disclaimer: I still want a wedding, just not a marriage. kthxbai. HAHA such a superficial post.

Nah, all jokes aside, I don't know why the future outside of school seems scary. I don't know why growing up seems scary but it terrifies me. It feels like childhood shouldn't be gone already but it's slipping away, I think. Just a year to go really.

Anyway, for all those that said I owed them a post. You're welcome.