I miss feeling connected to people. I miss when I had something to do and something to look forward to. I miss when my parents and I hardly ever fought. I miss feeling like there were years and years of life ahead and even though there still is now, I miss the feeling of having some to spare. I miss the lack of guilt that springs from wasting them. I miss feeling care free. I miss being able to afford doing nothing. I miss when everything was in a bubble that I thought I could shape or pop whenever I felt like it. I miss when I could make friends easily and lose friends easily. I miss not caring. I kind of wonder if this is what happens to everyone even though, like me, they really didn't want this to happen. I feel judged whatever I do. Or maybe I should stop posting this late because it makes me sound empty when I'm not really. I'm so retarded. I need an actual personality. The lack of it is really starting to scare me.

Also, I remember I came up with a mind-blowing, incredibly witty quote yesterday but I can't remember it anymore.

I like hibiscuses and scratchy little cartoon drawings. I like water theme parks and beaches [who doesn't?]. I like fruit and chocolate, nothing too specific or mysterious.. you know, when people say they like a specific brand of something like perfume or drink, yeah, I think that's just to seem special. I like kids shows that don't let you get bored, no matter what age you are. I like compliments, whether they're true or not, but hate having to respond to them. I don't like confrontation but I want to be the type that can handle it without a problem. I like the idea of success but will probably waste it and mope around if I ever get my hands on it. I don't get all the hype about The Notebook, Alice In Wonderland or The Lion King. They're all sort of mediocre in my opinion. I love movies with clever or deep narration. I subconsciously love working towards something and will also subconsciously get hurt if I don't get something at the end of it. I never spill secrets- I choose to tell them- and it makes me feel worse admitting it but it's true. I'm not the biggest fan of animals and will neglect a pet but I like David Attenborough clips because everything in nature looks designed on purpose and it sort of confirms my belief that it is. My memory sometimes stuns me with its accuracy sometimes but, at other times, with its complete uselessness and inability. I don't think I really care about others as others do. I pretend not to judge people but I secretly do- mostly about their actions even though I'm a complete hypocrite. I follow a lot of things I don't really believe in. I like sleep but cannot sleep for long. I like food but cannot eat for long. I have never realistically put too much thought of me as an adult except that I want to be a doctor without owning too many cats. Yeah, I think the latter is more likely than the first. I have thought about going crazy and travelling heaps, having that fulfilled feeling you get after a hike or a holiday but then a really huge practical and sensible part of me told me I was being stupid. I will pretend not to hear you if you happen to say something that is awkward for me. I honestly don't know why I'm typing all this, are you even here ? Because if you are, I'm extremely impressed. Have a smile (: And some more rambling.. I'm fashion-lost, awkward in anything remotely girly or requiring confidence, but I like to think I have insight in other things which is probably not true anyway. I hate reputations and when people treat others differently but it can't be helped. Also, I legit look fat in my formal dress. Really, that's quite an accomplishment, making it all the way down here. I shall give you my nsg formal pictures [which I really ceebsed to talk about] as a reward. LOL, more punishment but I was going to post them anyway so might as well call it a reward.


Us Ruse chimers.



NSG kiddies are cool. Wish I remembered their names LOL.


Tiff's friend, Jess + Tiff & her lovely two dates.




This last one is us at Collaroy Peer Support Training camp, the days before the formal (: Didn't get chosen but it was a great camp.

I miss feeling connected to people. I miss when I had something to do and something to look forward to. I miss when my parents and I hardly ever fought. I miss feeling like there were years and years of life ahead and even though there still is now, I miss the feeling of having some to spare. I miss the lack of guilt that springs from wasting them. I miss feeling care free. I miss being able to afford doing nothing. I miss when everything was in a bubble that I thought I could shape or pop whenever I felt like it. I miss when I could make friends easily and lose friends easily. I miss not caring. I kind of wonder if this is what happens to everyone even though, like me, they really didn't want this to happen. I feel judged whatever I do. Or maybe I should stop posting this late because it makes me sound empty when I'm not really. I'm so retarded. I need an actual personality. The lack of it is really starting to scare me.

Also, I remember I came up with a mind-blowing, incredibly witty quote yesterday but I can't remember it anymore.

I like hibiscuses and scratchy little cartoon drawings. I like water theme parks and beaches [who doesn't?]. I like fruit and chocolate, nothing too specific or mysterious.. you know, when people say they like a specific brand of something like perfume or drink, yeah, I think that's just to seem special. I like kids shows that don't let you get bored, no matter what age you are. I like compliments, whether they're true or not, but hate having to respond to them. I don't like confrontation but I want to be the type that can handle it without a problem. I like the idea of success but will probably waste it and mope around if I ever get my hands on it. I don't get all the hype about The Notebook, Alice In Wonderland or The Lion King. They're all sort of mediocre in my opinion. I love movies with clever or deep narration. I subconsciously love working towards something and will also subconsciously get hurt if I don't get something at the end of it. I never spill secrets- I choose to tell them- and it makes me feel worse admitting it but it's true. I'm not the biggest fan of animals and will neglect a pet but I like David Attenborough clips because everything in nature looks designed on purpose and it sort of confirms my belief that it is. My memory sometimes stuns me with its accuracy sometimes but, at other times, with its complete uselessness and inability. I don't think I really care about others as others do. I pretend not to judge people but I secretly do- mostly about their actions even though I'm a complete hypocrite. I follow a lot of things I don't really believe in. I like sleep but cannot sleep for long. I like food but cannot eat for long. I have never realistically put too much thought of me as an adult except that I want to be a doctor without owning too many cats. Yeah, I think the latter is more likely than the first. I have thought about going crazy and travelling heaps, having that fulfilled feeling you get after a hike or a holiday but then a really huge practical and sensible part of me told me I was being stupid. I will pretend not to hear you if you happen to say something that is awkward for me. I honestly don't know why I'm typing all this, are you even here ? Because if you are, I'm extremely impressed. Have a smile (: And some more rambling.. I'm fashion-lost, awkward in anything remotely girly or requiring confidence, but I like to think I have insight in other things which is probably not true anyway. I hate reputations and when people treat others differently but it can't be helped. Also, I legit look fat in my formal dress. Really, that's quite an accomplishment, making it all the way down here. I shall give you my nsg formal pictures [which I really ceebsed to talk about] as a reward. LOL, more punishment but I was going to post them anyway so might as well call it a reward.


Us Ruse chimers.



NSG kiddies are cool. Wish I remembered their names LOL.


Tiff's friend, Jess + Tiff & her lovely two dates.




This last one is us at Collaroy Peer Support Training camp, the days before the formal (: Didn't get chosen but it was a great camp.