geo assignment & french test tomorrow. surprisingly, i'm not scared of either despite the fact i haven't done anything for either of them.
i'm in a relaxed mode, & will take things as they go [LOL at least after exams].

hope everyone is happy & well !

bye

I was looking back at my older posts [like in 2009] & just had amazing epiphanies !

My smilies used to go like :)  but now they're like (:

& I know you must be thinking "pfft,, how is that a big deal ?" but it is, trust me, it is.

When smilies go backwards, you know something's up. Live by that philosophy LOL

jokess, yeah but it just made me wonder, what else has changed about me. What I think & how I think no doubt but according to my friends, I don't easily or quickly change even though it's predictable that I'm gojng to be unpredictable.

Wow, that was like a whole sentence of contradictions. I wish I could do that writing letter to myself thing on here without anyone reading it. Because if I write a letter to myself, it's got to be personal & embarrassing & something that no one else should lay their eyes on haha.

who knows ? maybe when I'm crazy & forgetful, I'll write an incredibly embarrassing note to my future self & you'll all read & be like "haha, what a sped".

ok, ohh & did anyone notice the layout's changed ? It took a while to choose someone's layout & then change/tweak it slightly (:

I know I sound sort of simple & caring about useless stuff on here but most of what I write on here is just so I can remember for myself, what's happened & everything, not to express the deepest inner thoughts of my dysfunctional brain. Just to let you know ~

I just watched "Sleepover" which is a very kiddy movie but I rewatched it & it's actually sweet & nice; because their my age, the boundary between absolute little kids & growing up. ohh & how she got the guy in the end was adorable, HIS SMILE ! See ? This is the stupid stuff that shouldn't be let out on the internet hehe.

what else ? NIGAHIGA'S MOVIE; FAR OUT, so so funny & cute at the same time ~ I LOVE IT

You know what ? Just going to post some videos that are lovely, bring back nice thoughts & are kind of sweet. Like everyday fairytale things ? Movies are really great to capture those moments (:

ALL APART FROM DISNEY; disney has it's own level of brilliance LOL ohh actually disney's just too good to leave out haha

ALL THE HARRY POTTER ONES ARE JUST FOR FUN xP

Eiger Swiss restaurant near the city for french excursion- noodles, veal & APFEL STRUDLE !
really cbb to elaborate but yeah we spent most of the day at the restaurant & on the train
according to the va people, the french excursion trumped the va excursion by heaps because they went to an art gallery with a tour guide that wouldn't shut up & we went to eat at a restaurant with chocolate & ice cream & the guy there was mad- like "BON APPETIT" randomly & all hearty, chubby & jolly LOL; santa claus ! hehe, ohh then we made shapes on the plate with suren's chocolate sauce & ceci's chocolate mousse. my apple strudel was so nice though (: it had ice cream along with it; & the entre was delishhhh [like cream noodles], the main was nice with veal mushroom sauce, beans, carrots, a giant hashbrown LOL.
too much to describe. i'll post pictures up soon ~

FML, seriously, FML

My life is perfect I think, not because of me obviously, but I've been blessed with amazing family & friends & somewhere where I don't have to worry about anything but studying hard & playing hard.

It's also that I've been cursed with myself who stops me from enjoying it, I always have one constant worry in my head that won't go away until I've fixed the issue. But once that issue is fixed, I celebrate for like a second and come up with a new worry. Someone pray for me.

IT'S SO ANNOYING.


Bible Verse for the DAY (L)

But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.



~ Isaiah 40:31

Kind of random but does anyone else notice how migraine sounds so much more severe than headache ?
Like if someone had a headache, I'd probably offer them a slushi, scream, sing off-tune & jump them randomly just to rub it in [haha or maybe that's just me LOL]
but if someone said they had a MIGRAINE, that's quite a different story. I'd like bring them porridge in bed & be like "STEP BACK, MIGRAINE; respect man"
it's just that word that makes a difference. anyways, my point was that I have a headache but that does give anyone the license to do any of the above [although I want slushi <<3]
Today was fun, high resolves yesterday was too brilliant & big to put in a blog post but today was just the same. Nothing much interesting at school but sarah, mum & i went to parra to shop for sarah's farewell dress. it was exciting because we like hardly ever go to parra & i mean it. It's usually castle towers. always; i know that place like the back of my hand [another saying i don't really get; i mean, who freaking studies their hand ?].
sorry, my nonexistent brain has a headache [hoho excuses]. We mainly stayed in valleygirl where i bought a dress more expensive than sarah's one. mine was like a casual silky bluebird one while hers was more frilly & white ? mum was like "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BUY MORE THAN HER??".
so i smiled cheesily & went off to help sarah pick shoes & accessories. It was a fun day, like we roamed myer without buying anything because i kept concentrating on heels & mum & sarah kept going "how is anyone supposed to wear that ? T.T".
We just decided on sarah borrowing a pair of my shoes. we easily got very hungry & took forever to find the food court [because we're not used to the place ofc, not because we're clueless xP] & i pigged out on chinese food. it was $11 all-you-can-pile-on-one-plate so naturally, being an asian, i piled all i could without having an idea on how to actually eat it all. sarah's picky with her food so when she only got a little, i was like "$11 PILE IT ON, PILE IT ON". haha but mum was sick again so she couldn't eat much which was saddening.
we were planning on hardcore shopping some more but we got tired, so we bought boost & retreated to mum's favourite store, pott's avenue, where sarah & i fought over who got to hold the boost. it's our logic that whoever holds it usually gets to drink more. i admit it was a little stupid but we went all the way to scissors paper rock & everything. she won but i got it in the end haha.
we really couldn't be bothered to shop after that but we found a pretzel store & i was. freaking. amazed.
see, the first time i tried a big bready pretzel was in america earlier this year & i loved loved loved it. haha so i was quite said leaving, going "aww now i don't get any pretzels in australia DD:". hehe ohh & newyork & the statue of liberty weren't far off from the things i'd miss. (:
anyway, i found the store & was like mindblown because "OH MY GOSH, THERE ARE PRETZELS IN AUSTALIA". it made me happy, & i might sound stupid but it was a very very nice moment. yeah so i was that excited so mum bought me a swiss cheese pretzel [which sarah ended up eating most of because i was full].
the car ride back home was hilarious as per usual. i advise you to stop reading seeing as it won't be funny to you & anyone who reads this will probably be like "how the hell is that funny,, ?" but it was a kind of you-had-to-be-there kind of moment. just a pre-warning, the way my sister says anything is so funny, like she doesn't get embarrassed easily so she can scream things like a man with her nostrils flared, making me laugh like crazy because of her douchy appearance.

yeah so anyway, it kind of went like this. she said it in the way audrey hepburn talks at the horse races in "My Fair Lady"; really snobbish but funny.

Sarah (in a wise hermit audrey hepburn way)- do YOU know what buckwheat noodles are ?
Mum & I- what the hell,, no
Sarah (snobbishly)- momilgugsu(a cold korean noodle dish)
Mum & I- ohh, ok, wow
Sarah- do you know what,, blackbean noodles are ?
Mum- isn't that jjajungmyun ?
Sarah (eyes wide, flaring nostrils, annoyed)- STOP STEALING MY THUNDER !
Mum & I (laughing)- what the crap,,

yeah told you it wasn't funny, but it was so funny, like roflcopter funny, at the time (Y)

There were many retarded & hilarious moments like that x3

will post more later; i hope you're all having a wonderful daaaaaay ~

WOOOH YR 9 HIGH RESOLVES FETE WAS INCREDIBLE; HECTIC FUN

LOL for us anyway, i think we were just relieved that we didn't fail too much

I set fire to like 20 sausages & practically lost my voice yelling/helping out with the games but cooking & getting involved was AMAZING FUN. happy & proud to be high resolves leader trainee.

but it was a lot of fun when it kind of kicked off

apologies for long wait in the sun when we were trying to get everything organised

& GUESS WHAT ? WE RAISED LIKE $1000 FOR UNICEF, THINK OF THE MOZAMBIQUE CHILDREN. It made me think of all those people who were trying to scab sausages for insanely low prices when the real cause are children who get that much money to pay for their whole day worth of food/anything else. PLEASE THINK OF THEM FIRST ! Don't lose the meaning of everything & remember why we did it. (:

& great job everyone, thank you so so much for the effort [especially to those high resolvers who did most of the work xP] & for everyone else for participating. <33

-grace

i will learn how to relax, how to take things as i go, to be more vibrant & less dead & most of all, do things with the right intentions.

now be happy (:

Even my own thoughts are annoying; always having that one thought or one worry
I wish I could let things go easier
I've got nothing, not even weird dorky quirks I can be proud of
I'm not a type but I'm not exactly unique either
I wish someone could see ?
Just trying to figure out if what comes out of my mouth even means something or makes sense
So boring, bland, I don't even get what I'm trying to get at

I guess that's what genuine confusion feels like,

http://www.formspring.me/gracebakk

all welcome, even the pointless LOL

I wish to be accomplished, I wish to finish dukeofed bronze by my birthday next year, I wish to not be so scared all the time & actually feel like I already act, I wish to not be as selfish, I wish to use my time more wisely, I wish to stop squandering [hoho cool word] all my hours away, I wish to use my life to make it mean something, I wish to find the limit between how I can help the world and help myself and break it so I can just help others, I wish to be a doctor one day, I wish to stop saying one thing and thinking the complete opposite, I wish to stop looking at the ugly details and focus on the big picture, I JUST WISH.

disgruntled [LOL what a funny word], annoyed, poutylipped, at not being perfect.
Imperfections make us perfect apparently but sometimes you can't help wishing you actually were, right ?

Today was a good day; heh, jo is moving to L yay !
netball party [the pizza disappeared in like 2 min i believe] & then playing fail bball without socks with liz, suren & jo with our hair in retarded buns (:
AS CORNY AS IT SOUNDS, it felt like one of those days where you feel like you're making the most out of your high school life, you know ? Like really having fun & not caring about any school [especially since yearlies are over hohoho].
Then emily, catherine & i went to castle towers to mainly do dukeofed so we like fully raced to stvinnies [it closes at 4], losing catherine on the way, & got there just before they closed only to find them telling us to call tomorrow. LOL fail, then we went along with catherine to buy her mum's birthday present, met ted [the baulko one], catherine left, & we went to fitness first. fun, hardcore [well for us], a little retarded, like we put all our stuff in an out of order locker because we didn't have a membership card to lock & unlock it, so basically our stuff could've gotten stolen. we did treadmilling for 10min, biking for 10min, & some randoms stride thing for 10min. big bouncy balls & all that jazz. emily's situps were terrible & i was pretty much thirdwheeling with her & ted. It was pretty awkard & we felt noob at first but it got fun. But afterwards, ted got a pizza & emily got sushi, taking away all our hard work. We went to the library & read picture books in the castle built for little kiddies, talking about how ruse was so much sadder/awesomer than baulko. That's the usual conversation that pops up when I talk with any baulko person it seems. I found out my laptop broke & read cinderella which is my favourite fairytale i think seeing as every picture book is pretty. Also read a really sweet one about a mum animal [don't remember what it was]; called "If I Could". Eventful day i suppose. I should really fill this blog up with more thoughts [positive ones] & pretty pictures but i truly cbb today, like any other day.
I made a few high resolves posters & was suddenly hit with the intense epiphany that i really really want to be prefect in about like 2 years. It'd be such a good experience, fun times more to come, but i sort of doubt i'll be voted, haha, just hoping for later i suppose. gee-night ~

blaaah, DAD'S BACK FROM AMERICA (:
what else ? got rejected by yet another st. vinnies; i really need to finish bronze by beginning of next year, hopefully it'll happen .
me & emily were supposed to go to castle hill for stvinnies today but our stupid bus is always late on really cold or really hot days [& today was pouring crazy weather] so yeah, too late & then i cbb.
BUT WE WILL DEFINITELY START ON WEDNESDAY; yes ? good ok
goodbye

mum, sarah & I went to sakae in disgustingly hot/humid weather. But sakae, as always was delicious. I was so so full but then we dropped sarah off at drlee & went to ruse for food fair.

FOOD FAIR WAS SO FUN; LOL actually not really. but the weather was absolutely crazy & i basically only came because my mum was working at the korean food stall [where I ended up being forced to sell stuff]. hahaha it was jayne, yr7 girl [kelsey ? not sure how her name's spelt] & me. I sucked at selling so I let them do everything while I sort of fumbled about with sushi & money, (:
Then I just walked around with anyone who was there; the weather was fully humid but like pelting rain sometimes. I got so wet but funfunfun. We were in Cblock for some time [where we just lay on the tables & terence stuck his feet out the windows; grosssss] until we were afraid msconnors would find us & rage so we went down to the quad. It was great seeing some graduated yr12s. yeaah; then catherine stormed off in 'indignation' because brittany dissed her nonexistent boobs. & I stormed off with her simply because I like storming off. No one really noticed though :( LOL so we had to go back & flick our hair at everyone again. Then I think we went down to the bball courts because jack, ant & gavin are retarded & like to play bball in weird weather ; but it started to rain so I took shelter under my twig [later we realised they had an umbrella] & we were welcomed by lots with a massive splash of water. WATERFIGHT; x3
Like emily, jo & michelle were soaking & suren, terence & jack were dry I think & ardi was running around like crazy. Everyone was filling cups with bubbler water & a couple of yr10s looked on, shaking their heads at us. We don't care, it was lots of fun hehe. It was raining so there wasn't much point but we fully got soaked. Then I made truces with pretty much everyone because I was afraid of getting too wet but then I couldn't splash anyone & lots betrayed me in the end =="
Jo & I went to bathroom where we spent most of time drying her clothes in the awesome hand dryers; then mum drove rena, catherine & me to drlee. Rena's bear was called bear; how totally unoriginal. We were trying to think up names but we were all so wet from waterfights & not in the mood for monotonous coordiante geometry so we were like begging for "FUN FACTORIZATION". LOL WHAT LOSERS. but later we got it & it was too hard so we took it back. so tired but today was a good day; I'm still a little wet & it's been hours haha. good nights
sarah's watching love actually; it's so long, cbb to watch it with her. Hope everyone's weekend is great.

Mum went to like a korean's mum gathering for food fair where they spent like 4 hours putting 30kg of meat onto skewers LOL;
so grandma came to watch over me & sarah where we watched coffee prince for like 2 hours ahah.
She's taking english lessons so she can talk to us more which makes me feel bad because I should really make an effort to speak korean but it's kind of foreign to me & I feel like I never have enough time.
Anyways, we talked a little & I made her a chicken wrap. Usually when I offer to adults, they're always like "no, YOU eat it, ohh now that's a good girl, getting fatter & growing taller" LOL; I think it's because I might give them food poisoning which is totally understandable. But my grandma's pretty cool; like she's more daring than mum & it's weird to see her react differently to things. Not mother like daughter at all. She's sort of more up for something than mum usually is; I love them both to bits though.
Yeah so she was asking about the chicken & the wrap randomly & I was just like suddenly "do you want me to make one for you?", expecting her to say no but her eyes just lit up & was like YES.
Then while Sarah did maths, Grandma did english class hw [where she's learning at tafe] & she told me about this lady who works at the kebab store in castle towers food court & how they take english classes together. That was weird to hear for some reason because I've grown up differently. She just knows people like that which is strange to me because I think our family is sort of antisocial. like we don't know anyone outside the asian community.IN A GOOD WAY OFC (: so when grandma said she knew people at her eng class, making friends & said she'd take me there one day. I like when we go out & she practically buys me everything, stuff my mum wouldn't let me. Mum's amazing & crazy too ofc but in a more sensible way. Like she's always going "mum!" to grandma when she does something strange. Grandma's fun & intoduces me very proudly to people I don't know as her granddaughter; I remember going out to norwest shopping centre once when she gave the remainder of our fish&chips [yummmm ;D] to this cleaning lady instead of just leaving it & the lady was like very intensely "you are a good woman". Being a little kid, I just sort of stood there in awe. I suppose grandma is a person that stuff just happens to. I'm proud of her as well.
Then we all got bored of what we were doing so we took a billion luvos on my laptop. It makes me sad & I'd never tell her but I took the photos thinking about how much I wished she could live forever. It's so weird to think that she might not be here in 10 years; I don't know how I'd live. Seriously, I'm the sort of person who can die from grief, really neurotic, paranoid & scared to death of car crashes.. I'm scared for my family's safety but not my own if that makes sense :S
Yeah so I really wish I could spend all my time wisely, living in the moment. I swear I spend more time on the computer than with family, how stupid yeah ?
So yeah, we took tonnes of luvos & then mum came home really late, exhausted & complaining about meat sticks LOL;  fun. we drove grandma home & said she can borrow coffee prince.
Then mum, Sarah & I talked about pretty much everything till like 1 in the morning in mum's room because we're all kind of chatty. According to dad, I'm a babbling brook which is apparently a person who can't shut up. hahah, it's something to do with this CD on marriage dad gave mum for her birthday. Yeah & because it was my turn to sleep in mum's room [dad's in america], we kicked sarah out hohoho;
Dad's still in america but he's coming back on monday, he just called right now. Mum's come home with ricecakes & we're going to sakae [which my violin was moved to tomorrow for] & food fair is soon yaaay. I have to miss a bit of food fair to eat lunch; how odd .

just watched beauty& the geek with mum & sarah which i don't normally do as i think reality shows are just made to be shocking but addictive & highly inappropriate. yeah but it was the episode where the geeks were "transformed"; it's stupid but with a different hairstyle & different clothes; their confidence levels go up & how everyone treats them becomes so much better. i was really surprised at how far a different hairstyle can take you & that's also pretty sad, isn't it ? why are people so obsessed with the appearance ? it kind of sucks how big-headed they got when everyone's jaw dropped but i guess everyone deserves a moment like that.

on a less serious note, the beauties were very blonde, i doubt they were natural & just really happy but so dumb/shallow. it's a little judgemental but they were seriously like that. i felt more sorry for them than the geeks if that makes sense. stupid show but so funny & entertaining.

goodnight, attempting to clean my room for summer.

(:

Yesterday, watched glee with mum & sarah. it was just full of gay [like kurt who i found annoying] topics & feeling like an outsider [which i sometimes feel like i can relate to even when i try to hide].

it was fun but it's not that great anymore [never really was in fact] except for the songs. (:

i just want the 5 weeks to be over, i love school & i love friends but i'm tired of everything right now. hopefully the next few weeks will be fun, liven everything up a bit.

MUST START OF DUKE OF ED & GET STAMPS. Tis a must. LOL

ohh & must get a personality. defs;

going to have a full day of nothing today; i'm not in the mood to try even though i know i should. sorry if this point is sounding extremely disjointed but i honestly suck at making anything sound interesting. GOOD BYE.

I just checked my stats, because i recently discovered you could know how many page views & whatnot.

yeah so anyway, I look at the countries & there happens to be someone from Guadeloupe who visits this blog .

Weird,, i don't even know where that is O__________o

Just wanted to dedicate this useless post to that person in Guadeloupe LOL;

ahahah i'm such a retard. Sorry I wasted like 10 seconds of your life reading this xP

Just drifting through everything atm, I sound like a loser most of time but I really couldn't care less (:
I'm happy, everything's going great, nothing overly exciting but nothing depressing so everything's good.
Anyone know how I can give to a charity ? & for high resolves, does anyone actually know what we're doing ? ahahah thanks (:

& to a certain someone, I read your blog, I'm sorry & I'll try to be there for you more. It made me think.
Seriously, treat everyone like yourself. So so simple but so so hard to do.

Oh & congratulations to all yr12s who've finished [which is majority] & it's so weird to think that a month ago, they were all going crazy & everyone was like 'yr12s, stressful time, back away' & now we're all jealous & wished we were them with the hsc behind us. but yeah, CONGRATS (:

Anyways good bye, must go be an asian & go to a violin lesson I never practise for ~

WAS FREAKING EPIC (:



ahaha I played quidditch today; like I was fail but OUR TEAM WAS PRETTY GOOD UNTIL SLYTHERIN/MULLAVEY CAUGHT THE SNITCH #________#

Do we really want to be back to being little kids ? I was talking to friends during the fully hectic crazy harry potter fete & at the time, we all agreed that we're growing up too fast, scared of people wearing make-up, wearing heels, acting older than we need to, it's scary. I find it weird & I get it. I thought like yeah, that sucks, we should all be little kiddies again. But then I thought about it some more. I mean honestly, some people just can't pull it off. We should act young when we are young, truly.

But, in total truth, I'd rather not go back to being really little, like really little. You know, with the two pigtails, the swingset in the backyard & finger painting ? LOL although I do miss the fingerpainting. (:  When I was oblivious to everything & blind to everything that everyone was going through.

It's not about turning back time, staying where we didn't have to worry about anything, feel the pressure of everything, it's about growing up in a way that we look forward to whatever future we have rather than regretting it, wishing we could go back. It's about enjoying where we are now, not wishing we could go back or forward. It's weird watching people around you try to be older than they are but at heart, they're all just the same. It's not right to want to be ignorant of everything that sucks in the world, it's about accepting it & being exactly who you are & trying to change it.

It sounds simple & cliche but do we really want to be an exact replica of the older generations ? Honestly, that's just stupid. We don't have to act older to be more mature; we just need to be an improvement, make change. & do we really want to hide in a sandbox with the little kids ? Yeah, I suppose we do but that's not really a choice. A little epiphany of the choices we want to make here & there can lead to a totally different future; we just need to take that step.

In high school, it's so crazy to see people become the people they said they'd never be. The only way to keep control is not becoming one of them yourself. Lead by example. One person doing something right in a crowd doing something wrong is huge. Don't ever be one of the crowd.

It's not about the speed of our growth, it's how we do it.



Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.


-- James Allen




It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting......Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams master the lessons we have learned as we have moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up.... [At this point] Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.


-- Paulo Coelho




Life is a big canvas, throw all the paint on it you can.

-- Danny Kaye



Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve
the problems of the human race.

-- Calvin Coolidge



Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-- Marianne Williamson


For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.


-- William Penn


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.

-- Mother Teresa



Life is just a chance to grow a soul.

-- A. Powell Davies



When you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.



Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.




Life is too important to take seriously.
-- Corky Siegel

i'm sick of everyone's problems. i'm sick of how i know every time that they'll pass but they insist on making a big deal of it. i'm sick of hearing them but not being the one to trust to sort them out. i'm sick of not having my own problems to complain about. i'm sick of drama & the bitching this way & that way. i'm sick of the judging & always having to be better than the person next to you. i'm sick of having to fake that i don't care. i'm sick of having to be fine. i don't care.

i might as well quit highschool.

but the thing is, there's too much of the good stuff that overrules the bad.

i did mean it though. i'll just keep pretending to be careless. it doesn't matter anyway.

i'm actually in a way better mood than i sound like on here. i don't let much affect my mood.

good night

Today was a great day because guess what ? I didn't screw up maths ! LOL in my standards anyway, I'M GOING TO GET INTO R & possibly J if I'm lucky hehe (: It really made my day & it feels great that I tried hard for something & achieved it. I'm happy.
YESS WAIT FOR IT; I usually get in the 50s for maths & last time, I failed [45/72]
BUT GUESS WHAT ? WAIT FOR IT !

67.5/72!!; this is the first time I've ever felt proud of maths & I sound like a selfish jerk but this is one place I can scream it (:

What sucks is that now that it's over, I mean this day, I just feel like I have to keep working. & that's the wrong mindset I think, we have to enjoy life, glorify God. That's what I'm supposed to be living for but I keep getting caught with the stupid cycle of competing & comparing. Don't get me wrong, today taught me a lesson & I was happy all day. I think there are two sides to it basically.
After I did not so great in the half yearlies, I was overly-determined to do well in the yearlies & I'm thinking now that hard work is the key. Working hard, keeping focus, it's way more important than anything, even natural smartness [which I lack greatly LOL].
But even after I learned that you really have to work for whatever you want to do, literally, if you just keep trying & don't stop trying, you'll do well. That's what I told myself after half yearlies & I'm just so happy it paid off.

In some ways, I think this lesson's a good one as long as I don't put it before what is really important, what is really the truth. God. I lost focus of God. Literally. The night before maths yearlies, it hit me & I couldn't believe I was that lost. I stopped studying & started praying for an hour. It felt like such a long time but I prayed for everything I forgot to do when I cared so much for maths, I prayed thanking him that he never turned his back on me & thanked him that he would still be with me when I entered that test.

Seriously what are yearlies, what is HSC, what is life ? honestly, the core truth is that it's time. Time to do right. Our life comes down to a couple of decades, most of which we sleep & spend uselessly. I think if we put together the time we put in for God, at most, it'll come down to a year. You know how stupid that is ? I really want to bear fruit for God, to present to him my best & I think I was working so hard for selfish, useless reasons. Ultimately, I want to do the best I can for the right reasons. My end goal isn't to be rich & successful, it's to be living a life that might not be appealing to people but what do they know ? We need to get back on track, our generation has to be one that cares. The future has to fix the past. & HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT IF ALL RUSIANS ARE SO OBSESSED WITH BEATING ONE ANOTHER ?

So yeah, when I said good luck, I really meant it but now that yearlies are over, it's time to look back & see if we were doing it for the right reasons. Our parents ? Because we want to look good in front of everyone ? Whatever it was, it should change. Next time, we'll all be trying our best & doing well for the right reasons.

As a recount, I celebrated the end of all my stupid worrying by following my mum & sister to sarah's swimming lesson carlisle, sipping on mum's ice coffee, trying to find a magazine to read but not finding any, getting fish & chips takeaway from norwest (: Then watching thankgodyou'rehere; hilarious show .

Hope you're all having a good time & hope you sort of understood what I was saying & you didn't take it the wrong way !

geo assignment & french test tomorrow. surprisingly, i'm not scared of either despite the fact i haven't done anything for either of them.
i'm in a relaxed mode, & will take things as they go [LOL at least after exams].

hope everyone is happy & well !

bye

I was looking back at my older posts [like in 2009] & just had amazing epiphanies !

My smilies used to go like :)  but now they're like (:

& I know you must be thinking "pfft,, how is that a big deal ?" but it is, trust me, it is.

When smilies go backwards, you know something's up. Live by that philosophy LOL

jokess, yeah but it just made me wonder, what else has changed about me. What I think & how I think no doubt but according to my friends, I don't easily or quickly change even though it's predictable that I'm gojng to be unpredictable.

Wow, that was like a whole sentence of contradictions. I wish I could do that writing letter to myself thing on here without anyone reading it. Because if I write a letter to myself, it's got to be personal & embarrassing & something that no one else should lay their eyes on haha.

who knows ? maybe when I'm crazy & forgetful, I'll write an incredibly embarrassing note to my future self & you'll all read & be like "haha, what a sped".

ok, ohh & did anyone notice the layout's changed ? It took a while to choose someone's layout & then change/tweak it slightly (:

I know I sound sort of simple & caring about useless stuff on here but most of what I write on here is just so I can remember for myself, what's happened & everything, not to express the deepest inner thoughts of my dysfunctional brain. Just to let you know ~

I just watched "Sleepover" which is a very kiddy movie but I rewatched it & it's actually sweet & nice; because their my age, the boundary between absolute little kids & growing up. ohh & how she got the guy in the end was adorable, HIS SMILE ! See ? This is the stupid stuff that shouldn't be let out on the internet hehe.

what else ? NIGAHIGA'S MOVIE; FAR OUT, so so funny & cute at the same time ~ I LOVE IT

You know what ? Just going to post some videos that are lovely, bring back nice thoughts & are kind of sweet. Like everyday fairytale things ? Movies are really great to capture those moments (:

ALL APART FROM DISNEY; disney has it's own level of brilliance LOL ohh actually disney's just too good to leave out haha

ALL THE HARRY POTTER ONES ARE JUST FOR FUN xP

Eiger Swiss restaurant near the city for french excursion- noodles, veal & APFEL STRUDLE !
really cbb to elaborate but yeah we spent most of the day at the restaurant & on the train
according to the va people, the french excursion trumped the va excursion by heaps because they went to an art gallery with a tour guide that wouldn't shut up & we went to eat at a restaurant with chocolate & ice cream & the guy there was mad- like "BON APPETIT" randomly & all hearty, chubby & jolly LOL; santa claus ! hehe, ohh then we made shapes on the plate with suren's chocolate sauce & ceci's chocolate mousse. my apple strudel was so nice though (: it had ice cream along with it; & the entre was delishhhh [like cream noodles], the main was nice with veal mushroom sauce, beans, carrots, a giant hashbrown LOL.
too much to describe. i'll post pictures up soon ~

FML, seriously, FML

My life is perfect I think, not because of me obviously, but I've been blessed with amazing family & friends & somewhere where I don't have to worry about anything but studying hard & playing hard.

It's also that I've been cursed with myself who stops me from enjoying it, I always have one constant worry in my head that won't go away until I've fixed the issue. But once that issue is fixed, I celebrate for like a second and come up with a new worry. Someone pray for me.

IT'S SO ANNOYING.


Bible Verse for the DAY (L)

But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.



~ Isaiah 40:31

Kind of random but does anyone else notice how migraine sounds so much more severe than headache ?
Like if someone had a headache, I'd probably offer them a slushi, scream, sing off-tune & jump them randomly just to rub it in [haha or maybe that's just me LOL]
but if someone said they had a MIGRAINE, that's quite a different story. I'd like bring them porridge in bed & be like "STEP BACK, MIGRAINE; respect man"
it's just that word that makes a difference. anyways, my point was that I have a headache but that does give anyone the license to do any of the above [although I want slushi <<3]
Today was fun, high resolves yesterday was too brilliant & big to put in a blog post but today was just the same. Nothing much interesting at school but sarah, mum & i went to parra to shop for sarah's farewell dress. it was exciting because we like hardly ever go to parra & i mean it. It's usually castle towers. always; i know that place like the back of my hand [another saying i don't really get; i mean, who freaking studies their hand ?].
sorry, my nonexistent brain has a headache [hoho excuses]. We mainly stayed in valleygirl where i bought a dress more expensive than sarah's one. mine was like a casual silky bluebird one while hers was more frilly & white ? mum was like "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BUY MORE THAN HER??".
so i smiled cheesily & went off to help sarah pick shoes & accessories. It was a fun day, like we roamed myer without buying anything because i kept concentrating on heels & mum & sarah kept going "how is anyone supposed to wear that ? T.T".
We just decided on sarah borrowing a pair of my shoes. we easily got very hungry & took forever to find the food court [because we're not used to the place ofc, not because we're clueless xP] & i pigged out on chinese food. it was $11 all-you-can-pile-on-one-plate so naturally, being an asian, i piled all i could without having an idea on how to actually eat it all. sarah's picky with her food so when she only got a little, i was like "$11 PILE IT ON, PILE IT ON". haha but mum was sick again so she couldn't eat much which was saddening.
we were planning on hardcore shopping some more but we got tired, so we bought boost & retreated to mum's favourite store, pott's avenue, where sarah & i fought over who got to hold the boost. it's our logic that whoever holds it usually gets to drink more. i admit it was a little stupid but we went all the way to scissors paper rock & everything. she won but i got it in the end haha.
we really couldn't be bothered to shop after that but we found a pretzel store & i was. freaking. amazed.
see, the first time i tried a big bready pretzel was in america earlier this year & i loved loved loved it. haha so i was quite said leaving, going "aww now i don't get any pretzels in australia DD:". hehe ohh & newyork & the statue of liberty weren't far off from the things i'd miss. (:
anyway, i found the store & was like mindblown because "OH MY GOSH, THERE ARE PRETZELS IN AUSTALIA". it made me happy, & i might sound stupid but it was a very very nice moment. yeah so i was that excited so mum bought me a swiss cheese pretzel [which sarah ended up eating most of because i was full].
the car ride back home was hilarious as per usual. i advise you to stop reading seeing as it won't be funny to you & anyone who reads this will probably be like "how the hell is that funny,, ?" but it was a kind of you-had-to-be-there kind of moment. just a pre-warning, the way my sister says anything is so funny, like she doesn't get embarrassed easily so she can scream things like a man with her nostrils flared, making me laugh like crazy because of her douchy appearance.

yeah so anyway, it kind of went like this. she said it in the way audrey hepburn talks at the horse races in "My Fair Lady"; really snobbish but funny.

Sarah (in a wise hermit audrey hepburn way)- do YOU know what buckwheat noodles are ?
Mum & I- what the hell,, no
Sarah (snobbishly)- momilgugsu(a cold korean noodle dish)
Mum & I- ohh, ok, wow
Sarah- do you know what,, blackbean noodles are ?
Mum- isn't that jjajungmyun ?
Sarah (eyes wide, flaring nostrils, annoyed)- STOP STEALING MY THUNDER !
Mum & I (laughing)- what the crap,,

yeah told you it wasn't funny, but it was so funny, like roflcopter funny, at the time (Y)

There were many retarded & hilarious moments like that x3

will post more later; i hope you're all having a wonderful daaaaaay ~

WOOOH YR 9 HIGH RESOLVES FETE WAS INCREDIBLE; HECTIC FUN

LOL for us anyway, i think we were just relieved that we didn't fail too much

I set fire to like 20 sausages & practically lost my voice yelling/helping out with the games but cooking & getting involved was AMAZING FUN. happy & proud to be high resolves leader trainee.

but it was a lot of fun when it kind of kicked off

apologies for long wait in the sun when we were trying to get everything organised

& GUESS WHAT ? WE RAISED LIKE $1000 FOR UNICEF, THINK OF THE MOZAMBIQUE CHILDREN. It made me think of all those people who were trying to scab sausages for insanely low prices when the real cause are children who get that much money to pay for their whole day worth of food/anything else. PLEASE THINK OF THEM FIRST ! Don't lose the meaning of everything & remember why we did it. (:

& great job everyone, thank you so so much for the effort [especially to those high resolvers who did most of the work xP] & for everyone else for participating. <33

-grace

i will learn how to relax, how to take things as i go, to be more vibrant & less dead & most of all, do things with the right intentions.

now be happy (:

Even my own thoughts are annoying; always having that one thought or one worry
I wish I could let things go easier
I've got nothing, not even weird dorky quirks I can be proud of
I'm not a type but I'm not exactly unique either
I wish someone could see ?
Just trying to figure out if what comes out of my mouth even means something or makes sense
So boring, bland, I don't even get what I'm trying to get at

I guess that's what genuine confusion feels like,

http://www.formspring.me/gracebakk

all welcome, even the pointless LOL

I wish to be accomplished, I wish to finish dukeofed bronze by my birthday next year, I wish to not be so scared all the time & actually feel like I already act, I wish to not be as selfish, I wish to use my time more wisely, I wish to stop squandering [hoho cool word] all my hours away, I wish to use my life to make it mean something, I wish to find the limit between how I can help the world and help myself and break it so I can just help others, I wish to be a doctor one day, I wish to stop saying one thing and thinking the complete opposite, I wish to stop looking at the ugly details and focus on the big picture, I JUST WISH.

disgruntled [LOL what a funny word], annoyed, poutylipped, at not being perfect.
Imperfections make us perfect apparently but sometimes you can't help wishing you actually were, right ?

Today was a good day; heh, jo is moving to L yay !
netball party [the pizza disappeared in like 2 min i believe] & then playing fail bball without socks with liz, suren & jo with our hair in retarded buns (:
AS CORNY AS IT SOUNDS, it felt like one of those days where you feel like you're making the most out of your high school life, you know ? Like really having fun & not caring about any school [especially since yearlies are over hohoho].
Then emily, catherine & i went to castle towers to mainly do dukeofed so we like fully raced to stvinnies [it closes at 4], losing catherine on the way, & got there just before they closed only to find them telling us to call tomorrow. LOL fail, then we went along with catherine to buy her mum's birthday present, met ted [the baulko one], catherine left, & we went to fitness first. fun, hardcore [well for us], a little retarded, like we put all our stuff in an out of order locker because we didn't have a membership card to lock & unlock it, so basically our stuff could've gotten stolen. we did treadmilling for 10min, biking for 10min, & some randoms stride thing for 10min. big bouncy balls & all that jazz. emily's situps were terrible & i was pretty much thirdwheeling with her & ted. It was pretty awkard & we felt noob at first but it got fun. But afterwards, ted got a pizza & emily got sushi, taking away all our hard work. We went to the library & read picture books in the castle built for little kiddies, talking about how ruse was so much sadder/awesomer than baulko. That's the usual conversation that pops up when I talk with any baulko person it seems. I found out my laptop broke & read cinderella which is my favourite fairytale i think seeing as every picture book is pretty. Also read a really sweet one about a mum animal [don't remember what it was]; called "If I Could". Eventful day i suppose. I should really fill this blog up with more thoughts [positive ones] & pretty pictures but i truly cbb today, like any other day.
I made a few high resolves posters & was suddenly hit with the intense epiphany that i really really want to be prefect in about like 2 years. It'd be such a good experience, fun times more to come, but i sort of doubt i'll be voted, haha, just hoping for later i suppose. gee-night ~

blaaah, DAD'S BACK FROM AMERICA (:
what else ? got rejected by yet another st. vinnies; i really need to finish bronze by beginning of next year, hopefully it'll happen .
me & emily were supposed to go to castle hill for stvinnies today but our stupid bus is always late on really cold or really hot days [& today was pouring crazy weather] so yeah, too late & then i cbb.
BUT WE WILL DEFINITELY START ON WEDNESDAY; yes ? good ok
goodbye

mum, sarah & I went to sakae in disgustingly hot/humid weather. But sakae, as always was delicious. I was so so full but then we dropped sarah off at drlee & went to ruse for food fair.

FOOD FAIR WAS SO FUN; LOL actually not really. but the weather was absolutely crazy & i basically only came because my mum was working at the korean food stall [where I ended up being forced to sell stuff]. hahaha it was jayne, yr7 girl [kelsey ? not sure how her name's spelt] & me. I sucked at selling so I let them do everything while I sort of fumbled about with sushi & money, (:
Then I just walked around with anyone who was there; the weather was fully humid but like pelting rain sometimes. I got so wet but funfunfun. We were in Cblock for some time [where we just lay on the tables & terence stuck his feet out the windows; grosssss] until we were afraid msconnors would find us & rage so we went down to the quad. It was great seeing some graduated yr12s. yeaah; then catherine stormed off in 'indignation' because brittany dissed her nonexistent boobs. & I stormed off with her simply because I like storming off. No one really noticed though :( LOL so we had to go back & flick our hair at everyone again. Then I think we went down to the bball courts because jack, ant & gavin are retarded & like to play bball in weird weather ; but it started to rain so I took shelter under my twig [later we realised they had an umbrella] & we were welcomed by lots with a massive splash of water. WATERFIGHT; x3
Like emily, jo & michelle were soaking & suren, terence & jack were dry I think & ardi was running around like crazy. Everyone was filling cups with bubbler water & a couple of yr10s looked on, shaking their heads at us. We don't care, it was lots of fun hehe. It was raining so there wasn't much point but we fully got soaked. Then I made truces with pretty much everyone because I was afraid of getting too wet but then I couldn't splash anyone & lots betrayed me in the end =="
Jo & I went to bathroom where we spent most of time drying her clothes in the awesome hand dryers; then mum drove rena, catherine & me to drlee. Rena's bear was called bear; how totally unoriginal. We were trying to think up names but we were all so wet from waterfights & not in the mood for monotonous coordiante geometry so we were like begging for "FUN FACTORIZATION". LOL WHAT LOSERS. but later we got it & it was too hard so we took it back. so tired but today was a good day; I'm still a little wet & it's been hours haha. good nights
sarah's watching love actually; it's so long, cbb to watch it with her. Hope everyone's weekend is great.

Mum went to like a korean's mum gathering for food fair where they spent like 4 hours putting 30kg of meat onto skewers LOL;
so grandma came to watch over me & sarah where we watched coffee prince for like 2 hours ahah.
She's taking english lessons so she can talk to us more which makes me feel bad because I should really make an effort to speak korean but it's kind of foreign to me & I feel like I never have enough time.
Anyways, we talked a little & I made her a chicken wrap. Usually when I offer to adults, they're always like "no, YOU eat it, ohh now that's a good girl, getting fatter & growing taller" LOL; I think it's because I might give them food poisoning which is totally understandable. But my grandma's pretty cool; like she's more daring than mum & it's weird to see her react differently to things. Not mother like daughter at all. She's sort of more up for something than mum usually is; I love them both to bits though.
Yeah so she was asking about the chicken & the wrap randomly & I was just like suddenly "do you want me to make one for you?", expecting her to say no but her eyes just lit up & was like YES.
Then while Sarah did maths, Grandma did english class hw [where she's learning at tafe] & she told me about this lady who works at the kebab store in castle towers food court & how they take english classes together. That was weird to hear for some reason because I've grown up differently. She just knows people like that which is strange to me because I think our family is sort of antisocial. like we don't know anyone outside the asian community.IN A GOOD WAY OFC (: so when grandma said she knew people at her eng class, making friends & said she'd take me there one day. I like when we go out & she practically buys me everything, stuff my mum wouldn't let me. Mum's amazing & crazy too ofc but in a more sensible way. Like she's always going "mum!" to grandma when she does something strange. Grandma's fun & intoduces me very proudly to people I don't know as her granddaughter; I remember going out to norwest shopping centre once when she gave the remainder of our fish&chips [yummmm ;D] to this cleaning lady instead of just leaving it & the lady was like very intensely "you are a good woman". Being a little kid, I just sort of stood there in awe. I suppose grandma is a person that stuff just happens to. I'm proud of her as well.
Then we all got bored of what we were doing so we took a billion luvos on my laptop. It makes me sad & I'd never tell her but I took the photos thinking about how much I wished she could live forever. It's so weird to think that she might not be here in 10 years; I don't know how I'd live. Seriously, I'm the sort of person who can die from grief, really neurotic, paranoid & scared to death of car crashes.. I'm scared for my family's safety but not my own if that makes sense :S
Yeah so I really wish I could spend all my time wisely, living in the moment. I swear I spend more time on the computer than with family, how stupid yeah ?
So yeah, we took tonnes of luvos & then mum came home really late, exhausted & complaining about meat sticks LOL;  fun. we drove grandma home & said she can borrow coffee prince.
Then mum, Sarah & I talked about pretty much everything till like 1 in the morning in mum's room because we're all kind of chatty. According to dad, I'm a babbling brook which is apparently a person who can't shut up. hahah, it's something to do with this CD on marriage dad gave mum for her birthday. Yeah & because it was my turn to sleep in mum's room [dad's in america], we kicked sarah out hohoho;
Dad's still in america but he's coming back on monday, he just called right now. Mum's come home with ricecakes & we're going to sakae [which my violin was moved to tomorrow for] & food fair is soon yaaay. I have to miss a bit of food fair to eat lunch; how odd .

just watched beauty& the geek with mum & sarah which i don't normally do as i think reality shows are just made to be shocking but addictive & highly inappropriate. yeah but it was the episode where the geeks were "transformed"; it's stupid but with a different hairstyle & different clothes; their confidence levels go up & how everyone treats them becomes so much better. i was really surprised at how far a different hairstyle can take you & that's also pretty sad, isn't it ? why are people so obsessed with the appearance ? it kind of sucks how big-headed they got when everyone's jaw dropped but i guess everyone deserves a moment like that.

on a less serious note, the beauties were very blonde, i doubt they were natural & just really happy but so dumb/shallow. it's a little judgemental but they were seriously like that. i felt more sorry for them than the geeks if that makes sense. stupid show but so funny & entertaining.

goodnight, attempting to clean my room for summer.

(:

Yesterday, watched glee with mum & sarah. it was just full of gay [like kurt who i found annoying] topics & feeling like an outsider [which i sometimes feel like i can relate to even when i try to hide].

it was fun but it's not that great anymore [never really was in fact] except for the songs. (:

i just want the 5 weeks to be over, i love school & i love friends but i'm tired of everything right now. hopefully the next few weeks will be fun, liven everything up a bit.

MUST START OF DUKE OF ED & GET STAMPS. Tis a must. LOL

ohh & must get a personality. defs;

going to have a full day of nothing today; i'm not in the mood to try even though i know i should. sorry if this point is sounding extremely disjointed but i honestly suck at making anything sound interesting. GOOD BYE.

I just checked my stats, because i recently discovered you could know how many page views & whatnot.

yeah so anyway, I look at the countries & there happens to be someone from Guadeloupe who visits this blog .

Weird,, i don't even know where that is O__________o

Just wanted to dedicate this useless post to that person in Guadeloupe LOL;

ahahah i'm such a retard. Sorry I wasted like 10 seconds of your life reading this xP

Just drifting through everything atm, I sound like a loser most of time but I really couldn't care less (:
I'm happy, everything's going great, nothing overly exciting but nothing depressing so everything's good.
Anyone know how I can give to a charity ? & for high resolves, does anyone actually know what we're doing ? ahahah thanks (:

& to a certain someone, I read your blog, I'm sorry & I'll try to be there for you more. It made me think.
Seriously, treat everyone like yourself. So so simple but so so hard to do.

Oh & congratulations to all yr12s who've finished [which is majority] & it's so weird to think that a month ago, they were all going crazy & everyone was like 'yr12s, stressful time, back away' & now we're all jealous & wished we were them with the hsc behind us. but yeah, CONGRATS (:

Anyways good bye, must go be an asian & go to a violin lesson I never practise for ~

WAS FREAKING EPIC (:



ahaha I played quidditch today; like I was fail but OUR TEAM WAS PRETTY GOOD UNTIL SLYTHERIN/MULLAVEY CAUGHT THE SNITCH #________#

Do we really want to be back to being little kids ? I was talking to friends during the fully hectic crazy harry potter fete & at the time, we all agreed that we're growing up too fast, scared of people wearing make-up, wearing heels, acting older than we need to, it's scary. I find it weird & I get it. I thought like yeah, that sucks, we should all be little kiddies again. But then I thought about it some more. I mean honestly, some people just can't pull it off. We should act young when we are young, truly.

But, in total truth, I'd rather not go back to being really little, like really little. You know, with the two pigtails, the swingset in the backyard & finger painting ? LOL although I do miss the fingerpainting. (:  When I was oblivious to everything & blind to everything that everyone was going through.

It's not about turning back time, staying where we didn't have to worry about anything, feel the pressure of everything, it's about growing up in a way that we look forward to whatever future we have rather than regretting it, wishing we could go back. It's about enjoying where we are now, not wishing we could go back or forward. It's weird watching people around you try to be older than they are but at heart, they're all just the same. It's not right to want to be ignorant of everything that sucks in the world, it's about accepting it & being exactly who you are & trying to change it.

It sounds simple & cliche but do we really want to be an exact replica of the older generations ? Honestly, that's just stupid. We don't have to act older to be more mature; we just need to be an improvement, make change. & do we really want to hide in a sandbox with the little kids ? Yeah, I suppose we do but that's not really a choice. A little epiphany of the choices we want to make here & there can lead to a totally different future; we just need to take that step.

In high school, it's so crazy to see people become the people they said they'd never be. The only way to keep control is not becoming one of them yourself. Lead by example. One person doing something right in a crowd doing something wrong is huge. Don't ever be one of the crowd.

It's not about the speed of our growth, it's how we do it.



Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.


-- James Allen




It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting......Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams master the lessons we have learned as we have moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up.... [At this point] Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.


-- Paulo Coelho




Life is a big canvas, throw all the paint on it you can.

-- Danny Kaye



Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve
the problems of the human race.

-- Calvin Coolidge



Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-- Marianne Williamson


For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.


-- William Penn


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.

-- Mother Teresa



Life is just a chance to grow a soul.

-- A. Powell Davies



When you were born you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.



Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.




Life is too important to take seriously.
-- Corky Siegel

i'm sick of everyone's problems. i'm sick of how i know every time that they'll pass but they insist on making a big deal of it. i'm sick of hearing them but not being the one to trust to sort them out. i'm sick of not having my own problems to complain about. i'm sick of drama & the bitching this way & that way. i'm sick of the judging & always having to be better than the person next to you. i'm sick of having to fake that i don't care. i'm sick of having to be fine. i don't care.

i might as well quit highschool.

but the thing is, there's too much of the good stuff that overrules the bad.

i did mean it though. i'll just keep pretending to be careless. it doesn't matter anyway.

i'm actually in a way better mood than i sound like on here. i don't let much affect my mood.

good night

Today was a great day because guess what ? I didn't screw up maths ! LOL in my standards anyway, I'M GOING TO GET INTO R & possibly J if I'm lucky hehe (: It really made my day & it feels great that I tried hard for something & achieved it. I'm happy.
YESS WAIT FOR IT; I usually get in the 50s for maths & last time, I failed [45/72]
BUT GUESS WHAT ? WAIT FOR IT !

67.5/72!!; this is the first time I've ever felt proud of maths & I sound like a selfish jerk but this is one place I can scream it (:

What sucks is that now that it's over, I mean this day, I just feel like I have to keep working. & that's the wrong mindset I think, we have to enjoy life, glorify God. That's what I'm supposed to be living for but I keep getting caught with the stupid cycle of competing & comparing. Don't get me wrong, today taught me a lesson & I was happy all day. I think there are two sides to it basically.
After I did not so great in the half yearlies, I was overly-determined to do well in the yearlies & I'm thinking now that hard work is the key. Working hard, keeping focus, it's way more important than anything, even natural smartness [which I lack greatly LOL].
But even after I learned that you really have to work for whatever you want to do, literally, if you just keep trying & don't stop trying, you'll do well. That's what I told myself after half yearlies & I'm just so happy it paid off.

In some ways, I think this lesson's a good one as long as I don't put it before what is really important, what is really the truth. God. I lost focus of God. Literally. The night before maths yearlies, it hit me & I couldn't believe I was that lost. I stopped studying & started praying for an hour. It felt like such a long time but I prayed for everything I forgot to do when I cared so much for maths, I prayed thanking him that he never turned his back on me & thanked him that he would still be with me when I entered that test.

Seriously what are yearlies, what is HSC, what is life ? honestly, the core truth is that it's time. Time to do right. Our life comes down to a couple of decades, most of which we sleep & spend uselessly. I think if we put together the time we put in for God, at most, it'll come down to a year. You know how stupid that is ? I really want to bear fruit for God, to present to him my best & I think I was working so hard for selfish, useless reasons. Ultimately, I want to do the best I can for the right reasons. My end goal isn't to be rich & successful, it's to be living a life that might not be appealing to people but what do they know ? We need to get back on track, our generation has to be one that cares. The future has to fix the past. & HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT IF ALL RUSIANS ARE SO OBSESSED WITH BEATING ONE ANOTHER ?

So yeah, when I said good luck, I really meant it but now that yearlies are over, it's time to look back & see if we were doing it for the right reasons. Our parents ? Because we want to look good in front of everyone ? Whatever it was, it should change. Next time, we'll all be trying our best & doing well for the right reasons.

As a recount, I celebrated the end of all my stupid worrying by following my mum & sister to sarah's swimming lesson carlisle, sipping on mum's ice coffee, trying to find a magazine to read but not finding any, getting fish & chips takeaway from norwest (: Then watching thankgodyou'rehere; hilarious show .

Hope you're all having a good time & hope you sort of understood what I was saying & you didn't take it the wrong way !