I judge people, not that I make it noticeable. People frustrate me and I fake smile. I wish I could stop and just tell them. Today was alright. Hung with Rae, Liz, Suren & Elaine- trying to make a high-pitched annoying horn sound with grass between the thumbs, Elaine was a pro & Liz & Suren got it really quickly. I freaking took forever but I felt rather accomplished when I did get it. Still felt sick/unfit so I had to stop in the middle of the netball game; which was PRETTY embarrassing but whatever, at the time, I was just glad to have a moment to catch my breath. It all felt like too much for a second. Mild asthma maybe. Today was raining and thundering, a nice chilly, fresh feeling and the smell of rainwater. That was nice. Even though, at the time, I thought a tsunami was going to hit and I frantically called my mum to ask if I could skip chem olympiad [unsuccessfully of course]. It all felt great. End of school. Today, Chem Olympaid was mainly me and Michelle playing "chemcell" while Amarbir, Wallace and Frank ["DO I LOOK AMUSED ??"] went spastic behind us. We stole Amarbir's eclipses & actually roleplayed doctor & patient; Michelle was the crappiest doctor, asking me what was wrong when I was clearly and crying that I was dying. My work ethic was questioned and insulted by Amarbir. End of a very productive lesson. The Brady Bunch, Friends was then watched while Sarah went piano & I ate the Korean version of oreos with milk. NICE (: Pancakes for dinner & grapes for dessert. Something is wrong with what I eat.

THE.END.

I cbb to blog properly. It's a boring recount- for me, not for you.

I should make this private sometime but then I wouldn't have a reason to make the blog pretty & I like making it pretty.

Today, Sarah brought home her first radish from agriculture. It's so tiny and cute. LOL now she's a true ruse person. Sad but very proud (Y). She's showing it off. & Mum has that look "great, now she's going to be like Grace and bring home all these crappy disease-ridden vegetables, potential to have a food poisoning, home and force us to eat it with an expectant smile". Dad doesn't think that much into it; he just smiles along.

---



I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, sporty enough. I'm not a good person, I procrastinate too much, I whine and complain.I'm superficial, shallow, unncecessary. I suck at making friends, I concentrate on the negative, I am not needed in a conversation. No one pays attention to me. I'm jealous and I never do what I say I'm going to do. I'm tired and exhausted over the smallest things. I can't tell anyone how I feel, I'm not assertive, I'm either too shy or loud, I don't have any talent or skills in anything.


Yesterday, Pearl, Catherine & I were talking about inadequacies on the bus. And I never thought about it consciously but I just know I feel inadequate. It's just obvious to me. I'm overly critical about everyone but most of all myself and I just realised there are more times I feel inadequate than not [those rare moments are like just after that annual compliment or whatever].

BUT WAIT; then I realised everyone I know must feel this. I don't know how often or how hard it is but everyone does feel it.

And nobody should feel inadequate- they are more than enough, they are God's child, they were created for a reason. Just being born into a world that has everything you need and even more luxuries, where water falls out of the sky, where food grows on trees, where good people and love exist...that must mean you're a miracle in itself, you are more than blessed, you are more than special. The world sounds like a heaven. What are the chances that we are living on a planet that, in our knowledge, is the only one with life on it? You are one of the 6 billion humans living today. It seems like a big number but it really isn't. Why are we thinking we are inadequate, selfishly thinking only of ourselves, when there are another 6 billion people who need our help. Because we all need other people.

Even so, because this is my blog and I talk entirely too much about myself anywhere, I wanted to list my inadequacies, the imperfections,on here. I probably have a million more but I don't really want to think about them. Almost to scan through them & tell myself that it's ok to feel inadequate but just to know that I'm not. That I'm not perfect but I'm forgiven.Plus, I don't want to write a whole stream of posts with a full bad attitude. I'm looking for the positives. So this wasn't a list of inadequacies exactly, it was more like a list of what doesn't matter, what makes me an individual. What makes us all individuals. That's what these self-help gurus are always talking about- flaunting your flaws. You are not inadequate. God doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't have accidents. You were made, EXACTLY how he wanted you to be made. The same goes for that annoying person you don't really like or your best friend.

That's one of the hardest things to realise when you're living your own life for years and years. There is no hero or heroine of this story. There is no villain. There is no main character. We are all living with our talents, mistakes and feelings and that's how it's meant to be.

Ohh, & I think I'm dying. Like a heart attack every hour and I keep feeling like collapsing every time I stand up. Maybe it's because I'm tired or just unco..

Currently watching Glee on Oprah. It seriously amazes me how someone's life can completely change, famous, rich, anything, through one audition, one moment when you decide to just go for it. It's the same way I feel bad for that nameless girl who just missed out on getting Hermione's part in Harry Potter because, if you think about it, it means a million job opportunities and a billion dollars. But I think what's meant to be is meant to be. It also hits me that the people who struggled in high school are the successful ones. High school isn't everything- it literally isn't the end of the world. But, right now, it makes up our whole world.

Yes, I got those retarded already-known epiphanies from watching Oprah.


TIME TO GO STUDY [or watch more tv]. I honestly don't study as much as I say I'm going to do. I WISH I DID. I wish things were easily done as said.

I wish you could see what you mean to me.

This line. Kills me. I just think it was an excuse to make something [that wasn't, isn't and never will be] deep and meaningful. It's literally everywhere- songs, books, blogs.. It rhymes, which is a bonus and which I hate more. It doesn't make sense. Why can't you just tell them ? Why, for everything words stand for, can't you just tell that person what they mean to you ? Why do they have to see it, work out from the hints, get it ? Why can't you just say it with words instead of hiding it and wailing out bad poetry to the internet and radio ? Just save society and tell that person. Before you misunderstand, this isn't a deep rant with hidden meaning, directed at someone. This is just a very blunt poster going "STOP WITH THE UGLY CORNY LINES".

On another note, aside from that picky rant, I'm going to finally start studying. Just to not completely fail. Maybe. It depends. I'll see how it goes. [LOL that means it won't happen].
If you've stayed with me this far, can I please apologise for making you read all this pointlessness.

BUT, THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE. & I JUST GOT TO SAY.. I know how everybody idolizes Audrey Hepburn but Gregory Peck, I am convinced, is a flawless actor.





Old movies are a million times better than the movies now. [except the 60s-80s ones; they suck even more]. I love Sabrina, Roman Holiday & Breakfast at Tiffany's as well. But I don't believe they're timeless or whatever. So cliched.



I need to broaden that world.
I don't know if I should get confirmed for baptism. I don't feel like I'm ready.

Sorry for this complete randomness.

ALITTLERECOUNT

Today, finally got all the comments for DukeofEd. Went to church at 4:30ish, missed tutoring [Dr.Lee] & folded paper into popcorn boxes and made lollybags instead. It was for this movie night to fundraise for Allowah Children's Hospital. The movie was great, like in this inspiring, completely non-frivolous sort of way. It was, in short, motivational- Barefoot Dreams. I want to be that person- the heroine of a life story. In a small way, I mean. CORN&CHEESE but I think there really are those people that stuff just happens to, because God chooses them. I mean it like that, the person who doesn't give up until they make a difference. The one willing to try making someone else's life a little better, the one who gets through a whole trial. Helping your neighbour. We don't see it as a big thing when we compare it to anything else, it just gets lost in between trying to avoid screwing up individually; but other people were put on the Earth for a reason, the same as us. It's important to love our brothers and sisters, when we fundraise, we're not helping the "less fortunate" or charity, we're helping out our bros & sisters, not strangers. It's a vital part of existence. We're not helping humanity. We're helping people. It's a good cause.!



Thanks (:


I light up at blue grapes, hazelnut brownies & sunflowers.Gingerbread, even warm, & licorice, sweet root, are the worst sweets anyone could come up with. I have very black eyes that I can't even call them 'dark brown' anymore, I can't make my mind up over decisions that won't make a difference in the end. Hand sanitiser and soap are beautiful words to me. I pretend to like fairytales but I really just like the castles & the clothes. I never wear make up. I've never felt real loss, so it's my biggest fear. I cringe when I see something not perfect. I don't argue with silence, but I never scream. There used to be vines sprangled around my house and near my window and it gave it a really gothic, olden-day look but now they're gone and it just looks ordinary. Fading fairy dreams and autumn leaves. They cut down the autumn tree because it was uprooting the house but, secretly, I wish we kept it so we could use the crushed up wood of the house and make a treehouse. Yes, I'm serious about the architecture of the tree house. Yes, I'm serious about most of the stupid stuff I say. I am more serious than the impression I give though. I don't publish half my posts but I keep them because it was something I wanted to write. I have too much time on my hands. I wish I had a sunflower and a star.

“I built a fort in the middle of trees, and those trees will watch over me.”

1. honestly, you are not as deep as you make yourself out to be. i really appreciate your honesty but your extreme lengthy rants about life are not necessary, just saying. you can't judge by the cover either. you're one of the best people i know, just please take this.
2. you are an amazing friend but your sincerity is starting to wear off. be careful.
3. you're funny, shine up any moment with a laugh (:
4. i don't get you, you kind of scare me but it seems i only have embarrassing moments with you around.
5. yeah, you never know what you're talking about..but at least you have the guts to admit it unlike the rest of us; it makes you special .
6. drifting. gone.
7. you're cool. no idea where you popped out of though, but you're cool.
8. no way to say this nicely. get a personality.
9. you're awesome. wish i knew you.
10. hello you, get off this blog and stop trying to guess who these people are xP

You know how a lot of people are complaining that year 10's workload has gotten worse and worse? That the homework is so much compared to last year?

I honestly don't notice it. I have time for most things and I don't feel too stressed until I cram. & it usually feels great getting done. Maybe, it's because I'm not taking it too seriously but I really should.

TIME TO GET MY HEAD DOWN.

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS


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Because they love me so much, Nathan & Catherine stalked me to St. Vinnies & [sort of] helped. After having easyway. By the way, there was this random guy [like massive asian] on the table next to us & he just started a convo & it sort of went like this.

Him -points to Catherine's chocolate box eagerly- Hmm.. I remember the days when I had to sell those
Me- fully politely- uhhm ok
Him- See, here's the thing. You have to be like you're offering them a bargain, not begging them to sell.
Me- ...yeah, but it's a ripoff, no one would buy it anyway.
Him- Like you guys probably go to a predominantly Asian school. I went to Carlo, so you know,, yeah
Me-ok
 -Catherine and Nathan come from buying Easyway, also looks at him weirdly-

Him -unaware, going on earnestly- like really, you have to act like,, like,, the chocolates are like,, SEXY. Like oohh smooth milky, creamy, caramel.
Us- O_______o
Him -looks at box- holy crap, $4 who would buy that ?? Anyway, the point is to act like it is something you are giving up for the customer, like-
Nathan- Wait, you go to uni right ? Which uni course ?
Him- still talking in a business-like manner- Well, you see, I didn't successfully complete my HSC. But I was thinking of doing marketing/business. Anyway, good luck with selling those chocolates.
Us- Yeah, ok, thanks -runs away-

He was just kind of strange. He just butted into conversations & his sort of came from nowhere. LOL, if you were there hearing a guy call chocolates sexy, it's pretty strange.

After St. Vinnies, we walked off to the park in front of the library & half-studied/half played on the playground [which Nathan is pretty pro at btw] while Catherine was fast&furious at her maths. Suren joined for a bit where we embarrassed her with questions about her complicated relationships which ended up being pretty fail to be honest. Playgrounds are honestly not that fun anymore, even to just pretend, but it was alright.

Mum & Dad picked me up [Sarah's at peer support camp] & we went to Office Works to bind my maths sheets; gosh, i'm a nerd. THEN we ate at that lovely little Korean restaurant, it's small but it's so warm & the food is so amazing. We had this chilli noodle hotpot, egg soup & cold noodles <33 the sidedishes were so nice as well. It's where we usually go in Parramatta because we usually eat at Eastwood anyway. & it was sort of an exception because I had to bind the sheets. Now, like a good Korean, I am eating yummy Korean purple grapes & going off to either do maths or watch Korean dramas.

Okay, sorry overdid it. The point is that today was a fantastic day, full of screaming & laughing, at copping each other out [including parents]. I adore the people in my life. Not that it's exactly "the" life, but it's still pretty great & I feel more than lucky, I feel blessed.

(: No rants today. Happy ?

I hate doing this because everyone else is doing it but the song is so ridiculously stupid & annoying that I feel obligated to drum it into everyone else's ears.

I should be studying for a maths test or at least sleeping to rest up for it but I CEEBS.

I don't want to sound like a lazy couch potato or such a tech freak/sterotypical of our generation but I seriously can't live without the tv or internet, I honestly think I'd go crazy.

HAHA today, I was talking with mum.

Mum- I love you and Sarah most out of all the living things on the Earth <33
Me- ..[stupidly blinking] What about all the non-living things ? Like.. ROCKSS
Mum- Ohh yeah, they're down there on that list..along with your father..

ahahah, today went to Blacktown RSL with grandparents, cousin [James] & his parents, & this pastor & his wife from Korea. I'm not sure if I'm related to them but I'm pretty sure I'm not.

James, Sarah & I spent a good hour of that dinner piling up dessert [like mousse, cake, coconut squishyball things, ice cream, apple crumble, fruit] & serving it to everyone while the adults looked upon in horror at the wastage of our food. I kept getting up to pile them on while James kept going, OOH DELICIOUS in this retarded French accent & acted like a chef. But in our defence, the plating was really pretty & looked like Masterchef style - full with cherries on top & whipped cream. (L) Mum was next to us, not wanting to join in the adults' conversation and looking at us in deep concern. James was seriously eating everything while Sarah spooned up ice cream only. I adore apple crumble. Then the three of us, like the immature kids we were, got busted by this old man who told us to stay with our parents twice. He was so annoying & pushy- as if we're like 5 or something so it turned into a bitch session [while James hid out in the bathroom to not be caught again].

Grandma did the thumbs-up sign again which means I have to be the best. Cheh-goh in Korean. She's told me that ever since I was little, to be a doctor, to try my hardest. I know it sounds pressured, as if what she's telling me is wrong & I don't like her doing this. But I actually accept it as motivation and agree with her; it's sort of just another reason to try. It's our sign.

I wish I had things to define me but I got nothing.

RUSE POST; Today, I finished half an essay, gave up, started wailing like a siren until my mum offered me lunch. so currently, I am on here while my mum is making me lunch. (:

You know what's funny ? When you have school pride [which I have a lot of by the way] like GO RUSE pretty much all the time. On another note, when I act like a complete retard, I just say "I'm from Cumbo" & people give me funny looks which is fine for me. Because if you say any other school, they're just like "oh, nice, school pride" but when you say Ruse, it's always, "well, SOMEONE'S cocky". Because we're seen as stuck-up nerds a lot of the time and it's not like it can be helped. I mean, I guess we're nerds & we're the furthest from preppy/gangters you can get. Still, I reckon it's very prejudiced and sterotypical.

On Thursday, Michelle & I bought 4 packs of oreos & a carton of milk & ran away from people who would steal it. So like pigs, we gulped them down & had a fantastic time. LOL, OREOS FTW x3 but then yesterday, I bought some for myself & hid away from everyone else [except Suren & Michelle who were getting easymacs] & ate them, spilling milk everywhere. Delicious ? HELL YEAH. Life is good.

I can't be serious for more than 5 minutes. And yeah, I won't grow out of it.

My brain is going off in tangents because of freaking Macbeth and the funny thing is I'm not even typing half the stuff that's going through my mind. I like sunflowers. I want a sunflower. That's what I was saying all of yesterday at the ag excursion. Give me a sunflower.

I want to bake a cake. I want to make a pillow fort. I want to have another water fight, another nerf gun war. I want to run around the streets in a huge costume. I want to play hide & seek on a giant playground. I want a jumping castle. I want to have all the fun on MLIA LOL & all the things kids do.

Sunflower & cakes put together. Heaven.



I want a sunflower.

Honestly, aren't they gorgeous ?



1) i like unusual names [hazel, autumn] with meaning. i hate oldfashioned, normal names.
2) i'm extremely perfectionist even though i don't act careless a lot
3) i like sunflowers and roses . others are pretty but they don't make you stop and stare.
4) i will never be interested in cars or tv sports;
5) i'm not a trendsetter or a trendfollower, i guess i hate trends in general :S
6) i almost always forget inside jokes & i like making them but keeping them going is boring.
7) i survive on youtube- kurthugoschneider, communitychannel, wongfu <3
8) i think i'm a bit of a homophobe because i was raised that way but i'm beginning to see that what i think is wrong- i should be more open minded and accepting. i also believe the same about justin bieber; not that he's gay.
9) no, i will never share a drink with you LOL. also germaphobic but i believe that's totally justified and acceptable.
10) i am in love with the winter olympics. the normal olympics, i couldn't care less about. probably because koreans are so tank at figure skating.
11) i love food. jap, korean & thai in particular. i could never stop eating
12) i want to own a mansion with a stable and full 18th century style driveway, woods and garden. i earnestly believe it's realistic, ahaha not into the pin-neat modern new york flat thing, i want a country side (:
13) i don't get the fuss people make about eyes. like how they say chocolate brown or blue is beautiful . it shouldn't matter for us asians at least since we barely have any xP
14) i sometimes play dumb so i don't have to have pointless d&ms with people or get asked advice, i just end up rolling my eyes at their problems which is insensitive.
15) i just went out to Red Spoon at Castle Hill Piazza because my mum had coupons again hehe (: we had heavenly spare ribs [no joke, that's the name], banana blossom salad [which dad & i ate last week when i was at work experience] and salt&pepper squid. it was delicious. but sarah didn't want to go so she stayed home, ate ramen and missed out on the lovely food. it was candle-lit, crowded, cold air but also very pretty and nice-feeling. i love my parents.
16) i will smile even if i don't like you.

(:

Tired. Today doesn't feel like a real day.

Everyone's living something at this moment. When someone's crying, someone else is laughing. When someone's dying, someone else is being born. It's hard to wrap my head around but I think it's amazing. And every so often, we interact. But it just makes more sense to me; I could never walk a thousand miles in someone else's shoes. Stupid proverb LOL.

I hope everyone's day has been awesome.



NOW DOESN'T THAT JUST MAKE YOU HAPPIER ?

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection



Twirl around, stare it down


What’s the mirror gonna say


With some luck, you’ll measure up


But you might not hold a candle to the rest


“Is that your best?” says the mirror to the mess






But there’s a whisper in the noise


Can you hear a little voice


and he says










Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?


You might agree if you could see what I see


Oh


‘Cuz everything about you is incredible


You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful for me





Instead of obsessing with the outward appearance, we should be working on what lasts forever, our souls, our hearts for God. Because what's a few decades of life compared to eternity ? What's more important ? Smiling into the mirror for a second or smiling up to something worth far more. We were made this way for a reason and God doesn't look at what man looks at. Let's get our priorities straight. (:

I just heard a voice in my head. It was real. It wasn't mine.

Retardedly shocked I am. But as if I didn't see this coming. LOL always knew I was nuts.

:DD

Where you would like to be in 10 years:

OFF HAVING FUN. Open to being in another country to learn about what makes up the world, other happinesses & other smiles (: Career-wise, hoping to be in a hospital, reaching out to people, understanding what makes them sick & fixing it. OHH & I want somewhere nice to live thank you.


DAY 1
- FLYINNN' SOLO. LOL single life ? great thanks. at this age, i'm not missing out on much & i find it easier to be alone. i'm 15, free & don't need one TYVM. enough of getting caught in highschool drama & relationships, cute but not worth the hassle. (: COOL.

YESTERDAY, I snacked on a tub of oreos after dr lee while watching Despereux.
Then slept longer than I usually do [I can't sleep that long].

FEELING GOOD.

Yes, I know.

There has to be pointless posts like this once in a while LOL.

I don't want to sound absolutely corn & cheese because that's just the way my thoughts work.

But my greatest fear ? Even though I have thousands. But the greatest one, like the one I can't stand, is of losing something. Because I have never lost anything. I don't know what it's like and I don't know what sort of pain that would put you through but I know it's inevitable and it will happen one day. That hurts even more. That scares me even more. Imagine if you were living in Japan at this moment- think of all the things you'd be losing, think of all the people who would never see again, think for a minute. And here we are, complaining about school work load. We need to grow decently, our minds are screwed up.

Because we haven't felt loss.

--

Sarah & I just watched Despereux [the book my mum always told me to read but I never finished] and I'm not going to make your eyes roll with corny reviews or insights but it's just amazing. Kids movies seem to nearly always be genius but strange because kids are too young to understand it a lot of the time- what it's really about. It was brilliant to put it all into a mouse. Anyway, it was lovely- honour, bravery, chivalry, and the lols. I really felt sad for the servant girl mostly, like I could understand her.

Sorry for being weird but it was just adorable..



There was a girl [well old sort of if 25 years counts LOL] but she had a full pandora bracelet. It made me wonder..

What year of my life will be the most memorable?
What week will be most exciting?
What day will be the one I think about the most?
Where is the most exciting place I will be standing?
Which face will I smile at the most?
Which moment will be the one I want back the most?
Which is the wish I will wish the most?
Which tune will I hum the most when I'm happy?

It makes me want a pandora bracelet. It sounds superficial & I'm totally against commercialism and the idea of one bead being worth hundreds but I like the idea of it; that every charm is a moment to remember.

And...I'm not going to lie. They're pretty.

Today was so sad. I felt horrible leaving work experience after making all these friendships. There's nothing really left to say. I got thank you presents, cake for them & they bought me lunch [pad thai with fat noodles]. Always, work experience will have been awesome & inspiring because of Marina, Laura, Mary, Steve, Anne, Prof. Nick, even those Mandou & Changqi guy LOL. Real people making real differences but with opportunities to have fun everyday. I'll never forget <33 I can't really detail everything as usual because I'm just not in that mood but I'm happy that it ended well & was fun throughout. I know that the hospital isn't the most high-class, elegant, fashionable place but it makes the most sense to me. Not that it feels like home or something corn&cheese like that but something else- like everyone walking in it has a purpose. I hate the smokers outside though- they should maybe take a hint that sick people are there for a reason. There was a lot of lab mice handling today, pipetting peptides or whatever. They're all just so skilled and passionate. Definitely, no matter how hard it may be, it's the medical field that I want.
It may not always be as fun but it'll always be worth more to me.

Today ? My mood you may ask ? Sorry, being a loser. You may not ask. I sometimes wish I could cry. Because, for a girl, I absolutely suck at expressing emotions- any happiness is fake [not that I'm hiding anything] & any sadness is withheld. In all honesty, I'm sometimes jealous of some friends who can let it out in public. It doesn't have the same effect, letting out emotions or whatever, if it's bottled up & suddenly flattens you with this absolutely crap mood & you're forced to skulk around while trying to cover it with a good attitude. Okay, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that but that's how it feels. I even googled it, why I feel like this. I bet a lot of people do.. it's not depression if that's what you're thinking. I thought of that already. Although, I wish I was friends with a crazy person. In the least insensitive way, I think it would be interesting, refreshing. But more than anything, to get rid of this killing boredom feeling, I wish I could cry.

Also, prayers for Japan. It already feels like the world is ending. At this rate, I won't be surprised at 2012. Not that I believe in it. At all. Actually, it's pretty possible.

TODAY WAS PRETTY FUN. I worked with cells & counted pancreas eyelets under the microscope.But honestly, it isn't real work experience, like i'm not left with any paperwork [probably because it's too important] but it's like a science program they put together for me which is fun. Everyday after work, Dad says "so what did you play with today ?". Meaning I was having fun instead of working. So true.

Today, I got to see the lab mice which are injected with stuff to make them diabetic for more tests. THEY SMELLED HORRIBLE but it was so cool like lab testing on animals & seeing them in their cages; pretty amazing. I also felt like I made friends today, like not just a forced polite smile or anything. I followed Mary Wong around [Laura Raguine on the first day, juust to remember their names LOL] while she did animal tests, like pricked to draw blood from their tails. I think that was awesome. We also had long talks about which Pandora charm she should get [she has a full braclet; I WANT ONE; she was trying to decide between a little elephant or a cow] & Korean dramas [commoground among asians].

I also met Vera Bender [who is an elderly Polish lady who is full sort of the boss of science because of how many years she must've been there]and Anne Vannaisinghe who is about 28ish. Anyways, it was Laura & Mary's joint birthday party today so I walked into the office after being in the lab with Steve [who was supernice again & let me play around with the pipettes & DNA ahahaha] & Vera was in the middle of putting salmon & avacado on a huge rice thing. & my first reaction, "what. the. hell" because it's this cramped office setting & this funny but old lady is humming softly, arranging fish & avacado. Mary pretended not to see since the cake is supposed to be a surprise & Anne kept shaking her head, hinting that we were meant to hide it. LOL I didn't get the message. Anyway, it turns out that it's Ash Wednesday so Catholics [including Mary & Laura] can't eat meat or dairy [apparently] so Vera was making a sushi cake. Just so you know, I'd never even seen or heard of a sushi cake before. IT WAS AWESOME. Vera started listing off ingredients like "salmon, egg, japanese mayonaise.." & Mary & Anne were fully nodding, commenting on how nice the cake looked & taking photos of it while I was like quiet, sort of thinking, "what the random, why is there a sushi cake on the desk ?". But then I was automatically hypnotized & kept asking about the cake & staring at it. LOLL, I started taking photos too.

I guess the closest picture on google would be like this:



I know it looks kind of retarded but it was so YUM. & Vera was so funny about it, old people can be so cute. She was twirling bits of smoked salmon to make them into rose buds & she wrapped seaweed around the edge so it looked kind of like a gigantic sushi roll. Apparently they were having a surprise bday party that I didn't know about. It was a nice surprise that people in the workplace still have the time to organise each other's birthday parties. At school, we buy a cake, ceebs to get plates so we steal forks from the canteen, gather like 50 people & yell "DIG INNNN". & it's so not a surprise since we all suck at keeping secrets.

But in the hospital rheumatology, we gathered that sushi cake, & a bunch of chip packets, Marina bought a cheesecake & we stole plates from the cafeteria. It was PAINFULLY way too organised compared to friends' birthday parties at school. I think everyone that I had met during the work experience was there- Prof. Manolios [& his secretary], Marina, Laura, Mary, Anne, Andrew [who gave a presentation this morning that I just listened in on without understanding], Charlotte [a med student from Germany who was at the meeting & another lady whose name I can't remember who was at the meeting. This made it pretty special. Steve [the immunology researcher who I spent the day with before] also dropped in & had pieces of cake. It was just nice, eating & talking, sometimes laughing about how old everyone was, discussing seriously & thoroughly about birthdays & starsigns, even lengthy discussions about random science to do with starsigns. I saw them as a bit boring & serious [obviously, through a teenager's eyes] but they're nice people & talk in random tangents like we do at school, although topics are a bit too mature.

I realised that even if I'd only met them 2 days ago & would leave in 2 days, THOSE moments are the experiences we live for. I know it's full corn & cheese, but I reckon more than looking at the lab experiments or learning new long words, having fun is the true essence of work experience, learning how to feel close to someone even after a few short days & even being able to open up, make parties with them & laugh with them are the experiences you remember. Creating moments, making things up as you go along, doing the best you can to become a part of them. That was awesome. PLUS THE SUSHI CAKE WAS DELISHHHH. (: I hope I can find the group photo we took that day, someone asked randomly to Prof Manolios [who took the photo], "waaait, why are we taking a photo ? who gets it ?", he just shrugged & said "who cares ? we just wanna take a photo". That's sort of a part of what I'm saying. JUST ENJOY.

Afterwards, Mary got the Pandora charm as a birthday present [that Marina & Prof N. bought] & SHE GOT THE COW. I was pretty surprised but Anne facepalmed at my inability to keep a secret & Laura got a really long box of expensive chocolates. eheh special day, midpoint of work experience & just realising what I'm supposed to be learning. I'M REALLY THANKFUL FOR THIS BRILLIANT TIME & BRILLIANT FUN, MORE TIMES TO COME. COOOOOL (:

the.end.

I haven't listened to music like this in a while, even though in year 7 & 8, it was almost all I listened to: Britt Nicole, Nicole Nordeman, Casting Crowns, Natalie Grant, Matthew West, Jars of Clay.

A lot of what the world should understand & be more like is in the lyrics. It's not really praising God's name but it's more a message to the people (:
These songs sort of brought me back when trying to pray & long sermons don't. Just a little one, all about true beauty. We shouldn't have to measure up to the mirror.




VEGGIE TALES WAS ALSO PRETTY COOL 8)

My layout isn't as colourful or pretty but I think I need this right now.

CEEBS to talk about work experience. I worked [or burdened; depending on which way you look at it] the immunology part of the medical labs today & drew blood & cells & DNA on pipettes; major fun, HUGE MACHINES & tired legs. All part of the experience . haha & the school called & the secretary didn't know I was here so I might be put down for truanting work experience LOL. Mum & dad picked me up & we had dinner at parra [with Sarah at home with Grandma; eating su-jeh-bi, Sarah's favourite food that Grandma makes]. We were gone for longer than we expected as dad took a "short cut" out of Windsor Road & ended up in snail's-pace traffic because of road work. IT WAS SO LOL because mum started yelling as he swerved off into a smaller road while he kept reassuring her that it was the faster way & then the car just stopped because the traffic was so slow. Then, mum started yelling & slapping dad. So dad kept going "I'M DRIVING, NO HITTING THE DRIVER WHILE HE'S DRIVING" & mum just kept going "WHAT DRIVING ??". She had a point since we were just sort of still because of the traffic, no driving whatsoever . It was so funny, I couldn't stop laughing from the backseat, watching them yell & stare awkwardly at the traffic. But the food at parra was good, egg soup/casserole, bosam & chilli crab. Ohh & for lunch break, dad took me to the thai restaurant across the road from the hospital & I had pad thai as usual but dad went with some exotic food [as he usually does & always likes trying random new foods] that he once had, it was called "Banana Flower Salad" or something & came out way late but it was so pretty & tasty. The salad was encased in a huge purple flower. GORGEOUS. Then we had some banana dessert [warm fried banana in coconut milk]. I'd never tried it so it was really delicious, trying it for the first time.

All in all today was pretty good. GOODBYE, must study/or at least try for brain bee (:




..OR A LOT OF FUN :D

Since none of my employers will see this LOL, I think it's safe to like write all this down. Even though it's a waste of time, I managed to stay completely off the internet [except for a little status writing on fb (:] & so I think I deserve this break. Not really, since I've also watched a block of TV today. Whatever, I'll stop talking in tangents.

Today, I went to the Rheumatology Medical Lab at Westmead Hospital. In short, I thought it would be boring, sciencey, with people giving me cynical, frustrated & condescending looks. I KNOW ! VERY JUDGEMENTAL ! But I think that's how I view any successful/smart people, & yeah so I walked in pretty nervously [looking very much like a waitress/caterer in the clothes I was wearing; ahh but going for the business look (;] & then having supposedly "witty" & retarded conversations with my dad in the car on the way there. He doesn't realise my nervousness because he's been a doctor for like 20 years literally & thinks it's seriously a breeze, just walking into a hospital & even helping out for a week [side note: I'm more like a burden than a help but whatever]. The point is, I was putting in snark comments & just being a little edgy, not seriously but I think a lot more sarcasm was used than usual.

So we walk into the office where my employer is supposed to be & she's like SUPER NICE. She sort of looks like a much warmer & opener version of Mrs. Pooviah [sp??] I guess. She greets me straight away. & I'm actually really shy when I meet someone for the first time but I was alright, more open than usual. Dad, being the traitor he is xP, leaves & goes "HAVE FUN. BE A GOOD GIRL". [I think most people who work there know him]. Anyways, Dr. Marina Ali tells me to sit at a desk & starts asking questions & I'm sitting awkwardly, trying to show that I am completely ready but really looking even awkwarder if that's possible & nodding to everything she's saying. Then a girl walks in [I think either middle of or finished uni], her name's Laura & even though she looks kind of serious at first, she ends up being really nice & takes the time to explain everything, & then the two of them chat about things I don't know for a few minutes. But it's really casual, like Marina's more like the supervisor than a teacher I guess so they talk about Laura's birthday & boyfriend problems & all that.

Then, Marina tells me to look at a textbook [which confused me thoroughly] but I was trying to be enthusiastic & nodded going "ohh yeah yeah". I probably seemed pretty pretentious. & THANK GOD, I WAS SAVED. Soon afterwards, I left the awkwardness of first meetings & the cramped office & go to the lab with Laura. & IT WAS AMAZING. The complicated machines, tubs & tubes of all these random liquids, cluttered about, labcoats & gloves. It was like a school lab but WAY more messy with more serious looking things [like the fume hood] & crazy boxes of dry ice. I LOVED IT. Not because I saw all this stuff but what I got to do with them. I measured out this fluffy white powder into 10 test tubes, different types, like amino acids. And secretly, even though it was pretty simple to use the balance & sterilise & everything, I felt proud because I looked so mad-scientisty. I really wanted to take photos. LOL. Laura kept explaining in simple terms, like the random analogies she made up made us laugh so much [both for their stupidity & genious]. HEHE I SOUND LIKE SUCH A DORK BUT I MEAN IT. It was pretty cool. Then the white powdery stuff & the resin went through a full tubed machine with random chugging & the sound of dripping that made it sound like it was being transformed into a tablet or something. Marina came in & showed me computer graphing of purifying somethingsomething. I barely understood but it was just fun watching, honestly. & using the pipette gun made me feel pretty hardcore (;
All in all, I did all these things I thought I'd never be allowed near & the fact that all this experimental, patched-up research that I'm seeing now has the possibility to turn into a new drug in 20 years or something blows my mind, the change that could happen really inspires me. I think that's what I was looking for in work experience & am insanely happy I found it.

Apparently, on Wednesday, I get to test on animals. That might turn out bad or incredible so I can't wait. I'm actually excited now.

That's basically the sum up. THE END.

Also, there's this secret I found on sixbillionsecrets that I was going to dedicate a whole blog post to but to put it simply.. yeah.

It's about a girl who has everything she wants, like everything [looks, smarts, family & friends] but she wants to know what it's like to long for or wait for something.

Yeah, my rant is, WHO COMPLAINS ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT ? THAT IS INSANE ! Who would want to know what it's like to wait for something ? It sucks; plus, anyone who thinks of themselves as that perfect & going "ohh but I have everything, but I want to know what it's like to SUFFER" is just seeking attention, really full of it. No respect for anyone like that, it's just so stupid when people have real sufferings.

I haven't blogged in a while & I think that can be accounted for in my uninteresting personality which is, very truthfully, not worth being recorded. A lot of things have happened so far but really I can't keep blogging everyday,  not because I don't have the time to but because I don't have the motivation to type out my life LOL.

So yeah, this is,, yeah, what's happened so far.

- My grandparents on my dad's side as moved into Baulko [like 1 min from my house] which means we can see more of them & it's better because once my cousins come back from America, they get a new house & my grandparents are in my cousins' old house. Also, it's not right to refer to it like this but because they're getting old, if anything happens to them, we'll be close by to help. Sarah & I were wandering around the house, the day that they were moving furniture in & then James & my aunt came for a little while & then we went to James's house & watched, no joke, like 10 episodes of The Brady Bunch. ahahah I'm in love with old shows, they're so much less trashy than the shows now.

- My family ate out a LOT, as usual. I thought since we started school, we'd stop a little but no full fire, chopsticks on the go LOL. I've lost count the amount of times we've gone to Eastwood & I've had thai food twice so far YUMM. (: Mum, Sarah & I also went to Castle Hill Piazza & went to Eurolounge which had dishes which were tiny but delicious [eheh, like any good asian, my wonderful mum made use of the coupons HAHA, maintomain].

- Powerhouse Mueseum, KO soccer- FUN WITH FRIENDS, couldn't love ruse more. I was pretty sick though so I was dead while everyone else was hyper. I did however, [& I'm very proud of this], manage to convince hong & berry I was 1/4 Jamaican for a while. LOL SO GULLIBLE.

- A LOT of reading on Jaclyn Moriarity books which don't seem that great at first but they really pull you in & I end up having a real soft spot for them. A LOT of watching old shows like The Nanny, The Brady Bunch & I also love Friends. Nothing out of the ordinary, mathing a little [like it's a sport], ohhh WON OUR FIRST NETBALL GAME UNSPIRITUALLY (; I must say, we are proud haha.

- Trying to stay off facebook

- Failing to stay off facebook

- WORK EXPERIENCE TOMORROW. It's at a medical lab at Westmead hospital. I don't know if it'll be very fun but I'm hoping that it'll be worth it because it might either inspire me or tell me something against it. It's sort of the area I want to head into but still too early to be sure, I think it's the right thing to do even though other places will be,, SO MUCH FUN. oh gosh so jealous [of Brittany who's going to Kzone LOL & Catherine & Emily who are going to a fashion school/institute] but yeah, not excited but hoping for the best.

- Vaccination & becoming sick immediately afterwards. Coincidence ? I THINK NOT.

- Today went to church with easter eggs to sell for our formal & versed samuel to get more buyers & sell more. But in all honesty, he has an unfair advantage as he is currently crippled & on crutches. Thus, he has more people feeling sorry for him [aka wanting to buy from him]. SEE MY LOGIC ? But yeah, I was perfectly capable on 2 legs & managed to sell all of them in a shorter time LOL; because it was totes my marketing skills [or having lots of relatives at church who hate chocolate but like to give me money; <33 my grandma & aunt]. Today was good. Sarah was insanely sick though & I was pretty sick myself.

- I think that pretty much sums up my uneventful life. I know I must come across as a loser but I reckon I'm very comfortable in my awesomeness & don't need to prove it. LOL JK, I'm just a loser but having fun being one. :DD

I really don't think tumblrs are that great because usually they are a bunch of lovely pictures that don't say much. I really envy those people who can put their honest thoughts onto a blog for people to read, they're very open. See, I can't do that so I end up with this whole summary of my life up on here [minus random musings & epiphanies that really aren't much better]. So, instead I will leave a link that will change your life to make up for that:


http://thedisneyprincess.tumblr.com/


GOAL #1- to be more open-minded & open-mouthed [without being tactless]. JUST BE YOURSELF.

byebye, watching wongfu productions & communitychannel on youtube.

LOL, Sarah found this & we both agree it suits exactly us & usually what happens..



not a venting post but just depressed, no idea why.
it's like a bottled up feeling but i've honestly got nothing bottled up or a reason to be so yuckfeeling.

i haven't cried in front of anyone before. i've never made a public scene about problems. i wonder what it's like. maybe i should try & all the bottledupickdowninthedumps feeling will go away.

LOL if this gets any more personal, it'll just be awkward & i'd have to make this private which i don't really want to do since i took so much effort into making the layout pretty. but i'm getting sick of it due to my purposeless mood.

oh gosh. i sound so simple-minded.

I judge people, not that I make it noticeable. People frustrate me and I fake smile. I wish I could stop and just tell them. Today was alright. Hung with Rae, Liz, Suren & Elaine- trying to make a high-pitched annoying horn sound with grass between the thumbs, Elaine was a pro & Liz & Suren got it really quickly. I freaking took forever but I felt rather accomplished when I did get it. Still felt sick/unfit so I had to stop in the middle of the netball game; which was PRETTY embarrassing but whatever, at the time, I was just glad to have a moment to catch my breath. It all felt like too much for a second. Mild asthma maybe. Today was raining and thundering, a nice chilly, fresh feeling and the smell of rainwater. That was nice. Even though, at the time, I thought a tsunami was going to hit and I frantically called my mum to ask if I could skip chem olympiad [unsuccessfully of course]. It all felt great. End of school. Today, Chem Olympaid was mainly me and Michelle playing "chemcell" while Amarbir, Wallace and Frank ["DO I LOOK AMUSED ??"] went spastic behind us. We stole Amarbir's eclipses & actually roleplayed doctor & patient; Michelle was the crappiest doctor, asking me what was wrong when I was clearly and crying that I was dying. My work ethic was questioned and insulted by Amarbir. End of a very productive lesson. The Brady Bunch, Friends was then watched while Sarah went piano & I ate the Korean version of oreos with milk. NICE (: Pancakes for dinner & grapes for dessert. Something is wrong with what I eat.

THE.END.

I cbb to blog properly. It's a boring recount- for me, not for you.

I should make this private sometime but then I wouldn't have a reason to make the blog pretty & I like making it pretty.

Today, Sarah brought home her first radish from agriculture. It's so tiny and cute. LOL now she's a true ruse person. Sad but very proud (Y). She's showing it off. & Mum has that look "great, now she's going to be like Grace and bring home all these crappy disease-ridden vegetables, potential to have a food poisoning, home and force us to eat it with an expectant smile". Dad doesn't think that much into it; he just smiles along.

---



I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, sporty enough. I'm not a good person, I procrastinate too much, I whine and complain.I'm superficial, shallow, unncecessary. I suck at making friends, I concentrate on the negative, I am not needed in a conversation. No one pays attention to me. I'm jealous and I never do what I say I'm going to do. I'm tired and exhausted over the smallest things. I can't tell anyone how I feel, I'm not assertive, I'm either too shy or loud, I don't have any talent or skills in anything.


Yesterday, Pearl, Catherine & I were talking about inadequacies on the bus. And I never thought about it consciously but I just know I feel inadequate. It's just obvious to me. I'm overly critical about everyone but most of all myself and I just realised there are more times I feel inadequate than not [those rare moments are like just after that annual compliment or whatever].

BUT WAIT; then I realised everyone I know must feel this. I don't know how often or how hard it is but everyone does feel it.

And nobody should feel inadequate- they are more than enough, they are God's child, they were created for a reason. Just being born into a world that has everything you need and even more luxuries, where water falls out of the sky, where food grows on trees, where good people and love exist...that must mean you're a miracle in itself, you are more than blessed, you are more than special. The world sounds like a heaven. What are the chances that we are living on a planet that, in our knowledge, is the only one with life on it? You are one of the 6 billion humans living today. It seems like a big number but it really isn't. Why are we thinking we are inadequate, selfishly thinking only of ourselves, when there are another 6 billion people who need our help. Because we all need other people.

Even so, because this is my blog and I talk entirely too much about myself anywhere, I wanted to list my inadequacies, the imperfections,on here. I probably have a million more but I don't really want to think about them. Almost to scan through them & tell myself that it's ok to feel inadequate but just to know that I'm not. That I'm not perfect but I'm forgiven.Plus, I don't want to write a whole stream of posts with a full bad attitude. I'm looking for the positives. So this wasn't a list of inadequacies exactly, it was more like a list of what doesn't matter, what makes me an individual. What makes us all individuals. That's what these self-help gurus are always talking about- flaunting your flaws. You are not inadequate. God doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't have accidents. You were made, EXACTLY how he wanted you to be made. The same goes for that annoying person you don't really like or your best friend.

That's one of the hardest things to realise when you're living your own life for years and years. There is no hero or heroine of this story. There is no villain. There is no main character. We are all living with our talents, mistakes and feelings and that's how it's meant to be.

Ohh, & I think I'm dying. Like a heart attack every hour and I keep feeling like collapsing every time I stand up. Maybe it's because I'm tired or just unco..

Currently watching Glee on Oprah. It seriously amazes me how someone's life can completely change, famous, rich, anything, through one audition, one moment when you decide to just go for it. It's the same way I feel bad for that nameless girl who just missed out on getting Hermione's part in Harry Potter because, if you think about it, it means a million job opportunities and a billion dollars. But I think what's meant to be is meant to be. It also hits me that the people who struggled in high school are the successful ones. High school isn't everything- it literally isn't the end of the world. But, right now, it makes up our whole world.

Yes, I got those retarded already-known epiphanies from watching Oprah.


TIME TO GO STUDY [or watch more tv]. I honestly don't study as much as I say I'm going to do. I WISH I DID. I wish things were easily done as said.

I wish you could see what you mean to me.

This line. Kills me. I just think it was an excuse to make something [that wasn't, isn't and never will be] deep and meaningful. It's literally everywhere- songs, books, blogs.. It rhymes, which is a bonus and which I hate more. It doesn't make sense. Why can't you just tell them ? Why, for everything words stand for, can't you just tell that person what they mean to you ? Why do they have to see it, work out from the hints, get it ? Why can't you just say it with words instead of hiding it and wailing out bad poetry to the internet and radio ? Just save society and tell that person. Before you misunderstand, this isn't a deep rant with hidden meaning, directed at someone. This is just a very blunt poster going "STOP WITH THE UGLY CORNY LINES".

On another note, aside from that picky rant, I'm going to finally start studying. Just to not completely fail. Maybe. It depends. I'll see how it goes. [LOL that means it won't happen].
If you've stayed with me this far, can I please apologise for making you read all this pointlessness.

BUT, THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE. & I JUST GOT TO SAY.. I know how everybody idolizes Audrey Hepburn but Gregory Peck, I am convinced, is a flawless actor.





Old movies are a million times better than the movies now. [except the 60s-80s ones; they suck even more]. I love Sabrina, Roman Holiday & Breakfast at Tiffany's as well. But I don't believe they're timeless or whatever. So cliched.



I need to broaden that world.
I don't know if I should get confirmed for baptism. I don't feel like I'm ready.

Sorry for this complete randomness.

ALITTLERECOUNT

Today, finally got all the comments for DukeofEd. Went to church at 4:30ish, missed tutoring [Dr.Lee] & folded paper into popcorn boxes and made lollybags instead. It was for this movie night to fundraise for Allowah Children's Hospital. The movie was great, like in this inspiring, completely non-frivolous sort of way. It was, in short, motivational- Barefoot Dreams. I want to be that person- the heroine of a life story. In a small way, I mean. CORN&CHEESE but I think there really are those people that stuff just happens to, because God chooses them. I mean it like that, the person who doesn't give up until they make a difference. The one willing to try making someone else's life a little better, the one who gets through a whole trial. Helping your neighbour. We don't see it as a big thing when we compare it to anything else, it just gets lost in between trying to avoid screwing up individually; but other people were put on the Earth for a reason, the same as us. It's important to love our brothers and sisters, when we fundraise, we're not helping the "less fortunate" or charity, we're helping out our bros & sisters, not strangers. It's a vital part of existence. We're not helping humanity. We're helping people. It's a good cause.!



Thanks (:


I light up at blue grapes, hazelnut brownies & sunflowers.Gingerbread, even warm, & licorice, sweet root, are the worst sweets anyone could come up with. I have very black eyes that I can't even call them 'dark brown' anymore, I can't make my mind up over decisions that won't make a difference in the end. Hand sanitiser and soap are beautiful words to me. I pretend to like fairytales but I really just like the castles & the clothes. I never wear make up. I've never felt real loss, so it's my biggest fear. I cringe when I see something not perfect. I don't argue with silence, but I never scream. There used to be vines sprangled around my house and near my window and it gave it a really gothic, olden-day look but now they're gone and it just looks ordinary. Fading fairy dreams and autumn leaves. They cut down the autumn tree because it was uprooting the house but, secretly, I wish we kept it so we could use the crushed up wood of the house and make a treehouse. Yes, I'm serious about the architecture of the tree house. Yes, I'm serious about most of the stupid stuff I say. I am more serious than the impression I give though. I don't publish half my posts but I keep them because it was something I wanted to write. I have too much time on my hands. I wish I had a sunflower and a star.

“I built a fort in the middle of trees, and those trees will watch over me.”

1. honestly, you are not as deep as you make yourself out to be. i really appreciate your honesty but your extreme lengthy rants about life are not necessary, just saying. you can't judge by the cover either. you're one of the best people i know, just please take this.
2. you are an amazing friend but your sincerity is starting to wear off. be careful.
3. you're funny, shine up any moment with a laugh (:
4. i don't get you, you kind of scare me but it seems i only have embarrassing moments with you around.
5. yeah, you never know what you're talking about..but at least you have the guts to admit it unlike the rest of us; it makes you special .
6. drifting. gone.
7. you're cool. no idea where you popped out of though, but you're cool.
8. no way to say this nicely. get a personality.
9. you're awesome. wish i knew you.
10. hello you, get off this blog and stop trying to guess who these people are xP

You know how a lot of people are complaining that year 10's workload has gotten worse and worse? That the homework is so much compared to last year?

I honestly don't notice it. I have time for most things and I don't feel too stressed until I cram. & it usually feels great getting done. Maybe, it's because I'm not taking it too seriously but I really should.

TIME TO GET MY HEAD DOWN.

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS


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PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS

Because they love me so much, Nathan & Catherine stalked me to St. Vinnies & [sort of] helped. After having easyway. By the way, there was this random guy [like massive asian] on the table next to us & he just started a convo & it sort of went like this.

Him -points to Catherine's chocolate box eagerly- Hmm.. I remember the days when I had to sell those
Me- fully politely- uhhm ok
Him- See, here's the thing. You have to be like you're offering them a bargain, not begging them to sell.
Me- ...yeah, but it's a ripoff, no one would buy it anyway.
Him- Like you guys probably go to a predominantly Asian school. I went to Carlo, so you know,, yeah
Me-ok
 -Catherine and Nathan come from buying Easyway, also looks at him weirdly-

Him -unaware, going on earnestly- like really, you have to act like,, like,, the chocolates are like,, SEXY. Like oohh smooth milky, creamy, caramel.
Us- O_______o
Him -looks at box- holy crap, $4 who would buy that ?? Anyway, the point is to act like it is something you are giving up for the customer, like-
Nathan- Wait, you go to uni right ? Which uni course ?
Him- still talking in a business-like manner- Well, you see, I didn't successfully complete my HSC. But I was thinking of doing marketing/business. Anyway, good luck with selling those chocolates.
Us- Yeah, ok, thanks -runs away-

He was just kind of strange. He just butted into conversations & his sort of came from nowhere. LOL, if you were there hearing a guy call chocolates sexy, it's pretty strange.

After St. Vinnies, we walked off to the park in front of the library & half-studied/half played on the playground [which Nathan is pretty pro at btw] while Catherine was fast&furious at her maths. Suren joined for a bit where we embarrassed her with questions about her complicated relationships which ended up being pretty fail to be honest. Playgrounds are honestly not that fun anymore, even to just pretend, but it was alright.

Mum & Dad picked me up [Sarah's at peer support camp] & we went to Office Works to bind my maths sheets; gosh, i'm a nerd. THEN we ate at that lovely little Korean restaurant, it's small but it's so warm & the food is so amazing. We had this chilli noodle hotpot, egg soup & cold noodles <33 the sidedishes were so nice as well. It's where we usually go in Parramatta because we usually eat at Eastwood anyway. & it was sort of an exception because I had to bind the sheets. Now, like a good Korean, I am eating yummy Korean purple grapes & going off to either do maths or watch Korean dramas.

Okay, sorry overdid it. The point is that today was a fantastic day, full of screaming & laughing, at copping each other out [including parents]. I adore the people in my life. Not that it's exactly "the" life, but it's still pretty great & I feel more than lucky, I feel blessed.

(: No rants today. Happy ?

I hate doing this because everyone else is doing it but the song is so ridiculously stupid & annoying that I feel obligated to drum it into everyone else's ears.

I should be studying for a maths test or at least sleeping to rest up for it but I CEEBS.

I don't want to sound like a lazy couch potato or such a tech freak/sterotypical of our generation but I seriously can't live without the tv or internet, I honestly think I'd go crazy.

HAHA today, I was talking with mum.

Mum- I love you and Sarah most out of all the living things on the Earth <33
Me- ..[stupidly blinking] What about all the non-living things ? Like.. ROCKSS
Mum- Ohh yeah, they're down there on that list..along with your father..

ahahah, today went to Blacktown RSL with grandparents, cousin [James] & his parents, & this pastor & his wife from Korea. I'm not sure if I'm related to them but I'm pretty sure I'm not.

James, Sarah & I spent a good hour of that dinner piling up dessert [like mousse, cake, coconut squishyball things, ice cream, apple crumble, fruit] & serving it to everyone while the adults looked upon in horror at the wastage of our food. I kept getting up to pile them on while James kept going, OOH DELICIOUS in this retarded French accent & acted like a chef. But in our defence, the plating was really pretty & looked like Masterchef style - full with cherries on top & whipped cream. (L) Mum was next to us, not wanting to join in the adults' conversation and looking at us in deep concern. James was seriously eating everything while Sarah spooned up ice cream only. I adore apple crumble. Then the three of us, like the immature kids we were, got busted by this old man who told us to stay with our parents twice. He was so annoying & pushy- as if we're like 5 or something so it turned into a bitch session [while James hid out in the bathroom to not be caught again].

Grandma did the thumbs-up sign again which means I have to be the best. Cheh-goh in Korean. She's told me that ever since I was little, to be a doctor, to try my hardest. I know it sounds pressured, as if what she's telling me is wrong & I don't like her doing this. But I actually accept it as motivation and agree with her; it's sort of just another reason to try. It's our sign.

I wish I had things to define me but I got nothing.

RUSE POST; Today, I finished half an essay, gave up, started wailing like a siren until my mum offered me lunch. so currently, I am on here while my mum is making me lunch. (:

You know what's funny ? When you have school pride [which I have a lot of by the way] like GO RUSE pretty much all the time. On another note, when I act like a complete retard, I just say "I'm from Cumbo" & people give me funny looks which is fine for me. Because if you say any other school, they're just like "oh, nice, school pride" but when you say Ruse, it's always, "well, SOMEONE'S cocky". Because we're seen as stuck-up nerds a lot of the time and it's not like it can be helped. I mean, I guess we're nerds & we're the furthest from preppy/gangters you can get. Still, I reckon it's very prejudiced and sterotypical.

On Thursday, Michelle & I bought 4 packs of oreos & a carton of milk & ran away from people who would steal it. So like pigs, we gulped them down & had a fantastic time. LOL, OREOS FTW x3 but then yesterday, I bought some for myself & hid away from everyone else [except Suren & Michelle who were getting easymacs] & ate them, spilling milk everywhere. Delicious ? HELL YEAH. Life is good.

I can't be serious for more than 5 minutes. And yeah, I won't grow out of it.

My brain is going off in tangents because of freaking Macbeth and the funny thing is I'm not even typing half the stuff that's going through my mind. I like sunflowers. I want a sunflower. That's what I was saying all of yesterday at the ag excursion. Give me a sunflower.

I want to bake a cake. I want to make a pillow fort. I want to have another water fight, another nerf gun war. I want to run around the streets in a huge costume. I want to play hide & seek on a giant playground. I want a jumping castle. I want to have all the fun on MLIA LOL & all the things kids do.

Sunflower & cakes put together. Heaven.



I want a sunflower.

Honestly, aren't they gorgeous ?



1) i like unusual names [hazel, autumn] with meaning. i hate oldfashioned, normal names.
2) i'm extremely perfectionist even though i don't act careless a lot
3) i like sunflowers and roses . others are pretty but they don't make you stop and stare.
4) i will never be interested in cars or tv sports;
5) i'm not a trendsetter or a trendfollower, i guess i hate trends in general :S
6) i almost always forget inside jokes & i like making them but keeping them going is boring.
7) i survive on youtube- kurthugoschneider, communitychannel, wongfu <3
8) i think i'm a bit of a homophobe because i was raised that way but i'm beginning to see that what i think is wrong- i should be more open minded and accepting. i also believe the same about justin bieber; not that he's gay.
9) no, i will never share a drink with you LOL. also germaphobic but i believe that's totally justified and acceptable.
10) i am in love with the winter olympics. the normal olympics, i couldn't care less about. probably because koreans are so tank at figure skating.
11) i love food. jap, korean & thai in particular. i could never stop eating
12) i want to own a mansion with a stable and full 18th century style driveway, woods and garden. i earnestly believe it's realistic, ahaha not into the pin-neat modern new york flat thing, i want a country side (:
13) i don't get the fuss people make about eyes. like how they say chocolate brown or blue is beautiful . it shouldn't matter for us asians at least since we barely have any xP
14) i sometimes play dumb so i don't have to have pointless d&ms with people or get asked advice, i just end up rolling my eyes at their problems which is insensitive.
15) i just went out to Red Spoon at Castle Hill Piazza because my mum had coupons again hehe (: we had heavenly spare ribs [no joke, that's the name], banana blossom salad [which dad & i ate last week when i was at work experience] and salt&pepper squid. it was delicious. but sarah didn't want to go so she stayed home, ate ramen and missed out on the lovely food. it was candle-lit, crowded, cold air but also very pretty and nice-feeling. i love my parents.
16) i will smile even if i don't like you.

(:

Tired. Today doesn't feel like a real day.

Everyone's living something at this moment. When someone's crying, someone else is laughing. When someone's dying, someone else is being born. It's hard to wrap my head around but I think it's amazing. And every so often, we interact. But it just makes more sense to me; I could never walk a thousand miles in someone else's shoes. Stupid proverb LOL.

I hope everyone's day has been awesome.



NOW DOESN'T THAT JUST MAKE YOU HAPPIER ?

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection



Twirl around, stare it down


What’s the mirror gonna say


With some luck, you’ll measure up


But you might not hold a candle to the rest


“Is that your best?” says the mirror to the mess






But there’s a whisper in the noise


Can you hear a little voice


and he says










Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?


You might agree if you could see what I see


Oh


‘Cuz everything about you is incredible


You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful for me





Instead of obsessing with the outward appearance, we should be working on what lasts forever, our souls, our hearts for God. Because what's a few decades of life compared to eternity ? What's more important ? Smiling into the mirror for a second or smiling up to something worth far more. We were made this way for a reason and God doesn't look at what man looks at. Let's get our priorities straight. (:

I just heard a voice in my head. It was real. It wasn't mine.

Retardedly shocked I am. But as if I didn't see this coming. LOL always knew I was nuts.

:DD

Where you would like to be in 10 years:

OFF HAVING FUN. Open to being in another country to learn about what makes up the world, other happinesses & other smiles (: Career-wise, hoping to be in a hospital, reaching out to people, understanding what makes them sick & fixing it. OHH & I want somewhere nice to live thank you.


DAY 1
- FLYINNN' SOLO. LOL single life ? great thanks. at this age, i'm not missing out on much & i find it easier to be alone. i'm 15, free & don't need one TYVM. enough of getting caught in highschool drama & relationships, cute but not worth the hassle. (: COOL.

YESTERDAY, I snacked on a tub of oreos after dr lee while watching Despereux.
Then slept longer than I usually do [I can't sleep that long].

FEELING GOOD.

Yes, I know.

There has to be pointless posts like this once in a while LOL.

I don't want to sound absolutely corn & cheese because that's just the way my thoughts work.

But my greatest fear ? Even though I have thousands. But the greatest one, like the one I can't stand, is of losing something. Because I have never lost anything. I don't know what it's like and I don't know what sort of pain that would put you through but I know it's inevitable and it will happen one day. That hurts even more. That scares me even more. Imagine if you were living in Japan at this moment- think of all the things you'd be losing, think of all the people who would never see again, think for a minute. And here we are, complaining about school work load. We need to grow decently, our minds are screwed up.

Because we haven't felt loss.

--

Sarah & I just watched Despereux [the book my mum always told me to read but I never finished] and I'm not going to make your eyes roll with corny reviews or insights but it's just amazing. Kids movies seem to nearly always be genius but strange because kids are too young to understand it a lot of the time- what it's really about. It was brilliant to put it all into a mouse. Anyway, it was lovely- honour, bravery, chivalry, and the lols. I really felt sad for the servant girl mostly, like I could understand her.

Sorry for being weird but it was just adorable..



There was a girl [well old sort of if 25 years counts LOL] but she had a full pandora bracelet. It made me wonder..

What year of my life will be the most memorable?
What week will be most exciting?
What day will be the one I think about the most?
Where is the most exciting place I will be standing?
Which face will I smile at the most?
Which moment will be the one I want back the most?
Which is the wish I will wish the most?
Which tune will I hum the most when I'm happy?

It makes me want a pandora bracelet. It sounds superficial & I'm totally against commercialism and the idea of one bead being worth hundreds but I like the idea of it; that every charm is a moment to remember.

And...I'm not going to lie. They're pretty.

Today was so sad. I felt horrible leaving work experience after making all these friendships. There's nothing really left to say. I got thank you presents, cake for them & they bought me lunch [pad thai with fat noodles]. Always, work experience will have been awesome & inspiring because of Marina, Laura, Mary, Steve, Anne, Prof. Nick, even those Mandou & Changqi guy LOL. Real people making real differences but with opportunities to have fun everyday. I'll never forget <33 I can't really detail everything as usual because I'm just not in that mood but I'm happy that it ended well & was fun throughout. I know that the hospital isn't the most high-class, elegant, fashionable place but it makes the most sense to me. Not that it feels like home or something corn&cheese like that but something else- like everyone walking in it has a purpose. I hate the smokers outside though- they should maybe take a hint that sick people are there for a reason. There was a lot of lab mice handling today, pipetting peptides or whatever. They're all just so skilled and passionate. Definitely, no matter how hard it may be, it's the medical field that I want.
It may not always be as fun but it'll always be worth more to me.

Today ? My mood you may ask ? Sorry, being a loser. You may not ask. I sometimes wish I could cry. Because, for a girl, I absolutely suck at expressing emotions- any happiness is fake [not that I'm hiding anything] & any sadness is withheld. In all honesty, I'm sometimes jealous of some friends who can let it out in public. It doesn't have the same effect, letting out emotions or whatever, if it's bottled up & suddenly flattens you with this absolutely crap mood & you're forced to skulk around while trying to cover it with a good attitude. Okay, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that but that's how it feels. I even googled it, why I feel like this. I bet a lot of people do.. it's not depression if that's what you're thinking. I thought of that already. Although, I wish I was friends with a crazy person. In the least insensitive way, I think it would be interesting, refreshing. But more than anything, to get rid of this killing boredom feeling, I wish I could cry.

Also, prayers for Japan. It already feels like the world is ending. At this rate, I won't be surprised at 2012. Not that I believe in it. At all. Actually, it's pretty possible.

TODAY WAS PRETTY FUN. I worked with cells & counted pancreas eyelets under the microscope.But honestly, it isn't real work experience, like i'm not left with any paperwork [probably because it's too important] but it's like a science program they put together for me which is fun. Everyday after work, Dad says "so what did you play with today ?". Meaning I was having fun instead of working. So true.

Today, I got to see the lab mice which are injected with stuff to make them diabetic for more tests. THEY SMELLED HORRIBLE but it was so cool like lab testing on animals & seeing them in their cages; pretty amazing. I also felt like I made friends today, like not just a forced polite smile or anything. I followed Mary Wong around [Laura Raguine on the first day, juust to remember their names LOL] while she did animal tests, like pricked to draw blood from their tails. I think that was awesome. We also had long talks about which Pandora charm she should get [she has a full braclet; I WANT ONE; she was trying to decide between a little elephant or a cow] & Korean dramas [commoground among asians].

I also met Vera Bender [who is an elderly Polish lady who is full sort of the boss of science because of how many years she must've been there]and Anne Vannaisinghe who is about 28ish. Anyways, it was Laura & Mary's joint birthday party today so I walked into the office after being in the lab with Steve [who was supernice again & let me play around with the pipettes & DNA ahahaha] & Vera was in the middle of putting salmon & avacado on a huge rice thing. & my first reaction, "what. the. hell" because it's this cramped office setting & this funny but old lady is humming softly, arranging fish & avacado. Mary pretended not to see since the cake is supposed to be a surprise & Anne kept shaking her head, hinting that we were meant to hide it. LOL I didn't get the message. Anyway, it turns out that it's Ash Wednesday so Catholics [including Mary & Laura] can't eat meat or dairy [apparently] so Vera was making a sushi cake. Just so you know, I'd never even seen or heard of a sushi cake before. IT WAS AWESOME. Vera started listing off ingredients like "salmon, egg, japanese mayonaise.." & Mary & Anne were fully nodding, commenting on how nice the cake looked & taking photos of it while I was like quiet, sort of thinking, "what the random, why is there a sushi cake on the desk ?". But then I was automatically hypnotized & kept asking about the cake & staring at it. LOLL, I started taking photos too.

I guess the closest picture on google would be like this:



I know it looks kind of retarded but it was so YUM. & Vera was so funny about it, old people can be so cute. She was twirling bits of smoked salmon to make them into rose buds & she wrapped seaweed around the edge so it looked kind of like a gigantic sushi roll. Apparently they were having a surprise bday party that I didn't know about. It was a nice surprise that people in the workplace still have the time to organise each other's birthday parties. At school, we buy a cake, ceebs to get plates so we steal forks from the canteen, gather like 50 people & yell "DIG INNNN". & it's so not a surprise since we all suck at keeping secrets.

But in the hospital rheumatology, we gathered that sushi cake, & a bunch of chip packets, Marina bought a cheesecake & we stole plates from the cafeteria. It was PAINFULLY way too organised compared to friends' birthday parties at school. I think everyone that I had met during the work experience was there- Prof. Manolios [& his secretary], Marina, Laura, Mary, Anne, Andrew [who gave a presentation this morning that I just listened in on without understanding], Charlotte [a med student from Germany who was at the meeting & another lady whose name I can't remember who was at the meeting. This made it pretty special. Steve [the immunology researcher who I spent the day with before] also dropped in & had pieces of cake. It was just nice, eating & talking, sometimes laughing about how old everyone was, discussing seriously & thoroughly about birthdays & starsigns, even lengthy discussions about random science to do with starsigns. I saw them as a bit boring & serious [obviously, through a teenager's eyes] but they're nice people & talk in random tangents like we do at school, although topics are a bit too mature.

I realised that even if I'd only met them 2 days ago & would leave in 2 days, THOSE moments are the experiences we live for. I know it's full corn & cheese, but I reckon more than looking at the lab experiments or learning new long words, having fun is the true essence of work experience, learning how to feel close to someone even after a few short days & even being able to open up, make parties with them & laugh with them are the experiences you remember. Creating moments, making things up as you go along, doing the best you can to become a part of them. That was awesome. PLUS THE SUSHI CAKE WAS DELISHHHH. (: I hope I can find the group photo we took that day, someone asked randomly to Prof Manolios [who took the photo], "waaait, why are we taking a photo ? who gets it ?", he just shrugged & said "who cares ? we just wanna take a photo". That's sort of a part of what I'm saying. JUST ENJOY.

Afterwards, Mary got the Pandora charm as a birthday present [that Marina & Prof N. bought] & SHE GOT THE COW. I was pretty surprised but Anne facepalmed at my inability to keep a secret & Laura got a really long box of expensive chocolates. eheh special day, midpoint of work experience & just realising what I'm supposed to be learning. I'M REALLY THANKFUL FOR THIS BRILLIANT TIME & BRILLIANT FUN, MORE TIMES TO COME. COOOOOL (:

the.end.

I haven't listened to music like this in a while, even though in year 7 & 8, it was almost all I listened to: Britt Nicole, Nicole Nordeman, Casting Crowns, Natalie Grant, Matthew West, Jars of Clay.

A lot of what the world should understand & be more like is in the lyrics. It's not really praising God's name but it's more a message to the people (:
These songs sort of brought me back when trying to pray & long sermons don't. Just a little one, all about true beauty. We shouldn't have to measure up to the mirror.




VEGGIE TALES WAS ALSO PRETTY COOL 8)

My layout isn't as colourful or pretty but I think I need this right now.

CEEBS to talk about work experience. I worked [or burdened; depending on which way you look at it] the immunology part of the medical labs today & drew blood & cells & DNA on pipettes; major fun, HUGE MACHINES & tired legs. All part of the experience . haha & the school called & the secretary didn't know I was here so I might be put down for truanting work experience LOL. Mum & dad picked me up & we had dinner at parra [with Sarah at home with Grandma; eating su-jeh-bi, Sarah's favourite food that Grandma makes]. We were gone for longer than we expected as dad took a "short cut" out of Windsor Road & ended up in snail's-pace traffic because of road work. IT WAS SO LOL because mum started yelling as he swerved off into a smaller road while he kept reassuring her that it was the faster way & then the car just stopped because the traffic was so slow. Then, mum started yelling & slapping dad. So dad kept going "I'M DRIVING, NO HITTING THE DRIVER WHILE HE'S DRIVING" & mum just kept going "WHAT DRIVING ??". She had a point since we were just sort of still because of the traffic, no driving whatsoever . It was so funny, I couldn't stop laughing from the backseat, watching them yell & stare awkwardly at the traffic. But the food at parra was good, egg soup/casserole, bosam & chilli crab. Ohh & for lunch break, dad took me to the thai restaurant across the road from the hospital & I had pad thai as usual but dad went with some exotic food [as he usually does & always likes trying random new foods] that he once had, it was called "Banana Flower Salad" or something & came out way late but it was so pretty & tasty. The salad was encased in a huge purple flower. GORGEOUS. Then we had some banana dessert [warm fried banana in coconut milk]. I'd never tried it so it was really delicious, trying it for the first time.

All in all today was pretty good. GOODBYE, must study/or at least try for brain bee (:




..OR A LOT OF FUN :D

Since none of my employers will see this LOL, I think it's safe to like write all this down. Even though it's a waste of time, I managed to stay completely off the internet [except for a little status writing on fb (:] & so I think I deserve this break. Not really, since I've also watched a block of TV today. Whatever, I'll stop talking in tangents.

Today, I went to the Rheumatology Medical Lab at Westmead Hospital. In short, I thought it would be boring, sciencey, with people giving me cynical, frustrated & condescending looks. I KNOW ! VERY JUDGEMENTAL ! But I think that's how I view any successful/smart people, & yeah so I walked in pretty nervously [looking very much like a waitress/caterer in the clothes I was wearing; ahh but going for the business look (;] & then having supposedly "witty" & retarded conversations with my dad in the car on the way there. He doesn't realise my nervousness because he's been a doctor for like 20 years literally & thinks it's seriously a breeze, just walking into a hospital & even helping out for a week [side note: I'm more like a burden than a help but whatever]. The point is, I was putting in snark comments & just being a little edgy, not seriously but I think a lot more sarcasm was used than usual.

So we walk into the office where my employer is supposed to be & she's like SUPER NICE. She sort of looks like a much warmer & opener version of Mrs. Pooviah [sp??] I guess. She greets me straight away. & I'm actually really shy when I meet someone for the first time but I was alright, more open than usual. Dad, being the traitor he is xP, leaves & goes "HAVE FUN. BE A GOOD GIRL". [I think most people who work there know him]. Anyways, Dr. Marina Ali tells me to sit at a desk & starts asking questions & I'm sitting awkwardly, trying to show that I am completely ready but really looking even awkwarder if that's possible & nodding to everything she's saying. Then a girl walks in [I think either middle of or finished uni], her name's Laura & even though she looks kind of serious at first, she ends up being really nice & takes the time to explain everything, & then the two of them chat about things I don't know for a few minutes. But it's really casual, like Marina's more like the supervisor than a teacher I guess so they talk about Laura's birthday & boyfriend problems & all that.

Then, Marina tells me to look at a textbook [which confused me thoroughly] but I was trying to be enthusiastic & nodded going "ohh yeah yeah". I probably seemed pretty pretentious. & THANK GOD, I WAS SAVED. Soon afterwards, I left the awkwardness of first meetings & the cramped office & go to the lab with Laura. & IT WAS AMAZING. The complicated machines, tubs & tubes of all these random liquids, cluttered about, labcoats & gloves. It was like a school lab but WAY more messy with more serious looking things [like the fume hood] & crazy boxes of dry ice. I LOVED IT. Not because I saw all this stuff but what I got to do with them. I measured out this fluffy white powder into 10 test tubes, different types, like amino acids. And secretly, even though it was pretty simple to use the balance & sterilise & everything, I felt proud because I looked so mad-scientisty. I really wanted to take photos. LOL. Laura kept explaining in simple terms, like the random analogies she made up made us laugh so much [both for their stupidity & genious]. HEHE I SOUND LIKE SUCH A DORK BUT I MEAN IT. It was pretty cool. Then the white powdery stuff & the resin went through a full tubed machine with random chugging & the sound of dripping that made it sound like it was being transformed into a tablet or something. Marina came in & showed me computer graphing of purifying somethingsomething. I barely understood but it was just fun watching, honestly. & using the pipette gun made me feel pretty hardcore (;
All in all, I did all these things I thought I'd never be allowed near & the fact that all this experimental, patched-up research that I'm seeing now has the possibility to turn into a new drug in 20 years or something blows my mind, the change that could happen really inspires me. I think that's what I was looking for in work experience & am insanely happy I found it.

Apparently, on Wednesday, I get to test on animals. That might turn out bad or incredible so I can't wait. I'm actually excited now.

That's basically the sum up. THE END.

Also, there's this secret I found on sixbillionsecrets that I was going to dedicate a whole blog post to but to put it simply.. yeah.

It's about a girl who has everything she wants, like everything [looks, smarts, family & friends] but she wants to know what it's like to long for or wait for something.

Yeah, my rant is, WHO COMPLAINS ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT ? THAT IS INSANE ! Who would want to know what it's like to wait for something ? It sucks; plus, anyone who thinks of themselves as that perfect & going "ohh but I have everything, but I want to know what it's like to SUFFER" is just seeking attention, really full of it. No respect for anyone like that, it's just so stupid when people have real sufferings.

I haven't blogged in a while & I think that can be accounted for in my uninteresting personality which is, very truthfully, not worth being recorded. A lot of things have happened so far but really I can't keep blogging everyday,  not because I don't have the time to but because I don't have the motivation to type out my life LOL.

So yeah, this is,, yeah, what's happened so far.

- My grandparents on my dad's side as moved into Baulko [like 1 min from my house] which means we can see more of them & it's better because once my cousins come back from America, they get a new house & my grandparents are in my cousins' old house. Also, it's not right to refer to it like this but because they're getting old, if anything happens to them, we'll be close by to help. Sarah & I were wandering around the house, the day that they were moving furniture in & then James & my aunt came for a little while & then we went to James's house & watched, no joke, like 10 episodes of The Brady Bunch. ahahah I'm in love with old shows, they're so much less trashy than the shows now.

- My family ate out a LOT, as usual. I thought since we started school, we'd stop a little but no full fire, chopsticks on the go LOL. I've lost count the amount of times we've gone to Eastwood & I've had thai food twice so far YUMM. (: Mum, Sarah & I also went to Castle Hill Piazza & went to Eurolounge which had dishes which were tiny but delicious [eheh, like any good asian, my wonderful mum made use of the coupons HAHA, maintomain].

- Powerhouse Mueseum, KO soccer- FUN WITH FRIENDS, couldn't love ruse more. I was pretty sick though so I was dead while everyone else was hyper. I did however, [& I'm very proud of this], manage to convince hong & berry I was 1/4 Jamaican for a while. LOL SO GULLIBLE.

- A LOT of reading on Jaclyn Moriarity books which don't seem that great at first but they really pull you in & I end up having a real soft spot for them. A LOT of watching old shows like The Nanny, The Brady Bunch & I also love Friends. Nothing out of the ordinary, mathing a little [like it's a sport], ohhh WON OUR FIRST NETBALL GAME UNSPIRITUALLY (; I must say, we are proud haha.

- Trying to stay off facebook

- Failing to stay off facebook

- WORK EXPERIENCE TOMORROW. It's at a medical lab at Westmead hospital. I don't know if it'll be very fun but I'm hoping that it'll be worth it because it might either inspire me or tell me something against it. It's sort of the area I want to head into but still too early to be sure, I think it's the right thing to do even though other places will be,, SO MUCH FUN. oh gosh so jealous [of Brittany who's going to Kzone LOL & Catherine & Emily who are going to a fashion school/institute] but yeah, not excited but hoping for the best.

- Vaccination & becoming sick immediately afterwards. Coincidence ? I THINK NOT.

- Today went to church with easter eggs to sell for our formal & versed samuel to get more buyers & sell more. But in all honesty, he has an unfair advantage as he is currently crippled & on crutches. Thus, he has more people feeling sorry for him [aka wanting to buy from him]. SEE MY LOGIC ? But yeah, I was perfectly capable on 2 legs & managed to sell all of them in a shorter time LOL; because it was totes my marketing skills [or having lots of relatives at church who hate chocolate but like to give me money; <33 my grandma & aunt]. Today was good. Sarah was insanely sick though & I was pretty sick myself.

- I think that pretty much sums up my uneventful life. I know I must come across as a loser but I reckon I'm very comfortable in my awesomeness & don't need to prove it. LOL JK, I'm just a loser but having fun being one. :DD

I really don't think tumblrs are that great because usually they are a bunch of lovely pictures that don't say much. I really envy those people who can put their honest thoughts onto a blog for people to read, they're very open. See, I can't do that so I end up with this whole summary of my life up on here [minus random musings & epiphanies that really aren't much better]. So, instead I will leave a link that will change your life to make up for that:


http://thedisneyprincess.tumblr.com/


GOAL #1- to be more open-minded & open-mouthed [without being tactless]. JUST BE YOURSELF.

byebye, watching wongfu productions & communitychannel on youtube.

LOL, Sarah found this & we both agree it suits exactly us & usually what happens..



not a venting post but just depressed, no idea why.
it's like a bottled up feeling but i've honestly got nothing bottled up or a reason to be so yuckfeeling.

i haven't cried in front of anyone before. i've never made a public scene about problems. i wonder what it's like. maybe i should try & all the bottledupickdowninthedumps feeling will go away.

LOL if this gets any more personal, it'll just be awkward & i'd have to make this private which i don't really want to do since i took so much effort into making the layout pretty. but i'm getting sick of it due to my purposeless mood.

oh gosh. i sound so simple-minded.