Royal wedding that doesn't feel real- all over tv & everywhere. It's not exactly a fairytale romance but it's like, the first real historic thing that has happened when the people my age were old enough to realise it. It's one of those days we'll be like "oh back in the old days,,". I'm also wondering if someone gets shot [because someone usually does for big events like this] or anyone gets left standing at the alter.

http://www.webhistoryofengland.com/?p=1529

Not being totally negative but the 1600s/Elizabethan was such a more incredible time than now.
Reading historical fiction books, have been addicted to them for a few years now. SO MUCH BETTER than the annoying television coverage on the wedding.





Let us have some pomegranate juice and eat expensive cheeses that taste like mould.

First day back was alright, High resolves- if it weren't for the awkward, crap-leadership skills I possess, it would've been better but year 8s scare me. LOL but yeah, first day didn't feel like first day at all, I mean,, no winter uniform but yeah, I can't even be bothered to post.

Chocolate fondue [Sarah's seventy sixth birthday wish] was eaten , photos maybe soon .

I wish to rant about something in particular but I don't know if this is the place for it; not that it's exactly controversial or something big, just actual feelings and "indignations" of mine that I'd feel too embarrassed to say out loud in real life. Alright whatever, no one reads this anyway which is good.

What I would like to rage about is blondeness [which basically means blind-eyed stupidity]. This is going to be messy to explain but I absolutely hate that some people are under the impression that I fake it or whatever [comes from many formspring questions ignored on mine & answered on others and whatnot]. CAN I JUST SAY: FAKE WHAT ? When have I ever faked or even wanted to be the ditz? Who wants that ? And this is not directed to my closest friends who say it as a term of affection [wait,, not that, more like where you call your best friend "loser" or "bitch"- that I don't care about. SINCE, I do the same to them..So not to you guys <3

But when people I only half-know or barely know make assumptions even as a joke. So just to make it clear. No, I never faked being blonde, I never was blonde & if ever there was a time, it was because I never show much expression on my face [thus, looking stoned] or because I was just talking weirdly [LOL, either sarcasm, highness or vagueness]. LITERALLY, I have never called or implied myself as a blonde. If anything, I've acted overly stressed and not prepared for exams [which was reasonable since I actually was stressed and underprepared]. I think the image has been so imprinted since year 7 that it's just normal; that even I thought about it like that for a whole. So NO, it's not okay. YES, I do get offended. Since I work my ass off to get decent marks and people still can't shake off the idea that I'm not a retard [technically speaking, I am but the point is it's in a different context !]. I can never say this in real life in fear of sounding like a big-headed, obnoxious douche but I usually don't rank worse than 40 for anything. I try hard, I know what's going on, I pretend I don't hear things and I DON'T FAIL SCHOOL. [sometimes but again, I believe all us mere mortals with average IQs do] (: Just don't judge a book by its cover.

No matter who you are, there is no way you know me.
Let's just say, I'm not angry but pretty hurt and offended. I can't exactly tell people to stop saying these things [because they are all lovely people & just joking] but some seriously think I'm actually clueless or I'm faking to be. And, honestly, this isn't to everyone- this is to those certain people who I've occasionally had to joke back to even though I didn't find it funny; since I'm a dork, I get flustered when you insult my study attempts. So I am not. I expect an apology from those people [solemn, full of regret and tears], & I expect it by exactly 2pm tomorrow. But in all seriousness, I would just appreciate it if you just took note and I really want to shake off this stupid image [ahaha double meaning] at least by the end of the year. I'm sorry if this was harsh but I've never properly stood up to anyone before.

Just to sum up. No. I have never been a blonde [as in, personality-wise]. I have never faked being one. So I would appreicate it if you stop assuming.

Thanks.. wow this rant turned into a letter.. just saying..

GOODBYE INVISIBLEPERSON.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLING SISTER <3 WHO IS UNBELIEVABLY STRANGE BUT VERY NICE IN A WEIRD WAY <33

HOPE YOU HAD FUN WITH YEAR 7 EASTERSHOW, CADBURY SHOWBAGS, BORROWING BLOCKBUSTER MOVIES [TINKERBELL 2, MEGAMIND, THE BACK-UP PLAN], PLAYING WITH JEWELLRY, WAITING FOR CHOCOLATE FONDUE FOR TOMORROW, EATING THE TINIEST SLICE OF PECAN CAKE & EATING 3 CHICKEN ROLLS & USING "...BUT I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL" EXCUSES. ^  ^ ~ YOU ARE 12 TODAY SARAH !

& YEAH I BELIEVE THE CAT HAS SOME RESEMBLENCE TO YOU, LOVE YOU.





You won't be very interested so I suggest you stop reading NOW.
Still here ? What. a. snoop. LOL, sorry I'll give you some space to stop reading [it's not because it's some private rant or whatever, it's just a recount of the past day & it's really just so I won't forget & read it later with a nostalgic smile at the fond memories of my childhood & then to wonder why I screwed up as I grew up].. if that makes any sense. So yeah, good bye ! Should be studying anyways ! GET OFF NOW. Please don't read. (:







25/04/11- Monday- a long & beautiful day full of food & smiles to recount.

In the morning, sort of a rush to pack and dad tried to tutor me in Chem which was funny & I believed failed miserably. BUT it was cool. I think,, the day before we had food at Yangjagang or something like that at Eastwood so, again, we were bloated & too tired to bother to pack but somehow we managed. Then mum & dad started being picky over the clothes I wore which got into this gigantic drama after we went to Mcdonalds as I started screaming & crying that I was uncomfortable in the ones they approved of & I choked down tears as I ate pancakes LOL, it seems stupid but it was a very big thing at the time so dad got mad [because he'd planned this extravagant day & all] & I kept yelling that I wanted to go home which made Sarah cry & so we just all bundled home. This happens occasionally- there is this massive breakout by chance over something so small [refer to archives at the New Years Eve of 2009] ahaha. I felt so bad for making it but I just couldn't stand how the day had been ruined by something so small & refused to apologise. Eventually, we compromised & all was good [but time was wasted !!].

To Sarah's request, we went to CODERED in Rosehill. Which was an epic battle of laser tag & it was mum+dad against me+sarah. It was so funny. Mum looked so lost & confused but when she got the laser gun in hand & we all started acting like ninja warfare. We hid behind the black blocks & the warlike scenery, but despite our best act to be like actually lasertaggers, we had to admit we were lost & couldn't find the enemy. Suddenly, out of nowhere someone started shooting at us & we looked up to see our lovely mother with a lasergun in hand, laughing maniacally as she shot at us. & then it took a while so get on the same ground on them to shoot properly. So many brilliant moments. I love how everyone turns into a serious ninja at codered. Dad jumped out of nowhere & started shooting. Sarah kept disappearing & then appeared in the middle of mum & dad as they ganged up on them. There were times when we had advantages when we put the "mummy, we're hurting" with sad puppy dog looks so mum put down her gun & then we start shooting. FUN TIMES. Dad & I had wars, taking cover, gathering fake ammo. & Sarah kept ending up against mum & then running away. Whenever we were disabled with flashing lights, we acted like we were actually wounded. I kept trying to do backtoback with Sarah but then the midget disappeared again. When we went to the main centre [the stadium type thing], I saw from behind a block that mum & dad was back to back circling around as if someone was watching with hawk eyes [apparently it was dad's suggestion]. I couldn't stop laughing. It was great & Sarah had the time of her life even though our parents grumbled [mum even got tired & sat down as usual somewhere in the middle <3 so mum] fondly of course.

We stayed in the Hilton, haven't been before but it was the same as most other hotels, & we messed around in the hotel room as we usually do but this time was more special since we got separate rooms. YAY. Anyway, dad came over & Sarah & I watched "The Next Great Baker" on TV which sounds lame but TRUST ME, you were not THAT much of a loser at 15, it is epic. It was the finale & this guy called "Dana" won. It was funny since Dad, Sarah & I all lay on the bed with the same pose as we watched it & I had cake cravings for the full 2 hours. It was a whole FoodLifestyle channel dedicated to cake shows like that & cooking shows, Freaking heaven. It was nice. I WANT CAKE. Mum was resting in the next room, [she's resting in the bedroom at home as I'm typing, very funny (:].

For lunch, we had a massive seafood platter [because dad had craved it for ages despite it being like $160 & against his life motto "EEE-CON-OM-I-CALL"] in the rainy weather at Nick's Seafood Restaurant at Darling Harbour- HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. I could probably show you better than describing but very yum although I'm not a huge fan of seafood [apart from the jap].

PHOTOS SOON

Regular shopping with splashing rain, not much buying except books at Dymocks but I don't like Myers. We decided to start a book collection eventually. Big bookshops impress me a lot, I was like wide-eyed even though it wasn't new. There was a lot of lounging about involved & it was just nice hanging around the city, eating ice cream & flipping the channels in the hotel.

Dinner was kbbq & chicken noodle soup at Liverpool St.; OPPOSITE MORNING GLORY, GO THERE. Must revisit that place. We go there all the time when we go to the city but this time it was particularly nice & delicious, warm kbbq in rainy weather is amazing. Mum loved the chicken noodle soup & dad kept piling brisket onto my plate while Sarah got a big share of the wagyu [her favourite]. It was nice but sort of scary outside with drunk people in pubs & traffic. I think I'd be too scared to live in the city [yeah, you better not be living in the city future me !]. ayeee, then Sarah & I lounged about again on the bed, watching crime shows like CSI Miami & Bones. I really like Castle though. Afterwards, we went down to the Hotel Lobby to.. yes, drink juice & coffee. Nice but we were too tired & acted like tourists, living in a hotel despite the fact we live in Sydney. Yeah, we do that often [but I think today was one of the few times that dad didn't have to go to conference in that hotel]. It was special & nice & the food was amazing. I really liked dinner but it left no space for cake/coffee/anythingelse.

Todaaaaay !

This morning was grumbled packing & eating breakfast buffet at the hotel. Mum was smiling as she piled smoked salmon onto her plate & looked at dad, blinking innocently, as she ate it all &, when she couldn't, she piled it on his plate. It was so cute ! Sarah & I kept laughing, lots of pastries, eggs, & weird fruit juices. We tried to act all posh like the people around us but obviously it didn't work out. Not enough to describe this morning but it was completely opposite the weather [raining like it does lately]. These are the memories that'll last, no matter how cliche that sounds- our parents' looks & love & my sister's stupid faces & incredible jokes/lines. Those are irreplacable. We went around trying to shop at Myers & just ended up teasing each other- saying each other was too fat or old for that.

Sarah's gone on an outing with her church year group [bowling although she can't to save her life], mum is resting [as usual, in the car she looked over at dad innocently again & said "I'm going to rest for an hour" &, true to her word, she does as usual], dad is in his study either reading comics or actually being a doctor [shockhorror].

It was a great end to the holidays. I could say more but I've spent to much time her- got to make more moments to write down!!

PS. DON'T EVER TAKE IT FOR GRANTED

LOL I'm such a chill fatass, ate Sakae for lunch because Sarah felt like it yet again, & now I'm going out to eat Thai. I'm considering trying out for biggest loser but then I realised I don't have the motivation. Just a couple week before halfyearlies [oh goshh, I almost capitalised the H & Y in that; see we're so messed in the head like that, placing so much significance on year 10 exams TSKK]. I honestly haven't been doing anything, should get a move on if I don't want to completely fail. I'm also tutoring my sister & getting paid [$15 an hour; I know, a total ripoff for my mum but a goldmine for me although, initially, I insisted on $40]. I'm becoming a money-hungry, failure/study-obsessed Korean who must also try & raise self-esteem and find the meaning of life within a few years. Wish me luck.

I have nothing interesting to talk about [not that I usually do], damn my self esteem has plummeted throughout these two weeks. I'll find something & hopefully entertain you enough tomorrow, sir/maam. (:

<3 HAVE FUN YEAAH. I'M OUT.

Disclaimer- "I'M OUT" does not imply that I have finally obtained a life. It just means I'm off the internet to mope around in real life and be the loser that I am, try to study, fail, eat and sleep. It, in no way, means I have become less loser or have earned a social life. It probably also means that I won't go out at all for anything other than to eat.

So.. although I'm sure you're thoroughly enjoying my stupidity and total surface/shallow comments about what I've been up to, I must go..& save the world. Yeah.

GOODBYE.

CHYEAAH slightly productive. FINISHED SCIENCE NOTES, failing maths, FINISHED COMM NOTES, failing maths, FINISHED 2/3 AG NOTES, failing maths, FINISHED 1/2 PE NOTES, failing maths, YET TO TACKLE HISTORY & FRENCH.

LOL obviously I'm distracted, I can't sit still or concentrate for long, ohh that & I'm failing maths. FANTASTICAL. There are so many videos on youtube I love, been listening to youtube singers who are usually, in my opinion, better than the ones who've "made it" and debuted. Torikelly, kurthugoschneider, nick pitera, all those. & even make-up artists are interesting.

GET ALL RESTED FOR ANOTHER TERM OF SCHOOL :D

Don't want to be full Narcissism syndrome patient but I'M FEELING AWFULLY PROUD OF MYSELF. Purely because I've finished most of the yearly notes *cheer* LOL & by doing so, I've indulged in unhealthy antisocial behaviour so expect me to be weird when I come back to school. I'm kind of tired & happy & so lonered at the same time. What happens when we go on holidays, ayeeee. Bye, talk agian when I have a life.

HOROSCOPE, honestly I don't think a lot of it is true but it's fun to think of yourself in that way. Disclaimer is that I don't believe in any of this starsign stuff but I WILL read them & even wear jewellry with the Aquarius symbol or whatever. I think it's interesting. Just the same way I've had this massive dream catcher for ages and don't believe in it one bit. I just think these beliefs are interesting but I'm all for astrology, FUN. Nothing of interest to you, go home now. Youtubing & soon to gobble up ramen & watch Secret Garden with eng subs like the hopeless Korean that I am.

Aquarius is the sign of visionaries, unconventionality and intellectual independence. Aquarius are the people who deviate from the crowd and go their own way. They are always after intellectual stimulation, constantly discovering something new, forming new opinions and stubbornly traveling their way regardless of what other people think. Aquarius are filled with paradoxes, they are interested in the opposite ends of the spectrum, they like to be alone yet are social butterflies, they like to experience both sides and see both opinions as they formulate new ideas with their forward thinking, active mind. Aquarius have a 'live and let live' policy where everyone is free to be themselves, an Aquarius never judges others because as human beings, we are all equal and entitled to our own opinions. They are verbally skilled and very witty, they observe people and learn how to interact with others through observation. They can be masters of manipulation justifying anything they do or think. As a result, they can deal with any type of personality and adapt to any situation. They welcome change because boredom is their enemy. Anything new is an opportunity to Aquarius. Aquarius can act as an expert on any topic, they are very good at inflating their own importance, they feel it is deserved because their eccentricity makes them unique. Conventional people beware, Aquarius likes to shock and deviate from the norm, this is how they live. Aquarius is known to pick at anyone they find weak or dull-minded. It is simply an easy target for verbal exercise for them, no harm is meant but it might be taken from the other person. Deep inside, Aquarius would never intentionally hurt anyone, they have respect for every human, even thought this might not seem apparent to the more emotional types.


The Aquarius woman is the ultimate independent woman. She is funny, smart, adventurous, never clingy or jealous, never demanding and not overly emotional. She is unpredictable and craves excitement. Anything goes with this woman and any man that she chooses will have an amazing relationship. Court her and woo her, she expects this ladylike treatment, she is old fashioned in that sense but be known that her mind is already made up and if she is not interested, she will never be interested. The relationship will progress slowly because she does not get emotionally involved very easily and she is not one for showy displays of romantic affection. The man who is trying to win her heart has to treat her with respect and treat her as an equal. Communication is key, this is how a relationship with an Aquarius woman evolves. Once she trusts you and you two grow closer, she is an amazing loyal and kindhearted person. She will always seem to be detached, she fears losing her identity in a relationship so do not be surprised if even in a long term relationship she seems more like a fiend then a romantic partner. Do not press her emotionally or tie her down with demands and obligations because this will cause her to run. Never be jealous, this is a big red flag to her and she will leave right away, the Aquarius woman can never be tied down, she is free as a bird. If you give her all she needs, she will be completely faithful so you should not worry when she is out on her own, give her space and respect her privacy and all will be well. Aquarius woman is for the man who loves a challenge and adventure.

YEAH, that is all crap. but just amazing to readdd. (:

I've been reading sixbillionsecrets lately and they always claim that they just need one person to listen and care. I don't believe that's true. We need LOTS of people to care and we need ourselves to value both the self and each other. It takes a lot more than one ear and one heart to make life seem worth living. Just saying- it's unhealthy to think that your whole world and life should depend on someone choosing to listen. Your world is made up of the people you choose. There's no point moping alone in a corner and avoiding your world.



The extent of my emotionlessness is so depressing sometimes that I want to cry, which is, of course, something I just say because if I wasn't so emotionless, tears could probably come out. See how that's a total loop? I see the car around all the time, I check the numberplate & it's not the same. Must have OCD.

Starting Dofe soonnnn hopefully (:

Yesterday, my family & I went to Norwest before Sarah's swimming lesson which included prawn crackers, chinese takeout & fish&chips. Also, mum had a giant ice coffee. Typical parents. Mum went off first to Gloria Jeans & Sarah, dad & I decided to follow shortly after but then dad got distracted saying "I'll meet you later, I need to get rum&raisin ice cream" which is really expected of dad. But then we get to GJ & mum's there, smiling happily, going "guess what?? I GOT A ROYALTY CARD" & she's in love with coupons so that's pretty typical. Sarah & I just burst out laughing, then we took a nice walk by the lake, sipping on ice coffee. It was nice (: Happy days, was all I could think of to sum it up. Just a foodcourt meal with family. Also the moon was so big- like a huge silver orb but dad claimed he'd seen bigger [mooncake he's eaten apparently] SO LAME.

I hope everyone has a great rest of holidays.

Can't talk about all the delicious, fattening things that I've been gobbling up, the amount of Dream High I've been watching or those laughing-till-you-die-or-cry moments but here's just a list of the lame, dorky & absolutely amazing times I've had on these pretty ordinary holidays.

- LOTS & LOTS of Korean bbq, it kind of hurts to think about it now. [both times to Bonga with Edward, Simone & William & the second time with Mum & Dad]. PISHON & MACAROONS <3
- Dream High, not a sucker for korean dramas but this one was cute. Cliche but sweet & funny & loved the songs. ESP Pil suk & Jason. (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUN1GHEA1cc
- GPK for dinner, & watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid with Snickers pods & popcorn- James, Sarah, Lisa & Ashley before.
- Finished "Once in a Lifetime" by Cathy Kelly, the humongously thick book I set out to read.
- Today, out with grandparents [on mum's side] & went to Myunga, lots of bbq & seafood pancake & dumplings. Then Pishon & macaroons again [yes, we are fatasses]. I always get sort of sad & nostalgic with my grandparents. Possibly because of the language barrier but also because we're forcing to smile & laugh [of course, we're happy being with each other] but it's like trying to say something & not being able to say it right. Maybe it's something about not making the most of time we have.

Tomorrow, after church, is guyokyebe so mum's frantically trying to clean & get Sarah & I to clean the house LOL. Not working. Mum's not herself with other people around- especially church people, it's sort of like a repressed thing- she gets nervous even though she doesn't need to win approval or anything. I also find some church people incredibly annoying and I can see where mum's coming from. But tomorrow is also the day people in my grade confirm their faith [in slightly more formal outfits]; I WANT TO SEE WHAT THEY'RE WEARING.

As you can see, not in the mood for deep posts or anything with the slightest bit of character so cya.

LOVING HOLIDAYS [even though all I'm doing is failing to study & stuffing food down my mouth], CAN'T WAIT TO SEE EVERYONE AT SCHOOL <3



Can't say how much I LOVE THIS.

The thoughts that whirl around, a snail's shell in a lake, a fog on top of a mountain, is all because a social life is lacking. Smiling is so easy to do; whether fake or not, it's not the biggest burden that people always cry or break down about. Coffee smells so nice but it tastes like what it is, bitter crushed bean in water with sugar sprinkled on to take away the real taste. I won't be going out at all these holidays so that is when pointless surveys come in handy.

I can’t get to sleep without: a pillow & the dark




If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be: other dolls & probably lots of money



I have an irrational fear of: car accidents, actually no, i still think that's pretty rational..



At my grandparents house I usually eat: kimchi noodles, bosum, su-jeh-bi, any noodle or meat thing (:



When I was born I weighed: 4kg, a fat fat baby :D



I am most opposed to: the usual- inequality, racism, selfishness, also people who are ignorant of different faiths



On myspace I like to stalk: FACEBOOK



I am too old to be: playing on children's playgrounds and whimpering when i get fired of a job but i still do



I find the thought of childbirth: daunting



Next door to my house is: surprise, surprise, another house



My feet are: on the table currently



My preferred style of jeans are: skinnies



I know how to cook: absolutely nothing unless instant noodles count



I am annoyed at: the fact i shouldn't be here but i am because this survey is sort of addictive



Men should always: be gentlemen, either that or at least shower LOL



Women should never: tolerate if the men aren't the above



The scariest sea creature is: ME. eheh, i don't know, bet there's something scarier than sharks though, can't think of any



The world is over populated with: rich people and poor people



I recently broke: pretty much everything i touched



I last cried because: i was trying to



I would like to be in an advertisement for: some expensive brand i can keep after the shooting



My favorite shoes are: depends



My mothers’ greatest fear is: of dogs



When I think of Full House: some drama pops up in my head with a theme song i made up



I Say This You Say That



Pill: high



Sticker: OMG GIVE



Swirl: vanilla



Bird: sky



Drop: ouch



Coaster: LET'S GO



Wave: ocean



Enough: enough is not good enough



Coupon: my mother's favourite word



Button:  Coraline



Nail: hands



Market: fish,, is that weird ?



Rust: copper



OJ: huh ?



Trash: gross



Key: gorgeous



Pick: favourite (:



Snack: all food



Snow: white Christmas



Bake: cake



Curl: scared



Ring: wedding



Soil: agriculture



Cross: sacrifice



MUST GO NOW.

I know you must be sick of my constant rants about how I ate too much and how I'm extremely lazy but I'm afraid today is not special. Beauty&theBeast for lunch, yummm, plus Hellohappy strawberry tarts (:
Then we had dinner with Edward & Simone & William at Bonga Eastwood.
I swear I heard a gunshot and then an ambulance on the way there.

bye.

SO UNPRODUCTIVE.

A million points of light. Large amber orbs. A dust sheen of light. On a completely unrelated topic, Farenheit 451's a good book, brilliant literature and all that, but still not a contestant for The Lovely Bones. I think I'm in love with that book . But but but back to the original topic, I hath done absolutely nothing, feeling like a slothish slug, just sort of going to chug my way through these 2 weeks of hibernation, probably gaining weight and losing speed along the way LOL. Also, due to the fact procrastination is a permanent habit, I shall do science oral stuff on the last day probably.

I don't have a topic to rant about to be honest, that's sort of why I'm flittering about talking about the extent of my fatassedness & doing retarded book reviews. I shall post again later, sorry for the wastage of thy time. [don't ask me why, I just go weird when it comes to holidays.

Byebye, off to be busy doing absolutely nothing.

Today, went to Chatswood with mum & Sarah for matrix seminar where mum collected all the free stuff. The sessions were about med & studying & yeah, but we were supposed to stay for 5 hours. That obviously didn't work out. Sarah & I got bored after the second hour/session & we dragged mum out shopping & eating. (: The talks were alright, inspirational in some ways, reinforced dreams, gave realistic approach and advice. That sort of thing. They didn't say this but this is what I got from it- that success is just failure turned inside out. They aren't opposites. Although I was complaining along with Sarah & I do love shopping and eating, I did get something from it. There's a lot of power in motivation and positivity. Just got to work at it.

Then we dumped Sarah at Dr Lee so I'm here, listening to acoustic sweet music [JRA music is so corn&cheese&quirky], blogging a little recount.

MUST GO NOW.

THANK YOU Nathan, Brittany, Renee & Jaffly for kbbq [which was mostly just frantic eating] & to the bauko guys for the awkward moments who almost made it LOL, & PISHON MACAROONS. Brittany, you are an absolute genius for suggesting them because they were delishh. even though it was hard eating them in thirds ahah. Eastwood at night is like Korea almost. (:

NOTE TO ANGELARR- we did preserve some rice & meat for you; ahaha but then we got too hungry & ate it. LOL LOVE YOU LOTS, we promise we'll go kbbq in the holidays again. <33

Off the mood, & in a month when I read this post, I'll have no idea what I'm talking about. GOOD NIGHT.

One day, I'm going to go into a corner and cry and see who notices.

Dear public blog where I can let out stupid angsty dramas,

I felt like crap today. I feel stuffy, tired and sad. Something hurts but it's not really a pain- more like an uncomfortable feeling where you have to yell and complain to let it out. That feeling. It just sort of makes you wish you could cry, even to get attention, and you think you might be better afterwards. But I'm never the one to do that. I don't break down. I wish I did everything differently, the small things from the very beginning, so I was the one who could do that without a problem. But there's nowhere to cry for me. Just got to keep laughing. I don't know what or why it is. I hope I'm in a better mood tomorrow. EYES OPEN.

This post'll probably be gone by tomorrow before anyone can read it. That's the most I could write without feeling like a total idiot in the first place.

Today I got this epiphany for the first time; I wish I grew up in Korea. I don't know why things would be so different but I just know that everything would be, for sure. I just wish.

-Me trying to shoot & Sarah stands too close, stoned face-

Sarah- I'm short, come on, let me defend from here

-I move to get away-

Sarah- I'm short

-I move again-

Sarah- I'm short

-I move, thinking I'll be safe & then Sarah pops up & stands close again-

Sarah- No matter where you run, I'll still be short

-awkward-

& THEN.

Sarah- there's something I have to tell you. And now that we're outside, I can finally tell you...You're adopted
Me- yeah whatever, heard it all before
Sarah- yeah because if I told you inside, Mum would get mad and try to make me drink Chinese medicine [long running joke of how it'll make her grow taller]
Me-...

My sister's so strange.

<3



That is where my dearest and brightest dreams have ranged — to hear for the duration of a heartbeat the universe and the totality of life in its mysterious, innate harmony.

Royal wedding that doesn't feel real- all over tv & everywhere. It's not exactly a fairytale romance but it's like, the first real historic thing that has happened when the people my age were old enough to realise it. It's one of those days we'll be like "oh back in the old days,,". I'm also wondering if someone gets shot [because someone usually does for big events like this] or anyone gets left standing at the alter.

http://www.webhistoryofengland.com/?p=1529

Not being totally negative but the 1600s/Elizabethan was such a more incredible time than now.
Reading historical fiction books, have been addicted to them for a few years now. SO MUCH BETTER than the annoying television coverage on the wedding.





Let us have some pomegranate juice and eat expensive cheeses that taste like mould.

First day back was alright, High resolves- if it weren't for the awkward, crap-leadership skills I possess, it would've been better but year 8s scare me. LOL but yeah, first day didn't feel like first day at all, I mean,, no winter uniform but yeah, I can't even be bothered to post.

Chocolate fondue [Sarah's seventy sixth birthday wish] was eaten , photos maybe soon .

I wish to rant about something in particular but I don't know if this is the place for it; not that it's exactly controversial or something big, just actual feelings and "indignations" of mine that I'd feel too embarrassed to say out loud in real life. Alright whatever, no one reads this anyway which is good.

What I would like to rage about is blondeness [which basically means blind-eyed stupidity]. This is going to be messy to explain but I absolutely hate that some people are under the impression that I fake it or whatever [comes from many formspring questions ignored on mine & answered on others and whatnot]. CAN I JUST SAY: FAKE WHAT ? When have I ever faked or even wanted to be the ditz? Who wants that ? And this is not directed to my closest friends who say it as a term of affection [wait,, not that, more like where you call your best friend "loser" or "bitch"- that I don't care about. SINCE, I do the same to them..So not to you guys <3

But when people I only half-know or barely know make assumptions even as a joke. So just to make it clear. No, I never faked being blonde, I never was blonde & if ever there was a time, it was because I never show much expression on my face [thus, looking stoned] or because I was just talking weirdly [LOL, either sarcasm, highness or vagueness]. LITERALLY, I have never called or implied myself as a blonde. If anything, I've acted overly stressed and not prepared for exams [which was reasonable since I actually was stressed and underprepared]. I think the image has been so imprinted since year 7 that it's just normal; that even I thought about it like that for a whole. So NO, it's not okay. YES, I do get offended. Since I work my ass off to get decent marks and people still can't shake off the idea that I'm not a retard [technically speaking, I am but the point is it's in a different context !]. I can never say this in real life in fear of sounding like a big-headed, obnoxious douche but I usually don't rank worse than 40 for anything. I try hard, I know what's going on, I pretend I don't hear things and I DON'T FAIL SCHOOL. [sometimes but again, I believe all us mere mortals with average IQs do] (: Just don't judge a book by its cover.

No matter who you are, there is no way you know me.
Let's just say, I'm not angry but pretty hurt and offended. I can't exactly tell people to stop saying these things [because they are all lovely people & just joking] but some seriously think I'm actually clueless or I'm faking to be. And, honestly, this isn't to everyone- this is to those certain people who I've occasionally had to joke back to even though I didn't find it funny; since I'm a dork, I get flustered when you insult my study attempts. So I am not. I expect an apology from those people [solemn, full of regret and tears], & I expect it by exactly 2pm tomorrow. But in all seriousness, I would just appreciate it if you just took note and I really want to shake off this stupid image [ahaha double meaning] at least by the end of the year. I'm sorry if this was harsh but I've never properly stood up to anyone before.

Just to sum up. No. I have never been a blonde [as in, personality-wise]. I have never faked being one. So I would appreicate it if you stop assuming.

Thanks.. wow this rant turned into a letter.. just saying..

GOODBYE INVISIBLEPERSON.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLING SISTER <3 WHO IS UNBELIEVABLY STRANGE BUT VERY NICE IN A WEIRD WAY <33

HOPE YOU HAD FUN WITH YEAR 7 EASTERSHOW, CADBURY SHOWBAGS, BORROWING BLOCKBUSTER MOVIES [TINKERBELL 2, MEGAMIND, THE BACK-UP PLAN], PLAYING WITH JEWELLRY, WAITING FOR CHOCOLATE FONDUE FOR TOMORROW, EATING THE TINIEST SLICE OF PECAN CAKE & EATING 3 CHICKEN ROLLS & USING "...BUT I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL" EXCUSES. ^  ^ ~ YOU ARE 12 TODAY SARAH !

& YEAH I BELIEVE THE CAT HAS SOME RESEMBLENCE TO YOU, LOVE YOU.





You won't be very interested so I suggest you stop reading NOW.
Still here ? What. a. snoop. LOL, sorry I'll give you some space to stop reading [it's not because it's some private rant or whatever, it's just a recount of the past day & it's really just so I won't forget & read it later with a nostalgic smile at the fond memories of my childhood & then to wonder why I screwed up as I grew up].. if that makes any sense. So yeah, good bye ! Should be studying anyways ! GET OFF NOW. Please don't read. (:







25/04/11- Monday- a long & beautiful day full of food & smiles to recount.

In the morning, sort of a rush to pack and dad tried to tutor me in Chem which was funny & I believed failed miserably. BUT it was cool. I think,, the day before we had food at Yangjagang or something like that at Eastwood so, again, we were bloated & too tired to bother to pack but somehow we managed. Then mum & dad started being picky over the clothes I wore which got into this gigantic drama after we went to Mcdonalds as I started screaming & crying that I was uncomfortable in the ones they approved of & I choked down tears as I ate pancakes LOL, it seems stupid but it was a very big thing at the time so dad got mad [because he'd planned this extravagant day & all] & I kept yelling that I wanted to go home which made Sarah cry & so we just all bundled home. This happens occasionally- there is this massive breakout by chance over something so small [refer to archives at the New Years Eve of 2009] ahaha. I felt so bad for making it but I just couldn't stand how the day had been ruined by something so small & refused to apologise. Eventually, we compromised & all was good [but time was wasted !!].

To Sarah's request, we went to CODERED in Rosehill. Which was an epic battle of laser tag & it was mum+dad against me+sarah. It was so funny. Mum looked so lost & confused but when she got the laser gun in hand & we all started acting like ninja warfare. We hid behind the black blocks & the warlike scenery, but despite our best act to be like actually lasertaggers, we had to admit we were lost & couldn't find the enemy. Suddenly, out of nowhere someone started shooting at us & we looked up to see our lovely mother with a lasergun in hand, laughing maniacally as she shot at us. & then it took a while so get on the same ground on them to shoot properly. So many brilliant moments. I love how everyone turns into a serious ninja at codered. Dad jumped out of nowhere & started shooting. Sarah kept disappearing & then appeared in the middle of mum & dad as they ganged up on them. There were times when we had advantages when we put the "mummy, we're hurting" with sad puppy dog looks so mum put down her gun & then we start shooting. FUN TIMES. Dad & I had wars, taking cover, gathering fake ammo. & Sarah kept ending up against mum & then running away. Whenever we were disabled with flashing lights, we acted like we were actually wounded. I kept trying to do backtoback with Sarah but then the midget disappeared again. When we went to the main centre [the stadium type thing], I saw from behind a block that mum & dad was back to back circling around as if someone was watching with hawk eyes [apparently it was dad's suggestion]. I couldn't stop laughing. It was great & Sarah had the time of her life even though our parents grumbled [mum even got tired & sat down as usual somewhere in the middle <3 so mum] fondly of course.

We stayed in the Hilton, haven't been before but it was the same as most other hotels, & we messed around in the hotel room as we usually do but this time was more special since we got separate rooms. YAY. Anyway, dad came over & Sarah & I watched "The Next Great Baker" on TV which sounds lame but TRUST ME, you were not THAT much of a loser at 15, it is epic. It was the finale & this guy called "Dana" won. It was funny since Dad, Sarah & I all lay on the bed with the same pose as we watched it & I had cake cravings for the full 2 hours. It was a whole FoodLifestyle channel dedicated to cake shows like that & cooking shows, Freaking heaven. It was nice. I WANT CAKE. Mum was resting in the next room, [she's resting in the bedroom at home as I'm typing, very funny (:].

For lunch, we had a massive seafood platter [because dad had craved it for ages despite it being like $160 & against his life motto "EEE-CON-OM-I-CALL"] in the rainy weather at Nick's Seafood Restaurant at Darling Harbour- HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. I could probably show you better than describing but very yum although I'm not a huge fan of seafood [apart from the jap].

PHOTOS SOON

Regular shopping with splashing rain, not much buying except books at Dymocks but I don't like Myers. We decided to start a book collection eventually. Big bookshops impress me a lot, I was like wide-eyed even though it wasn't new. There was a lot of lounging about involved & it was just nice hanging around the city, eating ice cream & flipping the channels in the hotel.

Dinner was kbbq & chicken noodle soup at Liverpool St.; OPPOSITE MORNING GLORY, GO THERE. Must revisit that place. We go there all the time when we go to the city but this time it was particularly nice & delicious, warm kbbq in rainy weather is amazing. Mum loved the chicken noodle soup & dad kept piling brisket onto my plate while Sarah got a big share of the wagyu [her favourite]. It was nice but sort of scary outside with drunk people in pubs & traffic. I think I'd be too scared to live in the city [yeah, you better not be living in the city future me !]. ayeee, then Sarah & I lounged about again on the bed, watching crime shows like CSI Miami & Bones. I really like Castle though. Afterwards, we went down to the Hotel Lobby to.. yes, drink juice & coffee. Nice but we were too tired & acted like tourists, living in a hotel despite the fact we live in Sydney. Yeah, we do that often [but I think today was one of the few times that dad didn't have to go to conference in that hotel]. It was special & nice & the food was amazing. I really liked dinner but it left no space for cake/coffee/anythingelse.

Todaaaaay !

This morning was grumbled packing & eating breakfast buffet at the hotel. Mum was smiling as she piled smoked salmon onto her plate & looked at dad, blinking innocently, as she ate it all &, when she couldn't, she piled it on his plate. It was so cute ! Sarah & I kept laughing, lots of pastries, eggs, & weird fruit juices. We tried to act all posh like the people around us but obviously it didn't work out. Not enough to describe this morning but it was completely opposite the weather [raining like it does lately]. These are the memories that'll last, no matter how cliche that sounds- our parents' looks & love & my sister's stupid faces & incredible jokes/lines. Those are irreplacable. We went around trying to shop at Myers & just ended up teasing each other- saying each other was too fat or old for that.

Sarah's gone on an outing with her church year group [bowling although she can't to save her life], mum is resting [as usual, in the car she looked over at dad innocently again & said "I'm going to rest for an hour" &, true to her word, she does as usual], dad is in his study either reading comics or actually being a doctor [shockhorror].

It was a great end to the holidays. I could say more but I've spent to much time her- got to make more moments to write down!!

PS. DON'T EVER TAKE IT FOR GRANTED

LOL I'm such a chill fatass, ate Sakae for lunch because Sarah felt like it yet again, & now I'm going out to eat Thai. I'm considering trying out for biggest loser but then I realised I don't have the motivation. Just a couple week before halfyearlies [oh goshh, I almost capitalised the H & Y in that; see we're so messed in the head like that, placing so much significance on year 10 exams TSKK]. I honestly haven't been doing anything, should get a move on if I don't want to completely fail. I'm also tutoring my sister & getting paid [$15 an hour; I know, a total ripoff for my mum but a goldmine for me although, initially, I insisted on $40]. I'm becoming a money-hungry, failure/study-obsessed Korean who must also try & raise self-esteem and find the meaning of life within a few years. Wish me luck.

I have nothing interesting to talk about [not that I usually do], damn my self esteem has plummeted throughout these two weeks. I'll find something & hopefully entertain you enough tomorrow, sir/maam. (:

<3 HAVE FUN YEAAH. I'M OUT.

Disclaimer- "I'M OUT" does not imply that I have finally obtained a life. It just means I'm off the internet to mope around in real life and be the loser that I am, try to study, fail, eat and sleep. It, in no way, means I have become less loser or have earned a social life. It probably also means that I won't go out at all for anything other than to eat.

So.. although I'm sure you're thoroughly enjoying my stupidity and total surface/shallow comments about what I've been up to, I must go..& save the world. Yeah.

GOODBYE.

CHYEAAH slightly productive. FINISHED SCIENCE NOTES, failing maths, FINISHED COMM NOTES, failing maths, FINISHED 2/3 AG NOTES, failing maths, FINISHED 1/2 PE NOTES, failing maths, YET TO TACKLE HISTORY & FRENCH.

LOL obviously I'm distracted, I can't sit still or concentrate for long, ohh that & I'm failing maths. FANTASTICAL. There are so many videos on youtube I love, been listening to youtube singers who are usually, in my opinion, better than the ones who've "made it" and debuted. Torikelly, kurthugoschneider, nick pitera, all those. & even make-up artists are interesting.

GET ALL RESTED FOR ANOTHER TERM OF SCHOOL :D

Don't want to be full Narcissism syndrome patient but I'M FEELING AWFULLY PROUD OF MYSELF. Purely because I've finished most of the yearly notes *cheer* LOL & by doing so, I've indulged in unhealthy antisocial behaviour so expect me to be weird when I come back to school. I'm kind of tired & happy & so lonered at the same time. What happens when we go on holidays, ayeeee. Bye, talk agian when I have a life.

HOROSCOPE, honestly I don't think a lot of it is true but it's fun to think of yourself in that way. Disclaimer is that I don't believe in any of this starsign stuff but I WILL read them & even wear jewellry with the Aquarius symbol or whatever. I think it's interesting. Just the same way I've had this massive dream catcher for ages and don't believe in it one bit. I just think these beliefs are interesting but I'm all for astrology, FUN. Nothing of interest to you, go home now. Youtubing & soon to gobble up ramen & watch Secret Garden with eng subs like the hopeless Korean that I am.

Aquarius is the sign of visionaries, unconventionality and intellectual independence. Aquarius are the people who deviate from the crowd and go their own way. They are always after intellectual stimulation, constantly discovering something new, forming new opinions and stubbornly traveling their way regardless of what other people think. Aquarius are filled with paradoxes, they are interested in the opposite ends of the spectrum, they like to be alone yet are social butterflies, they like to experience both sides and see both opinions as they formulate new ideas with their forward thinking, active mind. Aquarius have a 'live and let live' policy where everyone is free to be themselves, an Aquarius never judges others because as human beings, we are all equal and entitled to our own opinions. They are verbally skilled and very witty, they observe people and learn how to interact with others through observation. They can be masters of manipulation justifying anything they do or think. As a result, they can deal with any type of personality and adapt to any situation. They welcome change because boredom is their enemy. Anything new is an opportunity to Aquarius. Aquarius can act as an expert on any topic, they are very good at inflating their own importance, they feel it is deserved because their eccentricity makes them unique. Conventional people beware, Aquarius likes to shock and deviate from the norm, this is how they live. Aquarius is known to pick at anyone they find weak or dull-minded. It is simply an easy target for verbal exercise for them, no harm is meant but it might be taken from the other person. Deep inside, Aquarius would never intentionally hurt anyone, they have respect for every human, even thought this might not seem apparent to the more emotional types.


The Aquarius woman is the ultimate independent woman. She is funny, smart, adventurous, never clingy or jealous, never demanding and not overly emotional. She is unpredictable and craves excitement. Anything goes with this woman and any man that she chooses will have an amazing relationship. Court her and woo her, she expects this ladylike treatment, she is old fashioned in that sense but be known that her mind is already made up and if she is not interested, she will never be interested. The relationship will progress slowly because she does not get emotionally involved very easily and she is not one for showy displays of romantic affection. The man who is trying to win her heart has to treat her with respect and treat her as an equal. Communication is key, this is how a relationship with an Aquarius woman evolves. Once she trusts you and you two grow closer, she is an amazing loyal and kindhearted person. She will always seem to be detached, she fears losing her identity in a relationship so do not be surprised if even in a long term relationship she seems more like a fiend then a romantic partner. Do not press her emotionally or tie her down with demands and obligations because this will cause her to run. Never be jealous, this is a big red flag to her and she will leave right away, the Aquarius woman can never be tied down, she is free as a bird. If you give her all she needs, she will be completely faithful so you should not worry when she is out on her own, give her space and respect her privacy and all will be well. Aquarius woman is for the man who loves a challenge and adventure.

YEAH, that is all crap. but just amazing to readdd. (:

I've been reading sixbillionsecrets lately and they always claim that they just need one person to listen and care. I don't believe that's true. We need LOTS of people to care and we need ourselves to value both the self and each other. It takes a lot more than one ear and one heart to make life seem worth living. Just saying- it's unhealthy to think that your whole world and life should depend on someone choosing to listen. Your world is made up of the people you choose. There's no point moping alone in a corner and avoiding your world.



The extent of my emotionlessness is so depressing sometimes that I want to cry, which is, of course, something I just say because if I wasn't so emotionless, tears could probably come out. See how that's a total loop? I see the car around all the time, I check the numberplate & it's not the same. Must have OCD.

Starting Dofe soonnnn hopefully (:

Yesterday, my family & I went to Norwest before Sarah's swimming lesson which included prawn crackers, chinese takeout & fish&chips. Also, mum had a giant ice coffee. Typical parents. Mum went off first to Gloria Jeans & Sarah, dad & I decided to follow shortly after but then dad got distracted saying "I'll meet you later, I need to get rum&raisin ice cream" which is really expected of dad. But then we get to GJ & mum's there, smiling happily, going "guess what?? I GOT A ROYALTY CARD" & she's in love with coupons so that's pretty typical. Sarah & I just burst out laughing, then we took a nice walk by the lake, sipping on ice coffee. It was nice (: Happy days, was all I could think of to sum it up. Just a foodcourt meal with family. Also the moon was so big- like a huge silver orb but dad claimed he'd seen bigger [mooncake he's eaten apparently] SO LAME.

I hope everyone has a great rest of holidays.

Can't talk about all the delicious, fattening things that I've been gobbling up, the amount of Dream High I've been watching or those laughing-till-you-die-or-cry moments but here's just a list of the lame, dorky & absolutely amazing times I've had on these pretty ordinary holidays.

- LOTS & LOTS of Korean bbq, it kind of hurts to think about it now. [both times to Bonga with Edward, Simone & William & the second time with Mum & Dad]. PISHON & MACAROONS <3
- Dream High, not a sucker for korean dramas but this one was cute. Cliche but sweet & funny & loved the songs. ESP Pil suk & Jason. (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUN1GHEA1cc
- GPK for dinner, & watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid with Snickers pods & popcorn- James, Sarah, Lisa & Ashley before.
- Finished "Once in a Lifetime" by Cathy Kelly, the humongously thick book I set out to read.
- Today, out with grandparents [on mum's side] & went to Myunga, lots of bbq & seafood pancake & dumplings. Then Pishon & macaroons again [yes, we are fatasses]. I always get sort of sad & nostalgic with my grandparents. Possibly because of the language barrier but also because we're forcing to smile & laugh [of course, we're happy being with each other] but it's like trying to say something & not being able to say it right. Maybe it's something about not making the most of time we have.

Tomorrow, after church, is guyokyebe so mum's frantically trying to clean & get Sarah & I to clean the house LOL. Not working. Mum's not herself with other people around- especially church people, it's sort of like a repressed thing- she gets nervous even though she doesn't need to win approval or anything. I also find some church people incredibly annoying and I can see where mum's coming from. But tomorrow is also the day people in my grade confirm their faith [in slightly more formal outfits]; I WANT TO SEE WHAT THEY'RE WEARING.

As you can see, not in the mood for deep posts or anything with the slightest bit of character so cya.

LOVING HOLIDAYS [even though all I'm doing is failing to study & stuffing food down my mouth], CAN'T WAIT TO SEE EVERYONE AT SCHOOL <3



Can't say how much I LOVE THIS.

The thoughts that whirl around, a snail's shell in a lake, a fog on top of a mountain, is all because a social life is lacking. Smiling is so easy to do; whether fake or not, it's not the biggest burden that people always cry or break down about. Coffee smells so nice but it tastes like what it is, bitter crushed bean in water with sugar sprinkled on to take away the real taste. I won't be going out at all these holidays so that is when pointless surveys come in handy.

I can’t get to sleep without: a pillow & the dark




If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be: other dolls & probably lots of money



I have an irrational fear of: car accidents, actually no, i still think that's pretty rational..



At my grandparents house I usually eat: kimchi noodles, bosum, su-jeh-bi, any noodle or meat thing (:



When I was born I weighed: 4kg, a fat fat baby :D



I am most opposed to: the usual- inequality, racism, selfishness, also people who are ignorant of different faiths



On myspace I like to stalk: FACEBOOK



I am too old to be: playing on children's playgrounds and whimpering when i get fired of a job but i still do



I find the thought of childbirth: daunting



Next door to my house is: surprise, surprise, another house



My feet are: on the table currently



My preferred style of jeans are: skinnies



I know how to cook: absolutely nothing unless instant noodles count



I am annoyed at: the fact i shouldn't be here but i am because this survey is sort of addictive



Men should always: be gentlemen, either that or at least shower LOL



Women should never: tolerate if the men aren't the above



The scariest sea creature is: ME. eheh, i don't know, bet there's something scarier than sharks though, can't think of any



The world is over populated with: rich people and poor people



I recently broke: pretty much everything i touched



I last cried because: i was trying to



I would like to be in an advertisement for: some expensive brand i can keep after the shooting



My favorite shoes are: depends



My mothers’ greatest fear is: of dogs



When I think of Full House: some drama pops up in my head with a theme song i made up



I Say This You Say That



Pill: high



Sticker: OMG GIVE



Swirl: vanilla



Bird: sky



Drop: ouch



Coaster: LET'S GO



Wave: ocean



Enough: enough is not good enough



Coupon: my mother's favourite word



Button:  Coraline



Nail: hands



Market: fish,, is that weird ?



Rust: copper



OJ: huh ?



Trash: gross



Key: gorgeous



Pick: favourite (:



Snack: all food



Snow: white Christmas



Bake: cake



Curl: scared



Ring: wedding



Soil: agriculture



Cross: sacrifice



MUST GO NOW.

I know you must be sick of my constant rants about how I ate too much and how I'm extremely lazy but I'm afraid today is not special. Beauty&theBeast for lunch, yummm, plus Hellohappy strawberry tarts (:
Then we had dinner with Edward & Simone & William at Bonga Eastwood.
I swear I heard a gunshot and then an ambulance on the way there.

bye.

SO UNPRODUCTIVE.

A million points of light. Large amber orbs. A dust sheen of light. On a completely unrelated topic, Farenheit 451's a good book, brilliant literature and all that, but still not a contestant for The Lovely Bones. I think I'm in love with that book . But but but back to the original topic, I hath done absolutely nothing, feeling like a slothish slug, just sort of going to chug my way through these 2 weeks of hibernation, probably gaining weight and losing speed along the way LOL. Also, due to the fact procrastination is a permanent habit, I shall do science oral stuff on the last day probably.

I don't have a topic to rant about to be honest, that's sort of why I'm flittering about talking about the extent of my fatassedness & doing retarded book reviews. I shall post again later, sorry for the wastage of thy time. [don't ask me why, I just go weird when it comes to holidays.

Byebye, off to be busy doing absolutely nothing.

Today, went to Chatswood with mum & Sarah for matrix seminar where mum collected all the free stuff. The sessions were about med & studying & yeah, but we were supposed to stay for 5 hours. That obviously didn't work out. Sarah & I got bored after the second hour/session & we dragged mum out shopping & eating. (: The talks were alright, inspirational in some ways, reinforced dreams, gave realistic approach and advice. That sort of thing. They didn't say this but this is what I got from it- that success is just failure turned inside out. They aren't opposites. Although I was complaining along with Sarah & I do love shopping and eating, I did get something from it. There's a lot of power in motivation and positivity. Just got to work at it.

Then we dumped Sarah at Dr Lee so I'm here, listening to acoustic sweet music [JRA music is so corn&cheese&quirky], blogging a little recount.

MUST GO NOW.

THANK YOU Nathan, Brittany, Renee & Jaffly for kbbq [which was mostly just frantic eating] & to the bauko guys for the awkward moments who almost made it LOL, & PISHON MACAROONS. Brittany, you are an absolute genius for suggesting them because they were delishh. even though it was hard eating them in thirds ahah. Eastwood at night is like Korea almost. (:

NOTE TO ANGELARR- we did preserve some rice & meat for you; ahaha but then we got too hungry & ate it. LOL LOVE YOU LOTS, we promise we'll go kbbq in the holidays again. <33

Off the mood, & in a month when I read this post, I'll have no idea what I'm talking about. GOOD NIGHT.

One day, I'm going to go into a corner and cry and see who notices.

Dear public blog where I can let out stupid angsty dramas,

I felt like crap today. I feel stuffy, tired and sad. Something hurts but it's not really a pain- more like an uncomfortable feeling where you have to yell and complain to let it out. That feeling. It just sort of makes you wish you could cry, even to get attention, and you think you might be better afterwards. But I'm never the one to do that. I don't break down. I wish I did everything differently, the small things from the very beginning, so I was the one who could do that without a problem. But there's nowhere to cry for me. Just got to keep laughing. I don't know what or why it is. I hope I'm in a better mood tomorrow. EYES OPEN.

This post'll probably be gone by tomorrow before anyone can read it. That's the most I could write without feeling like a total idiot in the first place.

Today I got this epiphany for the first time; I wish I grew up in Korea. I don't know why things would be so different but I just know that everything would be, for sure. I just wish.

-Me trying to shoot & Sarah stands too close, stoned face-

Sarah- I'm short, come on, let me defend from here

-I move to get away-

Sarah- I'm short

-I move again-

Sarah- I'm short

-I move, thinking I'll be safe & then Sarah pops up & stands close again-

Sarah- No matter where you run, I'll still be short

-awkward-

& THEN.

Sarah- there's something I have to tell you. And now that we're outside, I can finally tell you...You're adopted
Me- yeah whatever, heard it all before
Sarah- yeah because if I told you inside, Mum would get mad and try to make me drink Chinese medicine [long running joke of how it'll make her grow taller]
Me-...

My sister's so strange.

<3



That is where my dearest and brightest dreams have ranged — to hear for the duration of a heartbeat the universe and the totality of life in its mysterious, innate harmony.