I've been so busy, doing nothing much at all, that I haven't blogged in two weeks. So what have I been doing ? Like the usual I suppose. Except since the last amazing weekend [RICE, Sheraton Hotel with family & hotpot with Rae, Suren & Do], I've been utterly bored. I've read 'The Boleyn Inheritance' which is another one after the many I've read of Philipa Gregory [ahah I think I'm fangirling over a medieval historical fiction novel]. I'm a disgrace. Gloucester was pretty cool; ceebs to recount so I'll just copy & paste from my formspring which was detailed at the time..

"A little more than half the grade boarded the bus for a 4 hour bus ride to Gloucester which tbh, I wasn't looking forward to that much. I had a very nice long talk with Liz on the way so it didn't seem like that long and Nachan kept turning back and grinning weirdly the way he does. So then, naturally, we all played I Spy. We were so happy when we got to KFC and Hungry Jack's that all our eyes filled with tears and we ran towards it as if it was an epic drama scene. Liz, Catherine, Pearl & I shared a 4 pack meal because we were cheap and didn't wish to pay the extra 50 c [yeah, just thought you should know]. Ceebs, basically we got there. After shivering and putting our bags in the middle hall [that looked sort of like a horse stable], we realised that the doors on the walls lead into our cabins. So we all like killed each other for the best one but they all turned out to be like tiny 1 sq m prison cells- all the same- and I complained and complained and complained and complained. But then I got over it because we were at camp and we were all together and it was going to be fun. Outside, everyone was high and running around, screaming, playing soccer, dancing loserishly, hanging and speaking Chinse (Y) Ahaha Gary & Anqi. Later at night, Sarah, Suren, Michelle & I ate a little and had lots of retarded convos mixed with d&ms and we got offtrack a lot but it was the right camp night mood where the serious stuff happens naturally and it did. No crying exactly but it was less crazy I guess. LOTS of food. I was not happy with the accomodation at all as germaphobe. It was just ARGHH ing to touch anything in the room without sterilisation [which I didn't do because I'm not that much of sped]. The next morning, after our cramped and cold cabins, we were so happy to greet warm breakfast in a really lovely restaurant/cafe style place and all was forgiven. Then we all lived happily ever after. Until we saw the cows all day. That was painful- the smell and the sun and the effort was so gross. But the scenery, dams, mountains/hills were so peaceful and gorgeous that I just wished we could've had a tour instead of getting off. I loved the window view. All the farmers' dogs are so bloody smart. There were lots of funny moments in between that are too many to recount- like storytelling reenactments, dancing. Dinner was 3 course and pretty amazing for camp. Oh then we had to edit and compile notes. The next day was pretty much a repetition except we had the open book test which was so meh, I don't even care. The dogs kept jumping up on us when we were writing but they were so intelligent and adorable that it was hard to be mad at them LOL. Then lunch came with dessert. Later phototaking and then bus home. 4 STRAIGHT HOURS OF MAFIA, we are awesome but I feel really bad for being loud when the rest of the bus had to sleep but it's so hard to be quiet in mafia. It was cool. Honestly, same as any other day or experience, there were so many you-had-to-be-there times and there was probably a lot I had fun with and enjoyed but either forgot or just can't recount

Overall, the agriculture part of it was so exhausting and I just didn't like it but the rest was great (: . "

It was so fun if it wasn't for the actual going-to-the-farms-to-learn part and the accomodation .

After Gloucester, mum, Sarah & I ate at Bonga where mum & I were sort of snappy to each other, it happens a lot these days =/
Sometime during the week, I'm pretty sure we ate at Pancakes on The Rocks [with dad] which was cool.
THEN, weekend which was so boring. Oh, except church where we played bball, ended up playing this game which made us realise our own immaturity [we slid cards across a table and competed with how far it would go] as well as a lot of dares and..



Yeah, good times. (Y)

Monday- nothing, Tuesday- meh, Wednesday/today- alright, ag ruined it all but sport was fun, played against bball opens A & lost [but only by a little (:] & now I'm home, procrastinating, after having shared a kebab with Sarah & ate a banana split. I literally have like 5 more pages to memorise which is nothing but I can't bring myself to do it, going to regret it I bet .

Sorry, I don't have any thoughts or insights but honestly, this time is such a blur anyway with all the computers and television, I swear we're so used to life that we never even bother to look out our window and calm ourselves. I wish I could've lived a few centuries earlier where people had nothing to do but be charming, take picnics, become rich, write on scrolls and learn music and arts. I sound like such an airhead, I know they worked and suffered and didn't have time to be so philosophical but at least they knew their own selves and didn't pour hours into things and gadgets. At least they walked and breathed rather than looking stoned, distracted and caught up by exams and forever forgetting what's important. Ironic that I'm blogging about this, yeah ?

RICE 2011
Sheraton On The Park Hotel with my family.
Hotpot with FTRB- Suren, Rae, Do.

FANTASTIC WEEKEND. WILL ELABORATE LATERS.

Studying for French :(





Celebrities I admire LOL. New found respect ? I think so.

It's getting harder to blog now because first of all, I'm not interesting & second, I'm always busy but never really doing anything, you know ? Okay, mostly I've just been devouring Harry Potter. And yeah, I've never read it before so it's understandable !

I can't wait for year 10 to be over, to be honest. I know there'll be a lot more work next year but I just really can't be bothered to catch up on everything I'm behind in and, in short, I just want a fresh new start (: where I might even study. Okay, that's a maybe. I also need a lot of advice and I love my sister but I really wish I had an older one to give me legit advice. Mostly, I've realised how quickly my english is deteriorating LOL, how tired and hungry I am all the time, how pointless studying for a lifetime is and how I really want to go back in time. Not in a depressing, serious way but I just think that if I knew what working hard would do a few years back, I wouldn't be struggling so much now. It's funny because I've really got no reason to complain but I just wish I hadn't procrastinated or been lazy so much. And now, I think that applies to me because, in a few years, I might regret it.

OKAY. IGNORE THIS. That was just like ..yeah, ignore it :D

THINGS I'M HAPPY FOR;

RICE ON SATURDAY- come to the Sydney Entertainment Centre, to join 4000 youths [yeah mostly Asian] to learn about God, his greater purpose for us and everything that will not only change your life but has created it and predestined you to be there; so be there !

SUNDAY HOTPOT with my beautiful friends [yes, it's amazing I have any !].

Hello reader, sorry for being unforgivably boring but I've been reading Harry Potter for the first time so can you really blame me ? :D

It's funny when people talk to me about what I write on here because they're usually things that I would be way too awkward to say in real life and, when I have to respond, I shift my eyes away and try and change the subject so I'll have to stop being so weird when I type.

Nothing interesting happened today- major procrastination, church and yeah, reading HP (:

For me, being unmotivated must be one of the worst feelings out there.

Wow, can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I've started this. LOL I don't think I've changed a bit.
I list my priorities [or as they should be] and I don't follow them at all. Also to that question you asked a bit ago but I didn't bother to answer, I think I would be in Hufflepuff or Slytherin.

Oh and yesterday was my grandma [on my dad's side] 74th birthday. But she follows the Lunar calendar and it was full moon so full moon for August ? Not even my dad knows when her real birthday is. I don't know how it works. But anyway, we had a massive cake from Cosco and wollamsam. James left early for Justin's birthday party but the rest of us ate, happy and watched the dramas on her tv. Being the Korean that she is, she insisted on having 75 candles because she also follows the Korean age; regularly tells me "you're a Korean, act like a Korean". But I can't because I'm fail. 

Happy 74th, beautiful grandma (:



A little boy, sticking pins into the earth, seemed to be mentally disturbed. But really he was mapping the universe. Never judge.

People are ice bergs. Sometimes, nothing comes out of my mouth but constant worry, constant complaining, constant nothingness, and I'm scared of the person I'm becoming because I know there's more to me than that. I always thought that people judged me because I never say anything with real substance and because I'm devoid of emotion. I don't give and I don't take. I never cry. I never open up. I knew other people would think I was shallow but it's worth it if I can avoid any committment, responsibility or drama. When I watch people care about these things, I get so tired just watching them circle and chase things that they think might complete them. So I forgot how to care. It didn't matter if they barely knew me because I knew me. And I wasn't going to get caught up in circling and chasing. I always thought that I had more depth than that- it didn't matter if no one saw it. There's so much that people don't know about me, a lot they can't see and can't hear, but it doesn't matter. Just fake it. I just thought I was special but then I began to realise that there's a lot more beauty and depth to everyone that I hadn't bothered to know or see or hear. There's so much more to everyone, so many secrets they might be hiding, so much they could be faking, just like me. I had been so busy trying to hide the things about me that I had lost the time to uncover the things about others. In short, I was too busy hiding what I had underneath and thinking that it didn't matter if no one saw that I forgot that others might also be hiding and I failed to see it.

While I'm so busy trying to measure my depth and while I'm so busy trying to open up to others but not everything from fear of being judged, when do I have the time to map the universe?



I realize that if I wait until I am no longer afraid to act, write, speak, be, I'll be sending messages on a Ouija board, cryptic complaints from the other side.











LOL I believe this one requires an explanation. The disabled sign is Catherine [because of her foot operation], the elderly is Jess [because she had granny clothes , nah very pretty but from the back ..LOLOL] & I was pregnant for some reason [probably because I slouched & groaned as if I was ahah].















Hehe I'm sorry for this.I just love balloons.













RAINBOW. Rain was worth it. Beautiful day (:



CATHERINE& THE CATHERINETTES :DD BEST GROUP EVERR

CECI AND ANGELA. YOU GUYS ARE GORGEOUS


yeah.

Yesterday- general summary of which I truly cannot be stuffed so I'll do it briefly of what we don't have photos for.

Followed Catherine to her church which was really good, like the sermon and service was brilliant and I really liked the praying. This is the first time in 15 years I've ever even visited another church that wasn't my own, the one my parents got married in, so it was so different being the new person. Consequently, there were lots of awkward moments [LOL like the welcoming song or whatever] and we had to wash dishes, aha but that's sort of irrelevant but still.. DIFFERENT.

Afterwards, we changed, got on the bus [slightly lost, & slow as Catherine is crippled and I was in heels], then Jess and Nathan got on. Funny and fun. They brought fake yakult [forgot what the brand is] but Catherine and Jess couldn't taste the difference whereas Nathan and I stayed loyal to the real yakult and could clearly taste the grossness LOL. Then we took a video of Jess gulping down like 10 of them, annoying everyone else on the bus. We met up with Kerry, who got lost and made us walk for ages trying to find him, and then we all sort of strode/hobbled/ran for our lives onto the bus which took us down to the wharf. Met everyone else and waited.

Afterwards, we got hungry so Catherine, Nathan & I ditched everyone to get food but got owned by the rain [which pelted the strongest] on our way back. It then stopped after a minute . Ahahah so many retarded moments but we were soaked, hungry and sort of high on fake yakult. THEN, the grandness of Ceci and Angela's megaphone/+ Cherie's screaming sounded across the harbour as they came on the boat & picked us all up. Inside was AMAZING, total penthouse party setting but more amazing because it was on a FREAKING CRUISE. Let's just say- lots of candles, food, music, lovely people in lovely clothes, fun. Also, I was victim of a most embarrassing moment where I fell and hit my head when the boat rocked LOL, there's always those moments (: A GIGANTIC SHOUTOUT to two amazing sisters, Ceci & Angela, for organising it all & being such brilliant friends . PHOTOS SOON- pretty much as soon as Jess/Michelle uploads.



That awkward moment when you try to Eskimo kiss Voldemort

Hello. Brainbee was interesting but so tiring. Hung half Ruse, half Esther & friend [sorry ! Forgot the name but I shall find her on facebook hopefully LOL]. Crappy sandwiches, fails against Baulko but we did give them the nerd nod going "see you in the HSC". So lame but it was our only comfort :(

Late for Dr Lee because we were starving after Brainbee so Angela, Catherine, Cherie & I gobbled up kebab packs :D

Dr Lee- so many LOL moments about subject selection & wanting to do med [because everyone in the class wants to]. Jun's extremely morbid or meaningless about life. I think it comes from doing a maths degree.

-Catherine & Sarah on either side after Jun talks about after 6yrs of med, having to study for 10 more years to specialise-

Sarah- omg, but when do we have time to have BABIES?
Catherine -rolls eyes- duhh, we have the babies in the middle of studying & then we give them to our mums !
Everyone- WTF

Today, finalised: 3u eng, 3u maths, 3 sciences & ag. Planning on dropping a science after a term, depending on which one I like best (:

LOL WHY DO WE ALL ACT LIKE WE AMOUNT TO SOMETHING OR ANYTHING WE DO AND THE LITTLE THINGS WE SAY WILL EVEN MEAN SOMETHING IN LIKE A FEW YEARS ?


We honestly never took anything we said or did in primary school seriously now so why do we act like that now? Seriously, is it hormones or the need to feel important or just a natural egotistical attitude? So tired of the constant bantering back and forth about secrets not being kept, someone liking someone or backs being stabbed. I hate to be this blunt but WHO CARES? No one will remember it tomorrow. Can we just all be happy, take everything for the joke that it is and at least, in a few years, we won't cringe at how much of a big deal we made of everything. We will be kicking ourselves, I guarantee you. I know I sound like an old man but teenagers are stupid- we never realise what we have- the freedom to not be depended on- and we waste our time creating problems for ourselves, followed by more time thinking deeply/being depressed/wailing about it than actually just getting over it.
I'm just begging for people to take a step back and laugh at everything [kind of how I'm learning to do right now]. I believe there are truly only  few moments that really need to be taken seriously in life- that is, when someone is born, when someone meets God and when someone dies. All in all, there shouldn't be seriousness in amongst that; things in a cycle that everyone in history has gone through before, that all eventually amounts to nothing. I mean, haven't you ever thought: been there.. done that ?

Lighten up. Enjoy life.

So exhausted from doing absolutely nothing at school- read picture books with Celia & Dr Seuss with Jaffly, tied in basketball[ DISLIKE NORTHMEAD A LOT], talked unhealthily too much about lisps with Tom & Vivian, & went with a couple funny yr9s to 7/11 where a lot of taunting about my lack of friends occurred. :(

Sarah & I got into the car to mum talking about how aunt brought a giant pizza from Cosco. Mum was just gleefully cutting it because it doesn't fit in the oven otherwise. She said she didn't cut it yet because she wanted us to see it first.

Mum is so adorable. She was talking about how she decided to make pasta salad for me and then wailed about how she accidentally cut herself. So, while driving, she puts her arm backwards so we can clearly see the bandaid. Oh the sacrifices she makes so we can have food LOL. So funny- like a kid showing their knee when they fall over. Sarah was just rolling her eyes but she knows mum's awesome.

I've got to start studying. I hate failing.

All set out to study- all I have to do is quit backing out. I'm the only thing standing in my way. LOL FILL ME LORD- as in FML but more Christian (L).

All these posts sound very disjointed [as most blog posts do] and pretty shallow, I admit. This is because words don't flow as easily as they used to so I'm constantly fixing things up &, besides, blogs aren't supposed to hold your innermost thoughts anyway.

Yesterday, had a chicken/noodle/egg soup/seafood pancake set at Beauty&TheBeast at Strathfield [adore that place] & then Sarah bought lemon meringue & strawberry tart from Hello Happy which I stole (: My parents are absolutely fantastic.

Dad has suddenly become inspired to teach me & Sarah really complicated chemistry & biology. Anyone interested in forming a study group so I can escape ? Ahaha but in all honesty, deep inside, I admire my dad for being such a great father & the same for my mum. I can't imagine a life of those angsty teenage books where the parents are divorced and one or both of them are completely neglectful and irresponsible. As extreme as this sounds, I would see no meaning in life if I didn't have my family. AND YES, I would also feel pretty depressed without friends <3. These natural parts of our lives and the smallest things we take for granted mean everything to us- without them, there feels like there are literally holes in it, you know ? I know I would sink without certain epople. The smallest things my family & friends say can get to me, depending on how sensitive I feel at the time but I know that it's only because the people you love the most are the ones most capable of hurting you. Because whenever my mum or dad says anything slightly unsupportive or negative [which is completely rare], I immediately start to hold back tears whereas if a semi-friend said it, I would go "pssh" and laugh without any faking. Isn't that strange ? It all depends on how much you value their opinion.

Blatant nerdy ruse report- screwed for Brain Bee but seriously don't care, should start studying for maths but ceebs,, what else ? I usually don't even bother with anything nowadays. It feels like I've hit a mid-life crisis where I honestly don't care. LOL I'm not half as stressed as I was in year 7 where I was under the impression that, somehow, the things I did would count for something. (:

I've been so busy, doing nothing much at all, that I haven't blogged in two weeks. So what have I been doing ? Like the usual I suppose. Except since the last amazing weekend [RICE, Sheraton Hotel with family & hotpot with Rae, Suren & Do], I've been utterly bored. I've read 'The Boleyn Inheritance' which is another one after the many I've read of Philipa Gregory [ahah I think I'm fangirling over a medieval historical fiction novel]. I'm a disgrace. Gloucester was pretty cool; ceebs to recount so I'll just copy & paste from my formspring which was detailed at the time..

"A little more than half the grade boarded the bus for a 4 hour bus ride to Gloucester which tbh, I wasn't looking forward to that much. I had a very nice long talk with Liz on the way so it didn't seem like that long and Nachan kept turning back and grinning weirdly the way he does. So then, naturally, we all played I Spy. We were so happy when we got to KFC and Hungry Jack's that all our eyes filled with tears and we ran towards it as if it was an epic drama scene. Liz, Catherine, Pearl & I shared a 4 pack meal because we were cheap and didn't wish to pay the extra 50 c [yeah, just thought you should know]. Ceebs, basically we got there. After shivering and putting our bags in the middle hall [that looked sort of like a horse stable], we realised that the doors on the walls lead into our cabins. So we all like killed each other for the best one but they all turned out to be like tiny 1 sq m prison cells- all the same- and I complained and complained and complained and complained. But then I got over it because we were at camp and we were all together and it was going to be fun. Outside, everyone was high and running around, screaming, playing soccer, dancing loserishly, hanging and speaking Chinse (Y) Ahaha Gary & Anqi. Later at night, Sarah, Suren, Michelle & I ate a little and had lots of retarded convos mixed with d&ms and we got offtrack a lot but it was the right camp night mood where the serious stuff happens naturally and it did. No crying exactly but it was less crazy I guess. LOTS of food. I was not happy with the accomodation at all as germaphobe. It was just ARGHH ing to touch anything in the room without sterilisation [which I didn't do because I'm not that much of sped]. The next morning, after our cramped and cold cabins, we were so happy to greet warm breakfast in a really lovely restaurant/cafe style place and all was forgiven. Then we all lived happily ever after. Until we saw the cows all day. That was painful- the smell and the sun and the effort was so gross. But the scenery, dams, mountains/hills were so peaceful and gorgeous that I just wished we could've had a tour instead of getting off. I loved the window view. All the farmers' dogs are so bloody smart. There were lots of funny moments in between that are too many to recount- like storytelling reenactments, dancing. Dinner was 3 course and pretty amazing for camp. Oh then we had to edit and compile notes. The next day was pretty much a repetition except we had the open book test which was so meh, I don't even care. The dogs kept jumping up on us when we were writing but they were so intelligent and adorable that it was hard to be mad at them LOL. Then lunch came with dessert. Later phototaking and then bus home. 4 STRAIGHT HOURS OF MAFIA, we are awesome but I feel really bad for being loud when the rest of the bus had to sleep but it's so hard to be quiet in mafia. It was cool. Honestly, same as any other day or experience, there were so many you-had-to-be-there times and there was probably a lot I had fun with and enjoyed but either forgot or just can't recount

Overall, the agriculture part of it was so exhausting and I just didn't like it but the rest was great (: . "

It was so fun if it wasn't for the actual going-to-the-farms-to-learn part and the accomodation .

After Gloucester, mum, Sarah & I ate at Bonga where mum & I were sort of snappy to each other, it happens a lot these days =/
Sometime during the week, I'm pretty sure we ate at Pancakes on The Rocks [with dad] which was cool.
THEN, weekend which was so boring. Oh, except church where we played bball, ended up playing this game which made us realise our own immaturity [we slid cards across a table and competed with how far it would go] as well as a lot of dares and..



Yeah, good times. (Y)

Monday- nothing, Tuesday- meh, Wednesday/today- alright, ag ruined it all but sport was fun, played against bball opens A & lost [but only by a little (:] & now I'm home, procrastinating, after having shared a kebab with Sarah & ate a banana split. I literally have like 5 more pages to memorise which is nothing but I can't bring myself to do it, going to regret it I bet .

Sorry, I don't have any thoughts or insights but honestly, this time is such a blur anyway with all the computers and television, I swear we're so used to life that we never even bother to look out our window and calm ourselves. I wish I could've lived a few centuries earlier where people had nothing to do but be charming, take picnics, become rich, write on scrolls and learn music and arts. I sound like such an airhead, I know they worked and suffered and didn't have time to be so philosophical but at least they knew their own selves and didn't pour hours into things and gadgets. At least they walked and breathed rather than looking stoned, distracted and caught up by exams and forever forgetting what's important. Ironic that I'm blogging about this, yeah ?

RICE 2011
Sheraton On The Park Hotel with my family.
Hotpot with FTRB- Suren, Rae, Do.

FANTASTIC WEEKEND. WILL ELABORATE LATERS.

Studying for French :(





Celebrities I admire LOL. New found respect ? I think so.

It's getting harder to blog now because first of all, I'm not interesting & second, I'm always busy but never really doing anything, you know ? Okay, mostly I've just been devouring Harry Potter. And yeah, I've never read it before so it's understandable !

I can't wait for year 10 to be over, to be honest. I know there'll be a lot more work next year but I just really can't be bothered to catch up on everything I'm behind in and, in short, I just want a fresh new start (: where I might even study. Okay, that's a maybe. I also need a lot of advice and I love my sister but I really wish I had an older one to give me legit advice. Mostly, I've realised how quickly my english is deteriorating LOL, how tired and hungry I am all the time, how pointless studying for a lifetime is and how I really want to go back in time. Not in a depressing, serious way but I just think that if I knew what working hard would do a few years back, I wouldn't be struggling so much now. It's funny because I've really got no reason to complain but I just wish I hadn't procrastinated or been lazy so much. And now, I think that applies to me because, in a few years, I might regret it.

OKAY. IGNORE THIS. That was just like ..yeah, ignore it :D

THINGS I'M HAPPY FOR;

RICE ON SATURDAY- come to the Sydney Entertainment Centre, to join 4000 youths [yeah mostly Asian] to learn about God, his greater purpose for us and everything that will not only change your life but has created it and predestined you to be there; so be there !

SUNDAY HOTPOT with my beautiful friends [yes, it's amazing I have any !].

Hello reader, sorry for being unforgivably boring but I've been reading Harry Potter for the first time so can you really blame me ? :D

It's funny when people talk to me about what I write on here because they're usually things that I would be way too awkward to say in real life and, when I have to respond, I shift my eyes away and try and change the subject so I'll have to stop being so weird when I type.

Nothing interesting happened today- major procrastination, church and yeah, reading HP (:

For me, being unmotivated must be one of the worst feelings out there.

Wow, can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I've started this. LOL I don't think I've changed a bit.
I list my priorities [or as they should be] and I don't follow them at all. Also to that question you asked a bit ago but I didn't bother to answer, I think I would be in Hufflepuff or Slytherin.

Oh and yesterday was my grandma [on my dad's side] 74th birthday. But she follows the Lunar calendar and it was full moon so full moon for August ? Not even my dad knows when her real birthday is. I don't know how it works. But anyway, we had a massive cake from Cosco and wollamsam. James left early for Justin's birthday party but the rest of us ate, happy and watched the dramas on her tv. Being the Korean that she is, she insisted on having 75 candles because she also follows the Korean age; regularly tells me "you're a Korean, act like a Korean". But I can't because I'm fail. 

Happy 74th, beautiful grandma (:



A little boy, sticking pins into the earth, seemed to be mentally disturbed. But really he was mapping the universe. Never judge.

People are ice bergs. Sometimes, nothing comes out of my mouth but constant worry, constant complaining, constant nothingness, and I'm scared of the person I'm becoming because I know there's more to me than that. I always thought that people judged me because I never say anything with real substance and because I'm devoid of emotion. I don't give and I don't take. I never cry. I never open up. I knew other people would think I was shallow but it's worth it if I can avoid any committment, responsibility or drama. When I watch people care about these things, I get so tired just watching them circle and chase things that they think might complete them. So I forgot how to care. It didn't matter if they barely knew me because I knew me. And I wasn't going to get caught up in circling and chasing. I always thought that I had more depth than that- it didn't matter if no one saw it. There's so much that people don't know about me, a lot they can't see and can't hear, but it doesn't matter. Just fake it. I just thought I was special but then I began to realise that there's a lot more beauty and depth to everyone that I hadn't bothered to know or see or hear. There's so much more to everyone, so many secrets they might be hiding, so much they could be faking, just like me. I had been so busy trying to hide the things about me that I had lost the time to uncover the things about others. In short, I was too busy hiding what I had underneath and thinking that it didn't matter if no one saw that I forgot that others might also be hiding and I failed to see it.

While I'm so busy trying to measure my depth and while I'm so busy trying to open up to others but not everything from fear of being judged, when do I have the time to map the universe?



I realize that if I wait until I am no longer afraid to act, write, speak, be, I'll be sending messages on a Ouija board, cryptic complaints from the other side.











LOL I believe this one requires an explanation. The disabled sign is Catherine [because of her foot operation], the elderly is Jess [because she had granny clothes , nah very pretty but from the back ..LOLOL] & I was pregnant for some reason [probably because I slouched & groaned as if I was ahah].















Hehe I'm sorry for this.I just love balloons.













RAINBOW. Rain was worth it. Beautiful day (:



CATHERINE& THE CATHERINETTES :DD BEST GROUP EVERR

CECI AND ANGELA. YOU GUYS ARE GORGEOUS


yeah.

Yesterday- general summary of which I truly cannot be stuffed so I'll do it briefly of what we don't have photos for.

Followed Catherine to her church which was really good, like the sermon and service was brilliant and I really liked the praying. This is the first time in 15 years I've ever even visited another church that wasn't my own, the one my parents got married in, so it was so different being the new person. Consequently, there were lots of awkward moments [LOL like the welcoming song or whatever] and we had to wash dishes, aha but that's sort of irrelevant but still.. DIFFERENT.

Afterwards, we changed, got on the bus [slightly lost, & slow as Catherine is crippled and I was in heels], then Jess and Nathan got on. Funny and fun. They brought fake yakult [forgot what the brand is] but Catherine and Jess couldn't taste the difference whereas Nathan and I stayed loyal to the real yakult and could clearly taste the grossness LOL. Then we took a video of Jess gulping down like 10 of them, annoying everyone else on the bus. We met up with Kerry, who got lost and made us walk for ages trying to find him, and then we all sort of strode/hobbled/ran for our lives onto the bus which took us down to the wharf. Met everyone else and waited.

Afterwards, we got hungry so Catherine, Nathan & I ditched everyone to get food but got owned by the rain [which pelted the strongest] on our way back. It then stopped after a minute . Ahahah so many retarded moments but we were soaked, hungry and sort of high on fake yakult. THEN, the grandness of Ceci and Angela's megaphone/+ Cherie's screaming sounded across the harbour as they came on the boat & picked us all up. Inside was AMAZING, total penthouse party setting but more amazing because it was on a FREAKING CRUISE. Let's just say- lots of candles, food, music, lovely people in lovely clothes, fun. Also, I was victim of a most embarrassing moment where I fell and hit my head when the boat rocked LOL, there's always those moments (: A GIGANTIC SHOUTOUT to two amazing sisters, Ceci & Angela, for organising it all & being such brilliant friends . PHOTOS SOON- pretty much as soon as Jess/Michelle uploads.



That awkward moment when you try to Eskimo kiss Voldemort

Hello. Brainbee was interesting but so tiring. Hung half Ruse, half Esther & friend [sorry ! Forgot the name but I shall find her on facebook hopefully LOL]. Crappy sandwiches, fails against Baulko but we did give them the nerd nod going "see you in the HSC". So lame but it was our only comfort :(

Late for Dr Lee because we were starving after Brainbee so Angela, Catherine, Cherie & I gobbled up kebab packs :D

Dr Lee- so many LOL moments about subject selection & wanting to do med [because everyone in the class wants to]. Jun's extremely morbid or meaningless about life. I think it comes from doing a maths degree.

-Catherine & Sarah on either side after Jun talks about after 6yrs of med, having to study for 10 more years to specialise-

Sarah- omg, but when do we have time to have BABIES?
Catherine -rolls eyes- duhh, we have the babies in the middle of studying & then we give them to our mums !
Everyone- WTF

Today, finalised: 3u eng, 3u maths, 3 sciences & ag. Planning on dropping a science after a term, depending on which one I like best (:

LOL WHY DO WE ALL ACT LIKE WE AMOUNT TO SOMETHING OR ANYTHING WE DO AND THE LITTLE THINGS WE SAY WILL EVEN MEAN SOMETHING IN LIKE A FEW YEARS ?


We honestly never took anything we said or did in primary school seriously now so why do we act like that now? Seriously, is it hormones or the need to feel important or just a natural egotistical attitude? So tired of the constant bantering back and forth about secrets not being kept, someone liking someone or backs being stabbed. I hate to be this blunt but WHO CARES? No one will remember it tomorrow. Can we just all be happy, take everything for the joke that it is and at least, in a few years, we won't cringe at how much of a big deal we made of everything. We will be kicking ourselves, I guarantee you. I know I sound like an old man but teenagers are stupid- we never realise what we have- the freedom to not be depended on- and we waste our time creating problems for ourselves, followed by more time thinking deeply/being depressed/wailing about it than actually just getting over it.
I'm just begging for people to take a step back and laugh at everything [kind of how I'm learning to do right now]. I believe there are truly only  few moments that really need to be taken seriously in life- that is, when someone is born, when someone meets God and when someone dies. All in all, there shouldn't be seriousness in amongst that; things in a cycle that everyone in history has gone through before, that all eventually amounts to nothing. I mean, haven't you ever thought: been there.. done that ?

Lighten up. Enjoy life.

So exhausted from doing absolutely nothing at school- read picture books with Celia & Dr Seuss with Jaffly, tied in basketball[ DISLIKE NORTHMEAD A LOT], talked unhealthily too much about lisps with Tom & Vivian, & went with a couple funny yr9s to 7/11 where a lot of taunting about my lack of friends occurred. :(

Sarah & I got into the car to mum talking about how aunt brought a giant pizza from Cosco. Mum was just gleefully cutting it because it doesn't fit in the oven otherwise. She said she didn't cut it yet because she wanted us to see it first.

Mum is so adorable. She was talking about how she decided to make pasta salad for me and then wailed about how she accidentally cut herself. So, while driving, she puts her arm backwards so we can clearly see the bandaid. Oh the sacrifices she makes so we can have food LOL. So funny- like a kid showing their knee when they fall over. Sarah was just rolling her eyes but she knows mum's awesome.

I've got to start studying. I hate failing.

All set out to study- all I have to do is quit backing out. I'm the only thing standing in my way. LOL FILL ME LORD- as in FML but more Christian (L).

All these posts sound very disjointed [as most blog posts do] and pretty shallow, I admit. This is because words don't flow as easily as they used to so I'm constantly fixing things up &, besides, blogs aren't supposed to hold your innermost thoughts anyway.

Yesterday, had a chicken/noodle/egg soup/seafood pancake set at Beauty&TheBeast at Strathfield [adore that place] & then Sarah bought lemon meringue & strawberry tart from Hello Happy which I stole (: My parents are absolutely fantastic.

Dad has suddenly become inspired to teach me & Sarah really complicated chemistry & biology. Anyone interested in forming a study group so I can escape ? Ahaha but in all honesty, deep inside, I admire my dad for being such a great father & the same for my mum. I can't imagine a life of those angsty teenage books where the parents are divorced and one or both of them are completely neglectful and irresponsible. As extreme as this sounds, I would see no meaning in life if I didn't have my family. AND YES, I would also feel pretty depressed without friends <3. These natural parts of our lives and the smallest things we take for granted mean everything to us- without them, there feels like there are literally holes in it, you know ? I know I would sink without certain epople. The smallest things my family & friends say can get to me, depending on how sensitive I feel at the time but I know that it's only because the people you love the most are the ones most capable of hurting you. Because whenever my mum or dad says anything slightly unsupportive or negative [which is completely rare], I immediately start to hold back tears whereas if a semi-friend said it, I would go "pssh" and laugh without any faking. Isn't that strange ? It all depends on how much you value their opinion.

Blatant nerdy ruse report- screwed for Brain Bee but seriously don't care, should start studying for maths but ceebs,, what else ? I usually don't even bother with anything nowadays. It feels like I've hit a mid-life crisis where I honestly don't care. LOL I'm not half as stressed as I was in year 7 where I was under the impression that, somehow, the things I did would count for something. (: