So, while procrastinating as usual, Dad turned on the TV & there were no good channels so we watched this spoof of a show, "Summer Heights High" & eventually Sarah & Mum joined but it was so damn funny. Extreme sterotypical joke about Aussie [I think] public schools but I realised there's such a big difference between Ruse & that & I've forgotten what it's like to go to a normal school. It'll probably make a huge impact on my life but I don't think I'm missing out on anything. LOOK IT UP. THE SHOW WAS HILARIOUS, if you're into crude & immature humour like I am.

Wollongong was very lovely & cool, watching movies with my family like Gulliver's travels, Barbie Mariposa [LOL, yes, seriously], Slumdog Millionaire, The Doctor [which was Dad's suggestion & really good in my opinion] & lots of beaches [Bulli beach which is my grandma's second most favourite place in the world, Kiama, Murray beach at Jervis Bay which is where my parents had their second date & grandpa also pointed out from the hotel where we were staying at [Best Western, Wollongong] into the distance where he used to work in a factory. My grandparents [dad's side] visited us beach they wanted to take their own road trip which is something I think they do a lot but gave us kimbab on the way & we visited Bulli beach together. I took a lot of photos & videos as usual while the rest of my family tried to dodge the camera & Mum found it very relaxing because she stayed in the car a lot & she gets very stressed usually on holidays because she has to take care of the rest of us but she had to do that less on these holidays. The water at Murray beach is the most beautiful colour. Also, Dad fell over on the rock pools there & injured his hand & ankle. So now, he's going around saying that he slayed a dragon to save Sarah or something & Sarah's saying she was the one who slayed the dragon. It's strange because I was there & none of that happened. Consequently, I slapped Sarah around the head & Mum slapped Dad. All's good in the world. I may or may not upload photos but I doubt any of you really care so future me, go find photos in one of the albums!

Today, my family had lunch with Tiff's family where we were going to eat at the Eastwood RSL club but it was closed [what place is closed a whole 5 days after Christmas?] so we ate at another place in Eastwood, went to the Eastwood hotel so that the parents could drink beer [which Tiff did as well & got slightly drunk, evident by the way she called herself the "pride & joy" of her school even though she'd do that when she's sober] while Mum & I drank capuccinos & Sarah pigged out on chips. We also took polaroids! Awesome fun. Tiff & I reminisced about junior years & talked a lot about how're going to die in the next two years with Sarah chiming in, going "I'm gonna be in year 8". She got glared at a lot. Happy holidays, everyone.

(:



Dear someone,

It's never okay even when so many people have it. You'll get through it. Sorry I can't be more sympathetic but I think I'm too emotionless or at least desensitized by it to ever really understand what it's like to experience it. It doesn't hurt me as much as it should for me but I know you're one of the strongest people I know who can definitely survive past it. Don't give up!

Yours sincerely,

ashamed to be looking the other way

I just can't choose, nothing intriguing about this one. Truth is that I love life & I love all the people in it & all the memories they create. It's not even just Christmas talking. I always feel blessed to have been where I've been & be where I am. I couldn't ever pinpoint a person to a time & a place- it would be so wrong when God has given me so much more than that.

Dear everyone,

No one's perfect but it's funny that, despite how messed up the world is & how sometimes everything just goes downhill, some memories are perfect. Such good memories sprout from everywhere & it's amazing. Merry Christmas.

Love,

A very grateful kid.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Another year has already passed & the whole year has been a mix of everything great, not-so-great & ultimate amazing & we take it as it comes. Thank you everyone for being a part of it & I really hope you have a great Christmas & all the days afterwards. Christmas is nothing compared to who deserves one.

I won't bore everyone with what's happened yesterday & today because all of you has those cheesy family & friends moments & we all know what Christmas is about. So I'll just dotpoint my Christmas of 2011 to remember years later (:

So goodbye, off to Wollongong tomorrow [where we may possibly fish for the first time] & have an amazing amazing amazing time, you lovely people.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/yrb7hVp9bFtz9AkwCC2o

---

Christmas Eve 2011

# Sarah & I made chocolates [melting Cadbury & putting them into moulds that Sarah bought from Victoria's basement] in secret while Mum & Dad were at Costco. We even called them & asked to buy more things to buy more time to make them. We also wanted another sister & we could name her Juilliana & she could be the look out [we were really paranoid of Mum & Dad coming home before we finished up]; also because Sarah just really wanted to coo out "Oh Juilliana! What do you see?".

# Had a classic Turkey dinner at aunt's house with James & our second cousins, Jane & Harry, & our grandparents [dad's side]. We also realised that all of our cousins have very European royal names which is strange [James, Nathan, Christopher, Joshua, Edward, Yvonne]. We played basketball where I think I was a bit harsh on James because he kept yelling at everyone & I told him off but I felt bad because I went too far [Sarah told me I had]. Oh well.

# We watched "A Christmas Carol" which has a really overdone storyline but the animation was amazing. It was sort of like "The Polar Express" which has a terrible plot but the animation is beautiful.

# Sarah & I kept treating Mum & Dad's Christmas presents like a secret mission which involved a lot of whispering, staying up late to clean up the dishes covered in chocolates as quietly as possible & planning how to make everything pretty.

Christmas Day

# Sarah & I woke up early to arrange the stone/wood figurines of our family [which is the present] & placed the chocolate we made around them. Sarah distracted Dad who's too much of an early waker while I sneaked outside to cut off a rose to put near the present & card. It's the first Christmas where our parents didn't get us a Christmas present & we gave it to them. It felt like a change but it was equally as nice & felt like we'd crossed a milestone.

# Mum woke up & I brought her downstairs to the kitchen where everything was arranged & Sarah brought dad up to the kitchen at the same time so they met on the middle floor & got a surprise! [actually Dad saw it but Sarah tried to block the doorway & then his eyes before]. Too personal, the next bits, but that's the part you'll probably remember anyway- the important parts never really make it onto this blog. You know, those smiles, those laughs, the way they love the chocolate even though all we did was melt it & reshape it, those memories are things you can't put in words, much less put on a blog.

# So after that, we had a breakfast with Dad's last-minute Christmas carol track for mood music & feasted on rice cakes, croissants, leftover Turkey with the plate of the family figurines as a centre-piece & chocolates. Sarah kept going on about her white chocolates were better made than my milk chocolate ones.

# Church was church with charades which year 10 won! We won a flower. Haha, better than second place year 11s who won a rock. Year 12s who organised the games are so damn cheap. We also gave Esther her birthday present & card, played Hungry Hippo & got American lollies from Howard [bible study teacher].

# Came home & slept & watched bad TV [which is absolutely the worst at Christmas; like Eloise at Christmastime].

# We had simple but more-delicious-than-any-Turkey dinner of elehgikimbab with our grandprents [Mum's side] & it was so yummy & gorgeous with candles & wine glasses [which only Dad filled with wine] but the rest looked like wine but were really tea & coke. Later, Sarah played piano for them, I showed them my formal photos & we had tea & fruit. Couldn't have asked for a better dinner or day.

# Now, we're watching more terrible movies [like The Perfect Man & bad shows].

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

! Future me, check the hugely embarrassing photos for this Christmas.

Just had the best hour & a half of my holidays, laughing on my parents' bed, just the four of us. I borrowed this fraud-like book from the library today- "Career, aptitude and selection tests" by Jim Barrett- but never knew what fun it could bring on. I was testing Sarah's personality & was reading out the questions & Mum kept chiming in with answers like "no, she's not very lively..yes, yes, she is quite passive". All the questions & method of finding the personality were complete bullcrap but we went along with it because it was hilarious. And there was a question which was like, "do people perceive you as stunning?" & because Mum is Mum, she went "OF COURSE, my Sarah is always stunning!" & Sarah just went, "Duh". & so I just went "so that's a no" & circled no. Pretty much everything went like that until the person that was supposed to be answering about their personality didn't get a say because of all the chimers in the family. Turns out that Sarah is a "lone wolf" as Sarah likes to put it [as she flares her nostrils] with passive & deliberate tendencies & I'm gregarious & spontaneous. Apparently, complete opposites despite how similar we look.

We tried to deduce Dad's personality but he was half-asleep & a troll which meant he kept going "yes, yes, definitely, no, perhaps" about everything & Mum had to answer everything for him. I also realised whenever we asked the questions, we talked in British accents to sound like a proper questionaire. We gave up on Dad's personality test because his is pretty simple- strange, simply nerd but a family man- also, he kept trolling. So we did Mum's & hers was probably the most miserable & lonely because Dad & Sarah kept blurting out things like, "no, she doesn't like to make contact with people" & "she has a lot of troubles!". Especially Dad because after we gave up on his personality quiz, we went on to Mum's & he suddenly came wide awake. But yeah, anyway, I kept looking over at Mum to see if it hurt her & maybe I'm being too much of an unrealistically idealistic teenager because do you think an adult would care if someone answered things like that for them in a personality quiz? I think I would care if people so close to me thought of me that way  but that's because I'm a self-centred 15 year old. Mum only had some pangs of hurt from what I could see but she accepted them because she's like that.

To me, Mum is the most beautiful person in the world- always patient & giving things we never deserve, constantly dependable & loving- but she conflicts with most people who aren't her family, even Dad sometimes so mainly her two daughters are the exception. It makes me sad that others on the outside [say, the other mums at church, because Mum doesn't fit in there] can't see these things & I wish she could treat everyone else the way she treats Sarah & I because then they would see it. Dad is the same amount of amazingness but more compatible with people outside the family because he's a doctor & involved more in the church but they also don't see half of it, I think. Sarah is always hilarious, sweet, so damn clever, morally sound & kind for a 12 year old but again, people outside the family could never see it because she's sarcastic & shy around people she doesn't know. It makes me wonder how much I hide from everyone else but I'm the most open & attention-seeking out of my family so I know that it's not that much. Also, I'm not nearly as brilliant as anyone in my family so it makes me sad for them that they aren't appreciated- it's like who they are is never seen & is wasted- especially Mum. She truly doesn't know how great she is because she never hears it from anyone except us & we all know no one takes compliments from family members seriously. It makes me sad that she doesn't have much of a social life outside being a mum & a wife because she deserves one so badly. Sorry, this was supposed to be about the fun times I had with my family but it's turning into something negative. I don't know if you understand a lot of this but to put it simply, the possibility that Mum might be sad because she doesn't have many other people makes me miserable. Mum's results were very solitary, imaginative & the most passive you can get.

I don't know if she was bothered by that but there were so many laughs in the middle. Sarah's manly-voice chimes about how Mum is a lone wolf like herself & Dad's teasing about how Mum is very restful [because she naps a LOT], loves announcing everything she's doing ["Sarah! Mummy's taking a shower", "Grace! Mummy's going to do the dishes"]. Sarah & I taking digs at each other about how I never shut up & like to talk to people even when they never want to talk to me & how Sarah always mutters morbid & cynical things under her breath.

Anyway, it was very fun & like with any family, you wouldn't understand the inside jokes of another so please ignore the next few conversations because they'll be lame to you. They're for me to remember later on (: Hope you have a fantastic rest-of-the-holidays !

Me- "Mum, would you perceive yourself to be precise?"
Mum- "Yes, very"
Sarah & Dad- "NO"
Me- "She's only ever precise with Dad's spending"
Mum & Dad [LOLing]

Sarah- "Are you unsure about how you fit in with other people?"
Me- "Yes, no..um.. yes, yeah, kind of, not really, I think-"
Sarah- "Grace, let me put this simply for you. You. Don't. Fit. In. Doesn't matter how long you think about whether you think you do".

Me- "Do you prefer not to discuss with anyone what you're going to do?"
Mum- "Yes"
Sarah & Dad- "NO. Are you freaking kidding? She tells everyone what she's going to & about to do ALL THE TIME".

Me- "Are you fairly quiet in a group?"
Sarah- "No" [I think she likes to think of herself as outgoing"]
Me & Mum- "YES"
Sarah- "What?!"
Me- "You've never talked to your piano teacher, you always nod or use some weird miming face expression or sign language" -Mum nods in absolute agreement-

Sarah- "Do you rarely get emotional?"
Me- "Defs"
Everyone- "WHAT?!"
Sarah- "You never shut up about how angry or depressed or happy you are. You sometimes go into your room to cry about nothing like a little baby".

It surprised me how different my family perceived me at home & how I am at school. Apparently, I'm a lot more temperamental, emotional & self-absorbed at home. It was interesting & great family time.

Sarah & I also like to poke each other & tell each other seriously, "you've just been touched by an angel".

Can't imagine a universe without them. <3

My proud confession is that I haven't had my first kiss & there are a lot of reasons why but there's another confession that sort of goes hand-in-hand with it because, despite how happy & joking & light I act, I think a big part of what defines me on the inside is that I'm a cynic to the cut-throat core.

With so many of these letters, it's always like I haven't lived or experienced enough to do these letters. I've never been properly hurt or broken & don't intend to be anytime soon & so there isn't someone I'd majorly want to give a second chance to. Yeah, what's the point of a blog if there's no life to record? Pretty miserable thought haha.

Letter 22- Someone I want to give a second chance to

Dear future someone that may or may not want a second chance,

I hope you'll slap me until I open my mind & heart enough to grant second chances because I'm not entirely sure I believe in them just now. Because, right now, I think that an action can be so unforgivable that a second chance is just not a possibility. Then again, I have to remember God's infinite number of second chances & sacrifices that were given for us so yes, do slap me if I think I'm above all that.

Yours sincerely,

I never will be.

TODAY'S RECOUNT.

I woke up today, pumped to study [LOL jokes, I feebly crawled out of bed with the intention of studying &, of course, crawled right back]. The family went to Castle Towers Piazza for what feels like the thousandth time in the last couple of weeks & we ate at a new place for us- Criniti's- & it was extremely delicious. We had steak, salmon bruscetta, mussel soup [chilli, like at Nick's Seafood Restaurant] & lasagne [obviously Sarah's]. It was very bright & peaceful on the outside tables with lots of passerbys & the small fountain & I just had the profound epiphany...regarding how much I loved lunch. Oh, & my parents & sister. But yeah, lunch is beautiful. It's the light-hearted but amazingly tasty part of the day that you realise is so much more than breakfast & more exciting than dinner. I should really shut up about my love for lunch because I might get bashed.



Also, before lunch, Sarah & I got insanely bored so we put on face masks [to "cleanse & rejuvinate" our faces] & we pranced around the house, showing off our mock vanity to Mum whilst luvoing & wailing due to the slight stinging it brought about. Awesome fun.

Haven't done this letter writing thing in a while & I have nothing better to do. So..

Letter 21- Someone I judged by their first impression

Dear sadly misjudged person,

I don't know you very well but just hearing you open your mouth & say some things which were more interesting & thoughtful than I expected you to say, made me realise that I don't know everything. I thought you'd be a bit of a bonehead &, I hope I don't sound too conceited when I say that I'm usually right when I judge or think of people in a certain way. But you surprised me which is more than I can say for a lot of people haha. My first impression of you was, in short, an idiot but you turned out to be much more different with your opinions & quirks & you're more special in conversation than people give you credit for. So, great job, have a gold star.

Yours sincerely,

sorry for sounding like a snob in this letter, I'm tired.

HIGH above the city, on a tall column, stood the statue of the Happy Prince. He was gilded all over with thin leaves of fine gold, for eyes he had two bright sapphires, and a large red ruby glowed on his sword-hilt.

He was very much admired indeed. ‘He is as beautiful as a weathercock,’ remarked one of the Town Councillors who wished to gain a reputation for having artistic tastes; ‘only not quite so useful,’ he added, fearing lest people should think him unpractical, which he really was not.

‘Why can’t you be like the Happy Prince?’ asked a sensible mother of her little boy who was crying for the moon. ‘The Happy Prince never dreams of crying for anything.’

‘I am glad there is some one in the world who is quite happy,’ muttered a disappointed man as he gazed at the wonderful statue.

‘He looks just like an angel,’ said the Charity Children as they came out of the cathedral in their bright scarlet cloaks, and their clean white pinafores.

‘How do you know?’ said the Mathematical Master, ‘you have never seen one.’

‘Ah! but we have, in our dreams,’ answered the children; and the Mathematical Master frowned and looked very severe, for he did not approve of children dreaming.

One night there flew over the city a little Swallow. His friends had gone away to Egypt six weeks before, but he had stayed behind, for he was in love with the most beautiful Reed. He had met her early in the spring as he was flying down the river after a big yellow moth, and had been so attracted by her slender waist that he had stopped to talk to her.

‘Shall I love you?’ said the Swallow, who liked to come to the point at once, and the Reed made him a low bow. So he flew round and round her, touching the water with his wings, and making silver ripples. This was his courtship, and it lasted all through the summer.

‘It is a ridiculous attachment,’ twittered the other Swallows, ‘she has no money, and far too many relations;’ and indeed the river was quite full of Reeds. Then, when the autumn came, they all flew away.

After they had gone he felt lonely, and began to tire of his lady-love. ‘She has no conversation,’ he said, ‘and I am afraid that she is a coquette, for she is always flirting with the wind.’ And certainly, whenever the wind blew, the Reed made the most graceful curtsies. ‘I admit that she is domestic,’ he continued, ‘but I love travelling, and my wife, consequently, should love travelling also.’

‘Will you come away with me?’ he said finally to her; but the Reed shook her head, she was so attached to her home.

‘You have been trifling with me,’ he cried, ‘I am off to the Pyramids. Good-bye!’ and he flew away.

All day long he flew, and at night-time he arrived at the city. ‘Where shall I put up?’ he said; ‘I hope the town has made preparations.’

Then he saw the statue on the tall column. ‘I will put up there,’ he cried; ‘it is a fine position with plenty of fresh air.’ So he alighted just between the feet of the Happy Prince.

‘I have a golden bedroom,’ he said softly to himself as he looked round, and he prepared to go to sleep; but just as he was putting his head under his wing a large drop of water fell on him. ‘What a curious thing!’ he cried, ‘there is not a single cloud in the sky, the stars are quite clear and bright, and yet it is raining. The climate in the north of Europe is really dreadful. The Reed used to like the rain, but that was merely her selfishness.’

Then another drop fell.

‘What is the use of a statue if it cannot keep the rain off?’ he said; ‘I must look for a good chimney-pot,’ and he determined to fly away.

But before he had opened his wings, a third drop fell, and he looked up, and saw - Ah! what did he see?

The eyes of the Happy Prince were filled with tears, and tears were running down his golden cheeks. His face was so beautiful in the moonlight that the little Swallow was filled with pity.

‘Who are you?’ he said.

‘I am the Happy Prince.’

‘Why are you weeping then?’ asked the Swallow; ‘you have quite drenched me.’

‘When I was alive and had a human heart,’ answered the statue, ‘I did not know what tears were, for I lived in the palace of Sans-Souci, where sorrow is not allowed to enter. In the daytime I played with my companions in the garden, and in the evening I led the dance in the Great Hall. Round the garden ran a very lofty wall, but I never cared to ask what lay beyond it, everything about me was so beautiful. My courtiers called me the Happy Prince, and happy indeed I was, if pleasure be happiness. So I lived, and so I died. And now that I am dead they have set me up here so high that I can see all the ugliness and all the misery of my city, and though my heart is made of lead yet I cannot choose but weep.’

‘What, is he not solid gold?’ said the Swallow to himself. He was too polite to make any personal remarks out loud.

‘Far away,’ continued the statue in a low musical voice, ‘far away in a little street there is a poor house. One of the windows is open, and through it I can see a woman seated at a table. Her face is thin and worn, and she has coarse, red hands, all pricked by the needle, for she is a seamstress. She is embroidering passion-flowers on a satin gown for the loveliest of the Queen’s maids-of-honour to wear at the next Court-ball. In a bed in the corner of the room her little boy is lying ill. He has a fever, and is asking for oranges. His mother has nothing to give him but river water, so he is crying. Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow, will you not bring her the ruby out of my sword-hilt? My feet are fastened to this pedestal and I cannot move.’

‘I am waited for in Egypt,’ said the Swallow. ‘My friends are flying up and down the Nile, and talking to the large lotus-flowers. Soon they will go to sleep in the tomb of the great King. The King is there himself in his painted coffin. He is wrapped in yellow linen, and embalmed with spices. Round his neck is a chain of pale green jade, and his hands are like withered leaves.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me for one night, and be my messenger? The boy is so thirsty, and the mother so sad.’

‘I don’t think I like boys,’ answered the Swallow. ‘Last summer, when I was staying on the river, there were two rude boys, the miller’s sons, who were always throwing stones at me. They never hit me, of course; we swallows fly far too well for that, and besides, I come of a family famous for its agility; but still, it was a mark of disrespect.’

But the Happy Prince looked so sad that the little Swallow was sorry. ‘It is very cold here,’ he said; ‘but I will stay with you for one night, and be your messenger.’

‘Thank you, little Swallow,’ said the Prince.

So the Swallow picked out the great ruby from the Prince’s sword, and flew away with it in his beak over the roofs of the town.

He passed by the cathedral tower, where the white marble angels were sculptured. He passed by the palace and heard the sound of dancing. A beautiful girl came out on the balcony with her lover. ‘How wonderful the stars are,’ he said to her, and how wonderful is the power of love!’

‘I hope my dress will be ready in time for the State-ball,’ she answered; ‘I have ordered passion-flowers to be embroidered on it; but the seamstresses are so lazy.’

He passed over the river, and saw the lanterns hanging to the masts of the ships. He passed over the Ghetto, and saw the old jews bargaining with each other, and weighing out money in copper scales. At last he came to the poor house and looked in. The boy was tossing feverishly on his bed, and the mother had fallen asleep, she was so tired. In he hopped, and laid the great ruby on the table beside the woman’s thimble. Then he flew gently round the bed, fanning the boy’s forehead with his wings. ‘How cool I feel,’ said the boy, ‘I must be getting better;’ and he sank into a delicious slumber.

Then the Swallow flew back to the Happy Prince, and told him what he had done. ‘It is curious,’ he remarked, ‘but I feel quite warm now, although it is so cold.’

‘That is because you have done a good action,’ said the Prince. And the little Swallow began to think, and then he fell asleep. Thinking always made him sleepy.

When day broke he flew down to the river and had a bath. ‘What a remarkable phenomenon,’ said the Professor of Ornithology as he was passing over the bridge. ‘A swallow in winter!’ And he wrote a long letter about it to the local newspaper. Every one quoted it, it was full of so many words that they could not understand.

‘To-night I go to Egypt,’ said the Swallow, and he was in high spirits at the prospect. He visited all the public monuments, and sat a long time on top of the church steeple. Wherever he went the Sparrows chirruped, and said to each other, ‘What a distinguished stranger!’ so he enjoyed himself very much.

When the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince. ‘Have you any commissions for Egypt?’ he cried; ‘I am just starting.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me one night longer?’

‘I am waited for in Egypt,’ answered the Swallow. ‘To-morrow my friends will fly up to the Second Cataract. The river-horse couches there among the bulrushes, and on a great granite throne sits the God Memnon. All night long he watches the stars, and when the morning star shines he utters one cry of joy, and then he is silent. At noon the yellow lions come down to the water’s edge to drink. They have eyes like green beryls, and their roar is louder than the roar of the cataract.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the prince, ‘far away across the city I see a young man in a garret. He is leaning over a desk covered with papers, and in a tumbler by his side there is a bunch of withered violets. His hair is brown and crisp, and his lips are red as a pomegranate, and he has large and dreamy eyes. He is trying to finish a play for the Director of the Theatre, but he is too cold to write any more. There is no fire in the grate, and hunger has made him faint.’

‘I will wait with you one night longer,’ said the Swallow, who really had a good heart. ‘Shall I take him another ruby?’

‘Alas! I have no ruby now,’ said the Prince; ‘my eyes are all that I have left. They are made of rare sapphires, which were brought out of India a thousand years ago. Pluck out one of them and take it to him. He will sell it to the jeweller, and buy food and firewood, and finish his play.’

‘Dear Prince,’ said the Swallow, ‘I cannot do that;’ and he began to weep.

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘do as I command you.’

So the Swallow plucked out the Prince’s eye, and flew away to the student’s garret. It was easy enough to get in, as there was a hole in the roof. Through this he darted, and came into the room. The young man had his head buried in his hands, so he did not hear the flutter of the bird’s wings, and when he looked up he found the beautiful sapphire lying on the withered violets.

‘I am beginning to be appreciated,’ he cried; ‘this is from some great admirer. Now I can finish my play,’ and he looked quite happy.

The next day the Swallow flew down to the harbour. He sat on the mast of a large vessel and watched the sailors hauling big chests out of the hold with ropes. ‘Heave a-hoy!’ they shouted as each chest came up. ‘I am going to Egypt!’ cried the Swallow, but nobody minded, and when the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince.

‘I am come to bid you good-bye,’ he cried.

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me one night longer?’

‘It is winter,’ answered the Swallow, ‘and the chill snow will soon be here. In Egypt the sun is warm on the green palm-trees, and the crocodiles lie in the mud and look lazily about them. My companions are building a nest in the Temple of Baalbec, and the pink and white doves are watching them, and cooing to each other. Dear Prince, I must leave you, but I will never forget you, and next spring I will bring you back two beautiful jewels in place of those you have given away. The ruby shall be redder than a red rose, and the sapphire shall be as blue as the great sea.’

‘In the square below,’ said the Happy Prince, ‘there stands a little match-girl. She has let her matches fall in the gutter, and they are all spoiled. Her father will beat her if she does not bring home some money, and she is crying. She has no shoes or stockings, and her little head is bare. Pluck out my other eye, and give it to her, and her father will not beat her.’

‘I will stay with you one night longer,’ said the Swallow, ‘but I cannot pluck out your eye. You would be quite blind then.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘do as I command you.’

So he plucked out the Prince’s other eye, and darted down with it. He swooped past the match-girl, and slipped the jewel into the palm of her hand. ‘What a lovely bit of glass,’ cried the little girl; and she ran home, laughing.

Then the Swallow came back to the Prince. ‘You are blind now,’ he said, ‘so I will stay with you always.’

‘No, little Swallow,’ said the poor Prince, ‘you must go away to Egypt.’

‘I will stay with you always,’ said the Swallow, and he slept at the Prince’s feet.

All the next day he sat on the Prince’s shoulder, and told him stories of what he had seen in strange lands. He told him of the red ibises, who stand in long rows on the banks of the Nile, and catch gold fish in their beaks; of the Sphinx, who is as old as the world itself and lives in the desert, and knows everything; of the merchants, who walk slowly by the side of their camels, and carry amber beads in their hands; of the King of the Mountains of the Moon, who is as black as ebony, and worships a large crystal; of the great green snake that sleeps in a palm-tree, and has twenty priests to feed it with honey-cakes; and of the pygmies who sail over a big lake on large flat leaves, and are always at war with the butterflies.

‘Dear little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you tell me of marvellous things, but more marvellous than anything is the suffering of men and of women. There is no Mystery so great as Misery. Fly over my city, little Swallow, and tell me what you see there.’

So the Swallow flew over the great city, and saw the rich making merry in their beautiful houses, while the beggars were sitting at the gates. He flew into dark lanes, and saw the white faces of starving children looking out listlessly at the black streets. Under the archway of a bridge two little boys were lying in one another’s arms to try and keep themselves warm. ‘How hungry we are!’ they said. ‘You must not lie here,’ shouted the Watchman, and they wandered out into the rain.

Then he flew back and told the Prince what he had seen.

‘I am covered with fine gold,’ said the Prince, ‘you must take it off, leaf by leaf, and give it to my poor; the living always think that gold can make them happy.’

Leaf after leaf of the fine gold the Swallow picked off, till the Happy Prince looked quite dull and grey. Leaf after leaf of the fine gold he brought to the poor, and the children’s faces grew rosier, and they laughed and played games in the street. ‘We have bread now!’ they cried.

Then the snow came, and after the snow came the frost. The streets looked as if they were made of silver, they were so bright and glistening; long icicles like crystal daggers hung down from the eaves of the houses, everybody went about in furs, and the little boys wore scarlet caps and skated on the ice.

The poor little Swallow grew colder and colder, but he would not leave the Prince, he loved him too well. He picked up crumbs outside the baker’s door where the baker was not looking, and tried to keep himself warm by flapping his wings.

But at last he knew that he was going to die. He had just strength to fly up to the Prince’s shoulder once more. ‘Good-bye, dear Prince!’ he murmured, ‘will you let me kiss your hand?’

‘I am glad that you are going to Egypt at last, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you have stayed too long here; but you must kiss me on the lips, for I love you.’

‘It is not to Egypt that I am going,’ said the Swallow. ‘I am going to the House of Death. Death is the brother of Sleep, is he not?’

And he kissed the Happy Prince on the lips, and fell down dead at his feet.

At that moment a curious crack sounded inside the statue, as if something had broken. The fact is that the leaden heart had snapped right in two. It certainly was a dreadfully hard frost. Early the next morning the Mayor was walking in the square below in company with the Town Councillors. As they passed the column he looked up at the statue: ‘Dear me! how shabby the Happy Prince looks!’ he said.

‘How shabby indeed!’ cried the Town Councillors, who always agreed with the Mayor, and they went up to look at it.

‘The ruby has fallen out of his sword, his eyes are gone, and he is golden no longer,’ said the Mayor; ‘in fact, he is little better than a beggar!’

‘Little better than a beggar’ said the Town councillors.

‘And here is actually a dead bird at his feet!’ continued the Mayor. ‘We must really issue a proclamation that birds are not to be allowed to die here.’ And the Town Clerk made a note of the suggestion.

So they pulled down the statue of the Happy Prince. ‘As he is no longer beautiful he is no longer useful,’ said the Art Professor at the University.

Then they melted the statue in a furnace, and the Mayor held a meeting of the Corporation to decide what was to be done with the metal. ‘We must have another statue, of course,’ he said, ‘and it shall be a statue of myself.’

‘Of myself,’ said each of the Town Councillors, and they quarrelled. When I last heard of them they were quarrelling still.

‘What a strange thing!’ said the overseer of the workmen at the foundry. ‘This broken lead heart will not melt in the furnace. We must throw it away.’ So they threw it on a dust-heap where the dead Swallow was also lying.

‘Bring me the two most precious things in the city,’ said God to one of His Angels; and the Angel brought Him the leaden heart and the dead bird.

‘You have rightly chosen,’ said God, ‘for in my garden of Paradise this little bird shall sing for evermore, and in my city of gold the Happy Prince shall praise me.’



---
 
Mum told me to read this years ago but I only read it for the first time today. It's probably the most elegant short story ever written. But I didn't how how to think about it or feel anything for it so I had to look up the meaning/analysis on Sparknotes. I realised I'd become stupid because I just knew it was beautiful & couldn't think of the clear meaning. I was a bit unsure about what it meant- only that it goes so much further than a fairytale. It made me sad that I had become so thoughtless on my quest to not be brainless. Which do you think is more important? Thought or intelligence? I had forgotten how to think about things like this because of the blinders on either side of me, focused on success & being "smart". I doubt any great epiphany or philosophy will arise from today with the world we live in when there is really no time to think about anything truly important. Or, more honestly, we have time & we choose to waste it. I want to learn how to think poetically but it's not something you can really force. So, right now, I'm sort of like this.
 

 
A defining FML thought.
 
A little moment with my sister today.
 
-After piano, Sarah rushes to the computer-
Me- hey, where're you off to?
Sarah- Grace, sometimes you have to understand...computer is number 1.
-I give her a pitiful look that says "how could you put the computer first?"-
Sarah- alright, alright, but you're number half!
 
She then got her priorities so that Mum & Dad were number 0.25 which technically means they're first before computer. It was quite nice.

Got breakfast at the Waffle Factory [liege choc strawberry] & shared with grandma even though I sort of ate most of it. Mum, Sarah, Grandma & I then went to Victoria's basement [which, if you don't know, is this place filled with teapots, silverware, cutlery & ornaments]. Grandma & Mum just admired & chatted about the pretty & useful things while I looked at everything in pretend contempt & kept going "I could break that with my bare hands" in a psychopathic tone while Sarah frantically twitched & shuffled & grabbed my hand back whenever I tried to touch anything, going "That costs $60. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING". She then hugged me neurotically & stayed in the centre of the store, saying "We're safest here, if we break, we have to pay! DON'T TOUCH" & I continued to pick up little trays & teapots, going "so so breakable". I think Mum is embarrassed to go anywhere with us.

Now, I'm off to go to church for a 5-hour Christmas musical play practise that HSB [high school church group] is putting on for the rest of the church where I am a shepherd [but it's a modern twist so technically I'm a farmer] & I have two lines & yet, it is freaking 5 hours.

It seems fitting that the 400th blogpost is also the end of the 4th year of high school & soon, the beginning of the 5th- SENIOR YEARS. & for exactly this reason, it doesn't feel like 6 weeks of holidays but more like 6 weeks of prepping myself to not die & I hate people like myself who act so dramatic about these things, especially since I wasn't even sad about the whole junior years ending but more scared of the senior years beginning. I think that fact sums me up perfectly- I am heartless, neurotic & never carefree enough to truly live in the moment. But it's alright because I prefer that to people who act like the moment is all they got & go crazy or the people who can't let go of the past. Even though I forget the past & miss out on some of the present, I'm okay with being a future person even though it usually never comes. I've never regretted starting this blog because I've always got to scroll down or go through the archives to remember myself for just a moment before going back to thinking about the future. This blog is the only part of me that sort of lives in the past. Major cheese but it is. So because I'm not one for making & keeping new years resolutions. I shall make a pact for myself to survive & live out the next two years in the school I love dearly & with the people [Dad, Mum, sister, friends & strangers] who will be a part of it all. I promise I'll try & stay away from the usual because those are boring. So basically these & the usual [like study harder, be more carefree, get fitter, make friends etc.].

#1 I will not use the words "gay", "retard", "sped" or any other politically incorrect terms as insults for obvious reasons. Actually, just to expand on that, get a better & more interesting vocabulary. Yeah, even get rid of "awesome" because you say it every second sentence.

#2 FIND A FREAKING HOBBY. LIKE SERIOUSLY. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT WITH ANYONE ANYMORE.

#3 Eat snails again, yum.

#4 Get L plate & annoy parents & other drivers by living in the parking lot & stealing all parking spots before other cars can get to them. Upon doing this, yell out "LOL JOKES" & let them have the spot. This skill might take some time to perfect & may get me bashed.

#5 Yeah, have to come to this one. Study your ass off.

#6 Find people willing to be friends with you.

#7 Again, quit procrastinating & do any of the above [except the fun ones because they're probably the things you're doing to procrastinate with].

#8 If you can't find people who want to be friends with you, hire some actors to be.

#9 Be a lovely daughter because your parents deserve it like crazy & much more beyond.

Today was an amazing day with family. Sarah went to visit her primary school [Matthew Pearce] like the year 7 graduate she is & we went to Castle Towers before with Mum to eat at Caffe Sul Ponte & shop. Dad came home in the evening & the family ate at Red Spoon Thai at the Piazza & then drank hot chocolate & coffee at The Coffee Club. A very pampered & relazing start to the holidays.

Good luck to the year 12s who got their atars back ! Trust in God's plan for you.

Just found out that my parents bought tickets to the musical, "Love Never Dies", for Janurary & even though Dad loves that sort of thing, they're not going themselves but bought them for Sarah & me. I love them so much & at the same time, guilty that they have to give it up because it's too expensive if we all go [even though, I'd feel much better if we did or they went by themselves]. All because I pointed it out on a TV commercial today, they decided to buy us tickets to it. My parents are the best, handsdown, sorry everyone else. Very excited, grateful & undeserving. OI, FUTURE ME, pay them back properly, alright? :')

This morning, we.. harvested crap from the hydroponics system, like this gooey, smooshy root thing of some plant out of the holes & it was disgusting at first & probably still is but it ended up being sort of fun. We had to cut the plant off then dig around in the holes for the neverending & difficult roots. Like Ding said, kind of like doing surgery ["pass the knife", "I've almost got it"]. All the same, very grateful I'm not doing ag next year. In maths, we watched a History of Maths documentary with all that was remaining of the grade stuffed into one room; it was so mind-numbingly dull that a teacher fell asleep but it was bludgy so I can't complain. Wait, yeah I can, it was super gross because on top of that, we learned placement test results. I think I had averageish, hoping for maths 2 but won't really care if I get into maths 3. During recess, I discovered that they are fully out of senior uniform & so I shall have to wear junior uniform to school next year. Science was doing an experiment I didn't really understand but I did it anyway. Double PE was legit bludge. I know everything isn't very serious & everything is doing nothing but I still can't wait for school to end. I'm going to collapse from wanting this week to end that badly. And that's what you missed on GLEE.

Went to Castle Towers to shop for Mum and Dad's christmas presents but ended up buying one for my sister instead- it's a birthstone/pendant thing that I wanted but decided against my usually very selfish instincts to get one for her Taurus instead of my Aquarius. I wandered from store to store, sort of wavering near "Potts Avenue" & the store next to it- can't remember the name- but it's this special, cute, ridiculously expensive gift shop where I spotted a wooden/stone figurine with a father & two daughters which fits perfectly expect I think Dad would find it impractical, which it is, & I didn't want to spend so much money on a bit of wood/stone. So I decided to get smoked salmon waffles instead. In my defence, I really couldn't think of what my parents would want because they never let on any hints & my Dad outrightly said, "I have everything I want" while looking lovingly at Sarah & I but we all know that, deep down, he wants something. Same with Mum. I swear I'll figure it out even though shopping for them is impossible because they're both so different from me & yet still don't have defined wish lists. This is probably the first year I'm actually buying presents for my family & not expecting my parents to still act the part of Santa. Looking forward to this Christmas for different reasons than the other years because of this & certain other reasons.

I'm scared of having no personality anymore.

Kid issues, yeah, but terrifying right now.

I spent pretty much the whole day out with my family today.

We left early & had maccas for breakfast to get to Costco for the first time [well first time in Australia for Dad, Sarah and I] and Mum's second. It was pretty fun, just having this massive shopping spree mostly for our food..yeah, a lot of it food. Money well spent. Lots and lots of fun. We then had lunch at Sarah's favourite Sakae in Eastwood where it's pretty embarrassing because we go there so often, the owner is fully like "the usual" and we just nod, trying to be cool and failing. Then we dumped Sarah at her tutoring and the three of us went to a house auction in the city which was exciting because even though we were like randoms who just went there for fun. The house was sort of small but had a view of the harbour & the upstairs was gorgeous with a kitchen joined to a dining room and living room. It was so fresh and nice but cosy. Dad put out the opening bid which was stupid because if no one bid against us then we'd have to pay over $1 million for a house we weren't even serious about. Not that I wasn't the one who urged him to do it but it was fun because this Indian family bid against us & then it became a competition which they ended ahah, we'd never buy it but it was cool just the same. After a seafood dinner [mostly from Costco], we went to visit my grandparents [dad's side] to show my formal photos, talk about cousins and Heesoo & then grandma gave Sarah & I some rings that change colour [mine is engraved with "Banff" because she got it from Canada] with the weather & gave me another a ring that looks really lovely & old & patterned but real silver. I always feel sad receiving presents from grandparents & parents because I feel guilty & always obligated to keep them, treasure them because they link back to the memory of receiving them & so I have a stash of them, always too afraid to wear them because I lose things. I don't know if you still think that way but I'm sort of scared that one day I'll look at a piece of jewellry or note & forget how I got it or who it came from.

Haven't laughed in a while as much as I have today. It was sports bbq so we all just sort of had a 2 hour lunch and Rae, Suren, Michelle, Ding, Sarah and I were pretty much lazing about & talking like we do during camp d&ms only this time, it was only about the most retarded of things. We rofled at nothing in particular for ages & ended up giggling when any of us said anything; we also told like 4 people to go away rather rudely. Sarah kept chiming in with her usual "I like under a rock" & other stuff, "I didn't know about that". The rest of them were extremely stupid in their own ways. We broke each other's legs & it was just the sort of time where you just sit around, appreciating each other's sense of humour or lack thereof. The days when you feel like you're back in primary school & it's a really great feeling, even if you feel obligated to talk about the annoyingly insignificant high school stuff as well.

After bio tutoring, sister and I shared Moochi frozen yogurt [I only realised yesterday that it wasn't spelled "yoghurt"] & went to church because mum had to pray for some sermon. We just stayed in a separate room while Sarah played her new guitar that she could only play like 2 chords on because she only started learning yesterday and bought today. Then, we solved Sudokus together but it was way more hilarious than it sounds because we have this instinctive thing when we're listening to music to act like whatever song was playing. "I'll Make a Man Out of You" was playing, you know, that epic song from Mulan, & so we solved the Sudoku like it was a great challenge & we finished it just as the song was ending, so epic. We did that for a few songs. So many high fives and laughing till we couldn't breathe and when we messed up and realised that we couldn't solve it at the end, we embraced and started sobbing to "Hedwig's Theme", the Harry Potter theme song. Whatever, judge us, we had a lot of fun (:

I love days like this even if the sun has suddenly disappeared when it's supposed to be summer. Seriously, what is this.

What I noticed in formal photos was that all the girls tried to squeeze between each other and move backwards and lean towards the side in the attempt to look skinnier than each other and the guys just sort of swung their arms around each other and grinned. Makes me wish I was a guy but not having to care is sort of the only reason though. I wouldn't be a good one.

Bah, don't have the effort to recount anything anymore but today was presentation assembly and it was just degrading and extremely boring for me and I think, for the people actually getting awards, it was only slightly less tragic. BUT I did wake up for some particularly tank people who like topped every subject and make it seem effortless.  I did eat out at Parra yesterday with my family and we had chilli crab, egg tang and hotpot which was lovely and my sister and I treated ourselves for eating that much with crispy M&Ms (: Also today, hung with a bunch of people at Epping and pretty much just ate everything in sight.

WHAT ELSE? I would bother to recount formal more but it actually just ruins it so not going to and everyone who went knows anyway. I need to start to bother again otherwise I'm just going to keep going down this downward spiral of complete demotivation [by the way, this is just for academics], everything else is going pretttty good.

OHOHOH, French has been pretty good lately because we're watching this French movie that's really..sorry, for sounding like a tool, but for lack of a better word.. beautiful. I love the words the main guy [who happens to be an ugly poet] uses and it's a bit like "Shakespeare In Love" but way more epic. All the characters are incredibly witty and it's just made very well. Or if you're uninterested in that, just watch it because there's this guy that looks like Orlando Bloom in it.



I love the last two weeks of school but the sun has freaking disappeared and it's summer which is just depressing. I feel tired and sick because of it which is bizarre for me because I'm the one who turns on the aircon in winter. Anyway, going to go clean my room and organise my life forever.

1. 5 freaking years and nothing of signs or smiles. But it's still going and you're still number 1 here. Strange. Definitely not you Catherine.


2. I don't know you that well but you always seem like you're trying to grow up too fast and, from where I'm standing, it's pretty amusing. LOL this may be you, Catherine.

3. You are one of my favourite people to talk to- a genuinely awesome friend and you're weird but you make up for it with your entertaining epiphanies and general retardedness. No, just no, Catherine.

4. Please stop thinking you see something in me that others don't. It's really annoying because only I would know if I was hiding something and you definitely would not see it if I was. LOLOLOL, nice try.
5. You egotistical otter. Attention can't be bought by trying that hard. That's all. Yes, this could be you, Catherine.

6. I think you've become one of the people I've started to truly respect, keep being that person because there aren't enough of them. Pssht, as if Catherine.

7. You're actually a pig, inside and out. I obviously don't care the part about myself but when it comes to my family, you're crossing the line. I already found you annoying before but with something like that, you just don't exist anymore. Stop thinking you know what offends me, I'm not vain like that. But the second part was just a no-go zone. FRICK, I'm not even kidding, you have to apologise a billion times over. You have no idea how offended I was and you weren't even insulting me. Such dirt. Yeah, seriously Catherine, why're you such dirt?

8. You're extremely intelligent and I know people will be surprised because you're so underrated. No way, your lack of intelligence is duly noted, Catherine.

9. WHY DO YOU MAKE EVERYONE FEEL SO INADEQUATE ? But other than that, thanks for being so amazing (: Ew, that's just not you.

10. I don't see the things that you want to kill yourself over as problems, lighten up a bit. I know some of it is just so people will look but the ones who care will actually be there for when it's real. Don't take that for granted. Yeah, no one cares about you, Catherine.

I've only watched Wicked [last year] and it was the best. I really really really want to see another one.



This week has been really really hectic. Formal, after party and French restaurant excursion. Really don't want to type it all out because there's just too much but everything was amazingly fun [even MCing which was quite awkward at times] and our grade is so beautiful. I couldn't pick who looked the best. The guys with their earrings and suits, girls with make-up and dresses, and the crazy excited feeling in the air. After party consisted of wandering around the city, The Secret Room, squishing 10 people into a hotel room and planking because we all tried not to touch each other ahah. French restaurant excursion at "The Little Snail" was awesome; had snails for the first time and it was actually really delicious. I would have it again. Far out, can't get over how incredible this week has been, ruined only by the maths placement test at the end. But today, I got Jones sport house captain which is cool, especially seeing as I suck at sport LOL. I know one day, I will really miss high school but for now, I'll just post photos so I won't forget.

So, while procrastinating as usual, Dad turned on the TV & there were no good channels so we watched this spoof of a show, "Summer Heights High" & eventually Sarah & Mum joined but it was so damn funny. Extreme sterotypical joke about Aussie [I think] public schools but I realised there's such a big difference between Ruse & that & I've forgotten what it's like to go to a normal school. It'll probably make a huge impact on my life but I don't think I'm missing out on anything. LOOK IT UP. THE SHOW WAS HILARIOUS, if you're into crude & immature humour like I am.

Wollongong was very lovely & cool, watching movies with my family like Gulliver's travels, Barbie Mariposa [LOL, yes, seriously], Slumdog Millionaire, The Doctor [which was Dad's suggestion & really good in my opinion] & lots of beaches [Bulli beach which is my grandma's second most favourite place in the world, Kiama, Murray beach at Jervis Bay which is where my parents had their second date & grandpa also pointed out from the hotel where we were staying at [Best Western, Wollongong] into the distance where he used to work in a factory. My grandparents [dad's side] visited us beach they wanted to take their own road trip which is something I think they do a lot but gave us kimbab on the way & we visited Bulli beach together. I took a lot of photos & videos as usual while the rest of my family tried to dodge the camera & Mum found it very relaxing because she stayed in the car a lot & she gets very stressed usually on holidays because she has to take care of the rest of us but she had to do that less on these holidays. The water at Murray beach is the most beautiful colour. Also, Dad fell over on the rock pools there & injured his hand & ankle. So now, he's going around saying that he slayed a dragon to save Sarah or something & Sarah's saying she was the one who slayed the dragon. It's strange because I was there & none of that happened. Consequently, I slapped Sarah around the head & Mum slapped Dad. All's good in the world. I may or may not upload photos but I doubt any of you really care so future me, go find photos in one of the albums!

Today, my family had lunch with Tiff's family where we were going to eat at the Eastwood RSL club but it was closed [what place is closed a whole 5 days after Christmas?] so we ate at another place in Eastwood, went to the Eastwood hotel so that the parents could drink beer [which Tiff did as well & got slightly drunk, evident by the way she called herself the "pride & joy" of her school even though she'd do that when she's sober] while Mum & I drank capuccinos & Sarah pigged out on chips. We also took polaroids! Awesome fun. Tiff & I reminisced about junior years & talked a lot about how're going to die in the next two years with Sarah chiming in, going "I'm gonna be in year 8". She got glared at a lot. Happy holidays, everyone.

(:



Dear someone,

It's never okay even when so many people have it. You'll get through it. Sorry I can't be more sympathetic but I think I'm too emotionless or at least desensitized by it to ever really understand what it's like to experience it. It doesn't hurt me as much as it should for me but I know you're one of the strongest people I know who can definitely survive past it. Don't give up!

Yours sincerely,

ashamed to be looking the other way

I just can't choose, nothing intriguing about this one. Truth is that I love life & I love all the people in it & all the memories they create. It's not even just Christmas talking. I always feel blessed to have been where I've been & be where I am. I couldn't ever pinpoint a person to a time & a place- it would be so wrong when God has given me so much more than that.

Dear everyone,

No one's perfect but it's funny that, despite how messed up the world is & how sometimes everything just goes downhill, some memories are perfect. Such good memories sprout from everywhere & it's amazing. Merry Christmas.

Love,

A very grateful kid.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Another year has already passed & the whole year has been a mix of everything great, not-so-great & ultimate amazing & we take it as it comes. Thank you everyone for being a part of it & I really hope you have a great Christmas & all the days afterwards. Christmas is nothing compared to who deserves one.

I won't bore everyone with what's happened yesterday & today because all of you has those cheesy family & friends moments & we all know what Christmas is about. So I'll just dotpoint my Christmas of 2011 to remember years later (:

So goodbye, off to Wollongong tomorrow [where we may possibly fish for the first time] & have an amazing amazing amazing time, you lovely people.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/yrb7hVp9bFtz9AkwCC2o

---

Christmas Eve 2011

# Sarah & I made chocolates [melting Cadbury & putting them into moulds that Sarah bought from Victoria's basement] in secret while Mum & Dad were at Costco. We even called them & asked to buy more things to buy more time to make them. We also wanted another sister & we could name her Juilliana & she could be the look out [we were really paranoid of Mum & Dad coming home before we finished up]; also because Sarah just really wanted to coo out "Oh Juilliana! What do you see?".

# Had a classic Turkey dinner at aunt's house with James & our second cousins, Jane & Harry, & our grandparents [dad's side]. We also realised that all of our cousins have very European royal names which is strange [James, Nathan, Christopher, Joshua, Edward, Yvonne]. We played basketball where I think I was a bit harsh on James because he kept yelling at everyone & I told him off but I felt bad because I went too far [Sarah told me I had]. Oh well.

# We watched "A Christmas Carol" which has a really overdone storyline but the animation was amazing. It was sort of like "The Polar Express" which has a terrible plot but the animation is beautiful.

# Sarah & I kept treating Mum & Dad's Christmas presents like a secret mission which involved a lot of whispering, staying up late to clean up the dishes covered in chocolates as quietly as possible & planning how to make everything pretty.

Christmas Day

# Sarah & I woke up early to arrange the stone/wood figurines of our family [which is the present] & placed the chocolate we made around them. Sarah distracted Dad who's too much of an early waker while I sneaked outside to cut off a rose to put near the present & card. It's the first Christmas where our parents didn't get us a Christmas present & we gave it to them. It felt like a change but it was equally as nice & felt like we'd crossed a milestone.

# Mum woke up & I brought her downstairs to the kitchen where everything was arranged & Sarah brought dad up to the kitchen at the same time so they met on the middle floor & got a surprise! [actually Dad saw it but Sarah tried to block the doorway & then his eyes before]. Too personal, the next bits, but that's the part you'll probably remember anyway- the important parts never really make it onto this blog. You know, those smiles, those laughs, the way they love the chocolate even though all we did was melt it & reshape it, those memories are things you can't put in words, much less put on a blog.

# So after that, we had a breakfast with Dad's last-minute Christmas carol track for mood music & feasted on rice cakes, croissants, leftover Turkey with the plate of the family figurines as a centre-piece & chocolates. Sarah kept going on about her white chocolates were better made than my milk chocolate ones.

# Church was church with charades which year 10 won! We won a flower. Haha, better than second place year 11s who won a rock. Year 12s who organised the games are so damn cheap. We also gave Esther her birthday present & card, played Hungry Hippo & got American lollies from Howard [bible study teacher].

# Came home & slept & watched bad TV [which is absolutely the worst at Christmas; like Eloise at Christmastime].

# We had simple but more-delicious-than-any-Turkey dinner of elehgikimbab with our grandprents [Mum's side] & it was so yummy & gorgeous with candles & wine glasses [which only Dad filled with wine] but the rest looked like wine but were really tea & coke. Later, Sarah played piano for them, I showed them my formal photos & we had tea & fruit. Couldn't have asked for a better dinner or day.

# Now, we're watching more terrible movies [like The Perfect Man & bad shows].

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

! Future me, check the hugely embarrassing photos for this Christmas.

Just had the best hour & a half of my holidays, laughing on my parents' bed, just the four of us. I borrowed this fraud-like book from the library today- "Career, aptitude and selection tests" by Jim Barrett- but never knew what fun it could bring on. I was testing Sarah's personality & was reading out the questions & Mum kept chiming in with answers like "no, she's not very lively..yes, yes, she is quite passive". All the questions & method of finding the personality were complete bullcrap but we went along with it because it was hilarious. And there was a question which was like, "do people perceive you as stunning?" & because Mum is Mum, she went "OF COURSE, my Sarah is always stunning!" & Sarah just went, "Duh". & so I just went "so that's a no" & circled no. Pretty much everything went like that until the person that was supposed to be answering about their personality didn't get a say because of all the chimers in the family. Turns out that Sarah is a "lone wolf" as Sarah likes to put it [as she flares her nostrils] with passive & deliberate tendencies & I'm gregarious & spontaneous. Apparently, complete opposites despite how similar we look.

We tried to deduce Dad's personality but he was half-asleep & a troll which meant he kept going "yes, yes, definitely, no, perhaps" about everything & Mum had to answer everything for him. I also realised whenever we asked the questions, we talked in British accents to sound like a proper questionaire. We gave up on Dad's personality test because his is pretty simple- strange, simply nerd but a family man- also, he kept trolling. So we did Mum's & hers was probably the most miserable & lonely because Dad & Sarah kept blurting out things like, "no, she doesn't like to make contact with people" & "she has a lot of troubles!". Especially Dad because after we gave up on his personality quiz, we went on to Mum's & he suddenly came wide awake. But yeah, anyway, I kept looking over at Mum to see if it hurt her & maybe I'm being too much of an unrealistically idealistic teenager because do you think an adult would care if someone answered things like that for them in a personality quiz? I think I would care if people so close to me thought of me that way  but that's because I'm a self-centred 15 year old. Mum only had some pangs of hurt from what I could see but she accepted them because she's like that.

To me, Mum is the most beautiful person in the world- always patient & giving things we never deserve, constantly dependable & loving- but she conflicts with most people who aren't her family, even Dad sometimes so mainly her two daughters are the exception. It makes me sad that others on the outside [say, the other mums at church, because Mum doesn't fit in there] can't see these things & I wish she could treat everyone else the way she treats Sarah & I because then they would see it. Dad is the same amount of amazingness but more compatible with people outside the family because he's a doctor & involved more in the church but they also don't see half of it, I think. Sarah is always hilarious, sweet, so damn clever, morally sound & kind for a 12 year old but again, people outside the family could never see it because she's sarcastic & shy around people she doesn't know. It makes me wonder how much I hide from everyone else but I'm the most open & attention-seeking out of my family so I know that it's not that much. Also, I'm not nearly as brilliant as anyone in my family so it makes me sad for them that they aren't appreciated- it's like who they are is never seen & is wasted- especially Mum. She truly doesn't know how great she is because she never hears it from anyone except us & we all know no one takes compliments from family members seriously. It makes me sad that she doesn't have much of a social life outside being a mum & a wife because she deserves one so badly. Sorry, this was supposed to be about the fun times I had with my family but it's turning into something negative. I don't know if you understand a lot of this but to put it simply, the possibility that Mum might be sad because she doesn't have many other people makes me miserable. Mum's results were very solitary, imaginative & the most passive you can get.

I don't know if she was bothered by that but there were so many laughs in the middle. Sarah's manly-voice chimes about how Mum is a lone wolf like herself & Dad's teasing about how Mum is very restful [because she naps a LOT], loves announcing everything she's doing ["Sarah! Mummy's taking a shower", "Grace! Mummy's going to do the dishes"]. Sarah & I taking digs at each other about how I never shut up & like to talk to people even when they never want to talk to me & how Sarah always mutters morbid & cynical things under her breath.

Anyway, it was very fun & like with any family, you wouldn't understand the inside jokes of another so please ignore the next few conversations because they'll be lame to you. They're for me to remember later on (: Hope you have a fantastic rest-of-the-holidays !

Me- "Mum, would you perceive yourself to be precise?"
Mum- "Yes, very"
Sarah & Dad- "NO"
Me- "She's only ever precise with Dad's spending"
Mum & Dad [LOLing]

Sarah- "Are you unsure about how you fit in with other people?"
Me- "Yes, no..um.. yes, yeah, kind of, not really, I think-"
Sarah- "Grace, let me put this simply for you. You. Don't. Fit. In. Doesn't matter how long you think about whether you think you do".

Me- "Do you prefer not to discuss with anyone what you're going to do?"
Mum- "Yes"
Sarah & Dad- "NO. Are you freaking kidding? She tells everyone what she's going to & about to do ALL THE TIME".

Me- "Are you fairly quiet in a group?"
Sarah- "No" [I think she likes to think of herself as outgoing"]
Me & Mum- "YES"
Sarah- "What?!"
Me- "You've never talked to your piano teacher, you always nod or use some weird miming face expression or sign language" -Mum nods in absolute agreement-

Sarah- "Do you rarely get emotional?"
Me- "Defs"
Everyone- "WHAT?!"
Sarah- "You never shut up about how angry or depressed or happy you are. You sometimes go into your room to cry about nothing like a little baby".

It surprised me how different my family perceived me at home & how I am at school. Apparently, I'm a lot more temperamental, emotional & self-absorbed at home. It was interesting & great family time.

Sarah & I also like to poke each other & tell each other seriously, "you've just been touched by an angel".

Can't imagine a universe without them. <3

My proud confession is that I haven't had my first kiss & there are a lot of reasons why but there's another confession that sort of goes hand-in-hand with it because, despite how happy & joking & light I act, I think a big part of what defines me on the inside is that I'm a cynic to the cut-throat core.

With so many of these letters, it's always like I haven't lived or experienced enough to do these letters. I've never been properly hurt or broken & don't intend to be anytime soon & so there isn't someone I'd majorly want to give a second chance to. Yeah, what's the point of a blog if there's no life to record? Pretty miserable thought haha.

Letter 22- Someone I want to give a second chance to

Dear future someone that may or may not want a second chance,

I hope you'll slap me until I open my mind & heart enough to grant second chances because I'm not entirely sure I believe in them just now. Because, right now, I think that an action can be so unforgivable that a second chance is just not a possibility. Then again, I have to remember God's infinite number of second chances & sacrifices that were given for us so yes, do slap me if I think I'm above all that.

Yours sincerely,

I never will be.

TODAY'S RECOUNT.

I woke up today, pumped to study [LOL jokes, I feebly crawled out of bed with the intention of studying &, of course, crawled right back]. The family went to Castle Towers Piazza for what feels like the thousandth time in the last couple of weeks & we ate at a new place for us- Criniti's- & it was extremely delicious. We had steak, salmon bruscetta, mussel soup [chilli, like at Nick's Seafood Restaurant] & lasagne [obviously Sarah's]. It was very bright & peaceful on the outside tables with lots of passerbys & the small fountain & I just had the profound epiphany...regarding how much I loved lunch. Oh, & my parents & sister. But yeah, lunch is beautiful. It's the light-hearted but amazingly tasty part of the day that you realise is so much more than breakfast & more exciting than dinner. I should really shut up about my love for lunch because I might get bashed.



Also, before lunch, Sarah & I got insanely bored so we put on face masks [to "cleanse & rejuvinate" our faces] & we pranced around the house, showing off our mock vanity to Mum whilst luvoing & wailing due to the slight stinging it brought about. Awesome fun.

Haven't done this letter writing thing in a while & I have nothing better to do. So..

Letter 21- Someone I judged by their first impression

Dear sadly misjudged person,

I don't know you very well but just hearing you open your mouth & say some things which were more interesting & thoughtful than I expected you to say, made me realise that I don't know everything. I thought you'd be a bit of a bonehead &, I hope I don't sound too conceited when I say that I'm usually right when I judge or think of people in a certain way. But you surprised me which is more than I can say for a lot of people haha. My first impression of you was, in short, an idiot but you turned out to be much more different with your opinions & quirks & you're more special in conversation than people give you credit for. So, great job, have a gold star.

Yours sincerely,

sorry for sounding like a snob in this letter, I'm tired.

HIGH above the city, on a tall column, stood the statue of the Happy Prince. He was gilded all over with thin leaves of fine gold, for eyes he had two bright sapphires, and a large red ruby glowed on his sword-hilt.

He was very much admired indeed. ‘He is as beautiful as a weathercock,’ remarked one of the Town Councillors who wished to gain a reputation for having artistic tastes; ‘only not quite so useful,’ he added, fearing lest people should think him unpractical, which he really was not.

‘Why can’t you be like the Happy Prince?’ asked a sensible mother of her little boy who was crying for the moon. ‘The Happy Prince never dreams of crying for anything.’

‘I am glad there is some one in the world who is quite happy,’ muttered a disappointed man as he gazed at the wonderful statue.

‘He looks just like an angel,’ said the Charity Children as they came out of the cathedral in their bright scarlet cloaks, and their clean white pinafores.

‘How do you know?’ said the Mathematical Master, ‘you have never seen one.’

‘Ah! but we have, in our dreams,’ answered the children; and the Mathematical Master frowned and looked very severe, for he did not approve of children dreaming.

One night there flew over the city a little Swallow. His friends had gone away to Egypt six weeks before, but he had stayed behind, for he was in love with the most beautiful Reed. He had met her early in the spring as he was flying down the river after a big yellow moth, and had been so attracted by her slender waist that he had stopped to talk to her.

‘Shall I love you?’ said the Swallow, who liked to come to the point at once, and the Reed made him a low bow. So he flew round and round her, touching the water with his wings, and making silver ripples. This was his courtship, and it lasted all through the summer.

‘It is a ridiculous attachment,’ twittered the other Swallows, ‘she has no money, and far too many relations;’ and indeed the river was quite full of Reeds. Then, when the autumn came, they all flew away.

After they had gone he felt lonely, and began to tire of his lady-love. ‘She has no conversation,’ he said, ‘and I am afraid that she is a coquette, for she is always flirting with the wind.’ And certainly, whenever the wind blew, the Reed made the most graceful curtsies. ‘I admit that she is domestic,’ he continued, ‘but I love travelling, and my wife, consequently, should love travelling also.’

‘Will you come away with me?’ he said finally to her; but the Reed shook her head, she was so attached to her home.

‘You have been trifling with me,’ he cried, ‘I am off to the Pyramids. Good-bye!’ and he flew away.

All day long he flew, and at night-time he arrived at the city. ‘Where shall I put up?’ he said; ‘I hope the town has made preparations.’

Then he saw the statue on the tall column. ‘I will put up there,’ he cried; ‘it is a fine position with plenty of fresh air.’ So he alighted just between the feet of the Happy Prince.

‘I have a golden bedroom,’ he said softly to himself as he looked round, and he prepared to go to sleep; but just as he was putting his head under his wing a large drop of water fell on him. ‘What a curious thing!’ he cried, ‘there is not a single cloud in the sky, the stars are quite clear and bright, and yet it is raining. The climate in the north of Europe is really dreadful. The Reed used to like the rain, but that was merely her selfishness.’

Then another drop fell.

‘What is the use of a statue if it cannot keep the rain off?’ he said; ‘I must look for a good chimney-pot,’ and he determined to fly away.

But before he had opened his wings, a third drop fell, and he looked up, and saw - Ah! what did he see?

The eyes of the Happy Prince were filled with tears, and tears were running down his golden cheeks. His face was so beautiful in the moonlight that the little Swallow was filled with pity.

‘Who are you?’ he said.

‘I am the Happy Prince.’

‘Why are you weeping then?’ asked the Swallow; ‘you have quite drenched me.’

‘When I was alive and had a human heart,’ answered the statue, ‘I did not know what tears were, for I lived in the palace of Sans-Souci, where sorrow is not allowed to enter. In the daytime I played with my companions in the garden, and in the evening I led the dance in the Great Hall. Round the garden ran a very lofty wall, but I never cared to ask what lay beyond it, everything about me was so beautiful. My courtiers called me the Happy Prince, and happy indeed I was, if pleasure be happiness. So I lived, and so I died. And now that I am dead they have set me up here so high that I can see all the ugliness and all the misery of my city, and though my heart is made of lead yet I cannot choose but weep.’

‘What, is he not solid gold?’ said the Swallow to himself. He was too polite to make any personal remarks out loud.

‘Far away,’ continued the statue in a low musical voice, ‘far away in a little street there is a poor house. One of the windows is open, and through it I can see a woman seated at a table. Her face is thin and worn, and she has coarse, red hands, all pricked by the needle, for she is a seamstress. She is embroidering passion-flowers on a satin gown for the loveliest of the Queen’s maids-of-honour to wear at the next Court-ball. In a bed in the corner of the room her little boy is lying ill. He has a fever, and is asking for oranges. His mother has nothing to give him but river water, so he is crying. Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow, will you not bring her the ruby out of my sword-hilt? My feet are fastened to this pedestal and I cannot move.’

‘I am waited for in Egypt,’ said the Swallow. ‘My friends are flying up and down the Nile, and talking to the large lotus-flowers. Soon they will go to sleep in the tomb of the great King. The King is there himself in his painted coffin. He is wrapped in yellow linen, and embalmed with spices. Round his neck is a chain of pale green jade, and his hands are like withered leaves.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me for one night, and be my messenger? The boy is so thirsty, and the mother so sad.’

‘I don’t think I like boys,’ answered the Swallow. ‘Last summer, when I was staying on the river, there were two rude boys, the miller’s sons, who were always throwing stones at me. They never hit me, of course; we swallows fly far too well for that, and besides, I come of a family famous for its agility; but still, it was a mark of disrespect.’

But the Happy Prince looked so sad that the little Swallow was sorry. ‘It is very cold here,’ he said; ‘but I will stay with you for one night, and be your messenger.’

‘Thank you, little Swallow,’ said the Prince.

So the Swallow picked out the great ruby from the Prince’s sword, and flew away with it in his beak over the roofs of the town.

He passed by the cathedral tower, where the white marble angels were sculptured. He passed by the palace and heard the sound of dancing. A beautiful girl came out on the balcony with her lover. ‘How wonderful the stars are,’ he said to her, and how wonderful is the power of love!’

‘I hope my dress will be ready in time for the State-ball,’ she answered; ‘I have ordered passion-flowers to be embroidered on it; but the seamstresses are so lazy.’

He passed over the river, and saw the lanterns hanging to the masts of the ships. He passed over the Ghetto, and saw the old jews bargaining with each other, and weighing out money in copper scales. At last he came to the poor house and looked in. The boy was tossing feverishly on his bed, and the mother had fallen asleep, she was so tired. In he hopped, and laid the great ruby on the table beside the woman’s thimble. Then he flew gently round the bed, fanning the boy’s forehead with his wings. ‘How cool I feel,’ said the boy, ‘I must be getting better;’ and he sank into a delicious slumber.

Then the Swallow flew back to the Happy Prince, and told him what he had done. ‘It is curious,’ he remarked, ‘but I feel quite warm now, although it is so cold.’

‘That is because you have done a good action,’ said the Prince. And the little Swallow began to think, and then he fell asleep. Thinking always made him sleepy.

When day broke he flew down to the river and had a bath. ‘What a remarkable phenomenon,’ said the Professor of Ornithology as he was passing over the bridge. ‘A swallow in winter!’ And he wrote a long letter about it to the local newspaper. Every one quoted it, it was full of so many words that they could not understand.

‘To-night I go to Egypt,’ said the Swallow, and he was in high spirits at the prospect. He visited all the public monuments, and sat a long time on top of the church steeple. Wherever he went the Sparrows chirruped, and said to each other, ‘What a distinguished stranger!’ so he enjoyed himself very much.

When the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince. ‘Have you any commissions for Egypt?’ he cried; ‘I am just starting.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me one night longer?’

‘I am waited for in Egypt,’ answered the Swallow. ‘To-morrow my friends will fly up to the Second Cataract. The river-horse couches there among the bulrushes, and on a great granite throne sits the God Memnon. All night long he watches the stars, and when the morning star shines he utters one cry of joy, and then he is silent. At noon the yellow lions come down to the water’s edge to drink. They have eyes like green beryls, and their roar is louder than the roar of the cataract.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the prince, ‘far away across the city I see a young man in a garret. He is leaning over a desk covered with papers, and in a tumbler by his side there is a bunch of withered violets. His hair is brown and crisp, and his lips are red as a pomegranate, and he has large and dreamy eyes. He is trying to finish a play for the Director of the Theatre, but he is too cold to write any more. There is no fire in the grate, and hunger has made him faint.’

‘I will wait with you one night longer,’ said the Swallow, who really had a good heart. ‘Shall I take him another ruby?’

‘Alas! I have no ruby now,’ said the Prince; ‘my eyes are all that I have left. They are made of rare sapphires, which were brought out of India a thousand years ago. Pluck out one of them and take it to him. He will sell it to the jeweller, and buy food and firewood, and finish his play.’

‘Dear Prince,’ said the Swallow, ‘I cannot do that;’ and he began to weep.

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘do as I command you.’

So the Swallow plucked out the Prince’s eye, and flew away to the student’s garret. It was easy enough to get in, as there was a hole in the roof. Through this he darted, and came into the room. The young man had his head buried in his hands, so he did not hear the flutter of the bird’s wings, and when he looked up he found the beautiful sapphire lying on the withered violets.

‘I am beginning to be appreciated,’ he cried; ‘this is from some great admirer. Now I can finish my play,’ and he looked quite happy.

The next day the Swallow flew down to the harbour. He sat on the mast of a large vessel and watched the sailors hauling big chests out of the hold with ropes. ‘Heave a-hoy!’ they shouted as each chest came up. ‘I am going to Egypt!’ cried the Swallow, but nobody minded, and when the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince.

‘I am come to bid you good-bye,’ he cried.

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me one night longer?’

‘It is winter,’ answered the Swallow, ‘and the chill snow will soon be here. In Egypt the sun is warm on the green palm-trees, and the crocodiles lie in the mud and look lazily about them. My companions are building a nest in the Temple of Baalbec, and the pink and white doves are watching them, and cooing to each other. Dear Prince, I must leave you, but I will never forget you, and next spring I will bring you back two beautiful jewels in place of those you have given away. The ruby shall be redder than a red rose, and the sapphire shall be as blue as the great sea.’

‘In the square below,’ said the Happy Prince, ‘there stands a little match-girl. She has let her matches fall in the gutter, and they are all spoiled. Her father will beat her if she does not bring home some money, and she is crying. She has no shoes or stockings, and her little head is bare. Pluck out my other eye, and give it to her, and her father will not beat her.’

‘I will stay with you one night longer,’ said the Swallow, ‘but I cannot pluck out your eye. You would be quite blind then.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘do as I command you.’

So he plucked out the Prince’s other eye, and darted down with it. He swooped past the match-girl, and slipped the jewel into the palm of her hand. ‘What a lovely bit of glass,’ cried the little girl; and she ran home, laughing.

Then the Swallow came back to the Prince. ‘You are blind now,’ he said, ‘so I will stay with you always.’

‘No, little Swallow,’ said the poor Prince, ‘you must go away to Egypt.’

‘I will stay with you always,’ said the Swallow, and he slept at the Prince’s feet.

All the next day he sat on the Prince’s shoulder, and told him stories of what he had seen in strange lands. He told him of the red ibises, who stand in long rows on the banks of the Nile, and catch gold fish in their beaks; of the Sphinx, who is as old as the world itself and lives in the desert, and knows everything; of the merchants, who walk slowly by the side of their camels, and carry amber beads in their hands; of the King of the Mountains of the Moon, who is as black as ebony, and worships a large crystal; of the great green snake that sleeps in a palm-tree, and has twenty priests to feed it with honey-cakes; and of the pygmies who sail over a big lake on large flat leaves, and are always at war with the butterflies.

‘Dear little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you tell me of marvellous things, but more marvellous than anything is the suffering of men and of women. There is no Mystery so great as Misery. Fly over my city, little Swallow, and tell me what you see there.’

So the Swallow flew over the great city, and saw the rich making merry in their beautiful houses, while the beggars were sitting at the gates. He flew into dark lanes, and saw the white faces of starving children looking out listlessly at the black streets. Under the archway of a bridge two little boys were lying in one another’s arms to try and keep themselves warm. ‘How hungry we are!’ they said. ‘You must not lie here,’ shouted the Watchman, and they wandered out into the rain.

Then he flew back and told the Prince what he had seen.

‘I am covered with fine gold,’ said the Prince, ‘you must take it off, leaf by leaf, and give it to my poor; the living always think that gold can make them happy.’

Leaf after leaf of the fine gold the Swallow picked off, till the Happy Prince looked quite dull and grey. Leaf after leaf of the fine gold he brought to the poor, and the children’s faces grew rosier, and they laughed and played games in the street. ‘We have bread now!’ they cried.

Then the snow came, and after the snow came the frost. The streets looked as if they were made of silver, they were so bright and glistening; long icicles like crystal daggers hung down from the eaves of the houses, everybody went about in furs, and the little boys wore scarlet caps and skated on the ice.

The poor little Swallow grew colder and colder, but he would not leave the Prince, he loved him too well. He picked up crumbs outside the baker’s door where the baker was not looking, and tried to keep himself warm by flapping his wings.

But at last he knew that he was going to die. He had just strength to fly up to the Prince’s shoulder once more. ‘Good-bye, dear Prince!’ he murmured, ‘will you let me kiss your hand?’

‘I am glad that you are going to Egypt at last, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you have stayed too long here; but you must kiss me on the lips, for I love you.’

‘It is not to Egypt that I am going,’ said the Swallow. ‘I am going to the House of Death. Death is the brother of Sleep, is he not?’

And he kissed the Happy Prince on the lips, and fell down dead at his feet.

At that moment a curious crack sounded inside the statue, as if something had broken. The fact is that the leaden heart had snapped right in two. It certainly was a dreadfully hard frost. Early the next morning the Mayor was walking in the square below in company with the Town Councillors. As they passed the column he looked up at the statue: ‘Dear me! how shabby the Happy Prince looks!’ he said.

‘How shabby indeed!’ cried the Town Councillors, who always agreed with the Mayor, and they went up to look at it.

‘The ruby has fallen out of his sword, his eyes are gone, and he is golden no longer,’ said the Mayor; ‘in fact, he is little better than a beggar!’

‘Little better than a beggar’ said the Town councillors.

‘And here is actually a dead bird at his feet!’ continued the Mayor. ‘We must really issue a proclamation that birds are not to be allowed to die here.’ And the Town Clerk made a note of the suggestion.

So they pulled down the statue of the Happy Prince. ‘As he is no longer beautiful he is no longer useful,’ said the Art Professor at the University.

Then they melted the statue in a furnace, and the Mayor held a meeting of the Corporation to decide what was to be done with the metal. ‘We must have another statue, of course,’ he said, ‘and it shall be a statue of myself.’

‘Of myself,’ said each of the Town Councillors, and they quarrelled. When I last heard of them they were quarrelling still.

‘What a strange thing!’ said the overseer of the workmen at the foundry. ‘This broken lead heart will not melt in the furnace. We must throw it away.’ So they threw it on a dust-heap where the dead Swallow was also lying.

‘Bring me the two most precious things in the city,’ said God to one of His Angels; and the Angel brought Him the leaden heart and the dead bird.

‘You have rightly chosen,’ said God, ‘for in my garden of Paradise this little bird shall sing for evermore, and in my city of gold the Happy Prince shall praise me.’



---
 
Mum told me to read this years ago but I only read it for the first time today. It's probably the most elegant short story ever written. But I didn't how how to think about it or feel anything for it so I had to look up the meaning/analysis on Sparknotes. I realised I'd become stupid because I just knew it was beautiful & couldn't think of the clear meaning. I was a bit unsure about what it meant- only that it goes so much further than a fairytale. It made me sad that I had become so thoughtless on my quest to not be brainless. Which do you think is more important? Thought or intelligence? I had forgotten how to think about things like this because of the blinders on either side of me, focused on success & being "smart". I doubt any great epiphany or philosophy will arise from today with the world we live in when there is really no time to think about anything truly important. Or, more honestly, we have time & we choose to waste it. I want to learn how to think poetically but it's not something you can really force. So, right now, I'm sort of like this.
 

 
A defining FML thought.
 
A little moment with my sister today.
 
-After piano, Sarah rushes to the computer-
Me- hey, where're you off to?
Sarah- Grace, sometimes you have to understand...computer is number 1.
-I give her a pitiful look that says "how could you put the computer first?"-
Sarah- alright, alright, but you're number half!
 
She then got her priorities so that Mum & Dad were number 0.25 which technically means they're first before computer. It was quite nice.

Got breakfast at the Waffle Factory [liege choc strawberry] & shared with grandma even though I sort of ate most of it. Mum, Sarah, Grandma & I then went to Victoria's basement [which, if you don't know, is this place filled with teapots, silverware, cutlery & ornaments]. Grandma & Mum just admired & chatted about the pretty & useful things while I looked at everything in pretend contempt & kept going "I could break that with my bare hands" in a psychopathic tone while Sarah frantically twitched & shuffled & grabbed my hand back whenever I tried to touch anything, going "That costs $60. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING". She then hugged me neurotically & stayed in the centre of the store, saying "We're safest here, if we break, we have to pay! DON'T TOUCH" & I continued to pick up little trays & teapots, going "so so breakable". I think Mum is embarrassed to go anywhere with us.

Now, I'm off to go to church for a 5-hour Christmas musical play practise that HSB [high school church group] is putting on for the rest of the church where I am a shepherd [but it's a modern twist so technically I'm a farmer] & I have two lines & yet, it is freaking 5 hours.

It seems fitting that the 400th blogpost is also the end of the 4th year of high school & soon, the beginning of the 5th- SENIOR YEARS. & for exactly this reason, it doesn't feel like 6 weeks of holidays but more like 6 weeks of prepping myself to not die & I hate people like myself who act so dramatic about these things, especially since I wasn't even sad about the whole junior years ending but more scared of the senior years beginning. I think that fact sums me up perfectly- I am heartless, neurotic & never carefree enough to truly live in the moment. But it's alright because I prefer that to people who act like the moment is all they got & go crazy or the people who can't let go of the past. Even though I forget the past & miss out on some of the present, I'm okay with being a future person even though it usually never comes. I've never regretted starting this blog because I've always got to scroll down or go through the archives to remember myself for just a moment before going back to thinking about the future. This blog is the only part of me that sort of lives in the past. Major cheese but it is. So because I'm not one for making & keeping new years resolutions. I shall make a pact for myself to survive & live out the next two years in the school I love dearly & with the people [Dad, Mum, sister, friends & strangers] who will be a part of it all. I promise I'll try & stay away from the usual because those are boring. So basically these & the usual [like study harder, be more carefree, get fitter, make friends etc.].

#1 I will not use the words "gay", "retard", "sped" or any other politically incorrect terms as insults for obvious reasons. Actually, just to expand on that, get a better & more interesting vocabulary. Yeah, even get rid of "awesome" because you say it every second sentence.

#2 FIND A FREAKING HOBBY. LIKE SERIOUSLY. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT WITH ANYONE ANYMORE.

#3 Eat snails again, yum.

#4 Get L plate & annoy parents & other drivers by living in the parking lot & stealing all parking spots before other cars can get to them. Upon doing this, yell out "LOL JOKES" & let them have the spot. This skill might take some time to perfect & may get me bashed.

#5 Yeah, have to come to this one. Study your ass off.

#6 Find people willing to be friends with you.

#7 Again, quit procrastinating & do any of the above [except the fun ones because they're probably the things you're doing to procrastinate with].

#8 If you can't find people who want to be friends with you, hire some actors to be.

#9 Be a lovely daughter because your parents deserve it like crazy & much more beyond.

Today was an amazing day with family. Sarah went to visit her primary school [Matthew Pearce] like the year 7 graduate she is & we went to Castle Towers before with Mum to eat at Caffe Sul Ponte & shop. Dad came home in the evening & the family ate at Red Spoon Thai at the Piazza & then drank hot chocolate & coffee at The Coffee Club. A very pampered & relazing start to the holidays.

Good luck to the year 12s who got their atars back ! Trust in God's plan for you.

Just found out that my parents bought tickets to the musical, "Love Never Dies", for Janurary & even though Dad loves that sort of thing, they're not going themselves but bought them for Sarah & me. I love them so much & at the same time, guilty that they have to give it up because it's too expensive if we all go [even though, I'd feel much better if we did or they went by themselves]. All because I pointed it out on a TV commercial today, they decided to buy us tickets to it. My parents are the best, handsdown, sorry everyone else. Very excited, grateful & undeserving. OI, FUTURE ME, pay them back properly, alright? :')

This morning, we.. harvested crap from the hydroponics system, like this gooey, smooshy root thing of some plant out of the holes & it was disgusting at first & probably still is but it ended up being sort of fun. We had to cut the plant off then dig around in the holes for the neverending & difficult roots. Like Ding said, kind of like doing surgery ["pass the knife", "I've almost got it"]. All the same, very grateful I'm not doing ag next year. In maths, we watched a History of Maths documentary with all that was remaining of the grade stuffed into one room; it was so mind-numbingly dull that a teacher fell asleep but it was bludgy so I can't complain. Wait, yeah I can, it was super gross because on top of that, we learned placement test results. I think I had averageish, hoping for maths 2 but won't really care if I get into maths 3. During recess, I discovered that they are fully out of senior uniform & so I shall have to wear junior uniform to school next year. Science was doing an experiment I didn't really understand but I did it anyway. Double PE was legit bludge. I know everything isn't very serious & everything is doing nothing but I still can't wait for school to end. I'm going to collapse from wanting this week to end that badly. And that's what you missed on GLEE.

Went to Castle Towers to shop for Mum and Dad's christmas presents but ended up buying one for my sister instead- it's a birthstone/pendant thing that I wanted but decided against my usually very selfish instincts to get one for her Taurus instead of my Aquarius. I wandered from store to store, sort of wavering near "Potts Avenue" & the store next to it- can't remember the name- but it's this special, cute, ridiculously expensive gift shop where I spotted a wooden/stone figurine with a father & two daughters which fits perfectly expect I think Dad would find it impractical, which it is, & I didn't want to spend so much money on a bit of wood/stone. So I decided to get smoked salmon waffles instead. In my defence, I really couldn't think of what my parents would want because they never let on any hints & my Dad outrightly said, "I have everything I want" while looking lovingly at Sarah & I but we all know that, deep down, he wants something. Same with Mum. I swear I'll figure it out even though shopping for them is impossible because they're both so different from me & yet still don't have defined wish lists. This is probably the first year I'm actually buying presents for my family & not expecting my parents to still act the part of Santa. Looking forward to this Christmas for different reasons than the other years because of this & certain other reasons.

I'm scared of having no personality anymore.

Kid issues, yeah, but terrifying right now.

I spent pretty much the whole day out with my family today.

We left early & had maccas for breakfast to get to Costco for the first time [well first time in Australia for Dad, Sarah and I] and Mum's second. It was pretty fun, just having this massive shopping spree mostly for our food..yeah, a lot of it food. Money well spent. Lots and lots of fun. We then had lunch at Sarah's favourite Sakae in Eastwood where it's pretty embarrassing because we go there so often, the owner is fully like "the usual" and we just nod, trying to be cool and failing. Then we dumped Sarah at her tutoring and the three of us went to a house auction in the city which was exciting because even though we were like randoms who just went there for fun. The house was sort of small but had a view of the harbour & the upstairs was gorgeous with a kitchen joined to a dining room and living room. It was so fresh and nice but cosy. Dad put out the opening bid which was stupid because if no one bid against us then we'd have to pay over $1 million for a house we weren't even serious about. Not that I wasn't the one who urged him to do it but it was fun because this Indian family bid against us & then it became a competition which they ended ahah, we'd never buy it but it was cool just the same. After a seafood dinner [mostly from Costco], we went to visit my grandparents [dad's side] to show my formal photos, talk about cousins and Heesoo & then grandma gave Sarah & I some rings that change colour [mine is engraved with "Banff" because she got it from Canada] with the weather & gave me another a ring that looks really lovely & old & patterned but real silver. I always feel sad receiving presents from grandparents & parents because I feel guilty & always obligated to keep them, treasure them because they link back to the memory of receiving them & so I have a stash of them, always too afraid to wear them because I lose things. I don't know if you still think that way but I'm sort of scared that one day I'll look at a piece of jewellry or note & forget how I got it or who it came from.

Haven't laughed in a while as much as I have today. It was sports bbq so we all just sort of had a 2 hour lunch and Rae, Suren, Michelle, Ding, Sarah and I were pretty much lazing about & talking like we do during camp d&ms only this time, it was only about the most retarded of things. We rofled at nothing in particular for ages & ended up giggling when any of us said anything; we also told like 4 people to go away rather rudely. Sarah kept chiming in with her usual "I like under a rock" & other stuff, "I didn't know about that". The rest of them were extremely stupid in their own ways. We broke each other's legs & it was just the sort of time where you just sit around, appreciating each other's sense of humour or lack thereof. The days when you feel like you're back in primary school & it's a really great feeling, even if you feel obligated to talk about the annoyingly insignificant high school stuff as well.

After bio tutoring, sister and I shared Moochi frozen yogurt [I only realised yesterday that it wasn't spelled "yoghurt"] & went to church because mum had to pray for some sermon. We just stayed in a separate room while Sarah played her new guitar that she could only play like 2 chords on because she only started learning yesterday and bought today. Then, we solved Sudokus together but it was way more hilarious than it sounds because we have this instinctive thing when we're listening to music to act like whatever song was playing. "I'll Make a Man Out of You" was playing, you know, that epic song from Mulan, & so we solved the Sudoku like it was a great challenge & we finished it just as the song was ending, so epic. We did that for a few songs. So many high fives and laughing till we couldn't breathe and when we messed up and realised that we couldn't solve it at the end, we embraced and started sobbing to "Hedwig's Theme", the Harry Potter theme song. Whatever, judge us, we had a lot of fun (:

I love days like this even if the sun has suddenly disappeared when it's supposed to be summer. Seriously, what is this.

What I noticed in formal photos was that all the girls tried to squeeze between each other and move backwards and lean towards the side in the attempt to look skinnier than each other and the guys just sort of swung their arms around each other and grinned. Makes me wish I was a guy but not having to care is sort of the only reason though. I wouldn't be a good one.

Bah, don't have the effort to recount anything anymore but today was presentation assembly and it was just degrading and extremely boring for me and I think, for the people actually getting awards, it was only slightly less tragic. BUT I did wake up for some particularly tank people who like topped every subject and make it seem effortless.  I did eat out at Parra yesterday with my family and we had chilli crab, egg tang and hotpot which was lovely and my sister and I treated ourselves for eating that much with crispy M&Ms (: Also today, hung with a bunch of people at Epping and pretty much just ate everything in sight.

WHAT ELSE? I would bother to recount formal more but it actually just ruins it so not going to and everyone who went knows anyway. I need to start to bother again otherwise I'm just going to keep going down this downward spiral of complete demotivation [by the way, this is just for academics], everything else is going pretttty good.

OHOHOH, French has been pretty good lately because we're watching this French movie that's really..sorry, for sounding like a tool, but for lack of a better word.. beautiful. I love the words the main guy [who happens to be an ugly poet] uses and it's a bit like "Shakespeare In Love" but way more epic. All the characters are incredibly witty and it's just made very well. Or if you're uninterested in that, just watch it because there's this guy that looks like Orlando Bloom in it.



I love the last two weeks of school but the sun has freaking disappeared and it's summer which is just depressing. I feel tired and sick because of it which is bizarre for me because I'm the one who turns on the aircon in winter. Anyway, going to go clean my room and organise my life forever.

1. 5 freaking years and nothing of signs or smiles. But it's still going and you're still number 1 here. Strange. Definitely not you Catherine.


2. I don't know you that well but you always seem like you're trying to grow up too fast and, from where I'm standing, it's pretty amusing. LOL this may be you, Catherine.

3. You are one of my favourite people to talk to- a genuinely awesome friend and you're weird but you make up for it with your entertaining epiphanies and general retardedness. No, just no, Catherine.

4. Please stop thinking you see something in me that others don't. It's really annoying because only I would know if I was hiding something and you definitely would not see it if I was. LOLOLOL, nice try.
5. You egotistical otter. Attention can't be bought by trying that hard. That's all. Yes, this could be you, Catherine.

6. I think you've become one of the people I've started to truly respect, keep being that person because there aren't enough of them. Pssht, as if Catherine.

7. You're actually a pig, inside and out. I obviously don't care the part about myself but when it comes to my family, you're crossing the line. I already found you annoying before but with something like that, you just don't exist anymore. Stop thinking you know what offends me, I'm not vain like that. But the second part was just a no-go zone. FRICK, I'm not even kidding, you have to apologise a billion times over. You have no idea how offended I was and you weren't even insulting me. Such dirt. Yeah, seriously Catherine, why're you such dirt?

8. You're extremely intelligent and I know people will be surprised because you're so underrated. No way, your lack of intelligence is duly noted, Catherine.

9. WHY DO YOU MAKE EVERYONE FEEL SO INADEQUATE ? But other than that, thanks for being so amazing (: Ew, that's just not you.

10. I don't see the things that you want to kill yourself over as problems, lighten up a bit. I know some of it is just so people will look but the ones who care will actually be there for when it's real. Don't take that for granted. Yeah, no one cares about you, Catherine.

I've only watched Wicked [last year] and it was the best. I really really really want to see another one.



This week has been really really hectic. Formal, after party and French restaurant excursion. Really don't want to type it all out because there's just too much but everything was amazingly fun [even MCing which was quite awkward at times] and our grade is so beautiful. I couldn't pick who looked the best. The guys with their earrings and suits, girls with make-up and dresses, and the crazy excited feeling in the air. After party consisted of wandering around the city, The Secret Room, squishing 10 people into a hotel room and planking because we all tried not to touch each other ahah. French restaurant excursion at "The Little Snail" was awesome; had snails for the first time and it was actually really delicious. I would have it again. Far out, can't get over how incredible this week has been, ruined only by the maths placement test at the end. But today, I got Jones sport house captain which is cool, especially seeing as I suck at sport LOL. I know one day, I will really miss high school but for now, I'll just post photos so I won't forget.