Creepy but still amazing.



Currently not enjoying year 11 very much, I feel so disconnected from everyone or maybe the whole grade is just like that. It feels like something's falling apart, only not so dramatic, and I just can't find the motivation for anything. Maybe I should focus on one thing at a time.

I just want to go back to sleep.

Yesterday & today, I had my "sweet 16th" although technically I'm not sixteen yet. To be honest, I was a little disappointed before the party because of all the last-minute cancellations & lack of RSVP but once I actually got there & met up with friends, I had absolutely no regrets at all. I loved it to bits- it was so natural to just have that last kiddie dinner with lots of dessert & the tiramitsu puppy cake from Breadtop, lots of laughing, luvoing, Michelle's psycho smile detection camera, Rae's present of a UNICORN pillowpet, hereby named "Horny Corny the Puny Uni" & various other lovely gifts [including Rena & Catherine's pinatas of the three of our faces, Suren's butterfly windchime+"you're 3 years old!" birthday card, necklace & more, Sarah's beautiful scarf + sexually suggestive references in her bdaycard & Esther's crayons & owl necklace teehee]. I didn't feel like I had any criteria to fill which is a lot how I feel like these days & just loved everyone for coming &, as majorly cheesy as this sounds, being who they were in their complete funny, undignified but amazing characters & persons. It was all I needed & more in the last days of my supposed childhood ending but they all gave me this hope that the childhood doesn't end at one point but more just comes up again in flashes in your life when you need it most. I think, more than anything, that's what friends are for. We took a few luvos, embarrassed ourselves in front of strangers. We said goodbye, fighting for the last hug, to Michelle & Rae. <3








HOHOHO, I'm skinny. LOL JOKES, that's Michelle.

Group photo [+Rae]- rare ones which turned out nice despite the smile shutter that went beserk & took a million gross ones.

The sleepover was more crazy fun than cheesy moments since Suren, Sarah, Catherine, Rena & Esther came to sleepover which meant nerdy early night swimming in a frog-crap infested pool, jumping on each other for the pool noodles, playing fail pool volleyball with Sarah [sister] joining us & Mum watching from the side & laughing in disbelief at us. Esther couldn't come in & we were respectful not to splash "the Esther" which mostly meant we hid behind her for protection when we didn't want to get splashed. Showered in pairs which meant Rena & Suren bonded in the shower obviously taking the longest & singing the loudest. Them, my sister & Esther then went to troll on Omegle, being various shady characters as pedos in white vans.
The pinatas [again, courtesy of Rena & Catherine] were a sugar-hyped vendetta, unleashing all our resentment & inner hatred for one another. My head was the first to go with my Dad chiming to poke an umbrella against it, my darling Mum hugged the head before hitting it with cooking utensils & Sarah just wanted to demolish it. Also, Esther, my dear friend of almost 16 years  I'm pretty sure Suren & Rena did the honours at the end because they wanted candy by spilling everything. Rena's head was ripped off by all of us because then we all wanted candy. Catherine's head was done more ceremoniously with everyone going around in a circle, talking of all the terrible times they had with Catherine & then smashing the pinata in turns. I think my parents were worried after a while. We watched "The House Bunny" to warm us up as a chickflick before the horror at which point we said goodbye to Suren. "The Unborn" [FRICK, SUPERSCARY, we were under the blankets for half of it & Esther & my sister were too scared so they went to the other room to play Tetris battle haha] & then POKEMON :DD We played Ello [yes, Sarah, you really cannot make Ello to save your life even though my sister, Sarah, can do it] & The Littlest Pet Shops where Catherine & Rena battled animals against each other. I think that was pretty much it as then we woke up like zombies & way too early for a sleepover. So yes, thank you so much to you guys for coming & making this a last fun-kid evening & night before senior years start. It meant a lot to me. Oh & it was just fun (:

After church, my family went to my cousin James's house where Jane & Jisoo, Jinu & Jina, Heesoo & yeah, all little kids from my church came. Sarah & I were the oldest by far but it was still hectic fun for some reason. Jisoo, Jina & Heesoo are all so adorable & they formed a little six-year-old trio but all of them fell over or had a fight at some point which meant all of them cried but they got over it in 5 minutes. James took tonnes of jumping photos & retarded photos. & it didn't feel like babysitting at all even though it pretty much was. James, Jane, Sarah & I played a half-hearted basketball game but we ended up just sitting by the pool with the little ones. I love kids like crazy but had forgotten how cute they are because I only just pass by them at church & Sarah is too old now for a little sister to be that cute anymore. NGAW, I have to post pictures soon. It was surprising because James acted like the older bro with them & Heesoo [who just came from Korea] was really happy with the new friends she made at church (:

A perfect way to end the holidays & a perfect start to year 11.



Well, today I played with jewellry with my sister, watched my Mum reading a Korean comic book to Sarah [which is based off  Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew"] so I kept chiming in on who they related to in "10 Things I Hate About You" because I was being ignored & lonely. Sarah also decided to climb on top of me because she needed to say something "face to face" & we needed to see "eye to eye"- she was just being retarded, ins hort. Then, Mum coooked a proper dinner of salmon steak, jacket potatos, peaches & wollam salad & because it was so yummy & it's too good to describe. I'll just say my face was pretty much like this the whole time.



Quite a boring day but I'm happy.

It's sad because, being Korean, plastic surgery is like a rite of passage but the part that gets me is that I don't consider it a big deal anymore. It's on the same level as getting braces but in actuality, it means rearranging, correcting & shaping the face that God made to be perfect & uniquely beautiful to fit into the ideals of what we think is more easy on the eyes. & whilst I know this, I still don't think of it as something big. & thinking about this, I've also realised that I used to be a lot more opinionated & passionate about lots of things than I am now. Seriously, nowadays, I have an indifferent attitude to almost everything which is probably a bad thing but I can't even be bothered to care about that enough.

ANYWAY, to recount Sunday, yesterday & today.

Sunday; went to JoDing's house, ate quite a lot [curry chicken mmm (:] & marvelled at her beautiful house. We were all kind of amazed at how we had to change slippers when we went upper-storey & downstairs again, we ate more, watched "Toy Story 3" & a little of "Despicable Me" after a lot of indecisiveness. I loved her patio because it had an awesome egg chair, I could live in that chair. Fun timesss.

Monday; tried to study for most of the day & THEN dinner- kbbq with the relatives coming over because HEESOO CAME FROM KOREA. If I haven't mentioned. HeeSoo is my Dad's friend's daughter who is about 6 years old now but we've watched her grow up every time we visited Korea [& because she was a baby, she kept forgetting who we were but warmed up to us every time]. We visited her parents before she was born & when we were way younger of course. Sarah has been tutoring her in English on Skype recently & now, she's come to Australia for 1-3 years so she's good at English at an early age. EITHER WAY, SHE IS MY BABY LOL- so so so adorable. She immediately hugged Sarah but poor James had to try to win her affection all night by offering her lollies, acting like the big bro & various other chasings. I reckon she's just shy around him or scared of boy germs because she whispered to me to tell him that she's started to like him- SO CUTE. But she also did make Sarah & I [not James, because he's pro at Korean] confront the fact that we were no better at Korean than a 6 year old. James brought over Suckerpunch which was alright but terrible without a storyline or idea to support it. Very lovely day.

Today; nothing much at all except the treadmill broke the other day so we got a new one off Ebay which is where it seems we get a lot of stuff lately [Dad was bidding at the auction at his surgery while I was bidding at home], there's no way we couldn't have won. So yes, a quality treadmill for $275 yo (: Today consisted of the four of us carrying it from the garage, through the rain, & assembling it after a kbbq leftover dinner.

A few days left till school starts & I feel nowhere near prepared.

Went to Tiff's party today as a gypsy & that meant lots of food, twister & singstar [my gosh, so much singstar LOL]. My parents & Sarah picked me up & Dad dropped us off at Eastwood to eat dinner & go Pishon [where Sarah drank ice chocolate & we argued over birthday cakes]. Dad picked us up again to go to the city to watch "LOVE NEVER DIES".

So, sadly, Sarah & I watched by ourselves while our parents bludged outside but it was still incredible. The sort of experience that is so crazily majestic & wonderful that you don't think recounting it will do it justice. It was our second musical, after "Wicked" & in short, it was more tragic & romantic but if I really thought about it, it came second to "Wicked" in other aspects as well. The story was predictable but the actors, characters & design of it all was so beautiful & genius. I also loved the slight psychopathic, disturbed circus theme to it.



I tried to explain the story to Mum but nothing really made sense & we couldn't bring it to her the way actually watching the musical did. Dad firmly decided that he did not like soppy musicals about love since he's watched every chick flick, Barbie movie & disgustingly soppy show because he has two daughters. Mum promptly concluded that he secretly likes it. Haha, & I got in trouble twice with the usher for taking photos of the stage.

A day to remember.

Chocolate fondue for breakfast, the best. I planned on staying home today but instead, because the cleaners were over, we had to have lunch at Castle Hill & buy the movie tickets so Sarah, Mum & I had lunch at Gatoni's Cafe [chicken fancy, chicken & mushroom omelette, bruschetta] which was really delicious. But Sarah kept spitting over our water on purpose so Mum & I ordered an ice coffee to share just to spite her haha. We then just sort of ran errands like getting Sarah's school shoes & bank. We went home for a very unproductive 3 hours LOL- I kept swearing I was going to start studying but majorly procrastinated forever.

For dinner, Dad came home from work & we all went to Sushi Bay [so Mum had a chance to use her 25% coupon]; needless to say, we pigged out on ridiculously overpriced dishes of sushi without counting them up for once. It was just sort of a frenzy of eating & watching the sushi train go on & on. We had half an hour to spare before THE MUPPETS movie so we hung at food court, our parents just talked about the provocative clothing the teens were wearing beside us but didn't let Sarah & I talk about it because we couldn't say it Korean & they would understand. Bought passionfruit mango boost & watched The Muppets movie. It was adorable & funny but not as hilarious as I'd hoped- the highlight was probably the celebrity cameos & when Sheldon Cooper appeared in the mirror in the song "Are you a man or a muppet?". SUPEREPIC. I just loved watching it as a family because we haven't watched many in the cinemas together [I can list "Night at the Mueseum 2", "Star Trek" [Mum was there purely for Chris Pine] & "Avatar"] so yes, the first of 2012. It was nostalgic & had it's hysterical moments but not as great. It was still time fantastically spent.

Tomorrow is Tiff's gypsy party, watching the musical "Love Never Dies" in the city & on Sunday, Jo's house party pig-out fest so for the first time this holidays, a weekend packed with expectation, anticipation & no care. Have an amazing last week of holidays!





-Talking to my sister about my planned party-

Me- "You are joining us, aren't you?"
Sarah -eyes suspiciously- "Why do you want me there?"
Me- "Why not?"
Sarah- "it's suspicious. What is there.. like a game that's like 'pin the tail on the midget?'"


I love them, my parents said they'd get them for me (:

Mum & I went out to lunch just then to Red Spoon because Sarah was staying over at Shirley's & Dad's out furniture shopping with & for his friend in Korea & it was nice, like real mother-daughter bonding time & we shared a Boost afterwards. She kept calling me by my full Korean name which lead me to talk in third person, like Park Geunhye is hungry, it was so retarded & I don't know why we kept doing it but it was so funny. Life is cool.

I can't say that I've been doing much [mostly looking up houses I wish I lived on the real estate sites] & I'm not going to ramble into how I'm feeling so I'll just stop here. (: 2 WEEKS LEFT.

I watched Tintin yesterday at Castle Towers with Sarah, James, Lisa & Ashley & I wasn't looking forward to it very much but it was an amazing movie but in the way that Polar Express is amazing- perfect animation & well-made but the storyline was lacking a bit. Yeah, but high up there for a children's movie; it made me want to have an adventure which is what it's supposed to do I guess. We then had GPK for dinner which was nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=op3w_ICK4us

I ALSO REALLY WANT TO WATCH THE MUPPET SHOW MOVIE AND TANGLED EVER AFTER. LIKE VERY BADLY.

I'm still waiting for that spark of crazy motivation but it hasn't hit me yet, although I think I should really go after it first.

Feeling a bit more motivated today. Did like 15 minutes of science & yes, I consider that a major accomplishment. (:

READY FOR THE REMAINING 357 DAYS OF 2012?

LOL NO.

I remember Mum, Sarah & I watched "My Sister's Keeper" a few weeks ago & it was pretty sad; it could've been made a little better to really have been an epic movie but afterwards, Sarah & I decided to do a parody conversation in regards to it. Complete opposite of the self-sacrificing sisters from the movie.

Sarah -looks sadly at me-:  Grace, if you ever have cancer, I refuse to donate anything to you & let you die. I'll sue you all even if you don't want to die. I will be medically emancipated!
Me -troll face-: NOT BEFORE I TAKE YOUR KIDNEY >:)

& Mum had that expression she has a lot these days, that sort of says "I can't believe I have these two retards for daughters".

That moment kept coming back to me for some reason today even though it doesn't really mean much. I hate what my memory has room for these days =/

I could really do with some encouragement right now but I don't even know what for. If I say I've become closed-off, cold & uncaring, it just sounds like all I do is talk about myself & my selfish little problems but I really don't want to be that person &, at the same time, it's like I can't help it. I'm also so stingy at being that person who gives encouragement & is there for someone when they need it so why should I expect it of anyone else? It's been a long time since I've talked to anybody about anything real. I simply suck at having a personality anymore.

I coughed blood again for the first time in months. I don't know if I'm really sick or not.

After 15 years and 11 months of living, this is what I've concluded.

1) I overuse the words "awesome" & "gross" to the point that what I say consists of nothing else but people still manage to understand it.

2) Poking/prodding- physically or verbally- is the most irritating thing a person can do & will lead to banishment from society & generally the rest of the world.

3) At this point, money is still free but it soon won't be.

4) Stubbing your toe brings on more agonising pain than amputating a limb without anaesthetic.

5) Your best friends are the ones who insult you the most & they mean every single word.

6) But it's okay to be insulted by them. Because, eventually, they'll buy you food.

7) Feathers in the hair & mocassins are gross & no one can pull it off except the Native Americans & in a few years, everyone will look back on it & be like "what the hell were we thinking?".

8) There is no point in having a polaroid camera without film & people enjoy stealing your stuff & watching you look for it.

9) People also enjoy stealing your food & watching you look for it even though, by that point, they've probably eaten it. All. In fact, they've probably shared it with everyone but you.

10) You look different in all mirrors but the best ones are the rare ones that make you look better because you can just pretend that all the other mirrors are wrong. This is also applicable to broken scales.

11) 11 is a better number than 10 will ever be.

12) I have been in a number of car accidents & only remember one or two so that must mean that all the bad events I'll ever experience will probably not even last in my memory.

13) It is super awkward when you talk about someone [doesn't even have to be in a bad way] & you realise that they were there the whole time. Also, awkward turtle is annoying. Also, "random" and "awkward" have completely lost their meaning.

14) I always have at least one bruise on my leg that I don't remember how it got there. I must be super human to be immune to pain.

15) I have looked up "How to be less awkward" on Google. Nothing works. Don't fight it, embrace it.

& 11 months) Addiction Shows Committment. This can apply for anything.

I don't make those.

My Mum is creepily counting coins to trade in to the bank because she doesn't trust the bank people to count it properly. It's pretty funny & Dad's laughing & eating a ridiculous amount of cheesecake.

Anyway, today I had a fun, fatty day at Parra with Emily, Catherine & my sister- buying nothing but food [Sarah & I had springrolls & pretzel, & Catherine, in comparison, had stupid salad], Max Brenner's waffles <3 which I tried for the first time today [Emily also made out with the Max Brenner picture on the serviette which was gross], apparently unappetising creme brulee, easyway, taking beautifully stupid model photos, Emily's "candid" shots, sticker photos & left over barbeque for dinner.

Yesterday, we had to clean up the whole house because Tiff's family was coming over & Sarah, Tiff & I played twister & The Simpsons Game. HOME KBBQ IS DELICIOUS- especially when it's presented properly & guests are over with everything clean & proper side dishes instead of the usual "DIG IN". It was nice. Afterwards, we snacked on oreos & watched "Are We There Yet?" on TV.

A lovely two dayssss.

Oh forgot something..

-insert deep shiz-

I was trying to study today & getting distracted, wasting time, kicking myself for it. It seems so simple to me, having what I want, I know it means a long & difficult but ultimately obvious path. I never talk about these things in real life. I never really tell anyone what I want & what I'll do to get it- I usually just whine about how I'm not good enough & how I'm really not getting anywhere- but the thing is, I've always been thinking deeper than that & planning further than just whatever's next. I never live in the moment, pretty much. It's like I'm struggling to keep control of my life [one that hasn't even started yet] by keeping the things that matter most too close to me. I lie about being so blindly happy with what I have but I genuinely know that it's just that moment. It's just to bluntly say that I'm unproductive & don't want to be, I feel selfish & always feel as if I'm hiding something when I'm not at all, there are a lot of things I don't say out loud, I'm cut off from everything & everyone lately, times when I feel like I'm not even there, so I enjoy the things that distract me & I'm stuck. If I knew a person like myself, I would get really annoyed at them.

But this post isn't really about my passing mood & status. It's about how my endless insecurities & non-existent problems that mean absolutely nothing are blocking the big picture. Because in the big picture, everything we know & all the history that's ever happened is nothing- not a measurable moment in the context of eternity. I was reading the Bible in church when the sermon was in Korean about a different passage but I couldn't really understand it so I just flipped the Bible open to a random chapter. It landed on Job. If you don't know, the chapter of Job is about a man named Job who gets everything that he has taken away from him [his family, riches, anything he has ever been proud of or been grateful for] but through all his suffering, he praises God. God allows Satan to put Job to the test & everything he has been building to & everyone he loves is lost but he stays strong in God. To non-Christians, this might appear to be just a fairytale with a moral but the truth is that we're all always under a constant test, whether we see it or not, whether we believe it or not. A test I don't think I could ever measure up to; especially as I've never suffered despite my frustrations & my attitude lately. Sometimes, God shows you what you need, even when you don't know what you're looking for, & that is infinitely more helpful than a forced sermon. So this part of the passage really spoke to me & put me in my place.

Job 4: 17-21

17 'Can a mortal be more righteous than God? Can a man be more pure than his Maker? 18 If God places no trust in his servants, if he charges his angels with error, 19 how much more those who live in houses of clay, whose foundations are in the dust, who are crushed more readily than a moth! 20 Between dawn and dusk they are broken to pieces; unnoticed, they perish forever. 21 Are not the cords of their tent pulled up, so that they die without wisdom?'

So the conclusion for me is that I am worth nothing alone but I insist on putting myself on a pedestal & think that anything I feel or think is even worth hiding. Everything disappears one day so what am I living for? Everything we idolize & work so hard for will eventually be worn down, be left behind, & end up washed up on another beach. Even after I've cared this much & kicked myself for not trying this much or I have tried & succeeded, after I've gotten a job & a family, after I've laughed, cried, shouted, after I've thought, talked, cared about what others might think or say, after I've felt guilt, anger, loss, after I've gained wealth & a house, after I've thought myself so important & my relationships with others so important that I feel the need to tell or hide, after I retire & look back on the good & bad times & treasure the things I've stored, maybe even enjoy them, after I've lived, what will I be standing in front of God with to offer if not a few empty shells?

This new year started out with a family fight again [like the one of 2009] resulting in tears, shouting & Sarah & I giving our parents counselling haha. BUT IT'S ALL GOOD. 2012 will be a beautiful year.

Went to grandparents' houses & had dinner at grandparents [Dad's side]- mainly sausages, cheese/spinach triangles, rice cake soup- with James, Harry & Jane where we played Santa & his rudolphs/elves, Harry Potter quidditch games, sparklers & Monopoly on James's ipad. It was like being a little kid again. So nice.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Creepy but still amazing.



Currently not enjoying year 11 very much, I feel so disconnected from everyone or maybe the whole grade is just like that. It feels like something's falling apart, only not so dramatic, and I just can't find the motivation for anything. Maybe I should focus on one thing at a time.

I just want to go back to sleep.

Yesterday & today, I had my "sweet 16th" although technically I'm not sixteen yet. To be honest, I was a little disappointed before the party because of all the last-minute cancellations & lack of RSVP but once I actually got there & met up with friends, I had absolutely no regrets at all. I loved it to bits- it was so natural to just have that last kiddie dinner with lots of dessert & the tiramitsu puppy cake from Breadtop, lots of laughing, luvoing, Michelle's psycho smile detection camera, Rae's present of a UNICORN pillowpet, hereby named "Horny Corny the Puny Uni" & various other lovely gifts [including Rena & Catherine's pinatas of the three of our faces, Suren's butterfly windchime+"you're 3 years old!" birthday card, necklace & more, Sarah's beautiful scarf + sexually suggestive references in her bdaycard & Esther's crayons & owl necklace teehee]. I didn't feel like I had any criteria to fill which is a lot how I feel like these days & just loved everyone for coming &, as majorly cheesy as this sounds, being who they were in their complete funny, undignified but amazing characters & persons. It was all I needed & more in the last days of my supposed childhood ending but they all gave me this hope that the childhood doesn't end at one point but more just comes up again in flashes in your life when you need it most. I think, more than anything, that's what friends are for. We took a few luvos, embarrassed ourselves in front of strangers. We said goodbye, fighting for the last hug, to Michelle & Rae. <3








HOHOHO, I'm skinny. LOL JOKES, that's Michelle.

Group photo [+Rae]- rare ones which turned out nice despite the smile shutter that went beserk & took a million gross ones.

The sleepover was more crazy fun than cheesy moments since Suren, Sarah, Catherine, Rena & Esther came to sleepover which meant nerdy early night swimming in a frog-crap infested pool, jumping on each other for the pool noodles, playing fail pool volleyball with Sarah [sister] joining us & Mum watching from the side & laughing in disbelief at us. Esther couldn't come in & we were respectful not to splash "the Esther" which mostly meant we hid behind her for protection when we didn't want to get splashed. Showered in pairs which meant Rena & Suren bonded in the shower obviously taking the longest & singing the loudest. Them, my sister & Esther then went to troll on Omegle, being various shady characters as pedos in white vans.
The pinatas [again, courtesy of Rena & Catherine] were a sugar-hyped vendetta, unleashing all our resentment & inner hatred for one another. My head was the first to go with my Dad chiming to poke an umbrella against it, my darling Mum hugged the head before hitting it with cooking utensils & Sarah just wanted to demolish it. Also, Esther, my dear friend of almost 16 years  I'm pretty sure Suren & Rena did the honours at the end because they wanted candy by spilling everything. Rena's head was ripped off by all of us because then we all wanted candy. Catherine's head was done more ceremoniously with everyone going around in a circle, talking of all the terrible times they had with Catherine & then smashing the pinata in turns. I think my parents were worried after a while. We watched "The House Bunny" to warm us up as a chickflick before the horror at which point we said goodbye to Suren. "The Unborn" [FRICK, SUPERSCARY, we were under the blankets for half of it & Esther & my sister were too scared so they went to the other room to play Tetris battle haha] & then POKEMON :DD We played Ello [yes, Sarah, you really cannot make Ello to save your life even though my sister, Sarah, can do it] & The Littlest Pet Shops where Catherine & Rena battled animals against each other. I think that was pretty much it as then we woke up like zombies & way too early for a sleepover. So yes, thank you so much to you guys for coming & making this a last fun-kid evening & night before senior years start. It meant a lot to me. Oh & it was just fun (:

After church, my family went to my cousin James's house where Jane & Jisoo, Jinu & Jina, Heesoo & yeah, all little kids from my church came. Sarah & I were the oldest by far but it was still hectic fun for some reason. Jisoo, Jina & Heesoo are all so adorable & they formed a little six-year-old trio but all of them fell over or had a fight at some point which meant all of them cried but they got over it in 5 minutes. James took tonnes of jumping photos & retarded photos. & it didn't feel like babysitting at all even though it pretty much was. James, Jane, Sarah & I played a half-hearted basketball game but we ended up just sitting by the pool with the little ones. I love kids like crazy but had forgotten how cute they are because I only just pass by them at church & Sarah is too old now for a little sister to be that cute anymore. NGAW, I have to post pictures soon. It was surprising because James acted like the older bro with them & Heesoo [who just came from Korea] was really happy with the new friends she made at church (:

A perfect way to end the holidays & a perfect start to year 11.



Well, today I played with jewellry with my sister, watched my Mum reading a Korean comic book to Sarah [which is based off  Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew"] so I kept chiming in on who they related to in "10 Things I Hate About You" because I was being ignored & lonely. Sarah also decided to climb on top of me because she needed to say something "face to face" & we needed to see "eye to eye"- she was just being retarded, ins hort. Then, Mum coooked a proper dinner of salmon steak, jacket potatos, peaches & wollam salad & because it was so yummy & it's too good to describe. I'll just say my face was pretty much like this the whole time.



Quite a boring day but I'm happy.

It's sad because, being Korean, plastic surgery is like a rite of passage but the part that gets me is that I don't consider it a big deal anymore. It's on the same level as getting braces but in actuality, it means rearranging, correcting & shaping the face that God made to be perfect & uniquely beautiful to fit into the ideals of what we think is more easy on the eyes. & whilst I know this, I still don't think of it as something big. & thinking about this, I've also realised that I used to be a lot more opinionated & passionate about lots of things than I am now. Seriously, nowadays, I have an indifferent attitude to almost everything which is probably a bad thing but I can't even be bothered to care about that enough.

ANYWAY, to recount Sunday, yesterday & today.

Sunday; went to JoDing's house, ate quite a lot [curry chicken mmm (:] & marvelled at her beautiful house. We were all kind of amazed at how we had to change slippers when we went upper-storey & downstairs again, we ate more, watched "Toy Story 3" & a little of "Despicable Me" after a lot of indecisiveness. I loved her patio because it had an awesome egg chair, I could live in that chair. Fun timesss.

Monday; tried to study for most of the day & THEN dinner- kbbq with the relatives coming over because HEESOO CAME FROM KOREA. If I haven't mentioned. HeeSoo is my Dad's friend's daughter who is about 6 years old now but we've watched her grow up every time we visited Korea [& because she was a baby, she kept forgetting who we were but warmed up to us every time]. We visited her parents before she was born & when we were way younger of course. Sarah has been tutoring her in English on Skype recently & now, she's come to Australia for 1-3 years so she's good at English at an early age. EITHER WAY, SHE IS MY BABY LOL- so so so adorable. She immediately hugged Sarah but poor James had to try to win her affection all night by offering her lollies, acting like the big bro & various other chasings. I reckon she's just shy around him or scared of boy germs because she whispered to me to tell him that she's started to like him- SO CUTE. But she also did make Sarah & I [not James, because he's pro at Korean] confront the fact that we were no better at Korean than a 6 year old. James brought over Suckerpunch which was alright but terrible without a storyline or idea to support it. Very lovely day.

Today; nothing much at all except the treadmill broke the other day so we got a new one off Ebay which is where it seems we get a lot of stuff lately [Dad was bidding at the auction at his surgery while I was bidding at home], there's no way we couldn't have won. So yes, a quality treadmill for $275 yo (: Today consisted of the four of us carrying it from the garage, through the rain, & assembling it after a kbbq leftover dinner.

A few days left till school starts & I feel nowhere near prepared.

Went to Tiff's party today as a gypsy & that meant lots of food, twister & singstar [my gosh, so much singstar LOL]. My parents & Sarah picked me up & Dad dropped us off at Eastwood to eat dinner & go Pishon [where Sarah drank ice chocolate & we argued over birthday cakes]. Dad picked us up again to go to the city to watch "LOVE NEVER DIES".

So, sadly, Sarah & I watched by ourselves while our parents bludged outside but it was still incredible. The sort of experience that is so crazily majestic & wonderful that you don't think recounting it will do it justice. It was our second musical, after "Wicked" & in short, it was more tragic & romantic but if I really thought about it, it came second to "Wicked" in other aspects as well. The story was predictable but the actors, characters & design of it all was so beautiful & genius. I also loved the slight psychopathic, disturbed circus theme to it.



I tried to explain the story to Mum but nothing really made sense & we couldn't bring it to her the way actually watching the musical did. Dad firmly decided that he did not like soppy musicals about love since he's watched every chick flick, Barbie movie & disgustingly soppy show because he has two daughters. Mum promptly concluded that he secretly likes it. Haha, & I got in trouble twice with the usher for taking photos of the stage.

A day to remember.

Chocolate fondue for breakfast, the best. I planned on staying home today but instead, because the cleaners were over, we had to have lunch at Castle Hill & buy the movie tickets so Sarah, Mum & I had lunch at Gatoni's Cafe [chicken fancy, chicken & mushroom omelette, bruschetta] which was really delicious. But Sarah kept spitting over our water on purpose so Mum & I ordered an ice coffee to share just to spite her haha. We then just sort of ran errands like getting Sarah's school shoes & bank. We went home for a very unproductive 3 hours LOL- I kept swearing I was going to start studying but majorly procrastinated forever.

For dinner, Dad came home from work & we all went to Sushi Bay [so Mum had a chance to use her 25% coupon]; needless to say, we pigged out on ridiculously overpriced dishes of sushi without counting them up for once. It was just sort of a frenzy of eating & watching the sushi train go on & on. We had half an hour to spare before THE MUPPETS movie so we hung at food court, our parents just talked about the provocative clothing the teens were wearing beside us but didn't let Sarah & I talk about it because we couldn't say it Korean & they would understand. Bought passionfruit mango boost & watched The Muppets movie. It was adorable & funny but not as hilarious as I'd hoped- the highlight was probably the celebrity cameos & when Sheldon Cooper appeared in the mirror in the song "Are you a man or a muppet?". SUPEREPIC. I just loved watching it as a family because we haven't watched many in the cinemas together [I can list "Night at the Mueseum 2", "Star Trek" [Mum was there purely for Chris Pine] & "Avatar"] so yes, the first of 2012. It was nostalgic & had it's hysterical moments but not as great. It was still time fantastically spent.

Tomorrow is Tiff's gypsy party, watching the musical "Love Never Dies" in the city & on Sunday, Jo's house party pig-out fest so for the first time this holidays, a weekend packed with expectation, anticipation & no care. Have an amazing last week of holidays!





-Talking to my sister about my planned party-

Me- "You are joining us, aren't you?"
Sarah -eyes suspiciously- "Why do you want me there?"
Me- "Why not?"
Sarah- "it's suspicious. What is there.. like a game that's like 'pin the tail on the midget?'"


I love them, my parents said they'd get them for me (:

Mum & I went out to lunch just then to Red Spoon because Sarah was staying over at Shirley's & Dad's out furniture shopping with & for his friend in Korea & it was nice, like real mother-daughter bonding time & we shared a Boost afterwards. She kept calling me by my full Korean name which lead me to talk in third person, like Park Geunhye is hungry, it was so retarded & I don't know why we kept doing it but it was so funny. Life is cool.

I can't say that I've been doing much [mostly looking up houses I wish I lived on the real estate sites] & I'm not going to ramble into how I'm feeling so I'll just stop here. (: 2 WEEKS LEFT.

I watched Tintin yesterday at Castle Towers with Sarah, James, Lisa & Ashley & I wasn't looking forward to it very much but it was an amazing movie but in the way that Polar Express is amazing- perfect animation & well-made but the storyline was lacking a bit. Yeah, but high up there for a children's movie; it made me want to have an adventure which is what it's supposed to do I guess. We then had GPK for dinner which was nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=op3w_ICK4us

I ALSO REALLY WANT TO WATCH THE MUPPET SHOW MOVIE AND TANGLED EVER AFTER. LIKE VERY BADLY.

I'm still waiting for that spark of crazy motivation but it hasn't hit me yet, although I think I should really go after it first.

Feeling a bit more motivated today. Did like 15 minutes of science & yes, I consider that a major accomplishment. (:

READY FOR THE REMAINING 357 DAYS OF 2012?

LOL NO.

I remember Mum, Sarah & I watched "My Sister's Keeper" a few weeks ago & it was pretty sad; it could've been made a little better to really have been an epic movie but afterwards, Sarah & I decided to do a parody conversation in regards to it. Complete opposite of the self-sacrificing sisters from the movie.

Sarah -looks sadly at me-:  Grace, if you ever have cancer, I refuse to donate anything to you & let you die. I'll sue you all even if you don't want to die. I will be medically emancipated!
Me -troll face-: NOT BEFORE I TAKE YOUR KIDNEY >:)

& Mum had that expression she has a lot these days, that sort of says "I can't believe I have these two retards for daughters".

That moment kept coming back to me for some reason today even though it doesn't really mean much. I hate what my memory has room for these days =/

I could really do with some encouragement right now but I don't even know what for. If I say I've become closed-off, cold & uncaring, it just sounds like all I do is talk about myself & my selfish little problems but I really don't want to be that person &, at the same time, it's like I can't help it. I'm also so stingy at being that person who gives encouragement & is there for someone when they need it so why should I expect it of anyone else? It's been a long time since I've talked to anybody about anything real. I simply suck at having a personality anymore.

I coughed blood again for the first time in months. I don't know if I'm really sick or not.

After 15 years and 11 months of living, this is what I've concluded.

1) I overuse the words "awesome" & "gross" to the point that what I say consists of nothing else but people still manage to understand it.

2) Poking/prodding- physically or verbally- is the most irritating thing a person can do & will lead to banishment from society & generally the rest of the world.

3) At this point, money is still free but it soon won't be.

4) Stubbing your toe brings on more agonising pain than amputating a limb without anaesthetic.

5) Your best friends are the ones who insult you the most & they mean every single word.

6) But it's okay to be insulted by them. Because, eventually, they'll buy you food.

7) Feathers in the hair & mocassins are gross & no one can pull it off except the Native Americans & in a few years, everyone will look back on it & be like "what the hell were we thinking?".

8) There is no point in having a polaroid camera without film & people enjoy stealing your stuff & watching you look for it.

9) People also enjoy stealing your food & watching you look for it even though, by that point, they've probably eaten it. All. In fact, they've probably shared it with everyone but you.

10) You look different in all mirrors but the best ones are the rare ones that make you look better because you can just pretend that all the other mirrors are wrong. This is also applicable to broken scales.

11) 11 is a better number than 10 will ever be.

12) I have been in a number of car accidents & only remember one or two so that must mean that all the bad events I'll ever experience will probably not even last in my memory.

13) It is super awkward when you talk about someone [doesn't even have to be in a bad way] & you realise that they were there the whole time. Also, awkward turtle is annoying. Also, "random" and "awkward" have completely lost their meaning.

14) I always have at least one bruise on my leg that I don't remember how it got there. I must be super human to be immune to pain.

15) I have looked up "How to be less awkward" on Google. Nothing works. Don't fight it, embrace it.

& 11 months) Addiction Shows Committment. This can apply for anything.

I don't make those.

My Mum is creepily counting coins to trade in to the bank because she doesn't trust the bank people to count it properly. It's pretty funny & Dad's laughing & eating a ridiculous amount of cheesecake.

Anyway, today I had a fun, fatty day at Parra with Emily, Catherine & my sister- buying nothing but food [Sarah & I had springrolls & pretzel, & Catherine, in comparison, had stupid salad], Max Brenner's waffles <3 which I tried for the first time today [Emily also made out with the Max Brenner picture on the serviette which was gross], apparently unappetising creme brulee, easyway, taking beautifully stupid model photos, Emily's "candid" shots, sticker photos & left over barbeque for dinner.

Yesterday, we had to clean up the whole house because Tiff's family was coming over & Sarah, Tiff & I played twister & The Simpsons Game. HOME KBBQ IS DELICIOUS- especially when it's presented properly & guests are over with everything clean & proper side dishes instead of the usual "DIG IN". It was nice. Afterwards, we snacked on oreos & watched "Are We There Yet?" on TV.

A lovely two dayssss.

Oh forgot something..

-insert deep shiz-

I was trying to study today & getting distracted, wasting time, kicking myself for it. It seems so simple to me, having what I want, I know it means a long & difficult but ultimately obvious path. I never talk about these things in real life. I never really tell anyone what I want & what I'll do to get it- I usually just whine about how I'm not good enough & how I'm really not getting anywhere- but the thing is, I've always been thinking deeper than that & planning further than just whatever's next. I never live in the moment, pretty much. It's like I'm struggling to keep control of my life [one that hasn't even started yet] by keeping the things that matter most too close to me. I lie about being so blindly happy with what I have but I genuinely know that it's just that moment. It's just to bluntly say that I'm unproductive & don't want to be, I feel selfish & always feel as if I'm hiding something when I'm not at all, there are a lot of things I don't say out loud, I'm cut off from everything & everyone lately, times when I feel like I'm not even there, so I enjoy the things that distract me & I'm stuck. If I knew a person like myself, I would get really annoyed at them.

But this post isn't really about my passing mood & status. It's about how my endless insecurities & non-existent problems that mean absolutely nothing are blocking the big picture. Because in the big picture, everything we know & all the history that's ever happened is nothing- not a measurable moment in the context of eternity. I was reading the Bible in church when the sermon was in Korean about a different passage but I couldn't really understand it so I just flipped the Bible open to a random chapter. It landed on Job. If you don't know, the chapter of Job is about a man named Job who gets everything that he has taken away from him [his family, riches, anything he has ever been proud of or been grateful for] but through all his suffering, he praises God. God allows Satan to put Job to the test & everything he has been building to & everyone he loves is lost but he stays strong in God. To non-Christians, this might appear to be just a fairytale with a moral but the truth is that we're all always under a constant test, whether we see it or not, whether we believe it or not. A test I don't think I could ever measure up to; especially as I've never suffered despite my frustrations & my attitude lately. Sometimes, God shows you what you need, even when you don't know what you're looking for, & that is infinitely more helpful than a forced sermon. So this part of the passage really spoke to me & put me in my place.

Job 4: 17-21

17 'Can a mortal be more righteous than God? Can a man be more pure than his Maker? 18 If God places no trust in his servants, if he charges his angels with error, 19 how much more those who live in houses of clay, whose foundations are in the dust, who are crushed more readily than a moth! 20 Between dawn and dusk they are broken to pieces; unnoticed, they perish forever. 21 Are not the cords of their tent pulled up, so that they die without wisdom?'

So the conclusion for me is that I am worth nothing alone but I insist on putting myself on a pedestal & think that anything I feel or think is even worth hiding. Everything disappears one day so what am I living for? Everything we idolize & work so hard for will eventually be worn down, be left behind, & end up washed up on another beach. Even after I've cared this much & kicked myself for not trying this much or I have tried & succeeded, after I've gotten a job & a family, after I've laughed, cried, shouted, after I've thought, talked, cared about what others might think or say, after I've felt guilt, anger, loss, after I've gained wealth & a house, after I've thought myself so important & my relationships with others so important that I feel the need to tell or hide, after I retire & look back on the good & bad times & treasure the things I've stored, maybe even enjoy them, after I've lived, what will I be standing in front of God with to offer if not a few empty shells?

This new year started out with a family fight again [like the one of 2009] resulting in tears, shouting & Sarah & I giving our parents counselling haha. BUT IT'S ALL GOOD. 2012 will be a beautiful year.

Went to grandparents' houses & had dinner at grandparents [Dad's side]- mainly sausages, cheese/spinach triangles, rice cake soup- with James, Harry & Jane where we played Santa & his rudolphs/elves, Harry Potter quidditch games, sparklers & Monopoly on James's ipad. It was like being a little kid again. So nice.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.