a life experiment .

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Hi kids

So there are 3 vases of flowers in the house & don't have enough tables to fit them. So one's just awkwardly sitting on the floor & I feel sad for it, is that stupid ?

My sister found a company that makes hand-crafted animals & now she's begging me for a 1.5 m polar bear for her birthday. Yes, she's ignored the 2 m dinosaur, giraffe & unicorn because she wants one about her height. I guess it's so she can pretend she has friends haha. And, quite frankly, it's killing me inside for a couple reasons:

1) I just realised the extent of her loserishness
2) How could she ignore a unicorn ?? She is not the sister I thought she was.
3) We can't even find it on ebay for cheaper.
4) It costs almost a grand = broke Grace & spoilt Sarah
5) Seriously, thought she'd grown out of this phase.

So debating on whether to actually get it because, so far, it's pretty up there on her list of ridiculous demands. Not to mention, her birthday's in April. It's pretty early to be begging, even for her :L

Also, we figured out that our grandma is Mary Poppins. She's been staying over this week a lot because our parents are busy & it's actually insane. We're just not used to everything being this neat & tidy. Like, we wake up & get out of bed for 5 seconds, come back & find that the bed has already been made & the room cleaned. Sarah came in yelling quite a lot with stuff like "mother of God, someone stop her. She's done rearranging the fridge & now she's onto the pantry!!" & "this is all just too much, I can't change my ways". I swear, even when I was studying, she was rearranging my pens as I put them down. So, yes, as much as we love her, she's taken OCD to a whole new level. I'm really grateful for her though.

http://www.cuddleworks.com/Standing_Giant_Plush_Polar_Bear_by_Hansa_p/h3650.htm

Someone help with this kid,

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

We dance on hell's roof & crawl under heaven's floorboards.

OKAY, forgive the complete disjointedness here.

Well, the page views have skyrocketed for some reason [by skyrocketed, I mean, reached more than 1 :P]. Stop stalkers, stop.

Also, I keep starting all these posts then realise I have no idea where I'm going with them so now there are a couple drafts that make no sense whatsoever but somehow exploded out during those moments of frustration or boredom. So here are a couple from late nights, wondering what I'm even doing with my life.

So enjoy these snippets of draft I never bothered posting.

...

Anyways, I've been trying to write an essay intro for Blankenstein and Fraderunner for about 5 hours now & everything seems to have left me. Also, I'd just like to reiterate what a stupid movie Bladerunner is. I mean, it has no real plot, just a lot of darkness, murmuring & racist Asian references, the replicants look like drug addicts at the best of times, Deckard practically rapes Rachael [seriously, who falls for that], Pris does that weird eye twitching thing that freaks me out & has a strangely sadistic relationship with Roy who, weirdly, tries to kill Deckard then saves him right after holding what looks like a dead dove in his hands & before crying in the rain. Also, the unicorn symbolism is not really symbolism if it has no clear significance. I'd rather write an essay on Twilight.. like far out. I'd just like to sue Ridley Scott. I think I'd have a pretty strong case. I also can't sleep either which is why I'm here and.. yeah. I've been considering a lot of things this weekend & have changed my mind about quite a few of them as well but that doesn't change the fact that I'll always be scared. Because I'm ridiculous like that.

Today, I saw my sister cry about something other than not getting what she wants for dinner & it scared me more than if I saw my parents cry [not that they ever do]. Maybe she's not the always emotionless, always dependable, always level-headed kid I thought she was. I swear she never talks about her problems, even to me. I kind of feel like I failed as the older sister to see her vulnerability & weaknesses. I forgot to cover her & take the hit for her once in a while. I've actually always been too busy laughing at her & pouring out my own stresses that I never really noticed that she probably had quite a bit too. I promised myself it wouldn't happen again &, next time, she's first. That, however, doesn't mean I won't slap her around the head if she cries about not getting what she wants for dinner.

I also got an alpaca from a dear friend. After church, I spent way too long taking photos of it from every angle & staring at it lovingly. I named him Emperor Kuzco & he is now an extremely important part of my life . He's taken up at least 20 photos. LOL. I may actually be a retard.

Also, following the string of forevalone posts along the internet. I know some people are genuinely depressed about their singledom [LOL Brittany :P] & others are positive & excited about their future partners [yayay Yadha, dibs being best man at the wedding]. So, was talking with a friend at church why we're perpetually single. Apparently he could think up over 100 reasons for himself so I decided to compile a list for myself. But I think the forever-alone list was way too limited so I turned it into a list of why I have no friends also. By the way, yes, this is pathetic but it's also really fun which is why I'm doing it. You know it's not so people can feel sorry for you so no false modesty or sugarcoating please. So yeah, anyone reading, I put you up to the challenge.

LIST: Why I am forever alone/Why I have no friends

1) I strangely love alpacas & llamas way too much.
2) I'm annoyingly competitive. I'll lie, steal, cheat in any board game but will, inevitably, end up losing anyway.
3) I'm incapable of expressing affection.. thus any conversation will turn to the topic of point 1) llamas & alpacas LOL jokes, that's in any conversation.
4) Food will magically disappear. Like I kid you not, you think you have a lot of food until.. you know, I eat it. [hi friends, I'm sure you've all experienced this phenomenon :D]
5) I don't know how to explain this but there's a limit & then I close up. I guess I'm just not a very open person. I'm a sociopath guys.
6) For girl friends, I don't speak the language of fashion & can't deal with drama. For guy friends, I can't play sport. The end. I guess I'll have to hang out with people in the middle.. Nachan ?
7) I like to chime in & out at random intervals which often consists of "anyone got food?", "anyone want to be my friend?", etc. which, clearly, leads to strong-founded relationships & belongment.
8) Okay, this is just a generalization but pretty people just don't need as great personalities to earn friends. I just lack all physical aspects as well as social skills. Might as well buy a cat now. Like when you think about your attractive personal traits, both inside or outside, you're supposed to come up with something. I got nothing.. which got me desperate & thinking about academics but that's all based entirely on how hard you try so.. yeah, #sad #foreversad #what is my life.
9) I wouldn't say I'm a perfectionist as such but I'm easily neurotic & OCD. I'm all chill with the big picture but it's in these tiny things that never matter that I always freak out.
10) I'm pretty insensitive. Not in the sense that I don't notice or realize when someone's upset or something's up but just in the fact that I probably won't think it's a big deal. I just don't care as much as I should or other people do.
11) Apparently, I'm a crappy wingman. but I don't know, we'll see.
12) When I focus on one thing, I can't stop thinking about it. Whether it's a task I really want to do or something I want, I'll keep on working or begging or just being completely out of it for other things. I fail at keeping anything in perspective.
13) The big cliche. Trust issues.
14) I have an unfunny sense of humour & laugh at the weirdest things no one else finds funny. It's really quite a lonely life if you think about it.
15) It's actually really sad that I could come up with all this. I'm sure there are more to come but I really have to get back to study!

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I tried to tell a close friend something today & couldn't do it which led to several awkward moments & pointless small talk. Keep finding it strange how our security in people change as we learn to trust some & sometimes learn to hold back with others.

Okay, enough for today.

Bye now.

Friday, February 15, 2013

From the depths of my heart & the peaks of my brows :L

So, I have two words for you..

JAAAAY SEAAAAAAAAAAN.

Haha jokes, I have many more than that.

Happy Valentines Day everyone [for yesterday]!

Everything was spectacular [if I do say so myself :P]. I really don't think words could justify the stress, laughter & fun that went into the dance & the assembly so I'd just like to say that I love you all very much. Everyone worked so incredibly hard for it & it was so cool to see it come together like that. I know it always does in the end but those few moments before make you feel so tense & nervous. The whole experience was the best. Having so much fun with friends, getting closer to some especially awesome people, those 45 degree days where we trekked it about 10m & died of heat stroke but managed to spin a million times, lying on the basement floor like dead people, & pure lameness at times. The many holiday rehearsals [including the many I also missed :P] & meetings in Yive's bed.

I also have much respect for those who can look sexy while dancing because it's near impossible & those who can sing. I would put a nice video or pic here but there seem to be none uploaded [except Jay Sean's haha] so there'll just be massively awkward cat here.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE !

Speaking of which, we should've used this pick-up line guys.

Now for the strange cryptic stuff/random/completely weird stuff you all secretly love :P

1) I sometimes can't stand your tendency to blow up situations & kind of advertise all your insecurities & problems. I understand but there comes a time to just let it go sometimes. It's turning you into a friend I can't trust anymore but if you need to talk, not just for attention, I'll do my best to not be an awkward turtle (:

2) Oreo's anniversary is in half a month. Now, this is the kind of thing I usually celebrate :D YADHA, we must buy a Costco-standard box of oreos & just eat everything. I kid you not, we will actually do it [assuming you pay for it].

3) I had dinner with my cousins today & they're all boys so Sarah & I were forced into watching 'Wrath of the Titans' which was actually really fun. It was basically about a bunch of mythical greek gods who are all related to each other but end up trying to kill each other & we somehow managed to fit each character perfectly to our family. Our grandma was the almighty one who breathed fire because the oldest cousin [after me] doesn't want to become a doctor & we made the fire into a saucepan & chilli sauce. Yes, we're losers.

4) Nachan wanted to me to say this. "I am a female Neville"- more or less completely accurate.

5) I'm sorry, I was just shocked. I still don't genuinely understand how or why you would ever but maybe I'm really not good at reading people to begin with.

6) Hehe, my little sister may be my favourite person in the world.

Sarah- why weren't you at ISCF today ?
Me [being cool]- ohh.. you know, busy

[backstory, I was actually in the hall, eating cold pizza with JennyBai, Nachan & Chels & being majorly devs about post valentines]

Sarah- whatever, you missed out on like.. -realises she's got nothing to say-.. a THOUSAND spiritual points.

Yes, you may not understand that strange child but I do :')

7) My dad keeps saying these deep & philosophical things lately. It's starting to scare me. I think he might be on the verge of writing another memoir about the meaning of life [LOL yes, he's done it before & send it around to the church elders]. Sarah & I are trying to control him.

8) My eyes are burning of tiredness, time to sleep. This post got a lot more ceebs as it progressed.

Got to sleep now. Good night lovely readers!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I don't even..

I'm so tired. Prefect Valentines is consuming my life & so now, when I come home, I just sleep. That being said, I probably have it the easiest out of a lot of the prefects. Like, all I really have to do is make the script not awkward, work out the props & not fail at dancing [which, by the way, is impossible for me]. It kind of makes me amazed how the rest of them do it & especially the execs, crazy kids.

But all of that seems all fun & exciting but sort of secondary to something else. I've only told two people about this & it still doesn't seem like it's happening. A lot of the time, distraction is what keeps me above water. Sorry for being super ambiguous and weird. It's because I don't want to leave out this thing out of this blog which, sadly, happens to be a record of my teenage life but, at the same time, I don't want anyone to know. LOL which is where encryption comes in. I really should learn how to do that. I have no idea how I'm going to handle this & year 12. It's not getting any easier to cope with but maybe after next week, I'll have some assurance.

Moving on, I might get bashed for this but I really like all my subjects [& by that I mean 20 FREES BEBS]. No really. 4u maths isn't terrible & with the scaling, I'm not too scared of failing it. Also, mt2 is rejoicing a new teacher because like our last one was.. yeah. I've always liked eng so that's all good but no annoying 3u yaaaay. & hopefully, I'll do alright in chem & bio but I realised something. I'm just not a very smart person & really terrible at things that require actual intelligence & conceptual thinking. I'm good at memorization & rote learning which is pretty useless if you think about it. Haha, you're all probably thinking 'cool story bro'. I really just need something to talk about.

Also ! This is the thing I told you I had to link you to ! If you don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this :L Actually, this is for all the Christian girls, just something to think about. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this also.