- Mum cleaned both our desks and rooms-

Me: Mum.. what, why, clean, what. This isn't natural.

I hear Sarah from her room screaming.

Sarah: MUM WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HABITAT?!?!

She runs into my room & screams, "YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME".

We proceed to spend the next five minutes screaming manically, pulling tissues out & throwing stuff all over her desk. I think mum's done with us.



It's been pretty much two months since I last blogged which is crazy. I honestly haven't even been busy or been up to much. This year is too chill nowadays to be HSC year but whatever, trials soon. That ought to be fun :(

There's been a lot of pondering & lack of study going on recently. However, the last set of exams before trials are over! I am completely indifferent about them. Probably did average for all of them, not quite sure. Also the prefect year is coming to an end for us which is bittersweet. Seriously have not been bothered to come on here & type out my life. It's quite uneventful. I think I'll do it in dotpoints because that's easier.

- Luckily, even with HSC, the family has not stopped going out for dinner once or twice a week so there's this really lovely boulevard of restaurants in Bella Vista. Sushi train, Thai food, Italian. This is wonderful & terrible at the same time but such convenient location. One of the perks of living in this neighbourhood with no means of transport.

- After exams, hung with Suren, Michael, Rae & Albert. Getting lost with bad GPS's in Albert's car. Getting kicked out of Auburn buffet so moving on to Merrylands instead. Michael being a true Asian & heading straight for 3 plates of expensive seafood while the rest of us loaded up on noodles/meat/soup/friedcrapthatwillgiveusdiabetes. Albert scoffing down a cup of liquid chocolate from the chocolate fountain & his subsequent death. Parra afterwards & legit doing nothing for half an hour but watching Jimmy the noob eat pho at an excruciatingly slow rate when the rest of us want to shop.

- Catherine & Nachan invited themselves over the day after exams ended. By invited themselves over, I mean I thought it was a joke until the hour before when Catherine texts something about having to pay for her & Nachan's $4.60 busfare because her concession card expired or something. Anyway, it was superfun! We watched Anastasia & Barbie movies, lots of chocolate & chips, had Thai takeaway, played pool & were introduced to my Dad's strangeness. Mum & Dad started an argument during dinner about him having to throw away his $4 tie from 20 years ago which resulted in a tug of war.

- I just realised most of this is food & friends.

- On Sunday, Hee Soo & this other girl in year 4 from church came over with their parents for dinner. Sarah & I genuinely enjoyed playing with them & keeping them entertained even though Sarah's used to being the baby. It's lucky we still play like kids because we fully made this elaborate play using Littlest Pet Shops, later played Simpsons board game & then Ello. It was freaking exhausting but lots of fun. Also Hee Soo's adorable but a bit of a brat whereas the other girl was actually so nice & kept asking for advice on OC & Selective hahaha cute.

- Grandma [mum's side] started writing poetry so my aunt in Perth made videos using the poems & they're actually so beautiful despite me barely understanding the Korean.

- I think I actually really love our SYNC grade group because we're all spastic & it's just nice to have a group of weirdos. Also, working on convincing my parents to go last day of church camp this holidays despite UMAT & trials creeping up on us. Speaking of which, I've done 5 UMAT trial papers properly & the percentiles are way too inconsistent for my liking. Also, I've heard that the actual paper is far different to the practice so that sucks that it's not even a true indication of how we'll go.

- I've been on youtube way too much, watching lame shows, skits & reality tv. I even resorted to an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians. They're actually terrible but that's how bored I am.

- I should really get off & do some work.

Bye now.




'80s movies are the best.

Haven't been here in so long.

Last Sunday, went on a year 12 church outing & went puttputt golfing. Needless to say, most of us sucked. It was still a lot of fun & jjajangmyun for dinner is always a treat (:

Then, more matrix which isn't really that bad & Louise is the best. I just wasn't so into studying so most days consisted of cramming the homework at midnight.

On Thursday or Friday I think, I got very distracted because Sarah & I started a full-blown argument using the Google translate voice speaker. Wish I could've recorded it. So many hilarious moments over those 2 hours. First time Mum walked in on us, Sarah was typing up something about how she was part of the Bulgarian mafia & wanted to learn pole dancing. Then later on when Dad came in, the Google translate voice was going on about something I typed up about how it was morally wrong & tragic that Ricky Martin was gay. It really is tragic though. Usually, when we watch The Voice. Mum & I are wailing about how unfair that he's so attractive but so gay & then Sarah has to roll her eyes at us & go "should I be worried because... Mum, you're married. Grace, you're seventeen...why are you into old gay men?". Oh, that's also what I've been doing these holidays. The three of us spent the whole first week just watching The Voice auditions yay.

Yesterday was darling Sarah's 14th birthday. She'd been bugging us for a month to get a present so we truly outdid ourselves & got her a four-part present. Well, Dad actually got her a present he got for free but whatever. I had to keep it in hiding forever because she searched my rooms daily. So, as soon as I got up, Sarah started jumping up & down, yelling at me to get her the presents. She was so happy when she saw them LOL. There was actually a lot of drama & crying in the hour before dinner. Happens in a house with 2.5 females so Dad kind of had to stick it out & calm us down before leaving. Sarah chose an Italian place- Baia in Darling Harbour. Not as a good as Criniti's but all the bookings were full & it was still pretty delicious. We also happened to be seated next to a huge group of Baulko guys I happened to know & it was just super awkward but that was okay because there were surprise fireworks at Darling Harbour during dinner so it was perfect for Sarah's birthday. Afterwards, we walked down to a French cafe with ridiculously priced Tiramisu [honestly, what kind of magical Tiramisu costs $17?] so Sarah, apparently not already full from her lamb chops, decided to get banana waffles, chocolate and a scoop of ice cream. I got a hot chocolate with the most beautiful marshmellows I will ever see in my life, Dad got a flat white & Mum.. got a coke LOL. So yeah, a beautiful day for an.. okay sister. Happy child.


Okay, I feel that's enough. The end.





I kind of had a life crisis break down today where I went hysterically sad for no particular reason & dad comforted me for a while before my sister & mum came along. We all just lay on the lounge & contemplated life while I had this strange moment of depression & confusion. Dad showed me a bible verse that kind of summarised how I felt. Basically the gist of it was that everything is meaningless. And then we lay around some more. It was actually so weird. It became a counselling session as well as an AA meeting.

In fact, whenever any of us said something strange & questionable, Sarah just kept saying "it's okay, we're all patients here".

It sort of ended with this conclusion.

Dad- It's just part of growing up with all that uncertainty and hormones. [...LOL?]
Mum- No, hormones is what Sarah is going through. Grace is going through a critical stage in her life. She's feeling overwhelmed.
Sarah- Woahwoahwoah, buddy. So when she goes crazy, she's going through some tragic critical stage in her life but when I happen to be sad, it's all just PMS ? You all suck.
Mum- Girls, how can you talk about private things like PMS so openly in front of dad ? He is a guy after all.

-both look doubtfully at her-

Me- Dad, do you know what PMS stands for?

It was then that we found out that he had thought it stood for Puberty Madness Syndrome up until that point. Wow, that whole thing was just so..

Anyway, Dad figured out that he had no idea what to say to help me out of that lifecrisis/criticaltime/PMS/whatever so he made us all dress up & took us out to the city for coffee & mocktails instead. My dad's impulses are pretty awesome. Piano in the rain CD soundtrack, Darling Harbour with Starbucks, green-tea macaroon, hot chocolate, & Sarah forcing me to give up all dignity to skip with her through the rain. It was just the perfect thing to both distract and cheer me up. My parents may not know what to do with me but they do the right things. Sarah just happens to be there. Honestly though, I had no idea what was wrong in the first place but it did feel better after that little escape.

That's just what happened tonight. I would blog about thoughts but I don't think I could articulate any of them right now so, you'll have to live with this for the time being. Hey, it's something :P

Today was just one of those days.
I just don't feel like going through with this year.

So I needed to remind myself to keep everything in perspective. I took a pad of paper that was without random exam scribblings and wrote two lists. One list was called "Why my Life Sucks", the other was "Why my Life Doesn't Suck". I found that the latter was substantially longer. None of it had anything to do with me though. God is so good. The first list had maybe one or two things on it and the second was just millions of blessings that He has poured out. It kind of got to the point where I started being thankful that we have limbs & even things that were supposedly bad things on the first list came magically made their way onto the second list. A lot of things that seemed really important before fade in comparison when I think about the special people & moments that make up my everyday, & knowing that my future isn't in my hands is probably the best news I've ever heard. Otherwise, you know -end soppy moment-, I'd be screwed :L So lots of happy days lately. Also, everything aches. Would pay for a masseuse or something but the whole idea of it is creepy. I would make this longer to make it look like I spent effort but.. you know, got to go now ! (: Yadha wants a mention, HI ! :D

A lot of youtube. Not enough stress. An essay that will never be finished. Amazing friends. A new understanding. A better perspective. Excitement for a future that's already been planned out, just not by me. Everything's good.

So there are 3 vases of flowers in the house & don't have enough tables to fit them. So one's just awkwardly sitting on the floor & I feel sad for it, is that stupid ?

My sister found a company that makes hand-crafted animals & now she's begging me for a 1.5 m polar bear for her birthday. Yes, she's ignored the 2 m dinosaur, giraffe & unicorn because she wants one about her height. I guess it's so she can pretend she has friends haha. And, quite frankly, it's killing me inside for a couple reasons:

1) I just realised the extent of her loserishness
2) How could she ignore a unicorn ?? She is not the sister I thought she was.
3) We can't even find it on ebay for cheaper.
4) It costs almost a grand = broke Grace & spoilt Sarah
5) Seriously, thought she'd grown out of this phase.


So debating on whether to actually get it because, so far, it's pretty up there on her list of ridiculous demands. Not to mention, her birthday's in April. It's pretty early to be begging, even for her :L

Also, we figured out that our grandma is Mary Poppins. She's been staying over this week a lot because our parents are busy & it's actually insane. We're just not used to everything being this neat & tidy. Like, we wake up & get out of bed for 5 seconds, come back & find that the bed has already been made & the room cleaned. Sarah came in yelling quite a lot with stuff like "mother of God, someone stop her. She's done rearranging the fridge & now she's onto the pantry!!" & "this is all just too much, I can't change my ways". I swear, even when I was studying, she was rearranging my pens as I put them down. So, yes, as much as we love her, she's taken OCD to a whole new level. I'm really grateful for her though.

http://www.cuddleworks.com/Standing_Giant_Plush_Polar_Bear_by_Hansa_p/h3650.htm

Someone help with this kid,




OKAY, forgive the complete disjointedness here.


So, I have two words for you..

 JAAAAY SEAAAAAAAAAAN.

 Haha jokes, I have many more than that.

Happy Valentines Day everyone [for yesterday]!

Everything was spectacular [if I do say so myself :P]. I really don't think words could justify the stress, laughter & fun that went into the dance & the assembly so I'd just like to say that I love you all very much. Everyone worked so incredibly hard for it & it was so cool to see it come together like that. I know it always does in the end but those few moments before make you feel so tense & nervous. The whole experience was the best. Having so much fun with friends, getting closer to some especially awesome people, those 45 degree days where we trekked it about 10m & died of heat stroke but managed to spin a million times, lying on the basement floor like dead people, & pure lameness at times. The many holiday rehearsals [including the many I also missed :P] & meetings in Yive's bed.

 I also have much respect for those who can look sexy while dancing because it's near impossible & those who can sing. I would put a nice video or pic here but there seem to be none uploaded [except Jay Sean's haha] so there'll just be massively awkward cat here.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE !

Speaking of which, we should've used this pick-up line guys.

Now for the strange cryptic stuff/random/completely weird stuff you all secretly love :P

1) I sometimes can't stand your tendency to blow up situations & kind of advertise all your insecurities & problems. I understand but there comes a time to just let it go sometimes. It's turning you into a friend I can't trust anymore but if you need to talk, not just for attention, I'll do my best to not be an awkward turtle (:

2) Oreo's anniversary is in half a month. Now, this is the kind of thing I usually celebrate :D YADHA, we must buy a Costco-standard box of oreos & just eat everything. I kid you not, we will actually do it [assuming you pay for it].

3) I had dinner with my cousins today & they're all boys so Sarah & I were forced into watching 'Wrath of the Titans' which was actually really fun. It was basically about a bunch of mythical greek gods who are all related to each other but end up trying to kill each other & we somehow managed to fit each character perfectly to our family. Our grandma was the almighty one who breathed fire because the oldest cousin [after me] doesn't want to become a doctor & we made the fire into a saucepan & chilli sauce. Yes, we're losers.

4) Nachan wanted to me to say this. "I am a female Neville"- more or less completely accurate.

5) I'm sorry, I was just shocked. I still don't genuinely understand how or why you would ever but maybe I'm really not good at reading people to begin with.

6) Hehe, my little sister may be my favourite person in the world.

Sarah- why weren't you at ISCF today ?
Me [being cool]- ohh.. you know, busy

[backstory, I was actually in the hall, eating cold pizza with JennyBai, Nachan & Chels & being majorly devs about post valentines]

Sarah- whatever, you missed out on like.. -realises she's got nothing to say-.. a THOUSAND spiritual points.

Yes, you may not understand that strange child but I do :')

7) My dad keeps saying these deep & philosophical things lately. It's starting to scare me. I think he might be on the verge of writing another memoir about the meaning of life [LOL yes, he's done it before & send it around to the church elders]. Sarah & I are trying to control him.

8) My eyes are burning of tiredness, time to sleep. This post got a lot more ceebs as it progressed.

Got to sleep now. Good night lovely readers!

I'm so tired. Prefect Valentines is consuming my life & so now, when I come home, I just sleep. That being said, I probably have it the easiest out of a lot of the prefects. Like, all I really have to do is make the script not awkward, work out the props & not fail at dancing [which, by the way, is impossible for me]. It kind of makes me amazed how the rest of them do it & especially the execs, crazy kids.

But all of that seems all fun & exciting but sort of secondary to something else. I've only told two people about this & it still doesn't seem like it's happening. A lot of the time, distraction is what keeps me above water. Sorry for being super ambiguous and weird. It's because I don't want to leave out this thing out of this blog which, sadly, happens to be a record of my teenage life but, at the same time, I don't want anyone to know. LOL which is where encryption comes in. I really should learn how to do that. I have no idea how I'm going to handle this & year 12. It's not getting any easier to cope with but maybe after next week, I'll have some assurance.

Moving on, I might get bashed for this but I really like all my subjects [& by that I mean 20 FREES BEBS]. No really. 4u maths isn't terrible & with the scaling, I'm not too scared of failing it. Also, mt2 is rejoicing a new teacher because like our last one was.. yeah. I've always liked eng so that's all good but no annoying 3u yaaaay. & hopefully, I'll do alright in chem & bio but I realised something. I'm just not a very smart person & really terrible at things that require actual intelligence & conceptual thinking. I'm good at memorization & rote learning which is pretty useless if you think about it.  Haha, you're all probably thinking 'cool story bro'. I really just need something to talk about.

Also ! This is the thing I told you I had to link you to ! If you don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this :L Actually, this is for all the Christian girls, just something to think about. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this also.

Story of my life & how I turned 17 coming soon to a cinemas near you.

I was going to recount holidays but I procrastinated too much with that so I can barely remember anything. Instead, I thought I'd do something else.

So, upon stalking other blogs, I see a trend of posts about the future up until probably getting into the course that you want. So, without further ado, MY TURN. :D

This is going to sound terribly cliche but I've literally never wanted to be anything else but a doctor [until very recently]. & somehow, my reasons to become a doctor now are no different than those I had 15 years ago. There is nothing else to do. This might sound like a really thoughtless & stupid answer but to go on from that, it's not like I haven't thought about other career paths & there are, of course, a lot more that will give you more freedom, time & financial reward. But, for me at least, I can't think of anything better to do with my life.   You only get one life here on Earth & you know that you want to spend each day to the very full & working as hard as you can. To become completely immersed in people's lives, the good & the bad, to deal with improving, preserving & even saving lives. It's special & it seems really rewarding. That is my only worthy reason.

But, lately, I've been doubting whether I can get in. &, as a result, questioned whether I even have the willpower or capacity to handle it even if I do make it. I know that my Dad seems so cool & collected all the time but Mum told us how he failed his specialist exam twice before finally making it. There were points along his training where he literally just wanted to give up & become a cleaner [LOL] & really only started making decent money after my sister was born. It made me think realistically about the sort of life I wanted 10 years from now, especially seeing as [hopefully] I won't be the breadwinner. Thing is, I don't want to be still having to sit exams & going through multiple HSCs at that point in my life. I started to have a million doubts & questions about the quality of life I wanted. For example, I don't get to see my Dad till pretty late at night & on Sundays even though he's at that consultant stage where he barely does anything really rigorous. I think I would've been raised as a pretty neglected child had Mum not given up her career. So the self-doubt to do well academically turned into questions about what I actually wanted. Thus, why I considered things like dentistry instead.

I told my Dad about it & he told me to stop making excuses for myself. He knew what I really wanted & what I would really enjoy & what is really worthwhile. He pretty much said that even though he's a pretty successful specialist, there were probably heaps more dentists or businessmen who make a lot more than him & work a lot less than him but he still didn't want that for me. It wasn't the typical Asian-father "you must become doctor" talk. It was kind of his warning that you can't go into any field for the security of it. His words, you have to "stumble" into it. No one knows what it means to be anything until they actually get there, no matter the years or amount of work it takes. That being said, I'm still pretty turned off about some lifestyle aspects of it & the fact that everyone I know seems to want to do it without having any idea what it involves. I don't either so I feel like I'm alone in being the one who wants to question why. I actually feel alone in that. I'm sorry for the lack of eloquence in that paragraph, I was trying to sum up a long inspiring speech without using quotation marks :L

Either way, I'm more realistic about my career choices now. There are so many options. Ruse people seriously don't realise that, academically at least, the world is their oyster. I truly wish everyone the best of luck. I hope you all find what you want to do & go for it.

Now what kind of future post would this be without the topic of marriage ? I went to a wedding at church today for this couple that I've seen around but don't personally know. I watched them grinning like mad when they put on the rings, the bride's beautiful dress & veil & just the loveliness of it all. I really love weddings [especially the reception, my gosh, the food was good] but reckon marriages must be really tiring & boring. I'm not a marriage cynic or whatever because my parents are perfectly happy & I personally haven't really been exposed to dysfunctional marriages/relationships. However, I just can't see myself in one. It would never work. It reminds me of a conversation that we had one or two years ago, lying on the school field. This isn't exactly what was said, it was just snippets of what I remember, some exaggeration may occur.

Suren: My ideal guy would be thoughtful, caring, sensitive, sweet -fill in more cheesy adjectives-
 - rest of us look at her-
Rae: Hmmm, I don't care. As long as he's hot.
Me: Dude, screw that. He has to be rich..
Ding: ...ditto.
Suren: what the hell, why are you guys so shallow :L

This may possibly be the reason why Suren is the only one of us who isn't forever alone. I've been raised as a brat which is why it would be extremely difficult for me to be selfless enough to be willing to sacrifice & commit to something like a marriage. It's a huge mystery. Disclaimer: I still want a wedding, just not a marriage. kthxbai. HAHA such a superficial post.

Nah, all jokes aside, I don't know why the future outside of school seems scary. I don't know why growing up seems scary but it terrifies me. It feels like childhood shouldn't be gone already but it's slipping away, I think. Just a year to go really.

Anyway, for all those that said I owed them a post. You're welcome.







I'm about to cry of happiness..

MY INTERNET IS BACKKKKKKK. YESSSSSSS.

also watched Les Mis with my sister & mum & WOW, people weren't joking. Completely struck by it but I didn't even know what it was before I watched it so bandwagoning hahaha. SO GOOD.


LOLOL TROLL POST, LATERS :P



Hi, this week has been really tough on me but it's mostly because of my terrible perfectionist attitude and arrogance I guess. My parents have helped me so much & you friends have been awesome. But now I'm calming down [you know, after various breakdowns, hyperventilation & throwing stuff at the wall haha] and just then, dad came in and gave me a talk about how this time is a true blessing for me and I think I could finally understand why. I've never experienced failure and, as a result, I'm extremely naive and immature, mostly too used to getting my own way and relying on myself and the random opinions of others. I watched 56up with my parents where they record the lives of several children and interview them every seven years. It's an amazing series and, even from a non-religious point of view, makes you realise that nothing is in your control, everything turns out far different than we expected and, ultimately, happiness is sometimes just by chance and sometimes earnt. I've always blindly wanted to do medicine without thinking of the years of sleep-deprivation, stress, constant memorisation and low pay [contrary to popular belief] once you finish and I've never fully trusted in God. Now, I think I still want to go through with it but am learning to let go.

I didn't go houseparty for a few reasons but this weekend has been a mediation time in itself. So, was going to keep this private but going to share the testimony I wrote for my confirmation. My confirmation was the day before assessments started so I feel this was rushed and I didn't put thought into it but reading it through now, I think really believe it. The fact that God is in control, He has a plan set out for me whether I like it or not and, in the end, it will help me grow as a person. So, here goes..

---







I prayed for a long time yesterday. Out of need and out of guilt and really out of everything. I don't deserve any of this but He blesses me with everything so I guess I prayed to put everything into perspective. Thank you to all the friends who were so sensitive and nice to me this week but I really just need to get over myself. These exams mean nothing.

I feel a lot better today and yeah, just been really happy this morning after 4u that is.Ate lunch at Little Rock Cafe with Mum & just been lazing since.

Anyways, look, hahahaha.






Oh wow. So yesterday my mum told us the story of how my grandparents [on my dad's side] met & married. It's legitimately like a kdrama- the social class differences, the disapproving parents, the almost eloping- which is polar opposite to my parents' boring love story [pretty much a blind date lol]. I'll post about my grandparents later; it's pretty amazing :L

I think it's in the future.

So, despite exams & all, I've been happy.. somewhat. My family are actually amazing & I've just been really blessed that they're the way they are & have faith in me even when I have pretty much none for myself. It's been kind of tough this week but I think I've got no one to blame but myself this time.

Well, on Sunday, I got confirmed &.. seeing as I don't have fb, I don't even have pictures haha but they're on Yadha's blog so all's good. I would attempt something d&m right now but I can't bring myself to do it. It's a confirmation. It's amazing in itself. I also had my first taste of wine at Holy Communion as a result & yuck, do not see the appeal in being an alcoholic. Anyway, this is it for today :D BYE KIDS

Is it better to pretend to be overconfident or just accept your lack of it?

More & more self-doubt recently, I feel like giving up already which is really terrible when we're really privileged to be learning & having opportunities like this to begin with. Why do we say we're screwed when there's nothing bad about it at all? I need an attitude change & I've been such a retard to my family recently; yesterday, my sister called me out on it & called me a bitch & quite deservedly I think. It's good to have people to keep you on track sometimes.

Oh my gosh. Was in the car with my Mum, stressing & talking about my very bleak future hahah. But really, I was just in this state of confusion & sadness when I thought that this is real & do I even have security in what I thought I wanted blahblahblah.

So kind of wistfully I said, "What would it be like to be an English lecturer?"
Mum- "Hmm maybe, that's not really my style".
Me- "What's your style then?"
Mum- hmm.. omma, GANGNAM STYLE. 8)

Wow, that just brightened my day lol.

So Thursday was Mum's birthday which involved a little more flower buying but without the random luvoing. She's not a huge fan of flowers so I got a little less extravagant basket of orchids but they were still gorgeous. Dr Lee was on that day so we couldn't do much but on Friday, we went out to Eastwood for her birthday dinner. Couldn't go out to city now that I've got no time & everything with year 12 which sucks but we ordered heaps of sushi at Hukuya & it enjoyed it just the same (: Like just way too much food to the point that my sister rejected waffles afterwards. On the way to the car, I got the sudden urge to go to the playground on the upper field, the one with the giant swing? I wanted to show Sarah because the poor deprived child hasn't been to it so we dragged Mum & Dad up to the playground & sat stubbornly in the giant swing & yelled at them to push us. We're such brats haha. Mum ended up having to kick the swing to make us move because we were too fat until Dad eventually came & spun us around. It was fun. More our enjoyment than Mum's but same deal. I know I shouldn't have had that much fun but it was a kind of release from these weeks of year 12 stress.

On Saturday.. seriously, maths homework all day. The workload is insane.

Sunday was fun with outdoor service, massive tug of war, Costco pizza & playing big 2 even though I still don't know how to play so ended up having to show my cards to everyone I was playing with so they could advise me on what I could put down. By the end they were like, "FAR OUT STOP SHOWING US YOUR CARDS". Did confirmation training & then came home to fit in a bit of maths homework before the cousins showed, grandparents & Hee Soo & her dad. We had elegi kimbap & just this massive family gathering where I had to keep Hee Soo constantly entertained since Sarah has yearlies coming up but I don't mind because she's adorable.

Time to sleep. Laters.

Hello, hello, hello. It's been a while but there really isn't much time nor effort to blog lately so I'm just going to do a post about this weekend which was pretty much like all weekends & then go away to wail about my life some more.

So yesterday was my grandma [mum's side] 74th birthday & usually whenever it's any of the grandparents' birthdays, the family just goes out to eat & there's usually not a lot that's special. I also get really ashamed because whenever my birthday come around, I always get money or a lovely present & a card written in Korean I can't read well or English that they can't write well in, but whenever theirs come, I never know till the day & I make no special effort to do anything. So for the first time yesterday, I was like "yeah, I should do something" haha.

I followed Sarah to her tutoring at Dr Lee & studied a bit with Catherine where she told me about her tragic moments when she was super emotional & it was pretty hilarious. I won't go into detail because she probably doesn't want it posted for the world [yes, you are my world, handful of stalkers] to see. Anyways, I ditched her for a bit to go florist with Sylvia & came back with a basket of roses for grandma. It suddenly occurred to me that I never get flowers so I pathetically pretended they were for me for a while. But don't judge because Catherine is also just as pathetic. We're just unloved children. Hence, a good half hour was taken up by taking photos of & with the flowers.



Sarah finished class & we wrote grandma's card. We went to Morning Glory to find a small present to accompany it & ended up buying this tall mug that has a rose as a top. We then decided all that work had made us hungry so we went to Gloria Jeans & tried to buy a regular cookies&cream drink but it was fail because the barista was like "soz, we're outta ice. Can you share a small?" & we glared at them with Asian eyes but accepted it anyway.

Decided that the drink was only an 8.5 because the ice kept getting stuck in the straw & it didn't have the wow factor that 10/10 drinks have. With that, we waited on the little wall outside of Dr Lee & ended up taking more photos. Mum came to pick us up & told us the birthday dinner was cancelled because we got a flat tyre earlier in the day & that made it inconvenient & we were like "nooooooooo, after that mission faaaaaaaarrrrrrrr" pretty much. In the end, we called grandma up & asked her out to Pancakes on the Rocks instead of the original planned dinner in Eastwood without Dad.

In the car, we simply decided that our attractiveness could not be contained & took more shots of ourselves.



Hehehe.

We got to grandma's house & delivered the flowers + the small present but grandpa didn't join us because he was sick. So it was really just Grandma, Mum, Sarah & I & we sat outside on the verandah of Pancakes on the Rocks & literally just devoured everything without saying much because that's the way we roll. I think grandma was very happy because otherwise, she would've been pretty lonely on her birthday with just grandpa at home. Also, I'm so proud of her because she's learning English at TAFE right now & she's on the highest level so she can pretty much understand half our conversations now. It's pretty inspiring & she told us that she does it because she wants to be remembered as someone who tried their hardest after she dies & made us promise that we'd remember her like so. Mum cut off that soppy moment by going, "mum, seriously. You're not going to die anytime soon, quit speaking like that". We planned on eating her birthday dinner with just the four of us & then cake/celebration with the rest of the family on Sunday. Dropped grandma back home & tried to study a bit more but to no avail because Dad soon came home & popped his head through my door & told me that cake could simply not wait so we had the cake/celebrations on Saturday as well.

So all of us went to my grandparents house again, sang happy birthday, cut the cake & everything. Grandma kept trying to cut fruit for us & Mum kept stopping her because we had to leave soon which made me feel sorry for her but we ended up eating pear anyway. It always ends up like that.

My parents & grandparents talked a bit about our new house & then.. about my future now that I'm in year 12. It's really scary because both sides of my family have extremely high expectations for me for some reason. Like on my Dad's side, I'm the first grandchild so they're counting on me to follow in Dad's footsteps in becoming a doctor. I guess I should be grateful they don't expect me to get into usyd like him but even so, it scares me. Not because I don't want to, because I want to more than anything & for a long time, but because I don't think I'm even capable of it. There's just been a lot of self-doubt & feelings of crashing & burning lately. There's that same but more subtle pressure from my Mum's side because I'm not the oldest but there's Yvonne who's almost finished dentistry & Edward who's a couple months younger but some crazy super genius. My parents never enforce study so I could pretty much play all day if I wanted to but I know the reason they don't is because they trust me to make the right choices. That's possibly the worst pressure of all. I think I'll just have to wait & see. Everyone's so supportive though which I'm so blessed with. Oh, with the exception of Miss Sarah Bak who is convinced that I will end up living off government social support or marrying someone that only she approves of because he will buy her a red convertible apparently. Thanks sis.

It was a nice Saturday I think. Today was pretty much the same as every Sunday. I was at church for most of the day & had confirmation training which was.. silent. Before that, the year 11s/new year 12s went down for chips at the shops & the year 12s [who are supposed to be studying] were also there & then went back up to church to game & watch movies.

I've been youtubing so much spoken/writ poetry from Sarah Kay & Andrea Gibson lately. They make you fall in love with their words. It's amazing. I'll post a couple videos from them later.










Not feeling much better, headaches, my chest & stomach feel knotted & I just felt like collapsing today from tiredness. Grossoshan haha, but definitely be better by next week.

RACHEL ! I completely agree with your post about modern day & how we suck. But, as you can see, I can't articulate it very well due to the fact that, among the many things modern day sucks at, we suck at expressing ourselves. So thank you very much for doing it so eloquently (:

& something slightly relevant to it I was watching yesterday about a woman who insists on living like the 1950s because she thinks the world today is ugly.

I want-eth to feel this kind of utter satisfaction. But seriously, have you ever seen such a smug mutt? :DD
Hahaha my blog posts have such substance 8)



So, haven't been having the most fun holidays but it's worth it because I'd be scared to death starting school if I was too underprepared. Matrix has been fun & don't worry I haven't gone insane, it's fun because of the people & food :D But really, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I've been living off Hero sushi though & have not had froyo once because, clearly, you've all been wanting to know. Yesterday, after church, family went out to Criniti's for dinner & had San Churros which made up for the whole tiring, sick & stressful week. I've also spent a lot of time youtubing really embarrassing things but I can't help it, like not joking, if you saw my 'recommended videos' column, you'd be like "what the retarded".

I don't actually have a lot to say but just asking, is a lack of confidence or overconfidence more likely to contribute to a person's downfall? Up till now, I thought overconfidence because if someone is insecure, they might be more motivated or try harder to overcome whatever obstacle but then it's also possible that that might paralyse them altogether, you know? In the same way, someone's overconfidence might actually help them in allowing them to reach out of their comfort zone & do it anyway even though, realistically, it wasn't within their capabilities like bungee or skydiving.. or, you know, they could fail. So which do you reckon ?

*edit: also, Yadha, since you forced this blog post out, it's your turn, right ?

As we enter a year where we'll screw up our priorities & forget what's important.

Okay so Sunday was super fun because, after church, the year 11s & most of the year 11s came to Eastwood [oh also Jay visited for a few seconds which was like woahh, he hasn't changed a bit] & we went to Prauss. It was so embarrassing because it opened at 2 so we were waiting like desperate hobos for 10 minutes because Samuel insisted he would stay loyal to it, far out. It was Esther, Tiff, Yadha, Bang & Joo Hwan & I'm pretty sure we did nothing but eat. Later, we met up with the year 12s at the playground & played heaps & heaps on the see saw & the giant swing, so much immaturity & so much fun for the ingoing & outgoing year 12s. I think it'll be the last for at least a year :( That was my very vague recount & today was full day of Matrix & eating dinner with family at Won San Eastwood- that delicious cold meat & warm bread buns. Sarah was super depressed because the cafe was so closed so she couldn't get the waffles she'd been so desperately craving. Anyways, got to go. Can everyone please blog ? I'm unbelievably bored.

Good bye year 11 but I'm not dreading year 12 at all. Super excited, in fact.

I have no idea what to do anymore. A mixture of guilt, soft spots which equate to vulnerability, slight annoyance at that person for ruining any progress I'd made & a lot of confusion. These low self-esteem days where I look at myself & wonder why anyone would want to know me, feeling sorry for my parents & sister for having no choice on the matter & myself because I enjoy wallowing in self-pity & am stuck being me. I think it would be only fair for everyone to trade lives regularly & yes, that includes Obama. Ignoring the fact that it wouldn't work out at all & the world would be destroyed, it's a beautiful idea theoretically & we would actually all be a lot more empathetic rather than talking about it all the time.

Now, to walk in my shoes for today in a disjointed, bimbo recount as per usual?

Today was a fantastic day. Double chem was a distillation prac that we'd done before so most of us just sat around while Michelle the mosquito did it for us [with a little help from Joseph & Jimmy those noobs] & I spent a good five minutes listening to Dobsies & Sumedh argue over what the aggregate for 99.95 is- what the ridiculousness. Byun & I were so annoying for the whole double & kept whipping everyone with the tube thing & putting it around people's necks. It was fun. WE HAD FLOOD FOR MATHS. YES CHILDREN, FLOOD. Haha but Woodhouse had left us a test so that was kind of saddening but, yeah, it was alright. Bio speech was super flustering & embarrassing. We got owned in netball but that was to be expected & not the fault of our lovely coach, Ding the horse, at all (: We had many long & meaningful discussions.. LOL jk, about maths. I don't see the appeal of it anymore tbh, I can't see myself doing well in it or enjoying it but I do it because it's just the Ruse mindset that if you do it, it means you're good or something along those lines. I really can't be bothered to really slow down & think about it.

Year 12 will be leaving soon & I know I'll miss them soon but it doesn't seem like the biggest deal at the moment. Maybe after seeing so many grades leave, we've gotten used to the cycle & I didn't have any life-changing friends in that grade although all of them are super funny & cool & it will be sad when they're gone. With that being said..

Never have I been more proud/ashamed to be Korean & proud/ashamed to be a Rusian.






"Certainly. When you find a diamond that belongs to nobody, it is yours. When you discover an island that belongs to nobody, it is yours. When you get an idea before anyone else, you take a patent on it: it is yours. So with me: I own the stars, because nobody else before me ever thought of owning them."

My sister made us chocolates [technically just melted & moulded] while Mum & I went to info night. I guess some parts were helpful in terms of rank & scaling but nothing really affects our subject selections at this point. Today was seriously the funniest day ever, maybe it was because of the rain or the general highness after exams are over but everything was just so good & so unproductive.


Today was a good day, except for the awards assembly- standing for a full 2 hours is never a pleasant experience & I felt dead/paralysed afterwards. But the long lunch compensated for it quite a bit & basically, we just sunbaked whilst eating the delicious cake that Byun baked for Suren/Rae/fun- a bit sweet but full peanut butter & chocolate & diabetes but still very talented, that girl. I'm jealous. I swear we just kind of rolled around doing nothing & luvoed a lot with Suren & Byun, calling Ted & Eddy girls. I honestly think that was it until I got trapped in soccer nets thanks to Nachan & Kerry haha. We then died in maths when we got 2u back & then came back to life only to die again when we got phys back. That is all I'm saying on the matter.

So, as a farewell to Suren & Rae because they're dogs & going to China [where I'm fairly sure they will be eaten as they are dogs, or is that only Korea?].. whatever, regardless, all the girls [Michelle b, Rae, Suren, Do & Angela] took the bus, the guys + a couple girls [Jimmy, Jono, Albert, Eddy & Ted] went by car &.. Sarah & Terence walked trololol to Parramatta but the bus got there first so we just window shopped & was in awe of this super clean mirror that was so clean that all us retards tried to walk into it. We were so in awe that we started stroking it & woah, it was just an amazing mirror :L No one bought anything I think. We met up with the rest & went to City Extra where we took an eternity to order. Sarah & Terence eventually made it despite walking- I don't know why they'd willingly do that but anyways & then it was strange because Angela left & we just thought she was at the bathroom but she disappeared. Then Eddy disappeared. & I concluded that it was like a horror movie where people disappear one by one & it was actually pretty scary for a bit until the two returned with gorgeous bamboo..vases? for Rae & Suren. It was really sweet.

& THEN WE ATE FINALLY. Most of us had steak burgers except like Jono/Jimmy/Eddy who were pov so they split a breakfast meal & had kids menus & stuff. It was pretty funny. Later, took a couple of group photos [MICHELLE, I WANT YOUR POLAROID] & left.

Okay, I got a bit lazy with the recounting at the end but you get the gist of it, it was a lovely day.


---

Dearest Rae & Suren,

if you can't get me a Chinese taxi driver, a Chinese dragon [yes, a real one.. a costume will not suffice] & an endless supply of food. Consider any remnants we had of a friendship over.

Love, your boss ((:

BUT REALLY, stay safe, happy & beautiful. HAVE FUN UGLIES PRETTIES; much love.

It's an.. appropriation [gosh, 3u] of Pride & Prejudice. It's pretty funny at times.

So, due to popular demand [heh, hi Catherine], here is a blog post about pretty much anything that pops into my mind. But just for organization sakes, I shall dotpoint them. & to retain a degree of uniqueness [or so I feel special], I shall use Russian numbers. Far out, have to google them now. Okay here we go.

Adeen- a bit outdated, but Daffodil Day was lovely. Really happy & proud to have been a part of such brightness. -insert corny cheese & cheesy corn-

Dva- PRELIMS. Well, they were just exams, what can I say ? I feel they were the most chillax set of exams I've gone through despite how important the maths one is this time but maybe I was just over it & completely accepting of how screwed  I was. That being said, none were too bad; I hated how arrogant some friends got over them at times but that's expected I guess. The worst for me was probably physics/2u maths & best.. chem/3u maths ? Haha, ridiculous. Oh wait 3u eng was terrible but it was a complete joke to most of the grade.

Tri- POST-PRELIMS. This might be a bit long & pointless. So after that last 3u maths, we had a little Go Green meeting where we basically just sat around & brainstormed projects, eventually only coming up with one idea & then being like "ceebs, it's after exams, let's go do something". So Liz, Shobhana & I went to Yogurberry which I didn't eat, went with Liz to buy her mum a birthday day cake & my phone case. We really had nothing to do so parted there & I went to Strathfield, freaking 4 hours early to Matrix. Haha, it was okay though. I sat in a cafe, ate Tiramisu & read something I didn't understand before Angela, Tang, Jono, Jimmy & Vincent came &.. we played King of Opera. I don't know, I think  was pretty out of it after all the stress, I was just tired & wanted to sleep but Mum didn't let me come home because that would mean she'd have to drive out to Stra again but still, so tired. & Matrix was so.. I felt like I was going to faint but it ended & just the fact that exams were over was so.. :'). Came home & pretty much grumbled about how tired & dead I was before rummaging the fridge & watching Miss Congeniality with my sister hahaha.

Chyetirye- THE WEEKEND. Went to Eastwood on Saturday morning like a good little Korean & got my hair cut, now I actually look identical to my sister. Mum, Sarah & I ate at Jonga Jip then rushed to a house auction which we lost yet again but it's okay, we got to see David Choy [the Mary Poppins of real estate agents, as my sister likes to call him]. Dw, in joke. The highlight of the day was Dad taking us all out for Chinese at Liu Rose, Concord. Peking duck & really nice moments [not all because of the food]. They gave us fortune cookies at the end which we, as Koreans aren't used to, so Dad just ate the cookie & read out the wrong side of the fortune [the numbers instead of the actual fortune] & Mum proceeded to stuff the cookie in her mouth before we had to stop her. Hehe my parents are such noobs. It was pretty funny also because the fortunes genuinely suited each of us in current situations [oh except Sarah's because it told her she was creative & sharp-minded or something which totally isn't true]. Anyways, got home, just lazed about for ages & watched Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging. Fine, our taste in movies is ridiculous but it was really because we needed something extremely dumb to watch. Today, church; there was a new guy straight from Korea & we were all trying to introduce ourselves in Korean & failed miserably. In fact, it was so bad that is got video taped. Also, watched A Walk to Remember which wasn't as soppy & bad as I expected & had a nice nap today.

Pyat- I really want to read lots of books but now have no time for them. If there's one thing I regret not doing when I had the time, it's seriously just reading everything when I had the chance. Oh well.. after hsc :( Was telling someone this but it's that point in our schooling life where we say that sadly now.

Sorry, I was going to write a lot more but too tired now. I hope this made up for the drought of nothingness.

BYE NOW.



Hi, so I know this is a terrible time to post but someone broke down in front of me today because of exams & I had no idea what to do or say to make them feel better except that it doesn't count for anything but even that doesn't feel like a good enough excuse for me or them or anybody. Also, MY SISTER'S BACK FROM RAP CAMP. I know technically, she was only gone for a night but the house was so quiet & I couldn't mock everything or make retarded jokes with anyone for 24 hours that means. IT WAS TERRIBLE; SO HAPPY SHE'S BACK. All in all, exams are pretty mediocre. I don't feel satisfied once I've finished which is probably an indication I failed. Oh well, as I pathetically murmured today, "it doesn't count".



I'm so bored all the time. What am I supposed to say ? RICE was great but I'd rather not go into that all & slept over at the city yesterday & spent most of the day there today which was fun times. Bought a few books & a laptop today. Sorry, I'll say more when I have things to say. I'm kind of flat right now.

I painted cardboard green today.

Ironically, the words that come from the greatest atheist are the ones I can relate to the most?

"I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details."

-Albert Einstein

Sorry the posts haven't been very lengthy. There's just not a lot to talk about without sounding completely ungrateful, whiny & you know, all those things no one really cares about hearing. That's not to say I haven't been good. Everything seems kind of perfect but just thinking about what happens when the now is over scares me a little.

Also, does anyone believe that dreams reveal your inner.. whatever? Because I haven't been dreaming at all [maybe because of tiredness] & they were never very clear to begin with so that just suggests that I'm empty & there are no deeper folds within my subconscious & all that crap, you know? Same with crying. Far out, I should get my brain checked. My sister would insist that it would be to see if I had one in the first place.

Far out, youtubing things so I understand bio & all that comes up is this.

It's times like these when I'm ashamed to be a girl.

So, this blog where I pour out all my life's despairs has become a source of entertainment for a certain noob.

Well, today.. I attempted to do chem & failed. Tried to make bio notes & failed. Ate thai food which I did succeed in, tyvm. & gave my sister a serious scolding for her brat-like behaviour. She now thinks she's two years old & won't stop speaking in this whiny, baby-tone. I'm going to cry.



Still in that massive ceebs mood for blogging, also nothing extremely important has happened. So I'm just going to ramble for the fun of it with no real sequence.

Yesterday, there was like a massive Asian gathering at Eastwood because it was 50% off froyo at Yogurberry which was absolutely delicious & cheap. Packs from all different schools coming together to fight in queue for that frozen yoghurt, brings tears to my eyes :') It also meant catching up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while &, you know, eating a lot which is like a bonus. I just love those moments where you feel like 'wow, such a small world' when, in reality, it only feels like  because all the people you know are Asian kids & the circle/world you live in is actually very small.

I had to turn someone down recently & it's pretty much the worst feeling in the world, probably worse than getting rejected yourself which I imagine is bad. I don't know, I'm a terrible person & it never gets any easier. & just in case all my many readers [yes, all two of you] get curious, don't worry, you don't know them.

I had a hole in my stocking all yesterday & it led to much persecution, people tried to colour it in with a sharpie, poked at it & I was called sluzzzza & a whole bunch of other deragatory names I don't wish to recall. I also decided that a plan for the zombie apocalypse was in order & plan to start a complex & foolproof strategy for surviving it.

I saddened Yadha by throwing his pink balloon off a balcony & so drew one in & it made everyone happy again. Sometimes that's all you need :')




LATEST SCHOOL UPDATE, I never get enough sleep, I'm basically always moody, tired, selfish & never really connect with anyone properly. Everything's become just polite, superficial conversation, weird jokes I don't even get, incoherent whimpering & whining [LOL Catherine], dead eyes, dead voice & lots of time gone. I've given up on trying to stay grounded. It's so easy to drift instead.


I'm here to blog about my problems 8)

Sorry, it's been a while. A lot of bright & happy things have happened but I was just too tired to write about them.

For example, yesterday, I was stung by a wasp & got my shoe stolen by Nathan & Kerry in the same lunch. That was pretty eventful, I must say.

Hahaha in all seriousness, everything's been really lovely except the constant dread I get whenever I think of the maths I'm behind in or exams & the post-church-camp depression. This first week has been really great.

Today was prefect induction & all I remember is just watching the whole school stare at us throughout the whole assembly [mostly in boredom, admittedly] but seeing all these faces that we've grown so used to & even fond of & then, please excuse this massive cheesy corn, knowing that you're up there to have a whole year serving them & bringing them fun. It's just very awesome & having Mum there meant a lot also. During the luncheon, I smuggled out Rocky road for Sarah & her friends & they were infinitely grateful, she now owes me at least fundamental politeness at home.

Also, not referring to the principal's address at all, but can someone please explain how squid reproduction is relevant to prefect induction?

Also, today, Samuel & I discussed our awkward, 'hypothetical' problems with people you readers probably don't know & decided that there was like a love triangle & a love line involved- two separate entities. Also, we made Tony chime in & since he loves himself, it's like a love circle. So, essentially, we decided on the Deathly Hallows. We're such cool kids. & massive trolls when it comes to human relationships. Either way, I think it's the first time a love Deathly Hallows has been made.

The reason all the Dr Lee group was at Eastwood today was purely to get half price on frozen yoghurt at Praus LOL. We didn't really do much before we went to eat Pho. I love these people. Dr Lee itself was pretty fun when I annoyed Audrey all lesson & she annoyed the tutor & Sylvia/Grace/Byun were being superannoying behind us & we already know how annoying Catherine is. So yeah, an explosion of annoyingness we were.

Sorry for the lack of coherence in this post. So tired & have to get started on maths but one last thing to add to today's prefect inductions.

Congratulations to these wonderful three. Ahahaha first among equals indeed. But really, looking forward to working with [for?] you guys & there couldn't be better people at the head.


ALSO, these noobs who are fantastically talented, bubbly & crazy fun. Really excited for you all & let's do the best we can :D

Most adorable year 7s out- Steven & Grace Junior



Years 1-12: CONNECT 2012

MOST BEAUTIFUL GROUP EVER; 1004 = Angel in Korean = Always Need God's Everlasting Love= Call me maybe ;)

Food servers

I still don't fully understand this picture.

Because we're awesome & our teacher's a noob who thought we'd strike the same Powerangers pose as him.

SHOUT team

Our year group in all its glory except the dog [Tiff] who did not make it]- check out Bang's face

These past four days will be ones I value & look back to when things get hard. Just an amazing camp with amazing people & fellowship. I honestly thought I'd be desensitized to the renewal of faith & momentary spiritual high every time we go to camp because lately, I haven't been feeling a passion for God nor living it out but just taking a few days to calmly think about where I stand before Him strengthened my faith. Praying for the brothers & sisters [especially the new juniors] & supporting the year 12s who came even though they have HSC trials right around the corner encouraged me quite a bit. First time that year 11s were the leaders of the groups & it was challenging a lot of the time, often having to act differently to lead by example & yelling at them to get their act together during activities but so worth it. Just felt like full fellowship & fun.
Much too lazy to elaborate on each day & the crazy amount of scary stories, late-night Jungle Speed, hot chocolate drunk & laughs that went on but it was simply awesome. Photos & most probably embarrassing videos soon.

Happy 48th Birthday, Dad.




Tuesday

Sushi train, mmmm with coupon discount with family & then mum left us because she didn't want to watch the movie so Sarah, Dad & I watched MIB 3. It was awesome & we've shared a love for it ever since the first move but Dad believes that the first is always the best one. Sarah & I are in love with Griffin- best character yet.


Today- whole day out in city with aunt, James & Hee Soo's family.

Sort of can't be bothered to elaborate so I'm just going to list a bunch of things that won't make any sense to you, readers, but it'll spark some memory for me one day. Maybe that is- it's a little disjointed.

Pho noodles, red gumboots [finally], green woollen sweater, overpriced jeans, Hee Soo's "SPARKLY" any time she saw anything sparkly & trying on ridiculous heels despite only being 6, hunting down boots & books, Dymocks, Dae Jang Geum with a random trying to give out roses, Dad's cardigan which I proudly picked out first go, French coffee shop, Mum's iced coffee, Sarah's iced chocolate, Sarah's ugly face, Sarah's pretty coat & red nail polish, slight drizzle, Typo [Sarah & Hee Soo's shared love of the extendable ruler] Dad's National Geographic jacket that he's started wearing everywhere now, Little Misses & Mr Men [Mr Good narration], $40 parking fee, Favourite's chocolates, paying James for his forgiveness for ditching him the other day, watching deleted scenes from Princess Diaries & the behind-the-scenes with Sarah at home.

All in all, some days are better than others. This is definitely one of them.

Woah, people must be bored in the holidays :P

Friday night, Dad had a heart attack. I asked my sister how she managed to stay so emotionless/controlled today and all she did was give me a strange look & tell me that that's what I always do whenever something goes wrong. She promptly began to be a retard & say stupid things to avoid talking about it. Apparently, it's genetic, that thing we do or I'm a terrible influence. Either way, yesterday wasn't good but neither is bottling everything up so maybe the little breakdown was helpful in some aspects. So ashamed of how I acted when my little sister had it all together yesterday so being more normal today.

- Mum cleaned both our desks and rooms-

Me: Mum.. what, why, clean, what. This isn't natural.

I hear Sarah from her room screaming.

Sarah: MUM WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HABITAT?!?!

She runs into my room & screams, "YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME".

We proceed to spend the next five minutes screaming manically, pulling tissues out & throwing stuff all over her desk. I think mum's done with us.



It's been pretty much two months since I last blogged which is crazy. I honestly haven't even been busy or been up to much. This year is too chill nowadays to be HSC year but whatever, trials soon. That ought to be fun :(

There's been a lot of pondering & lack of study going on recently. However, the last set of exams before trials are over! I am completely indifferent about them. Probably did average for all of them, not quite sure. Also the prefect year is coming to an end for us which is bittersweet. Seriously have not been bothered to come on here & type out my life. It's quite uneventful. I think I'll do it in dotpoints because that's easier.

- Luckily, even with HSC, the family has not stopped going out for dinner once or twice a week so there's this really lovely boulevard of restaurants in Bella Vista. Sushi train, Thai food, Italian. This is wonderful & terrible at the same time but such convenient location. One of the perks of living in this neighbourhood with no means of transport.

- After exams, hung with Suren, Michael, Rae & Albert. Getting lost with bad GPS's in Albert's car. Getting kicked out of Auburn buffet so moving on to Merrylands instead. Michael being a true Asian & heading straight for 3 plates of expensive seafood while the rest of us loaded up on noodles/meat/soup/friedcrapthatwillgiveusdiabetes. Albert scoffing down a cup of liquid chocolate from the chocolate fountain & his subsequent death. Parra afterwards & legit doing nothing for half an hour but watching Jimmy the noob eat pho at an excruciatingly slow rate when the rest of us want to shop.

- Catherine & Nachan invited themselves over the day after exams ended. By invited themselves over, I mean I thought it was a joke until the hour before when Catherine texts something about having to pay for her & Nachan's $4.60 busfare because her concession card expired or something. Anyway, it was superfun! We watched Anastasia & Barbie movies, lots of chocolate & chips, had Thai takeaway, played pool & were introduced to my Dad's strangeness. Mum & Dad started an argument during dinner about him having to throw away his $4 tie from 20 years ago which resulted in a tug of war.

- I just realised most of this is food & friends.

- On Sunday, Hee Soo & this other girl in year 4 from church came over with their parents for dinner. Sarah & I genuinely enjoyed playing with them & keeping them entertained even though Sarah's used to being the baby. It's lucky we still play like kids because we fully made this elaborate play using Littlest Pet Shops, later played Simpsons board game & then Ello. It was freaking exhausting but lots of fun. Also Hee Soo's adorable but a bit of a brat whereas the other girl was actually so nice & kept asking for advice on OC & Selective hahaha cute.

- Grandma [mum's side] started writing poetry so my aunt in Perth made videos using the poems & they're actually so beautiful despite me barely understanding the Korean.

- I think I actually really love our SYNC grade group because we're all spastic & it's just nice to have a group of weirdos. Also, working on convincing my parents to go last day of church camp this holidays despite UMAT & trials creeping up on us. Speaking of which, I've done 5 UMAT trial papers properly & the percentiles are way too inconsistent for my liking. Also, I've heard that the actual paper is far different to the practice so that sucks that it's not even a true indication of how we'll go.

- I've been on youtube way too much, watching lame shows, skits & reality tv. I even resorted to an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians. They're actually terrible but that's how bored I am.

- I should really get off & do some work.

Bye now.




'80s movies are the best.

Haven't been here in so long.

Last Sunday, went on a year 12 church outing & went puttputt golfing. Needless to say, most of us sucked. It was still a lot of fun & jjajangmyun for dinner is always a treat (:

Then, more matrix which isn't really that bad & Louise is the best. I just wasn't so into studying so most days consisted of cramming the homework at midnight.

On Thursday or Friday I think, I got very distracted because Sarah & I started a full-blown argument using the Google translate voice speaker. Wish I could've recorded it. So many hilarious moments over those 2 hours. First time Mum walked in on us, Sarah was typing up something about how she was part of the Bulgarian mafia & wanted to learn pole dancing. Then later on when Dad came in, the Google translate voice was going on about something I typed up about how it was morally wrong & tragic that Ricky Martin was gay. It really is tragic though. Usually, when we watch The Voice. Mum & I are wailing about how unfair that he's so attractive but so gay & then Sarah has to roll her eyes at us & go "should I be worried because... Mum, you're married. Grace, you're seventeen...why are you into old gay men?". Oh, that's also what I've been doing these holidays. The three of us spent the whole first week just watching The Voice auditions yay.

Yesterday was darling Sarah's 14th birthday. She'd been bugging us for a month to get a present so we truly outdid ourselves & got her a four-part present. Well, Dad actually got her a present he got for free but whatever. I had to keep it in hiding forever because she searched my rooms daily. So, as soon as I got up, Sarah started jumping up & down, yelling at me to get her the presents. She was so happy when she saw them LOL. There was actually a lot of drama & crying in the hour before dinner. Happens in a house with 2.5 females so Dad kind of had to stick it out & calm us down before leaving. Sarah chose an Italian place- Baia in Darling Harbour. Not as a good as Criniti's but all the bookings were full & it was still pretty delicious. We also happened to be seated next to a huge group of Baulko guys I happened to know & it was just super awkward but that was okay because there were surprise fireworks at Darling Harbour during dinner so it was perfect for Sarah's birthday. Afterwards, we walked down to a French cafe with ridiculously priced Tiramisu [honestly, what kind of magical Tiramisu costs $17?] so Sarah, apparently not already full from her lamb chops, decided to get banana waffles, chocolate and a scoop of ice cream. I got a hot chocolate with the most beautiful marshmellows I will ever see in my life, Dad got a flat white & Mum.. got a coke LOL. So yeah, a beautiful day for an.. okay sister. Happy child.


Okay, I feel that's enough. The end.





I kind of had a life crisis break down today where I went hysterically sad for no particular reason & dad comforted me for a while before my sister & mum came along. We all just lay on the lounge & contemplated life while I had this strange moment of depression & confusion. Dad showed me a bible verse that kind of summarised how I felt. Basically the gist of it was that everything is meaningless. And then we lay around some more. It was actually so weird. It became a counselling session as well as an AA meeting.

In fact, whenever any of us said something strange & questionable, Sarah just kept saying "it's okay, we're all patients here".

It sort of ended with this conclusion.

Dad- It's just part of growing up with all that uncertainty and hormones. [...LOL?]
Mum- No, hormones is what Sarah is going through. Grace is going through a critical stage in her life. She's feeling overwhelmed.
Sarah- Woahwoahwoah, buddy. So when she goes crazy, she's going through some tragic critical stage in her life but when I happen to be sad, it's all just PMS ? You all suck.
Mum- Girls, how can you talk about private things like PMS so openly in front of dad ? He is a guy after all.

-both look doubtfully at her-

Me- Dad, do you know what PMS stands for?

It was then that we found out that he had thought it stood for Puberty Madness Syndrome up until that point. Wow, that whole thing was just so..

Anyway, Dad figured out that he had no idea what to say to help me out of that lifecrisis/criticaltime/PMS/whatever so he made us all dress up & took us out to the city for coffee & mocktails instead. My dad's impulses are pretty awesome. Piano in the rain CD soundtrack, Darling Harbour with Starbucks, green-tea macaroon, hot chocolate, & Sarah forcing me to give up all dignity to skip with her through the rain. It was just the perfect thing to both distract and cheer me up. My parents may not know what to do with me but they do the right things. Sarah just happens to be there. Honestly though, I had no idea what was wrong in the first place but it did feel better after that little escape.

That's just what happened tonight. I would blog about thoughts but I don't think I could articulate any of them right now so, you'll have to live with this for the time being. Hey, it's something :P

Today was just one of those days.
I just don't feel like going through with this year.

So I needed to remind myself to keep everything in perspective. I took a pad of paper that was without random exam scribblings and wrote two lists. One list was called "Why my Life Sucks", the other was "Why my Life Doesn't Suck". I found that the latter was substantially longer. None of it had anything to do with me though. God is so good. The first list had maybe one or two things on it and the second was just millions of blessings that He has poured out. It kind of got to the point where I started being thankful that we have limbs & even things that were supposedly bad things on the first list came magically made their way onto the second list. A lot of things that seemed really important before fade in comparison when I think about the special people & moments that make up my everyday, & knowing that my future isn't in my hands is probably the best news I've ever heard. Otherwise, you know -end soppy moment-, I'd be screwed :L So lots of happy days lately. Also, everything aches. Would pay for a masseuse or something but the whole idea of it is creepy. I would make this longer to make it look like I spent effort but.. you know, got to go now ! (: Yadha wants a mention, HI ! :D

A lot of youtube. Not enough stress. An essay that will never be finished. Amazing friends. A new understanding. A better perspective. Excitement for a future that's already been planned out, just not by me. Everything's good.

So there are 3 vases of flowers in the house & don't have enough tables to fit them. So one's just awkwardly sitting on the floor & I feel sad for it, is that stupid ?

My sister found a company that makes hand-crafted animals & now she's begging me for a 1.5 m polar bear for her birthday. Yes, she's ignored the 2 m dinosaur, giraffe & unicorn because she wants one about her height. I guess it's so she can pretend she has friends haha. And, quite frankly, it's killing me inside for a couple reasons:

1) I just realised the extent of her loserishness
2) How could she ignore a unicorn ?? She is not the sister I thought she was.
3) We can't even find it on ebay for cheaper.
4) It costs almost a grand = broke Grace & spoilt Sarah
5) Seriously, thought she'd grown out of this phase.


So debating on whether to actually get it because, so far, it's pretty up there on her list of ridiculous demands. Not to mention, her birthday's in April. It's pretty early to be begging, even for her :L

Also, we figured out that our grandma is Mary Poppins. She's been staying over this week a lot because our parents are busy & it's actually insane. We're just not used to everything being this neat & tidy. Like, we wake up & get out of bed for 5 seconds, come back & find that the bed has already been made & the room cleaned. Sarah came in yelling quite a lot with stuff like "mother of God, someone stop her. She's done rearranging the fridge & now she's onto the pantry!!" & "this is all just too much, I can't change my ways". I swear, even when I was studying, she was rearranging my pens as I put them down. So, yes, as much as we love her, she's taken OCD to a whole new level. I'm really grateful for her though.

http://www.cuddleworks.com/Standing_Giant_Plush_Polar_Bear_by_Hansa_p/h3650.htm

Someone help with this kid,




OKAY, forgive the complete disjointedness here.


So, I have two words for you..

 JAAAAY SEAAAAAAAAAAN.

 Haha jokes, I have many more than that.

Happy Valentines Day everyone [for yesterday]!

Everything was spectacular [if I do say so myself :P]. I really don't think words could justify the stress, laughter & fun that went into the dance & the assembly so I'd just like to say that I love you all very much. Everyone worked so incredibly hard for it & it was so cool to see it come together like that. I know it always does in the end but those few moments before make you feel so tense & nervous. The whole experience was the best. Having so much fun with friends, getting closer to some especially awesome people, those 45 degree days where we trekked it about 10m & died of heat stroke but managed to spin a million times, lying on the basement floor like dead people, & pure lameness at times. The many holiday rehearsals [including the many I also missed :P] & meetings in Yive's bed.

 I also have much respect for those who can look sexy while dancing because it's near impossible & those who can sing. I would put a nice video or pic here but there seem to be none uploaded [except Jay Sean's haha] so there'll just be massively awkward cat here.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE !

Speaking of which, we should've used this pick-up line guys.

Now for the strange cryptic stuff/random/completely weird stuff you all secretly love :P

1) I sometimes can't stand your tendency to blow up situations & kind of advertise all your insecurities & problems. I understand but there comes a time to just let it go sometimes. It's turning you into a friend I can't trust anymore but if you need to talk, not just for attention, I'll do my best to not be an awkward turtle (:

2) Oreo's anniversary is in half a month. Now, this is the kind of thing I usually celebrate :D YADHA, we must buy a Costco-standard box of oreos & just eat everything. I kid you not, we will actually do it [assuming you pay for it].

3) I had dinner with my cousins today & they're all boys so Sarah & I were forced into watching 'Wrath of the Titans' which was actually really fun. It was basically about a bunch of mythical greek gods who are all related to each other but end up trying to kill each other & we somehow managed to fit each character perfectly to our family. Our grandma was the almighty one who breathed fire because the oldest cousin [after me] doesn't want to become a doctor & we made the fire into a saucepan & chilli sauce. Yes, we're losers.

4) Nachan wanted to me to say this. "I am a female Neville"- more or less completely accurate.

5) I'm sorry, I was just shocked. I still don't genuinely understand how or why you would ever but maybe I'm really not good at reading people to begin with.

6) Hehe, my little sister may be my favourite person in the world.

Sarah- why weren't you at ISCF today ?
Me [being cool]- ohh.. you know, busy

[backstory, I was actually in the hall, eating cold pizza with JennyBai, Nachan & Chels & being majorly devs about post valentines]

Sarah- whatever, you missed out on like.. -realises she's got nothing to say-.. a THOUSAND spiritual points.

Yes, you may not understand that strange child but I do :')

7) My dad keeps saying these deep & philosophical things lately. It's starting to scare me. I think he might be on the verge of writing another memoir about the meaning of life [LOL yes, he's done it before & send it around to the church elders]. Sarah & I are trying to control him.

8) My eyes are burning of tiredness, time to sleep. This post got a lot more ceebs as it progressed.

Got to sleep now. Good night lovely readers!

I'm so tired. Prefect Valentines is consuming my life & so now, when I come home, I just sleep. That being said, I probably have it the easiest out of a lot of the prefects. Like, all I really have to do is make the script not awkward, work out the props & not fail at dancing [which, by the way, is impossible for me]. It kind of makes me amazed how the rest of them do it & especially the execs, crazy kids.

But all of that seems all fun & exciting but sort of secondary to something else. I've only told two people about this & it still doesn't seem like it's happening. A lot of the time, distraction is what keeps me above water. Sorry for being super ambiguous and weird. It's because I don't want to leave out this thing out of this blog which, sadly, happens to be a record of my teenage life but, at the same time, I don't want anyone to know. LOL which is where encryption comes in. I really should learn how to do that. I have no idea how I'm going to handle this & year 12. It's not getting any easier to cope with but maybe after next week, I'll have some assurance.

Moving on, I might get bashed for this but I really like all my subjects [& by that I mean 20 FREES BEBS]. No really. 4u maths isn't terrible & with the scaling, I'm not too scared of failing it. Also, mt2 is rejoicing a new teacher because like our last one was.. yeah. I've always liked eng so that's all good but no annoying 3u yaaaay. & hopefully, I'll do alright in chem & bio but I realised something. I'm just not a very smart person & really terrible at things that require actual intelligence & conceptual thinking. I'm good at memorization & rote learning which is pretty useless if you think about it.  Haha, you're all probably thinking 'cool story bro'. I really just need something to talk about.

Also ! This is the thing I told you I had to link you to ! If you don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this :L Actually, this is for all the Christian girls, just something to think about. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, ignore this also.

Story of my life & how I turned 17 coming soon to a cinemas near you.

I was going to recount holidays but I procrastinated too much with that so I can barely remember anything. Instead, I thought I'd do something else.

So, upon stalking other blogs, I see a trend of posts about the future up until probably getting into the course that you want. So, without further ado, MY TURN. :D

This is going to sound terribly cliche but I've literally never wanted to be anything else but a doctor [until very recently]. & somehow, my reasons to become a doctor now are no different than those I had 15 years ago. There is nothing else to do. This might sound like a really thoughtless & stupid answer but to go on from that, it's not like I haven't thought about other career paths & there are, of course, a lot more that will give you more freedom, time & financial reward. But, for me at least, I can't think of anything better to do with my life.   You only get one life here on Earth & you know that you want to spend each day to the very full & working as hard as you can. To become completely immersed in people's lives, the good & the bad, to deal with improving, preserving & even saving lives. It's special & it seems really rewarding. That is my only worthy reason.

But, lately, I've been doubting whether I can get in. &, as a result, questioned whether I even have the willpower or capacity to handle it even if I do make it. I know that my Dad seems so cool & collected all the time but Mum told us how he failed his specialist exam twice before finally making it. There were points along his training where he literally just wanted to give up & become a cleaner [LOL] & really only started making decent money after my sister was born. It made me think realistically about the sort of life I wanted 10 years from now, especially seeing as [hopefully] I won't be the breadwinner. Thing is, I don't want to be still having to sit exams & going through multiple HSCs at that point in my life. I started to have a million doubts & questions about the quality of life I wanted. For example, I don't get to see my Dad till pretty late at night & on Sundays even though he's at that consultant stage where he barely does anything really rigorous. I think I would've been raised as a pretty neglected child had Mum not given up her career. So the self-doubt to do well academically turned into questions about what I actually wanted. Thus, why I considered things like dentistry instead.

I told my Dad about it & he told me to stop making excuses for myself. He knew what I really wanted & what I would really enjoy & what is really worthwhile. He pretty much said that even though he's a pretty successful specialist, there were probably heaps more dentists or businessmen who make a lot more than him & work a lot less than him but he still didn't want that for me. It wasn't the typical Asian-father "you must become doctor" talk. It was kind of his warning that you can't go into any field for the security of it. His words, you have to "stumble" into it. No one knows what it means to be anything until they actually get there, no matter the years or amount of work it takes. That being said, I'm still pretty turned off about some lifestyle aspects of it & the fact that everyone I know seems to want to do it without having any idea what it involves. I don't either so I feel like I'm alone in being the one who wants to question why. I actually feel alone in that. I'm sorry for the lack of eloquence in that paragraph, I was trying to sum up a long inspiring speech without using quotation marks :L

Either way, I'm more realistic about my career choices now. There are so many options. Ruse people seriously don't realise that, academically at least, the world is their oyster. I truly wish everyone the best of luck. I hope you all find what you want to do & go for it.

Now what kind of future post would this be without the topic of marriage ? I went to a wedding at church today for this couple that I've seen around but don't personally know. I watched them grinning like mad when they put on the rings, the bride's beautiful dress & veil & just the loveliness of it all. I really love weddings [especially the reception, my gosh, the food was good] but reckon marriages must be really tiring & boring. I'm not a marriage cynic or whatever because my parents are perfectly happy & I personally haven't really been exposed to dysfunctional marriages/relationships. However, I just can't see myself in one. It would never work. It reminds me of a conversation that we had one or two years ago, lying on the school field. This isn't exactly what was said, it was just snippets of what I remember, some exaggeration may occur.

Suren: My ideal guy would be thoughtful, caring, sensitive, sweet -fill in more cheesy adjectives-
 - rest of us look at her-
Rae: Hmmm, I don't care. As long as he's hot.
Me: Dude, screw that. He has to be rich..
Ding: ...ditto.
Suren: what the hell, why are you guys so shallow :L

This may possibly be the reason why Suren is the only one of us who isn't forever alone. I've been raised as a brat which is why it would be extremely difficult for me to be selfless enough to be willing to sacrifice & commit to something like a marriage. It's a huge mystery. Disclaimer: I still want a wedding, just not a marriage. kthxbai. HAHA such a superficial post.

Nah, all jokes aside, I don't know why the future outside of school seems scary. I don't know why growing up seems scary but it terrifies me. It feels like childhood shouldn't be gone already but it's slipping away, I think. Just a year to go really.

Anyway, for all those that said I owed them a post. You're welcome.







I'm about to cry of happiness..

MY INTERNET IS BACKKKKKKK. YESSSSSSS.

also watched Les Mis with my sister & mum & WOW, people weren't joking. Completely struck by it but I didn't even know what it was before I watched it so bandwagoning hahaha. SO GOOD.


LOLOL TROLL POST, LATERS :P



Hi, this week has been really tough on me but it's mostly because of my terrible perfectionist attitude and arrogance I guess. My parents have helped me so much & you friends have been awesome. But now I'm calming down [you know, after various breakdowns, hyperventilation & throwing stuff at the wall haha] and just then, dad came in and gave me a talk about how this time is a true blessing for me and I think I could finally understand why. I've never experienced failure and, as a result, I'm extremely naive and immature, mostly too used to getting my own way and relying on myself and the random opinions of others. I watched 56up with my parents where they record the lives of several children and interview them every seven years. It's an amazing series and, even from a non-religious point of view, makes you realise that nothing is in your control, everything turns out far different than we expected and, ultimately, happiness is sometimes just by chance and sometimes earnt. I've always blindly wanted to do medicine without thinking of the years of sleep-deprivation, stress, constant memorisation and low pay [contrary to popular belief] once you finish and I've never fully trusted in God. Now, I think I still want to go through with it but am learning to let go.

I didn't go houseparty for a few reasons but this weekend has been a mediation time in itself. So, was going to keep this private but going to share the testimony I wrote for my confirmation. My confirmation was the day before assessments started so I feel this was rushed and I didn't put thought into it but reading it through now, I think really believe it. The fact that God is in control, He has a plan set out for me whether I like it or not and, in the end, it will help me grow as a person. So, here goes..

---







I prayed for a long time yesterday. Out of need and out of guilt and really out of everything. I don't deserve any of this but He blesses me with everything so I guess I prayed to put everything into perspective. Thank you to all the friends who were so sensitive and nice to me this week but I really just need to get over myself. These exams mean nothing.

I feel a lot better today and yeah, just been really happy this morning after 4u that is.Ate lunch at Little Rock Cafe with Mum & just been lazing since.

Anyways, look, hahahaha.






Oh wow. So yesterday my mum told us the story of how my grandparents [on my dad's side] met & married. It's legitimately like a kdrama- the social class differences, the disapproving parents, the almost eloping- which is polar opposite to my parents' boring love story [pretty much a blind date lol]. I'll post about my grandparents later; it's pretty amazing :L

I think it's in the future.

So, despite exams & all, I've been happy.. somewhat. My family are actually amazing & I've just been really blessed that they're the way they are & have faith in me even when I have pretty much none for myself. It's been kind of tough this week but I think I've got no one to blame but myself this time.

Well, on Sunday, I got confirmed &.. seeing as I don't have fb, I don't even have pictures haha but they're on Yadha's blog so all's good. I would attempt something d&m right now but I can't bring myself to do it. It's a confirmation. It's amazing in itself. I also had my first taste of wine at Holy Communion as a result & yuck, do not see the appeal in being an alcoholic. Anyway, this is it for today :D BYE KIDS

Is it better to pretend to be overconfident or just accept your lack of it?

More & more self-doubt recently, I feel like giving up already which is really terrible when we're really privileged to be learning & having opportunities like this to begin with. Why do we say we're screwed when there's nothing bad about it at all? I need an attitude change & I've been such a retard to my family recently; yesterday, my sister called me out on it & called me a bitch & quite deservedly I think. It's good to have people to keep you on track sometimes.

Oh my gosh. Was in the car with my Mum, stressing & talking about my very bleak future hahah. But really, I was just in this state of confusion & sadness when I thought that this is real & do I even have security in what I thought I wanted blahblahblah.

So kind of wistfully I said, "What would it be like to be an English lecturer?"
Mum- "Hmm maybe, that's not really my style".
Me- "What's your style then?"
Mum- hmm.. omma, GANGNAM STYLE. 8)

Wow, that just brightened my day lol.

So Thursday was Mum's birthday which involved a little more flower buying but without the random luvoing. She's not a huge fan of flowers so I got a little less extravagant basket of orchids but they were still gorgeous. Dr Lee was on that day so we couldn't do much but on Friday, we went out to Eastwood for her birthday dinner. Couldn't go out to city now that I've got no time & everything with year 12 which sucks but we ordered heaps of sushi at Hukuya & it enjoyed it just the same (: Like just way too much food to the point that my sister rejected waffles afterwards. On the way to the car, I got the sudden urge to go to the playground on the upper field, the one with the giant swing? I wanted to show Sarah because the poor deprived child hasn't been to it so we dragged Mum & Dad up to the playground & sat stubbornly in the giant swing & yelled at them to push us. We're such brats haha. Mum ended up having to kick the swing to make us move because we were too fat until Dad eventually came & spun us around. It was fun. More our enjoyment than Mum's but same deal. I know I shouldn't have had that much fun but it was a kind of release from these weeks of year 12 stress.

On Saturday.. seriously, maths homework all day. The workload is insane.

Sunday was fun with outdoor service, massive tug of war, Costco pizza & playing big 2 even though I still don't know how to play so ended up having to show my cards to everyone I was playing with so they could advise me on what I could put down. By the end they were like, "FAR OUT STOP SHOWING US YOUR CARDS". Did confirmation training & then came home to fit in a bit of maths homework before the cousins showed, grandparents & Hee Soo & her dad. We had elegi kimbap & just this massive family gathering where I had to keep Hee Soo constantly entertained since Sarah has yearlies coming up but I don't mind because she's adorable.

Time to sleep. Laters.

Hello, hello, hello. It's been a while but there really isn't much time nor effort to blog lately so I'm just going to do a post about this weekend which was pretty much like all weekends & then go away to wail about my life some more.

So yesterday was my grandma [mum's side] 74th birthday & usually whenever it's any of the grandparents' birthdays, the family just goes out to eat & there's usually not a lot that's special. I also get really ashamed because whenever my birthday come around, I always get money or a lovely present & a card written in Korean I can't read well or English that they can't write well in, but whenever theirs come, I never know till the day & I make no special effort to do anything. So for the first time yesterday, I was like "yeah, I should do something" haha.

I followed Sarah to her tutoring at Dr Lee & studied a bit with Catherine where she told me about her tragic moments when she was super emotional & it was pretty hilarious. I won't go into detail because she probably doesn't want it posted for the world [yes, you are my world, handful of stalkers] to see. Anyways, I ditched her for a bit to go florist with Sylvia & came back with a basket of roses for grandma. It suddenly occurred to me that I never get flowers so I pathetically pretended they were for me for a while. But don't judge because Catherine is also just as pathetic. We're just unloved children. Hence, a good half hour was taken up by taking photos of & with the flowers.



Sarah finished class & we wrote grandma's card. We went to Morning Glory to find a small present to accompany it & ended up buying this tall mug that has a rose as a top. We then decided all that work had made us hungry so we went to Gloria Jeans & tried to buy a regular cookies&cream drink but it was fail because the barista was like "soz, we're outta ice. Can you share a small?" & we glared at them with Asian eyes but accepted it anyway.

Decided that the drink was only an 8.5 because the ice kept getting stuck in the straw & it didn't have the wow factor that 10/10 drinks have. With that, we waited on the little wall outside of Dr Lee & ended up taking more photos. Mum came to pick us up & told us the birthday dinner was cancelled because we got a flat tyre earlier in the day & that made it inconvenient & we were like "nooooooooo, after that mission faaaaaaaarrrrrrrr" pretty much. In the end, we called grandma up & asked her out to Pancakes on the Rocks instead of the original planned dinner in Eastwood without Dad.

In the car, we simply decided that our attractiveness could not be contained & took more shots of ourselves.



Hehehe.

We got to grandma's house & delivered the flowers + the small present but grandpa didn't join us because he was sick. So it was really just Grandma, Mum, Sarah & I & we sat outside on the verandah of Pancakes on the Rocks & literally just devoured everything without saying much because that's the way we roll. I think grandma was very happy because otherwise, she would've been pretty lonely on her birthday with just grandpa at home. Also, I'm so proud of her because she's learning English at TAFE right now & she's on the highest level so she can pretty much understand half our conversations now. It's pretty inspiring & she told us that she does it because she wants to be remembered as someone who tried their hardest after she dies & made us promise that we'd remember her like so. Mum cut off that soppy moment by going, "mum, seriously. You're not going to die anytime soon, quit speaking like that". We planned on eating her birthday dinner with just the four of us & then cake/celebration with the rest of the family on Sunday. Dropped grandma back home & tried to study a bit more but to no avail because Dad soon came home & popped his head through my door & told me that cake could simply not wait so we had the cake/celebrations on Saturday as well.

So all of us went to my grandparents house again, sang happy birthday, cut the cake & everything. Grandma kept trying to cut fruit for us & Mum kept stopping her because we had to leave soon which made me feel sorry for her but we ended up eating pear anyway. It always ends up like that.

My parents & grandparents talked a bit about our new house & then.. about my future now that I'm in year 12. It's really scary because both sides of my family have extremely high expectations for me for some reason. Like on my Dad's side, I'm the first grandchild so they're counting on me to follow in Dad's footsteps in becoming a doctor. I guess I should be grateful they don't expect me to get into usyd like him but even so, it scares me. Not because I don't want to, because I want to more than anything & for a long time, but because I don't think I'm even capable of it. There's just been a lot of self-doubt & feelings of crashing & burning lately. There's that same but more subtle pressure from my Mum's side because I'm not the oldest but there's Yvonne who's almost finished dentistry & Edward who's a couple months younger but some crazy super genius. My parents never enforce study so I could pretty much play all day if I wanted to but I know the reason they don't is because they trust me to make the right choices. That's possibly the worst pressure of all. I think I'll just have to wait & see. Everyone's so supportive though which I'm so blessed with. Oh, with the exception of Miss Sarah Bak who is convinced that I will end up living off government social support or marrying someone that only she approves of because he will buy her a red convertible apparently. Thanks sis.

It was a nice Saturday I think. Today was pretty much the same as every Sunday. I was at church for most of the day & had confirmation training which was.. silent. Before that, the year 11s/new year 12s went down for chips at the shops & the year 12s [who are supposed to be studying] were also there & then went back up to church to game & watch movies.

I've been youtubing so much spoken/writ poetry from Sarah Kay & Andrea Gibson lately. They make you fall in love with their words. It's amazing. I'll post a couple videos from them later.










Not feeling much better, headaches, my chest & stomach feel knotted & I just felt like collapsing today from tiredness. Grossoshan haha, but definitely be better by next week.

RACHEL ! I completely agree with your post about modern day & how we suck. But, as you can see, I can't articulate it very well due to the fact that, among the many things modern day sucks at, we suck at expressing ourselves. So thank you very much for doing it so eloquently (:

& something slightly relevant to it I was watching yesterday about a woman who insists on living like the 1950s because she thinks the world today is ugly.

I want-eth to feel this kind of utter satisfaction. But seriously, have you ever seen such a smug mutt? :DD
Hahaha my blog posts have such substance 8)



So, haven't been having the most fun holidays but it's worth it because I'd be scared to death starting school if I was too underprepared. Matrix has been fun & don't worry I haven't gone insane, it's fun because of the people & food :D But really, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I've been living off Hero sushi though & have not had froyo once because, clearly, you've all been wanting to know. Yesterday, after church, family went out to Criniti's for dinner & had San Churros which made up for the whole tiring, sick & stressful week. I've also spent a lot of time youtubing really embarrassing things but I can't help it, like not joking, if you saw my 'recommended videos' column, you'd be like "what the retarded".

I don't actually have a lot to say but just asking, is a lack of confidence or overconfidence more likely to contribute to a person's downfall? Up till now, I thought overconfidence because if someone is insecure, they might be more motivated or try harder to overcome whatever obstacle but then it's also possible that that might paralyse them altogether, you know? In the same way, someone's overconfidence might actually help them in allowing them to reach out of their comfort zone & do it anyway even though, realistically, it wasn't within their capabilities like bungee or skydiving.. or, you know, they could fail. So which do you reckon ?

*edit: also, Yadha, since you forced this blog post out, it's your turn, right ?

As we enter a year where we'll screw up our priorities & forget what's important.

Okay so Sunday was super fun because, after church, the year 11s & most of the year 11s came to Eastwood [oh also Jay visited for a few seconds which was like woahh, he hasn't changed a bit] & we went to Prauss. It was so embarrassing because it opened at 2 so we were waiting like desperate hobos for 10 minutes because Samuel insisted he would stay loyal to it, far out. It was Esther, Tiff, Yadha, Bang & Joo Hwan & I'm pretty sure we did nothing but eat. Later, we met up with the year 12s at the playground & played heaps & heaps on the see saw & the giant swing, so much immaturity & so much fun for the ingoing & outgoing year 12s. I think it'll be the last for at least a year :( That was my very vague recount & today was full day of Matrix & eating dinner with family at Won San Eastwood- that delicious cold meat & warm bread buns. Sarah was super depressed because the cafe was so closed so she couldn't get the waffles she'd been so desperately craving. Anyways, got to go. Can everyone please blog ? I'm unbelievably bored.

Good bye year 11 but I'm not dreading year 12 at all. Super excited, in fact.

I have no idea what to do anymore. A mixture of guilt, soft spots which equate to vulnerability, slight annoyance at that person for ruining any progress I'd made & a lot of confusion. These low self-esteem days where I look at myself & wonder why anyone would want to know me, feeling sorry for my parents & sister for having no choice on the matter & myself because I enjoy wallowing in self-pity & am stuck being me. I think it would be only fair for everyone to trade lives regularly & yes, that includes Obama. Ignoring the fact that it wouldn't work out at all & the world would be destroyed, it's a beautiful idea theoretically & we would actually all be a lot more empathetic rather than talking about it all the time.

Now, to walk in my shoes for today in a disjointed, bimbo recount as per usual?

Today was a fantastic day. Double chem was a distillation prac that we'd done before so most of us just sat around while Michelle the mosquito did it for us [with a little help from Joseph & Jimmy those noobs] & I spent a good five minutes listening to Dobsies & Sumedh argue over what the aggregate for 99.95 is- what the ridiculousness. Byun & I were so annoying for the whole double & kept whipping everyone with the tube thing & putting it around people's necks. It was fun. WE HAD FLOOD FOR MATHS. YES CHILDREN, FLOOD. Haha but Woodhouse had left us a test so that was kind of saddening but, yeah, it was alright. Bio speech was super flustering & embarrassing. We got owned in netball but that was to be expected & not the fault of our lovely coach, Ding the horse, at all (: We had many long & meaningful discussions.. LOL jk, about maths. I don't see the appeal of it anymore tbh, I can't see myself doing well in it or enjoying it but I do it because it's just the Ruse mindset that if you do it, it means you're good or something along those lines. I really can't be bothered to really slow down & think about it.

Year 12 will be leaving soon & I know I'll miss them soon but it doesn't seem like the biggest deal at the moment. Maybe after seeing so many grades leave, we've gotten used to the cycle & I didn't have any life-changing friends in that grade although all of them are super funny & cool & it will be sad when they're gone. With that being said..

Never have I been more proud/ashamed to be Korean & proud/ashamed to be a Rusian.






"Certainly. When you find a diamond that belongs to nobody, it is yours. When you discover an island that belongs to nobody, it is yours. When you get an idea before anyone else, you take a patent on it: it is yours. So with me: I own the stars, because nobody else before me ever thought of owning them."

My sister made us chocolates [technically just melted & moulded] while Mum & I went to info night. I guess some parts were helpful in terms of rank & scaling but nothing really affects our subject selections at this point. Today was seriously the funniest day ever, maybe it was because of the rain or the general highness after exams are over but everything was just so good & so unproductive.


Today was a good day, except for the awards assembly- standing for a full 2 hours is never a pleasant experience & I felt dead/paralysed afterwards. But the long lunch compensated for it quite a bit & basically, we just sunbaked whilst eating the delicious cake that Byun baked for Suren/Rae/fun- a bit sweet but full peanut butter & chocolate & diabetes but still very talented, that girl. I'm jealous. I swear we just kind of rolled around doing nothing & luvoed a lot with Suren & Byun, calling Ted & Eddy girls. I honestly think that was it until I got trapped in soccer nets thanks to Nachan & Kerry haha. We then died in maths when we got 2u back & then came back to life only to die again when we got phys back. That is all I'm saying on the matter.

So, as a farewell to Suren & Rae because they're dogs & going to China [where I'm fairly sure they will be eaten as they are dogs, or is that only Korea?].. whatever, regardless, all the girls [Michelle b, Rae, Suren, Do & Angela] took the bus, the guys + a couple girls [Jimmy, Jono, Albert, Eddy & Ted] went by car &.. Sarah & Terence walked trololol to Parramatta but the bus got there first so we just window shopped & was in awe of this super clean mirror that was so clean that all us retards tried to walk into it. We were so in awe that we started stroking it & woah, it was just an amazing mirror :L No one bought anything I think. We met up with the rest & went to City Extra where we took an eternity to order. Sarah & Terence eventually made it despite walking- I don't know why they'd willingly do that but anyways & then it was strange because Angela left & we just thought she was at the bathroom but she disappeared. Then Eddy disappeared. & I concluded that it was like a horror movie where people disappear one by one & it was actually pretty scary for a bit until the two returned with gorgeous bamboo..vases? for Rae & Suren. It was really sweet.

& THEN WE ATE FINALLY. Most of us had steak burgers except like Jono/Jimmy/Eddy who were pov so they split a breakfast meal & had kids menus & stuff. It was pretty funny. Later, took a couple of group photos [MICHELLE, I WANT YOUR POLAROID] & left.

Okay, I got a bit lazy with the recounting at the end but you get the gist of it, it was a lovely day.


---

Dearest Rae & Suren,

if you can't get me a Chinese taxi driver, a Chinese dragon [yes, a real one.. a costume will not suffice] & an endless supply of food. Consider any remnants we had of a friendship over.

Love, your boss ((:

BUT REALLY, stay safe, happy & beautiful. HAVE FUN UGLIES PRETTIES; much love.

It's an.. appropriation [gosh, 3u] of Pride & Prejudice. It's pretty funny at times.

So, due to popular demand [heh, hi Catherine], here is a blog post about pretty much anything that pops into my mind. But just for organization sakes, I shall dotpoint them. & to retain a degree of uniqueness [or so I feel special], I shall use Russian numbers. Far out, have to google them now. Okay here we go.

Adeen- a bit outdated, but Daffodil Day was lovely. Really happy & proud to have been a part of such brightness. -insert corny cheese & cheesy corn-

Dva- PRELIMS. Well, they were just exams, what can I say ? I feel they were the most chillax set of exams I've gone through despite how important the maths one is this time but maybe I was just over it & completely accepting of how screwed  I was. That being said, none were too bad; I hated how arrogant some friends got over them at times but that's expected I guess. The worst for me was probably physics/2u maths & best.. chem/3u maths ? Haha, ridiculous. Oh wait 3u eng was terrible but it was a complete joke to most of the grade.

Tri- POST-PRELIMS. This might be a bit long & pointless. So after that last 3u maths, we had a little Go Green meeting where we basically just sat around & brainstormed projects, eventually only coming up with one idea & then being like "ceebs, it's after exams, let's go do something". So Liz, Shobhana & I went to Yogurberry which I didn't eat, went with Liz to buy her mum a birthday day cake & my phone case. We really had nothing to do so parted there & I went to Strathfield, freaking 4 hours early to Matrix. Haha, it was okay though. I sat in a cafe, ate Tiramisu & read something I didn't understand before Angela, Tang, Jono, Jimmy & Vincent came &.. we played King of Opera. I don't know, I think  was pretty out of it after all the stress, I was just tired & wanted to sleep but Mum didn't let me come home because that would mean she'd have to drive out to Stra again but still, so tired. & Matrix was so.. I felt like I was going to faint but it ended & just the fact that exams were over was so.. :'). Came home & pretty much grumbled about how tired & dead I was before rummaging the fridge & watching Miss Congeniality with my sister hahaha.

Chyetirye- THE WEEKEND. Went to Eastwood on Saturday morning like a good little Korean & got my hair cut, now I actually look identical to my sister. Mum, Sarah & I ate at Jonga Jip then rushed to a house auction which we lost yet again but it's okay, we got to see David Choy [the Mary Poppins of real estate agents, as my sister likes to call him]. Dw, in joke. The highlight of the day was Dad taking us all out for Chinese at Liu Rose, Concord. Peking duck & really nice moments [not all because of the food]. They gave us fortune cookies at the end which we, as Koreans aren't used to, so Dad just ate the cookie & read out the wrong side of the fortune [the numbers instead of the actual fortune] & Mum proceeded to stuff the cookie in her mouth before we had to stop her. Hehe my parents are such noobs. It was pretty funny also because the fortunes genuinely suited each of us in current situations [oh except Sarah's because it told her she was creative & sharp-minded or something which totally isn't true]. Anyways, got home, just lazed about for ages & watched Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging. Fine, our taste in movies is ridiculous but it was really because we needed something extremely dumb to watch. Today, church; there was a new guy straight from Korea & we were all trying to introduce ourselves in Korean & failed miserably. In fact, it was so bad that is got video taped. Also, watched A Walk to Remember which wasn't as soppy & bad as I expected & had a nice nap today.

Pyat- I really want to read lots of books but now have no time for them. If there's one thing I regret not doing when I had the time, it's seriously just reading everything when I had the chance. Oh well.. after hsc :( Was telling someone this but it's that point in our schooling life where we say that sadly now.

Sorry, I was going to write a lot more but too tired now. I hope this made up for the drought of nothingness.

BYE NOW.



Hi, so I know this is a terrible time to post but someone broke down in front of me today because of exams & I had no idea what to do or say to make them feel better except that it doesn't count for anything but even that doesn't feel like a good enough excuse for me or them or anybody. Also, MY SISTER'S BACK FROM RAP CAMP. I know technically, she was only gone for a night but the house was so quiet & I couldn't mock everything or make retarded jokes with anyone for 24 hours that means. IT WAS TERRIBLE; SO HAPPY SHE'S BACK. All in all, exams are pretty mediocre. I don't feel satisfied once I've finished which is probably an indication I failed. Oh well, as I pathetically murmured today, "it doesn't count".



I'm so bored all the time. What am I supposed to say ? RICE was great but I'd rather not go into that all & slept over at the city yesterday & spent most of the day there today which was fun times. Bought a few books & a laptop today. Sorry, I'll say more when I have things to say. I'm kind of flat right now.

I painted cardboard green today.

Ironically, the words that come from the greatest atheist are the ones I can relate to the most?

"I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details."

-Albert Einstein

Sorry the posts haven't been very lengthy. There's just not a lot to talk about without sounding completely ungrateful, whiny & you know, all those things no one really cares about hearing. That's not to say I haven't been good. Everything seems kind of perfect but just thinking about what happens when the now is over scares me a little.

Also, does anyone believe that dreams reveal your inner.. whatever? Because I haven't been dreaming at all [maybe because of tiredness] & they were never very clear to begin with so that just suggests that I'm empty & there are no deeper folds within my subconscious & all that crap, you know? Same with crying. Far out, I should get my brain checked. My sister would insist that it would be to see if I had one in the first place.

Far out, youtubing things so I understand bio & all that comes up is this.

It's times like these when I'm ashamed to be a girl.

So, this blog where I pour out all my life's despairs has become a source of entertainment for a certain noob.

Well, today.. I attempted to do chem & failed. Tried to make bio notes & failed. Ate thai food which I did succeed in, tyvm. & gave my sister a serious scolding for her brat-like behaviour. She now thinks she's two years old & won't stop speaking in this whiny, baby-tone. I'm going to cry.



Still in that massive ceebs mood for blogging, also nothing extremely important has happened. So I'm just going to ramble for the fun of it with no real sequence.

Yesterday, there was like a massive Asian gathering at Eastwood because it was 50% off froyo at Yogurberry which was absolutely delicious & cheap. Packs from all different schools coming together to fight in queue for that frozen yoghurt, brings tears to my eyes :') It also meant catching up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while &, you know, eating a lot which is like a bonus. I just love those moments where you feel like 'wow, such a small world' when, in reality, it only feels like  because all the people you know are Asian kids & the circle/world you live in is actually very small.

I had to turn someone down recently & it's pretty much the worst feeling in the world, probably worse than getting rejected yourself which I imagine is bad. I don't know, I'm a terrible person & it never gets any easier. & just in case all my many readers [yes, all two of you] get curious, don't worry, you don't know them.

I had a hole in my stocking all yesterday & it led to much persecution, people tried to colour it in with a sharpie, poked at it & I was called sluzzzza & a whole bunch of other deragatory names I don't wish to recall. I also decided that a plan for the zombie apocalypse was in order & plan to start a complex & foolproof strategy for surviving it.

I saddened Yadha by throwing his pink balloon off a balcony & so drew one in & it made everyone happy again. Sometimes that's all you need :')




LATEST SCHOOL UPDATE, I never get enough sleep, I'm basically always moody, tired, selfish & never really connect with anyone properly. Everything's become just polite, superficial conversation, weird jokes I don't even get, incoherent whimpering & whining [LOL Catherine], dead eyes, dead voice & lots of time gone. I've given up on trying to stay grounded. It's so easy to drift instead.


I'm here to blog about my problems 8)

Sorry, it's been a while. A lot of bright & happy things have happened but I was just too tired to write about them.

For example, yesterday, I was stung by a wasp & got my shoe stolen by Nathan & Kerry in the same lunch. That was pretty eventful, I must say.

Hahaha in all seriousness, everything's been really lovely except the constant dread I get whenever I think of the maths I'm behind in or exams & the post-church-camp depression. This first week has been really great.

Today was prefect induction & all I remember is just watching the whole school stare at us throughout the whole assembly [mostly in boredom, admittedly] but seeing all these faces that we've grown so used to & even fond of & then, please excuse this massive cheesy corn, knowing that you're up there to have a whole year serving them & bringing them fun. It's just very awesome & having Mum there meant a lot also. During the luncheon, I smuggled out Rocky road for Sarah & her friends & they were infinitely grateful, she now owes me at least fundamental politeness at home.

Also, not referring to the principal's address at all, but can someone please explain how squid reproduction is relevant to prefect induction?

Also, today, Samuel & I discussed our awkward, 'hypothetical' problems with people you readers probably don't know & decided that there was like a love triangle & a love line involved- two separate entities. Also, we made Tony chime in & since he loves himself, it's like a love circle. So, essentially, we decided on the Deathly Hallows. We're such cool kids. & massive trolls when it comes to human relationships. Either way, I think it's the first time a love Deathly Hallows has been made.

The reason all the Dr Lee group was at Eastwood today was purely to get half price on frozen yoghurt at Praus LOL. We didn't really do much before we went to eat Pho. I love these people. Dr Lee itself was pretty fun when I annoyed Audrey all lesson & she annoyed the tutor & Sylvia/Grace/Byun were being superannoying behind us & we already know how annoying Catherine is. So yeah, an explosion of annoyingness we were.

Sorry for the lack of coherence in this post. So tired & have to get started on maths but one last thing to add to today's prefect inductions.

Congratulations to these wonderful three. Ahahaha first among equals indeed. But really, looking forward to working with [for?] you guys & there couldn't be better people at the head.


ALSO, these noobs who are fantastically talented, bubbly & crazy fun. Really excited for you all & let's do the best we can :D

Most adorable year 7s out- Steven & Grace Junior



Years 1-12: CONNECT 2012

MOST BEAUTIFUL GROUP EVER; 1004 = Angel in Korean = Always Need God's Everlasting Love= Call me maybe ;)

Food servers

I still don't fully understand this picture.

Because we're awesome & our teacher's a noob who thought we'd strike the same Powerangers pose as him.

SHOUT team

Our year group in all its glory except the dog [Tiff] who did not make it]- check out Bang's face

These past four days will be ones I value & look back to when things get hard. Just an amazing camp with amazing people & fellowship. I honestly thought I'd be desensitized to the renewal of faith & momentary spiritual high every time we go to camp because lately, I haven't been feeling a passion for God nor living it out but just taking a few days to calmly think about where I stand before Him strengthened my faith. Praying for the brothers & sisters [especially the new juniors] & supporting the year 12s who came even though they have HSC trials right around the corner encouraged me quite a bit. First time that year 11s were the leaders of the groups & it was challenging a lot of the time, often having to act differently to lead by example & yelling at them to get their act together during activities but so worth it. Just felt like full fellowship & fun.
Much too lazy to elaborate on each day & the crazy amount of scary stories, late-night Jungle Speed, hot chocolate drunk & laughs that went on but it was simply awesome. Photos & most probably embarrassing videos soon.

Happy 48th Birthday, Dad.




Tuesday

Sushi train, mmmm with coupon discount with family & then mum left us because she didn't want to watch the movie so Sarah, Dad & I watched MIB 3. It was awesome & we've shared a love for it ever since the first move but Dad believes that the first is always the best one. Sarah & I are in love with Griffin- best character yet.


Today- whole day out in city with aunt, James & Hee Soo's family.

Sort of can't be bothered to elaborate so I'm just going to list a bunch of things that won't make any sense to you, readers, but it'll spark some memory for me one day. Maybe that is- it's a little disjointed.

Pho noodles, red gumboots [finally], green woollen sweater, overpriced jeans, Hee Soo's "SPARKLY" any time she saw anything sparkly & trying on ridiculous heels despite only being 6, hunting down boots & books, Dymocks, Dae Jang Geum with a random trying to give out roses, Dad's cardigan which I proudly picked out first go, French coffee shop, Mum's iced coffee, Sarah's iced chocolate, Sarah's ugly face, Sarah's pretty coat & red nail polish, slight drizzle, Typo [Sarah & Hee Soo's shared love of the extendable ruler] Dad's National Geographic jacket that he's started wearing everywhere now, Little Misses & Mr Men [Mr Good narration], $40 parking fee, Favourite's chocolates, paying James for his forgiveness for ditching him the other day, watching deleted scenes from Princess Diaries & the behind-the-scenes with Sarah at home.

All in all, some days are better than others. This is definitely one of them.

Woah, people must be bored in the holidays :P

Friday night, Dad had a heart attack. I asked my sister how she managed to stay so emotionless/controlled today and all she did was give me a strange look & tell me that that's what I always do whenever something goes wrong. She promptly began to be a retard & say stupid things to avoid talking about it. Apparently, it's genetic, that thing we do or I'm a terrible influence. Either way, yesterday wasn't good but neither is bottling everything up so maybe the little breakdown was helpful in some aspects. So ashamed of how I acted when my little sister had it all together yesterday so being more normal today.